On a warm Friday morning in the city of Spoliero a man screams at the top of his lungs.
"The apocalypse is coming!"
The man is as pale as paper. He had so little fat and muscle to his body that most people thought he was a skeleton. This skeleton of a man wore battered brown rags for clothes, his lips were as dry as a plum, his eyes were sunken in, his ears had bumps, and his hair was gone.
As he slowly walked across J street, he looked around and saw no one around him. The concrete sidewalks were filled with nothing else but trash. The local stores were empty and had their protective metal plates down to protect the front of the building from villains. No cars were driving in the road either. His throat parched and his stomach growling he screamed once more.
"The apocalypse is coming!" He dragged his left leg across the asphalt, as he pushed his body forward. With his voice straining he says, "The apocalypse is coming! The end of ends. There will be no super power that saves you. No god will come to help us. No amount of technology might help, the world as we know it will end! We are destined to be killed in the worst way possible, and Ubermensch will be nowhere to help us."
*PLOW*
The man exploded into bloody bits as a pink truck drove right through him. The front of the truck was completely covered in a shade of red. On the side of the pink truck were Japanese letters that read, "Truck-kun Express". Next to the Japanese letters was a drawing of a winking woman who had ears connected to her cheeks, whose mouth had no upper or lower section to it, and whose nose was mysteriously missing, with a singular line for her right eye and a dot for her left. The pink truck continued to speed down the mostly empty road as a trail of blood followed the truck.
Behind the truck was 3 black police cars that had their siren blaring. Above the truck was two helicopters. The closest one was a news chopper, the other was a huge jade green helicopter that slowly began opening its door.
"Alright guys here is the plan!" A man wearing a black business suit with a scruffy voice yelled over the sound of the helicopter blades. He held a tablet up to his face as he tightened his grip on the supporting handles of the helicopter ceiling. "These guys here are responsible for blowing up a part of a love hotel. Estimated victims is about 12, plus that guy that they just ran over, it should be updated to 13. We don't know if they have any powers, but it is safe to assume so."
In front of the man were two women, both were sitting down on the seats of the helicopter.
"Does that mean that we can kill on sight," a woman with brown hair in a ponytail; wearing blue tights, skirt, and sweater asked as she caused water to appear around her small pale hands in the shape of a blade.
"Absolutely not! We lost 6700 followers last time we killed the villain," the man said.
"It's not like it was our fault anyway, we fired the sidekick, and since then we've gained like what, 100,000 followers," a woman with straight blonde hair wearing yellow tights, skirt, and a flannel said as she pouted and a spark of lightning flew across her pale face.
"I did not spend all of our time rebranding as a hero group just for you stupid bitches to ruin our image. Where the hell is Rochelle anyway? She's the face of our group and she's not even here," the man said as he put his tablet down on a seat behind him and swung the helicopter doors open.
Both of the women looked at each other and snickered.
"Whatever," the man said.
"Ivy," the woman wearing blue said as she got up from her seat and jumped out of the helicopter.
"Pika," the woman wearing yellow said as she got up from her seat and jumped out of the helicopter.
"And Roch!" the man said as he watched them fall. Ivy caused a mass of water to appear below her and shot out a geyser of water to slow down her fall. Pika just fell. Right before she reached the ground she extended her arms out and pointed her hands down, shooting out lightning from her hands. It forced her to stay floating above the air. The pink truck was right in front of them, and they used their abilities to propel themselves at it.
THUD
Inside the pink truck, a dark skinned man with white hair looked up. "Did you hear that?" he said standing up in truck.
"Death you're literally schizo, please just heal me," a naked green haired pale man said groaning laying on the ground.
"War, I'll heal you in a moment. I think a hero might have landed on our roof or something." Death walked around the back of the truck feeling around the interior walls. "Do you guys think it's Ubermensch? If he's arrived this early that means they must have figured out that we are Avatars. I knew I should have listened to you Famine." As Death spoke his eye color switched from green pupils to purple.
Famine, a tan woman who was driving the truck, wore a black corset over a dirty white t-shirt and a black petticoat. She softly spoke, "That's what I was saying." She sneezed, screeching out, "EECHOO."
"Bless you," War and Death said.
She wiped her nosed, lifted her black bucket hat from her head, then ran her fingers through her short black hair, while driving with her knees. Her black eyes reflected the deep red that was smeared on the windshield. "God there is so much blood. I can barely see the road," Famine cried as she placed her hat back on her head.
"Do you think the guy we hit was important," Death asked as his eyes shifted to yellow and he turned his head to face Famine.
"Death shut the fuck up and heal me you fucking troglodyte." War groaned.
"Right, right. I forgot." Death flipped the tails of his black trench coat and walked over to War who was completely nude. War held the side of his stomach with his left arm and covered his head with his right arm.
"Do you lack object permanence? I'm so serious Death, I'll kill you if you forget to heal me again. A thud, I'll thud you on the fucking head." War said as he took his arm away from his stomach and rubbed his hand against his 8-pack.
"I kind of don't want to stare at your dick for so long to be honest, but I'm serious I did hear a thud." Death placed his hand over War's side and his eyes shifted back to green.
"If there was a thud then whoever it may have been should have already made their way in at this point. I hope those damn heroes didn't send a bunch of amateurs to deal with us." War said as he slowly sat up.
SPLASH
"How'd the project go," Death asked as the windshield's red smears were washed away by a sudden downpour of water.
"I completely fucked up, but I think Pestilence got everything." War said as his face relaxed.
"Guys," Famine cried.
"Did Pestilence say where she was going," Death asked as thunder roared outside the truck and his eyes shifted to yellow.
"Guys!" Famine cried.
"Relax Famine just keep driving," War said. "She didn't tell me where she was going. To be fair I was sent flying out of a fucking hotel so."
"Guys! There's a fucking hero on our asses. We're fucking going to die! I cannot die this fucking young. I have so much to live for, like waiting for another Ocean album. You guys are way too fucking calm, like there's so much water on the road and I can start swerving at any moment. So I'm honestly the only one who's actually caring about our lives here. Oh my god, I haven't even tried a choco-taco."
The truck began swerving to the left as Famine slammed her head down on the wheel. "Shit. This is why we need Pestilence," War said as he got up, extended his arm, and summoned a katana in his hands.
Death walked up to Famine and patted her on the shoulder. "There there, we aren't going to die. War is going to handle them now. Please keep driving, you drive so well."
War walked to the corner of the truck and picked up a red horse mask. He placed it on his head before he opened the back of the truck, "She's 27 acting like this Death, she's a lost cause. Let the truck crash and we'll run away on foot." He placed the katana's handle in his mouth and climbed out of the truck and onto the roof. There Pika stared at his dick as War found his balance on the truck and took the katana out of his mouth.
"I don't know what kind of hero you are, but you chose the absolute wrong day to try and catch us."
War bent his knees down, and held the katana with both of his hands, and smiled. As his green hair flowed in the wind Pika threw up a green mass off the side of the truck. War froze up. His smile quickly dissipated.
Pika wiped her mouth, "AUGH. Where the fuck is your clothes."
War lowered his katana and slumped his head. "She threw up because your body is so fucking disgusting Kevin. Who the fuck has an 8-pack anymore. 6-packs are actually normal. Maybe I should die. Let this be my last hurrah," War whispered to himself. "Where the hell is Pestilence."