The persistent pounding outside has been going on for over a week now, each morning around the same time every day it starts, and every day I roll out of bed and walk to the window to watch him work. It's been a week since I talked to him since our heavy make-out session. I can't find the words to say to him, to say to myself because regardless of how much I want what he wants, I have someone waiting for me. I have a future with someone else, regardless of how bleak it is, even if he's the last person I want to be with. I want to get lost in this fling with Onyx, but how can I when he wants more than that? I can't give him what he wants, no matter how much he deserves.
I watched from my bedroom window as Onyx and his two friends carefully laid the thick, flat, stone slab on top of the base they had spent all week building and preparing. I was nervous, so nervous that my hands shook. I stretched my hands out and then closed them into tight fists, taking a deep breath through my nose and releasing it through my mouth. It was almost time to learn about this ritual Aspen planned on putting me through. Onyx took a brush and began wiping the stone clean of grass and debris, while Warren walked over to grab torches, I watched as all three men placed the torches in various positions around the table. Warren then carefully stood on top of the table to make sure that it was stable. When he jumped off of it and they reached for their beers with a smile, I knew it was ready.
Onyx looked up at me out of habit, but he didn't register I was standing here until after he looked away, he quickly looked back as his smile fell. I could see the desperation in his eyes, on his face that he wanted to talk to me, I wanted to talk to him also, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I don't know if it's out of guilt, or because I'm just being silly. But what I felt between us was real, and it scared me. A soft knock sounded on my door and opened it without waiting for a reply. Looking over my shoulder I saw my Mother walking into my room carrying a black garment bag, she looked over at me standing at the window and frowned at my expression.
"There's no need to look so upset, this is just a practice ritual. You need to learn it before you leave," she mused as she opened my closet and placed the garment bag on the hook on the door.
"I know, but why do we have to do it so soon? Wouldn't it be fresh in my mind to do it the week I leave?"
"No, we're doing it now so that if you mess up, we can repeat the ritual as many times as we need until you complete the ritual fluidly."
"That's going to be impossible, how am I going to practice having sex with someone without having sex with them, and also repeat all of that during the night I lose my virginity and not react to the pain at all?" She took a moment to respond as she unzipped the garment bag to reveal a beautiful, thin, white dress.
"You're not going to practice having sex, the only thing we're going over is your walk to the sacrificial table, what you'll do when you reach it, how to lay on it, and you'll watch and memorize the words, and everything else. Your father will be conducting the ritual to make sure it's done right, and that boy will take the place of Aspen."
"What boy?"
"You know, the one your father appointed to protect you. He's been building the table and making sure everything is perfect for us to continue."
"Onyx? Why? What would his role even be if we're not doing the sexual stuff?"
"Well, I'm not sure. It was your father's idea and he jumped at the opportunity to please your father. I think this ritual is a waste of time, but you know your father is always willing to outdo anyone else and make sure we are fully prepared to stave off embarrassment."
"But how does he even know what ritual Aspen plans on using? Did he ask him for it or is he just guessing which one it is from the millions of outdated stuff?"
"Umm, I don't know dear, but enough talk about this. See the dress you'll be wearing tonight. isn't it beautiful?"
I took one last glance at Onyx who was still watching me intensely before making my way toward my mother. She pulled the bottom of the dress out of the bag revealing the length, which wasn't that long mind you. It looked as if it would barely cover the tops of my thighs, and that's the last thing I would want to wear in front of anyone, especially my father, and Onyx. It lacked any detail besides the white detail of lines running down the sides in random directions, and a small white flower at the hip. It's not something I would wear, but it had a sense of purity to it.
"Now, before you dress we have to do the first step of the ritual. I already have it prepared, but it says that nothing is allowed to touch your flesh from this point until after this step besides the dress. So take off your clothing and we'll make our way to the pond."
"Yo-you want me to get undressed, and walk with you, naked to the pond across the property?"
"Yes, now hurry. I'll be in the dining room," she closed the door behind her leaving me feeling very uncomfortable. I was used to nudity, but only before a shift, not for some sketchy ritual where I had to be completely naked for, well, possibly hours without shifting. But I did what my mother wanted, I stripped off my nightgown and panties. I walked over to my vanity and ran my brush through my hair and took in a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. I carefully snuck over to the window, without hopefully being able to be seen by anyone just to see if Onyx was still in the same place. I didn't want to run into him on the way to the dining room, or the pond. When I saw him still standing with his friends drinking a beer my heart calmed down, and I took a relieved breath. I made my way to the door and pulled it open, both of my guards standing at attention until they glanced over at me. I watched as their eyes widened and they tried their best not to look at me, both men making sure to stay in front of me as they walked me toward the dining room.