"When's your birthday?" "
"Twenty third February, why?"
It is now Thursday, and Caden and I are sitting on the floor under our tree like usual. Ever since we made up, we have spent all week sitting with each other; we have been inseparable. He has been coming round my house nearly every day, Brody was so happy to see him again, but I can tell mum doesn't really approve of him being around us.
"I just realised we don't really know each other well, and your birthday is... wait the twenty third is this Saturday. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not important. I don't really pay attention to it; it just reminds me of Rose." I put my head on his shoulder, feeling sad for him, I wish I could do more but I hope be being here for him is enough for now.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up."
"It's okay; don't worry. I've accepted she is not coming back; it just gets harder with each passing year." My arms are round my legs up against my chest and I snuggle into his neck more for comfort and I notice him smile down at me.
The bell rings, and that means it's the end of the day. Caden and I arranged to meet here because we can go to the park with Brody. We start walking near the car park, and as we are walking, I can't help but remember those words that have stuck to me like glue.
"You know what you did!"
But that's the problem; I don't know what I did to make him so angry with me, maybe it wasn't at me but someone else?
He is still not fully recovered from when I saw his dad beat him. He flinches more, and he is more aware of anyone coming near him. I asked him why he didn't just leave and get away from the source of the pain.
"I can't tell anyone that my own father is beating me because he is paying for my mother's health and wellbeing. He may hate me, but he still loves her, even if he loses control most of the time. He threatened me once and said that if I told anyone anything about what he was doing to me, he would stop paying for my mother's treatment. That is how sick that man is; if his son tells someone the truth, he will put his wife's life in danger."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just be there for me, and I will be okay," he smiles at me.
"Just, okay?" I say it in a teasing way.
"Okay, just be there for me, and I will be very happy."
"That's more like it."
We were busy laughing until I got a text and read that it was from my mom.
Mum:
We are having a barbeque later, so make sure to get a nice outfit and tell me what food you want in case I forget. A few of our neighbours are coming (a few means every single one of them); you can invite some people if you want. I will see you later.
"Anyone interesting?"
"Just my mum about tonight; we are having a barbeque, and she has invited a lot of people, none of whom I will really care about, so I'll just be bored." He just hums in response, and I want to invite him, but I don't know how to ask him.
"Unless…maybe… I don't know; you wouldn't mind coming and keeping me company? You don't have to if you don't want to-"
"Yes"
It is now almost five, and the barbeque starts around six, so I have a bit of time to kill, so I decide to call Clara.
"Hello?"
"Hey, how are you?"
"Doing better; it's a long-lasting bug. But I have my teddy bear to keep me company."
"Which teddy?"
"It's a fluffy blue one with a red bow on it; it is really adorable." I try and rack my brain to remember the bear she is describing, but I have no memory of it when I went to her house.
"Wait, when did you get this bear? I don't remember seeing it in your room," she says, staying silent, and then I put it together at the same time she caves.
"Caitlin got it for me, okay! She called me and we talked, and then I invited her round to check up on me, and then she gave me the bear and said it was sweet like me and cute, so I gave her a hug, and she didn't leave until a few hours later, and then she left when her mom needed her" I'm impressed she didn't pass out with saying that all in one breath.
"Aww, that is so adorable! she must be a very good friend"
"Yeah, yeah, so how are you and Caden?"
"It's interesting; we made up, but I can't help the feeling he still doesn't trust me enough."
"Why do you think that?" Her attention was fully on me.
"When we were arguing, he said, 'You know what you did' and I have no idea what that means, and it's been bugging me. But we have been getting along well, and I don't want to ruin anything; I don't want to overthink it."
"Oh, well, that all depends on what he thinks you did. Try and talk to him in a peaceful environment and see where his head is at. You might get some answers when he is feeling calm; it is less likely to get him angry."
"That's good advice; since when are you so wise?"
"Since always, you have just been too obsessive over your crush on Caden to notice."
"Woah, wait a second! who said crush. I mean, he is hot; anyone who has eyes can see that, and we might have had a few moments, but that's not a crush, right?" Clara stays silent for a few moments, and her response doesn't help.
"When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?" If looks could kill and she were in the room, she would be six feet under.
"Well, that was rude," I say, kind of annoyed, but she can tell I am laughing.
"It's the truth, sweetheart."
"Shouldn't you be the one calling Caitlin that?"
"Okay, you're being a cheeky bitch now; save that for Caden. Bye!"
"Bye!"
I can hear mom listening to the radio getting ready downstairs; this is the perfect time to tell her about how I invited Caden.
I walk into the kitchen and see loads of food. I'm in heaven!
"Hey mum, how is everything going? It smells so good!" I go to pick one of the foods up from the table, but before I do, I get smacked in the hand.
"No touching! This is for later; it has to be perfect."
