We sat quietly, hidden from prying eyes inside the tall standing grassy weeds. It was like we were in our own world, our own private buddle and I wanted desperately to explore something outside of my engagement, my mating. I don't want Aspen to be my first, I knew that already without even knowing him, he wasn't it for me. Onyx, well I don't think he is either, but he's attractive and here with me, and obviously willing. I watched as Onyx took a sip of his wine, we hadn't really said anything since I told him I wanted that kiss, but it looked like he was lost in thought.
"Can I say something?" I asked as I looked down at me hands.
"You just did," I looked up as he smiled down at his glass, "Yes, you can."
"In three months, my mate wants to do this ritual. Well," I shifted uncomfortably and he took notice, "Basically, the ritual is something we have to do in front of the entire pack."
"What kind of ritual?" He asked cautiously as he took in my nervous state.
"My parents say it's a mating ritual, and I don't think I could do it."
"That's not even in practice anymore, the packs don't care if a mating is complete these days. I mean it helps, but it's not necessary," he explained as his brows furrowed, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Ana."
"I know, but it would make the pack happy, and I don't know anyone there so if I want life there to be easier for me, I should do it. It's just that," I stopped myself with a sigh not knowing how to ask him what I want.
"It's just that, what?" I looked away and towards the large wicker basket full of lids to each tray.
"I'm a virgin," I mumbled low enough that he couldn't hear me, ashamed that I even thought this conversation would be okay.
"You're what?" He asked.
"I'm a virgin," I repeated as I faced him, "I'm a virgin and he knows it, yet he wants me to go through this ritual so his entire pack can watch him take my virginity. I don't want my first time to be with him, but with someone else. Someone who actually cares about me, instead of my history, and my father, and my name. I want it to be with someone like-," I cut myself off not willing to let my thoughts be said allowed.
"Someone like who? The only people who know the real you is your family, you're locked in a tower so you can't meet a nice guy, and even if you could it's forbidden, and it's only forbidden because you won't make a decision between what everyone else wants, and what you want," he explained simply.
"It's forbidden because of my parents, and you're right, but I know you."
"Barely, I mean this is only our first date," he smiled as he winked at me, and I couldn't help but laugh, "As much as I'd love to be your first, I can't. You deserve you're first time to be with someone who knows you, who loves you, and is willing to risk everything to be with you."
"I agree, but unfortunately I don't have that luxury. In three months I'll be laying on a stage in front of thousands of wolves, while a man I hardly know uses me until he has his fill of me, or until I'm pregnant."
"How about this. In three months I'll be going with you. If you still feel this way, and you still want to go to him out of duty or love, I'll find a way for us to be alone together."
"You mean it?" I asked surprised.
"I do," he replied with a nod, "I'm not going to lie, I do want you for myself, and if this is the only way to satisfy this ache in my chest for you, I'll take it."
My smiled widened as I jumped up and tackled him, I was sitting in his lap with my thighs on either side of his waist and my arms around his neck. My lips found his and I kissed him in my excitement, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said between each kiss. His strong arms around around my waist, as his hands rubbed my back, and slowly moved down to cup my ass. The thank you kiss was quickly becoming heated, his lips left mine and began kissing across my jaw, and slowly, teasingly down my neck. His hands pushed against my ass making my lower body move towards him, and I gasped as he nipped a certain part of my throat at the same time I felt something hard against me that wasn't there before. We were so lost in lust, that I barely registered his fangs grazing the skin of my throat right below my right ear. All I could resister was the pleasure of him moving me in his lap, and his lips. He quickly pulled away and rest his forehead against mine as he took deep breathes.
"What's wrong?" I asked, still stuck in a fog.
"I can barely control myself around you," he mumbled as he kissed my jaw again.
"Lose control," I whispered, "It's okay."
"No, you don't understand," he pulled away to look me in the eyes, his hands firm on my hips as he stopped any movement, "If I lose control, you'll be mine. I almost marked you, claimed you as mine, my mate."
I oddly loved the sound of that, but I had an obligation so instead of me telling him how much I loved that idea, I furrowed my brows and pushed him away. I moved myself off of his lap and sat back down next to him, my hand moving to where his mouth just was and finding a drop of blood where his lips just were. I sat there in confused silence as I looked at the single drop of blood on my fingertip.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just, thinking."
"Look I'm sorry, I tried to stop myself, and it's just a scratch. Next time won't be like that, I just got excited, and-" He rushed to explain himself but I interrupted him.
"No, it's fine. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just confused about something is all," I wiped the blood on a napkin, folded it, and then used a clean side to wipe off my neck for any blood I make have missed, "I'm sorry, but I think we need to end our lunch early. I need to figure a few things out," I stood up and he quickly followed.
"Will I see you again? As more than just your guard?"
"Of course," I smiled up at him, raised my hand to touch his neck and pulled him down to meet me halfway. I kissed his lips, and he was quick to return it. When we pulled apart he looked deeply into my eyes and I did the same with him. I don't know what just happened between us, but whatever it was changed everything. It was more than lust, for me anyways. I smiled up at him, and then walked past him towards the house, before I broke the tree line I looked over my shoulder towards where I knew he'd still be, but I couldn't see him past the trees and grass. This was something I needed to figure out over time.