'What the hell am I going to do?' Mikan walked with no destination in mind. She'd left Valencia's room a little while after the older girl had gone and had taken a shower. Then she'd gone to her room for clothes but was too restless to stay there. She was scared to go and train in her mech, though. Scared to even retrieve her jumpsuit. What if she ran into Callum? What would she say, after what she'd done to him? Mikan had warped everything with her actions and they'd probably tell her to leave them alone. And the worst part was that she didn't actually regret doing what she'd done. She had wanted Callum almost as soon as she set eyes one him. She was drawn to him like she'd never been drawn to anyone in her life. If she only had that one amazing night with him and was cursed and thrown away, it was still worth it.
Mikan wanted to talk to her brother, Yukimura. They'd been together, always, from the moment they were born. But piloting a mech was the first thing she'd ever done that he wasn't a part of. It had already strained things between them and now she had done this. She'd climbed the steps of adulthood before he had. What would he say? What would he think of her?
Mikan stopped and put her head against a wall, wondering what she was doing and where she was going. Things were sore, low in her body. She should have been lying down instead of wandering around. Callum had been so much bigger than she expected. The only other penis she'd ever seen was Yukimura's, which was dainty by comparison. But he was younger and much smaller than Callum in pretty much every other way as well. Callum was just a big guy. Mikan giggled at the thought and the memory. 'How did I take that all inside me?'
She sobered. 'Maybe I can get some pain medication from the infirmary.' Mikan hadn't imagined there was such a wonderful thing as pain medication until Nita had gotten some when she had a hangover one morning. The older woman had said it was common and cheap on most worlds. Mikan thought she remembered what it looked like.
After a bit of wandering, she found the infirmary. She opened the door and peeked inside, hoping that Catriona wasn't there. Callum's sister was often in the infirmary tending to the strange dobed creatures that were there. Mikan had no idea if Catriona knew what had happened between Mikan and Callum but she one hundred percent did not want to talk about it with her, of all people.
Nobody seemed to be inside, so Mikan snuck in. She looked at the shelves of pill bottles, trying to remember which one Nita had used. It would have been easier if she knew how to read, like Nita did, but almost nobody on Ragrun could. Maybe Nita could teach her. 'You know, if she didn't scorn me and drive me out.'
A low groan made Mikan whirl and then scramble to catch a bottle she'd knocked over. It rattled a little and Mikan stayed half-crouched, straining to hear more over her heartbeat. The moan came again, a soft rumble. Mikan carefully put the bottle back and then snuck around the shelf to peek out deeper into the infirmary. She instantly felt like a fool. It was the dobed. She'd known that it was in here but had somehow forgotten. 'I need to get some sleep.'
The dobed was stretched out across two beds put together with a sheet covering it up to the waist. The bulky shape of the cast on one leg could be seen under the blanket. Nita had told Mikan that the healing tanks in the room could do wonders for fatigue and damage to flesh but couldn't actually heal broken bones. The dobed's leg had been broken during the initial fight to rescue Catriona. Nita had mentioned that it was Callum who demanded they save the two injured dobed even though they were enemies. Nita had seemed to think that was stupid but it seemed heroic to Mikan.
The big dobed seemed to be sleeping so Mikan cautiously walked around the corner of the shelf. The last time she'd been in here, there had been two of them but Mikan only saw one now. Where had the other one gone? She hadn't seen it walking around anywhere. Hopefully, it was alright.
The one in front of her seemed to be sleeping. Mikan sat on a stool that was close to the bed and stared at the creature. Carcha were sometimes frightening to look at but they didn't seem too very different from humans. The dobed did. It was taller than most men she'd ever met and much, much wider. It seemed kind of fat but also very strong, with thick arms and shockingly big hands. The face looked like it had been pushed in and flattened out. She kind of wanted to touch the stiff-looking hair that covered its scalp, cheeks and chin. Its skin was a brown several shades darker than her own but she had seen humans with skin of a similar color. Nita for one.
When Mikan had first seen them, she'd been scared but Nita assured her that they were sedated since they might have been violent if they woke up. Mikan put her hands on the side of the bed and rested her head on them. "Maybe I can talk to you," she said. "You're sleeping and probably can't understand me anyway." She felt vaguely stupid for talking to a strange creature who was asleep but she needed to talk to someone and had no else at the moment.
