You are blind, and I can't change you. I can't bet my life on to you because it will never be the one to chose the outcome. It's not fair on you, it is not fair on me, to entrust that much responsibility on someone who never asked for it. That, however, also doesn't mean should be the end of you. You are allowed to live, you were provided with a life, a chance. I can't be the one to pretend take yours in order to save whatever is left of mine. I can't trade the couple of years I have left for your shot at eternity. I know at leas that much.
I don't think I love you. You could never read me without my voice, there was no way I could ever communicate all the things that I am, and I am not simultaneously. A duality that no one should live with. For a second, you see me walking on land. But I can't begin to describe how much I urge to crash the fishing ships I see at your beaches. Knowing, seeing how much death and murder they bring about. Murder and death of the close animals to my kind. The world, this earth living world, creates such dissonance. I would never be able to be one: the person, without also being the other: the mermaid. I would never be fully either, just partially both.
The brightest of lights is not really worth much if its hidden, if it is placed on a drawer where its light would never reach any darkness to illuminate. My inner light, my soul, is that light. It lacks a mechanism of communicating, expressing, all the things I wish I could tell you, but I can't.
I see you take pity on me, but it is not your pity I want. If I wanted pity, I would have stayed where I was in Atlantida. Where a couple of people, the only people who knew how sophocating that place was for me, saw the suffering beneath my smiles, and dared pity me.
I want to be seen. Really seen. And valued for what you see. Without my voice, you will never see me.
However, when you see me I dont't necessarily make the cut off. And I can just stand pretending to be proud of the small person I am. As if my shortcomings were my fault, or something I liked. As I hadn't rather be perfect if I could have. But this is, this is what I am and this is what I have. You can put glitter on it. You can try to make me smile. But I'm not more than what I am. and again, I would have rather been spectacular.