"WHAT!" I scream, I ruffle through her bags and pat her down like a police officer to see if the ring is still somewhere on her. But it's not.
"SONYAA! How could you lose my ring. It literally glows red. You know how important it is to me." I say choking up tears
Emotions overflow through me, like a bucket that can't hold anymore water. I'm furious, angry, and mad. Im ready to throw hands at the only person I could trust with my most precious possession. If only she knew, maybe she wouldn't have ever dreamed of touching it at all.
This can't't be happening, not the ring, not the only thing that connects me to him, the reminder of his endearment and affection, the reminder of our promise.
"Im going back, I have to find it." I run down the wooden stairs but thunder bolts stop me in my place, I freeze, I kneel down on the ground, where mud and dirt splashes.
"Even when I can't see you again, EVEN WHEN I CANT HAVE YOU!" I shout my lungs out spitting the rain water out my mouth. How am I still able to fail you? I deem at the sky for answers, but even the night sky cry water.
"I know I'm going to go back and try to find it." Sonya said determined. She approaches me in the pouring rain, as she tries to console me. But all I can do is cry, sob the tears that drown in under the pouring rain. I feel like drowning, to be sucked up by the ground and to see no light again.
"No Sonya it's alright" I lie "Lets just go home you can sleep over at my place, don't worry I don't blame you." It's probably fate anyways.
"Are you coming." I ask Sonya as I turn around to face her.
She is gone.
I did not hear her running footsteps or splashes of water and mud colliding together. But maybe focusing on the rain deafened my ears for a minute, for it felt like my body was floating in an ocean of darkness. No stars shining, only the porch light shining behind me, all that is in front of me is a dark void.
***
I stash away my bags next to my white bed side table. Im soaked in mud and dirt, water drips to the floor of my apartment as I walk towards my bathroom. I'll clean it later. I toss my wet damped clothes into the brown laundry basket beside my indoor bathroom, and turn the shower that sprinkles warm water.
The water sips into my skin as I use the loofa to spread bath foam all over my tired body. I should shave. I grab the razor and let it hug my skin as it glides, it bleeds. Blood drips from my newly shaved legs and I'm reminded once again about the ring, the promise.
I step out of the shower and listen to the echoes of no crickets outside my window for they are muffled by the storm of winds dancing and rain drops bantering. I put on my favorite lacy pink tank top and matching pink shorts and slide into my white bunny slippers. Every footstep is dragged as if my soul left my body the minute I handed the ring to Sonya.
I switch the stove on which lights hues of red and blue flames. I stroke my ring finger on where the metal and ruby would strike my finger with a cold sensation, now its just an empty finger. The window near the kitchen swings opens from the windstorm that still flourishes in between the dark atmosphere that shines no light.
Water seeps through and drenches my white soft curtains. I make an effort to force the windows to close, but abruptly a dim light far off the distance brings me to a halt. It glows, the glow of a red rose weeping at night. The glow like the scales of the snake, could it be back? Then it's gone, I shrug it off and shut the window as quickly as possible.
It's probably someone biking through the rain I tell myself. There is no one stupid enough to go biking in the rain... Unless if its Sonya, no it couldn't be, she doesn't even have a bike with red lights. I hope she didn't feel guilty enough to go look for it. maybe the snake is back or maybe I'm just imagining things.
I believe in fate, but even fate choses to be cruel sometimes. The guilt of losing him may never leave my swollen heart. Ive cried the overflowing waters of the sea, salty and heavy. I've cried till I felt my shoulders fall and slump and my heart singing beneath the ground. He was someone special, someone who loved me, and he made me promise.
I have lost my appetite from all the water and dirt that I'm forced to mop up. I'll clean it later. My eyes are too heavy to keep them open and my head seems like its undergoing a flood on its own. Im going to bed.
I snuggle into my comfy pink sheets and pull over my fluffy blanket as I stare at my phone. No texts not even one, its more lonelier in nights like this, where only the rain can be your only friend.
*ding*
{Im sorry about your ring, I will find it tomorrow} I read her message while laying down on my right side. So she is still alive, that's good. At least I'm at peace with the knowledge that Sonya is still safe and sound. I close my eyes and think about how my life would be, if it were different, if I could see him again, or if I could be able to forget about him, If I could break the promise.
***
Im running, from what? the glow NO run towards the glow. towards the red. RUN, my heart beats faster and heavier, my breath is blowing at the chilly winter wind, huh? its winter? Indonesia doesn't have winter. My feet freeze red as my blood try to warm me. The forest of dead trees surround me, but what's this taunting feeling, butterflies in my stomach to where I see the red blood rose falling. Into my light pink fingertips. "What am I meant to be?" I ask the rose absolute euphoria brings me to the brinks of tears, as they turn to red eyes spears.
"kiss... kiss me till the moon falls, hug me till the ocean floods, touch me till all the stars perish, hold me till the light in your body glows, till the rose in you drips and shows, till the pain from the pleasure curls and rolls, till our hearts Intertwine with our knees and toes. Till all you wish it was me who shouldn't go gentle, till your wild eyes show what shouldn't have entered, till your mind goes to where roses don't weather, till the sun has yawned, and the pebbles have scattered."
darkness
***
My eyes twitch a little form the disturbance I feel, the nightmare of dreams has appeared and decided to bother me. I try to move to the left side of the bed, but something holds me. something is making my body hard to move. The scent of almond trees and fresh cut grass reminds me of the smell near my campus. So why is it here? and why can't I move? I slowly open my eyes but all I see is pitch black, all I feel is a heavy weight on top of me. My hand tries to move, but the weight is overbearing.
Im still, frozen, numb, like the winter snow-ice in my nightmare. My eyes open wide in shock, with the disturbance of red - green darting hunting eyes greeting me. Its breath slow and steady, inches from devouring me, the only thing between us is its necklace that glows.
Tonight I am not alone.