"I want to be with Callum." Saying it out loud, even where nobody but a sleeping alien could hear, still made her feel like she was saying something she wasn't supposed to. "Last night was incredible. I never imagined my first time could be like that. I love him. But I'm afraid. What if I press things and he doesn't feel the same? Right now Valencia may forgive me and blame Chajin for what happened but I don't think she will allow me to stay around Callum if I try to pursue him. And if he does want to be with me, I might cost him his best friend and partner. How could I do that to him?" She sighed. "Like that would ever happen anyway. He tried so hard to avoid doing it with me. I bet if it were Yemoramato or Nita, he would have gone crazy."
Mikan sighed again. She knew she was still maturing but small as she was, she couldn't ever see herself having the kind of...bounce that the two older women had. Had Callum even really been attracted to her? His erection had been because of Chajin, not her. He'd said things to her, called her beautiful, so she hoped he did find her attractive. But he was also a really nice guy. Maybe he had just been trying to make her feel good. It had worked in the moment but looking back, Mikan wasn't sure that she trusted it. "What am I going to do?" she asked, for the millionth time. She had no answer, just like all the other times she'd asked it.
Mikan laid her head on her arms for a long time, letting her mind drift. It felt like someone was trying to call her. The voice was always just beyond the edge of her hearing yet it seemed familiar somehow.
A soft gasp made Mikan sit straight up, heart hammering. She jumped up and spun around to find Catriona behind her. Like always, Mikan was struck by the sheer physical beauty of Callum's older sister. She seemed like a gentle goddess come to walk amongst mortals. And right now she was the last person Mikan wanted to see. Well, after Callum. And Valencia. And Chajin. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to…" Mikan scrambled sideways and noticed for the first time that the sheet had tented up around the dobed's waist. 'What the…?' Moving sideways and half-turning to look at the dobed, Mikan tripped over her own feet. She fell, flailing for something to grab onto and caught the sheet that was covering the dobed.
Mikan hit the floor, catching herself painfully on her arms. Grimacing in pain, she lifted herself so that she was on her knees and rubbed at her forearms with either hand. She glanced at the dobed and her breath was taken away. Mostly because she was terrified. The dobed was erect for some reason. She'd thought Callum was big but the dobed's was much longer and thicker, not to mention bright red. The head seemed to be about the same size as her fist. Mikan couldn't look away and she also couldn't breathe.
A hand on her shoulder made her actually scream, letting her breath go all at once. It was Catriona. She helped Mikan to her feet and then threw the sheet back over the dobed. It helped but only some. The tent was still there. "It's alright," Catriona said, gently laying a hand on Mikan's shoulder again. There was the lightest blush on her cheeks. "It is something that happens to all men. They...get like that every few hours when they are asleep."
"Really?" Mikan said. She was trying not to look at the dobed. Her eyes were too wide. "Why? Is it because they have sexy dreams all the time?" Mikan had had a few erotic dreams but most of her dreams were weird, stupid or both.
Catriona shook her head. "No, I asked Cosmos and she said it was just a natural part of being male. She explained why but I didn't really understand it." She grinned a little shakily and Mikan felt a relieved grin coming to her own face.
"It really is...pretty impressive," Mikan said.
Catriona's grin turned sort of mock-fearful. "Yes, dobed women must be very...sturdy." They both stifled giggles at that.
Then Mikan remembered that Catriona was Callum's sister and she instantly sobered. "I should probably go."
"Is everything alright?" Catriona asked gently.
"Yeah, of course," Mikan said, edging around her and for the door. "I just need to get to training in my mech." Once she had a clear path for the door, she raced for it. Mikan glanced over her shoulder once and saw a look of concern on Catriona's face. Mikan thought it was probably the last time she'd see that look. Catriona must not have known yet what Mikan had done to her brother. That look of concern would be replaced with scorn then.
Mikan started to run and didn't know where she was going until she was catching her breath, hands on her knees, in front of her mech. Her mech, standing tall and proud in a way she had never been able to. It was it that gave her a connection to Callum and, more importantly, a purpose. In her little village, before the carcha had been killed, she'd helped out around the mine. But that job could only last so long. Her parents had already been pressing her to find a husband. Her life was going to be a monotonous one of cooking and cleaning and raising a child or two that never had enough to eat. Yukimura would spend his life hitting rocks with a pick. The mech was a path to something different.