"And it will be, so stop worrying." I laugh and hug her.
"Okay, what do you want?"
"What makes you think I want something? I just want a hug with my loving mother." She continues to just look at me and hold me at arm's length.
"Well, it's rare you give me affection when you want to, so what have you done that has made you a sweet teenager? Oh, and did you invite anyone?"
"That was what I wanted to talk to you about." I don't know how she will feel about me inviting a boy over; I never mention Caden around her, but I think it's about time she knew of him.
"Is it Clara? She is so kind and is always helping me out whenever she comes over."
"No, it is actually someone else; I haven't mentioned him before."
"Him?"
"Er... yeah, his name is Caden."
"Caden James?" I look at her, confused, and give her a facial expression to explain how he knows his name.
"I've heard bad things about that boy, and I don't want you mixing with him." She spoke sternly at me. But I am not afraid; what I am afraid of is that she won't let me see him.
"He is really not who you think, mum; he is sweet and kind, and we are really good friends." I heard her scoff at me when I said the word friends.
"That boy is just using you to make himself known." I look at her, appalled. How can she even say something like that and not expect me to fight back?
"Caden is not using me. We have spent enough time together to know that we are more alike than you think, and he is more different than what you see him as." She just stares at me, contemplating what to say next. I can't help but notice she is a bit taken back by my outburst.
"He is a bad influence, and I don't approve of you hanging around him." I am about to fight back, but then she speaks again. "However, if you say that I am wrong, then prove me wrong."
I stare at her as if she has two heads, and I would absolutely love to prove her wrong. It's just what she wants that I'm confused about. Because I am silent, she continues.
"Have him meet me, prove to me he is a nice boy to be around, and then I will tell you if I approve of my daughter hanging out with him or not." I want to yell at her, It's not your decision, but I am much better than that. I am eighteen now, but if that's what I have to do, I'd rather that than never see Caden again. I just hope he is okay with meeting the woman who raised me.
"What happens if you don't approve of him?" I am scared to know the answer.
"Then you stay away from him and make sure he never comes near you again." Okay, that was more dramatic than I was thinking.
"I am serious; he can hurt you if you're not careful. And by the looks of it, he already has you fooled."
"Isn't it my life? Can't I have a say in who I can and cannot be friends with? Who can and cannot I like?" I am starting to raise my voice, but she is too busy to notice as she is cutting the food ready for the grill.
"It is your life, sweetheart, but I just want you to make the right choices and not get your heart broken like that other boy, what was his name... Drake"
"He is nothing like Drake" I don't want to talk about this anymore and thankfully the doorbell goes off and I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. As she starts to leave, I hear the door open, and they exchange hellos with each other. I quickly steal a piece of chopped-up carrot and leave the kitchen, and I head out to the garden to sit on the sofa swing.
Somehow I've always come here to think, and it makes me forget time exists. I am in my own world, and nobody can tell me what to do or how to act. I am myself, and I have nobody to judge me. Or I was by myself if I didn't notice everyone piling into the garden and a few children running around me. Some of Brody's age, but the majority of them are younger.
Of course, I can't have a moment of peace in this world; the only time I am at peace is with Brody and Caden. Speaking of Brody, where is he?
I say a quick hello to people I know or recognise and make my way to his bedroom. I knock and walk in to see him sitting on his bed looking out the window facing the garden. He quickly shoots around to face me as if he were caught guilty of something.
"Hey buddy. Any chance of you coming down at all today?" He looks down and fiddles with his hands. I can tell something is bothering him, so I sit on his Fireman Sam duvet cover. It was a popular show on the kids channel as I grew up, and Brody has gotten really into it the past two years and absolutely loves it.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" is trying to fool me, but I see right through it.
"Something is up. You know you can tell me anything." I look at him. He looks up at me through his thick blonde hair, and I can tell he is contemplating telling me. "You don't have to; I just need to know you're okay."
"No, it's okay, I just... I mean, what do you wear to a barbeque?" I look at him with a questioning gaze. I am pretty sure that he was going to say something else, but I answered his question.
"Whatever you want, it's not like it's a fancy evening." I smile, coming over to sit next to him. I nudge him on the shoulder. "Come on, tell me what's on your mind." He avoids my eye contact as if I would be angry at him. I could never be angry.
"I miss dad," I say, looking at him. Of course he misses dad; he got along with him, and it is a father-son bond that can't be replaced.
"Do you want me to call him and talk and invite him round?" His eyes light up, and all I can think is, I am doing it for Brody. I am doing it for Brody.
If Brody has a chance to see his father, he should, and I shouldn't come between them with my issues against our father. I dig out my phone, and I press call under my dad's name. Michael. I don't think he deserves the name dad.
It starts ringing, but since it will be my name on his phone, I doubt he will pick up, "Hello?"