She suddenly decided that she wouldn't give it up without a fight. If she could show she was too valuable to throw away, they would put up with her. Nobody liked Chajin or even Yemoramato, really, but they were useful because they were great pilots. Her heart filled with resolution. That was it. That was the answer. Even if they scorned her, they couldn't get rid of her if she was useful.
Mikan climbed up onto the cockpit and realized she didn't have her pilot's suit with her. She didn't want to go back. 'Screw it.' She stripped off her clothes and tossed them off the side of the mech. She stood for a moment, naked and feeling powerful for some reason. A shiver of pleasure ran through her and Mikan wondered if she was becoming some kind of pervert now that she'd lost her virginity. She slid into the warm liquid goo that connected her to her mech.
The moment she gripped the control handles, the mech powered on. That startled her because she normally had to concentrate for a moment to do it. Nita had been impressed that Mikan could do it even that fast. Most pilots had to find their center of power and consciously bring it to the fore. Now there wasn't any thinking at all. It just responded to her touch. 'Strange.' She also couldn't feel the dull ache behind her breastbone that she normally felt. Again, Nita had said that was normal. What was going on? Was this a sign she was getting better? Mikan sorely hoped so, considering her new plan of becoming such an awesome pilot that she would be too useful to be tossed aside.
Mikan took her mech up and was delighted at how light and easy controlling the gigantic robot felt. It had never been so smooth before. In the distance she could see Chajin and Yemoramato sparring like always. It seemed that Chajin wasn't bothered at all by what she'd done. Nita's mech was missing from the landing area but Mikan didn't see it anywhere. Angra Mainyu was still there. Mikan hoped that Callum and Valencia would be piloting it together soon.
With no partner, Mikan moved a little distance from the two fighting aliens and went through the basic exercises that Nita had taught her. The older woman had assured her that the basics would be what made her into a capable pilot. They were to help her think vertically, instead of just horizontally. Humans were groudbound creatures after all. In a fight, they didn't naturally think about taking advantage of being able to move up or down at will. It made piloting hard for humans, which is why Angra Mainyu was a double-cockpit. Nita said the fie used that style sometimes, too. The carcha had an easier time thinking in all directions because they had much closer aquatic ancestors than humans did. Or so Nita said. Mikan didn't really get it.
She practiced her movements over and over again, until well after the sun went down. Her mind tired long before her body and she actually nodded off several times. When she woke up about two seconds from crashing into the ground, she decided it was probably time to call it. Mikan landed close to where she had taken off from but didn't see her clothes anywhere. Had they blown away or had someone taken them? Either way, it meant she now had two reasons she desperately hoped no one saw her.
Mikan skulked inside the barracks, moving slow and low. The corridors had dim lights like always and some of the rooms had lights on, illuminating the door frames. Mikan hustled by each one, just waiting for one to open. None did, though and she thanked whatever providence was watching out for her. Mikan made it to the showers. The cockpit goo didn't really stick to skin but she always felt like she needed a shower after anyway. Plus, there were towels in the shower. Walking around the barracks in a towel seemed slightly less perverted than walking around stark nude.
She returned to her room safely and was surprised to see lights on. Mikan almost turned around and tried to find a storage closet to sleep in. But with extreme trepidation, she opened the door. She almost fell over in relief when she saw that it was just Yukimura. Her twin brother was curled up on the bed, sleeping even though all the lights were on. He must have been waiting for her. Tears came to her eyes. He was probably as lonely without her as she was without him. Or maybe he'd felt that something was wrong. As twins, they sometimes seemed to have an extra sense like that.
Mikan sank down next to the bed and laid her head on her arms, staring into the face that looked so much like her own. It was strange. They were almost identical and she acknowledged that. His face seemed delicate and beautiful to her. Much too pretty for a man. Yet her own face was plain and unattractive. How did that make any sense? Mikan closed her eyes. She was so tired.
She drifted. The lovely fuzz of sleep. But somebody was calling her name, over and over again. It had happened before but Mikan had never really heard it before. She hadn't understood what was happening. This time, though, she thought, 'Is somebody calling me?' The fuzz hardened and then shattered. Mikan found herself standing in mist. Everything around her was sort of white-gray nothing. She was standing on something but couldn't see what. She glanced down and could see her bare feet but she couldn't see what she was standing on. 'What's going on?'
"Yes! Yes! Yes! This is getting better and better!" The voice was simultaneously one she'd never heard before and yet as familiar to her as her mother's. She spun around and saw a woman standing behind her. She was tall and buxom. So much so that it was the first thing Mikan noticed. Her breasts had to be the size of Mikan's head. The filmy, almost opaque gown she wore showed them off to great effect. Once Mikan could tear her eyes away from the rack, she looked up and saw the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen in her entire life. She had a perfect aquiline nose, thick, pouty lips and huge, bright blue eyes. Her hair was long and a perfect shade of platinum blond. It shimmered like gold.
"Who are you?" Mikan asked breathlessly.
"Venus," she said with a wink. Mikan stared at her without a word. "Right, that doesn't really mean anything to you." She sighed, her chest heaving and drawing Mikan's eyes back to it. "You know me, though. We touch every time you draw on that power inside of yourself."
Mikan gasped. "You're her." That's how she knew the voice. That's how she knew the woman. They'd been connected for as long as Mikan could remember but it had always been so vague. Nita said that Callum was the only human she knew who'd ever claimed to actually talk to the entity. "I can't believe I am really meeting you. Is this a dream?"
"Well, yes and no. It is a dream but it is also real." Venus clapped her hands together. "It is fantastic, though. This is the first time I've been able to actually manifest like this with two humans at the same time, who were both so young, in a very long time. This is a great day." Mikan was listening but she was also staring at Venus's chest. The clap had sent her boobs jiggling like crazy. "Are you paying attention, Mikan?" Mikan muttered something like words. "Whoops. This is the first time you've seen me. I guess I better take a look at myself."
That was a weird thing to say, in Mikan's opinion. Venus waved a hand and a mirror appeared in front of her. She studied herself for a while and lifted her gigantic boobs carefully. "Wow. Okay. Yikes. This is...a lot," Venus said. She glanced at Mikan and there was an expression of gentle wariness on it. "Okay, Mikan, I guess I should tell you that I look different to every person that sees me. I am their ideal version of feminine beauty. Works pretty well for guys unless they try to bang me. It can be a little trickier for women, clearly. Especially when this happens."
"When what happens?"
"Well, I said I'm your ideal version of beauty and, well, look at me."
"You are beautiful. I thought Yemoramato was gorgeous but you make her look like…like me!"
"Yeah. That's...that's exactly what I am talking about. Did you notice that you just insulted yourself?" Mikan just blinked at her. "And did you notice that I am pretty much the exact opposite of you?"
"That's not strange. I mean, I look like a twelve year-old boy."
"You don't," Venus said with a sigh.
"I look like my brother."
"Your brother looks like a girl."
That was true but it made Mikan angry for some reason. "He does not!" she said petulantly.
"Alright, alright. But even if you think you are a little tomboyish--which you aren't--your ideal of beauty is kind of insane."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, look at my honkers! They are the size of freaking watermelons!" She groped herself, shaking them around.
"Yeah, they're pretty great."
Venus closed her eyes for a long time and said, "I don't want to argue during our first meeting. Just try to remember that you are a very pretty woman."
"I don't think so."
"Callum does."
Mikan inhaled sharply. "How would you know that?"
"I'm connected to him the way I am to you. Trust me, he thinks you're hot." Mikan started blushing fiercely and Venus grinned. "I know you think that everything was caused by Chajin but Callum is a remarkably strong-willed and honest young man. You can believe the things he said to you." The heat in Mikan's cheeks grew. Could she really believe him? She wanted to. "You're a lucky girl, honestly. That same situation with just about any other guy would likely have been very unpleasant."
Mikan agreed but didn't know what Venus meant specifically. So she asked, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, most girl's first times are not that fun. You came twice, didn't you?" The blush that had been fading came roaring back. "Even for someone connected to me as strongly as you are, that's really incredible. Having an orgasm during your first sexual experience is pretty rare. That he managed to make you come twice...he really is a remarkable young man. Though I'll take a little credit myself," she added with a smile.
Mikan's mind whirled with the last statement. What could it possibly mean? "Did you teach Callum how to have sex?"
Venus laughed hard enough that she actually bent over. "No. I would never...I don't have sex with humans." She abruptly sobered. "And considering who I appear as with Callum, I would especially never do it with him."
"Who do you appear as?"
"That's not a topic I think we should get into. Instead, why don't I answer your question about why you and Callum are good at sex."
"Callum AND me?"
"Yup. It takes two to tango." Mikan looked at her blankly. 'What's a tango?' "The first humans I talk to in years and you both have no culture," Venus grumbled. "What I mean is, it wasn't only from Callum's side. Think back. Didn't you feel pretty confident when you were with him? Like you almost had an instinct telling you what to do?" Mikan nodded. It HAD felt like she knew exactly what to do to make Callum feel good. "That's me," Venus said, "whispering into your ear the same way I do when you use your power."
Mikan nodded. It should have been embarrassing to know that some other entity had been in the room with them but it felt right somehow. Venus was always with them both. "But why?" Why sex? Mikan could think of many other places in her life where she could have used some guidance. Like basically any social interaction ever.
"Lust and love are my powers, honey," Venus said, stretching her arms over her head. "And so those connected with me are good lovers. It's how it has to work." Mikan stared at her, asking for more information with her eyes. "Because sex merges your souls together and the more intense and gratifying it is, the closer the souls bind."
Mikan put her hands to her cheeks in wonder. "Our souls merged?" That was...so hot. She was starting to feel a little excited.
"Right. And when they merged, you gained some of his power and he gained some of yours. Didn't you notice when you were piloting tonight?"
Mikan calmed down a little. "I did. Everything came easier tonight. That was because I gained power from sleeping with Callum?" Venus nodded. Mikan started feeling excited again. She put her hands down carefully. "So if me and Callum do it together a bunch more times…?"
Venus winced. "Unfortunately, no. The power up is a one time deal. That's why it is important that the first time be so good. I can't tell you the panic I initially felt when I realized you and Callum were about to bump uglies. You made me proud though!"
"Oh." Mikan's shoulders slumped. "So there's no reason to have sex with him again."
"Well, I mean, there are plenty of reasons to fuck that stud again. Just not that reason." Mikan didn't feel any better. She'd almost had an 'in' with Callum. Getting stronger together. She knew she wanted to be more powerful and assumed he did too.
"Wait," Mikan said. "So, if I want to get stronger, I need to have sex with a bunch of different guys?" She wasn't sure how she felt about that.
"Or girls," Venus said flippantly. Whatever expression Mikan made in response to that made Venus smile gently. "But don't worry about that. You are already strong and you have a long way to go before you even master the power you already have. You don't need to run around fucking every man connected to me. Certainly not now and maybe not ever, if you don't want to." Mikan nodded, feeling a little better. Then Venus's smile slipped a little. "The only thing is…"
"What?" Mikan asked, feeling very nervous.
"The more power you gain, the closer you bind yourself to me. And the more power you can access, the more it will affect you."
"What does that mean?"
"You just might notice that your libido is a little stronger than it used to be."
"My what?"
"Your desire for sex." Mikan blushed red hot. "You won't be out of control or anything," Venus said. "You'll just get turned on easier and think about sex more than you used to."
"Are you serious?"
Venus laughed. "Don't worry about it. You can always just take care of things yourself." Mikan covered her face with her hands. "I swear, for creatures as sex-driven as you humans are, you're so weird about it. It's nothing to be ashamed about."
"You would say that. You said yourself that you're some kind of...of lust goddess."
"This is the reaction I always get from you humans. I think you get a pretty good deal with me. The carcha get their power from a…rage god, to use your parlance. Their power comes from violence and killing. Why do you think so many of them are crazy? Not to mention Him. How would you like to get your power from sheer agony?" Mikan just stared at her. She now officially had too much information to process. Venus sighed. "Alright, probably time to let you go. Just...think about the things I said."
Mikan didn't know how she was going to think about anything else. Venus faded, saying, "And know that I love you." Mikan's mind suddenly went fuzzy and the next moment she was in a deep and dreamless sleep.