Callum ate with Nita, Dahri and Myna. Russell had stayed behind in Angra Mainyu like he often did. The dinner was nice and relaxed. Dahri filled up the silence with chatter and Callum didn't mind, even though he had no idea what she was talking about most of the time. Nita treated him the way she always did, not hectoring him about what happened with Valencia. He was thankful at least one of his friends wasn't either mad at him or avoiding him.
Once he had eaten and showered, Callum headed for his room, quietly dreading another solitary night. Alone and in bed, it was hard to avoid thinking about things. Mikan's mech had been gone when they landed so he supposed she was doing everything she could not to talk to him. He had no idea what to do about that. 'I guess I'm just going to have to ambush her.' Callum winced at the thought. If she was scared of him, jumping her wasn't going to help things.
He opened his door and was shocked to see Catriona was waiting for him, sitting on his bed. Hope blossomed in his heart. Had she decided to stop avoiding him? 'Why now? Because of Valencia?' That would be a silver lining at least. Callum stepped inside and saw that Riley was also in the room. He was leaning against one wall with his arms crossed. Callum's heart sank right back down. This was about Valencia then. Riley had probably asked Catriona to help convince Callum to reconcile with Valencia.
"Callum," Riley said. "We need to talk." The fact that Riley was the one speaking, along with his sister staring down at her knees, convinced Callum that he was right. Also, Riley clearly wasn't going to give up on Valencia remaining Callum's co-pilot. 'I guess that means I'll have to tell him the whole story.' It made Callum sick to his stomach. He might lose his other best friend tonight but Callum owed him the truth.
"That's fine. I was thinking the same. Can we do this without Cat, though?" Callum really didn't walk to talk about all of this in front of his sister.
Riley shook his head. "No, she was the one who wanted to come talk to you."
Callum glanced at Riley, confusion on his face. "What are you talking about? She clearly doesn't want to be here. She won't even meet my eyes."
With that, Catriona finally looked up and her dark eyes met Callum's. His first impression was that she seemed tired. 'No, utterly exhausted.' There were deep bags under her eyes like he'd never seen before and the whites of her eyes were bloodshot. "I want to be here, Cal," she said softly. "I'm sorry I've been...I just…"
"Are you alright?" Callum took a step closer to her. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine, Cal. I'm fine." She smiled. It was gentle like her smiles always were but Callum could see it trembling, like it was about to break. What the hell was going on?
"You are not fine," Callum said. "I've never seen you like this. Are you sick? Is that why you've been avoiding me?" Callum's heart felt like it was breaking. "Talk to me."
"We talked to Valencia," Riley said. Callum jumped. He'd forgotten that Riley was even in the room.
"You did?" Callum asked cautiously. He paused halfway to Catriona. Why was Riley avoiding the subject of Catriona's health? He cared about her just as much as Callum did.
"She told us some of it," Riley said. "She told us you were bitten by that fucking carcha." Callum was actually taken aback by the intensity of the anger in Riley's voice. "And that you had sex with someone else. Not Valencia and not the carcha. That's all we could get out of her. That and that you rejected her a few days ago." He was angry about that, too. Callum supposed he had a right to be upset on Valencia's behalf, though he found it a little strange.
Callum nodded. "Well, then you know why she won't pilot with me anymore." Callum didn't say it defensively or angrily. He was just sad.
"This can be fixed, Callum," Riley said. "Let's start with who you actually slept with. It was Nita, right? If you think that means you and her need to get married or something, I don't think that's right. I don't think Nita really views the world that way."
"It wasn't Nita," Callum said.
"You don't need to cover this up. I know the venom messed you up. I get why you would go to Nita."
"It wasn't Nita," Callum repeated. Riley opened his mouth and Callum could tell he was unconvinced, so Callum did the only thing he could do. He looked Riley straight in the eye and said, "It was Mikan."
Riley's mouth stayed open and his eyes bulged like Callum had just clubbed him over the head. The more interesting reaction was from Catriona, who nodded as if she had known all along. "Mikan?" Riley's voice came out strangled. "What the...what the fuck is wrong with you? You barely know her! How old is she even!?" An ember of anger stirred to life in Callum but it was quickly swept aside by pain so great he couldn't feel anything else. His friend, his best friend since childhood, was looking at him like he was a monster.
"Riley," Catriona said. Her voice was soft but stern. It was the voice she used when she was disappointed. Callum had done everything he could never to have her use that tone with him. "That's not fair. Mikan is only a little younger than you and even if she is a little small, she's a grown woman."
"But, Cat," Riley said. "I could understand Nita but Mikan is just sick. We just met her like two weeks ago and she's afraid of her own shadow. How could he force himself on her?" Callum took another body blow. Riley just assumed he forced himself on Mikan? Callum couldn't even find it in him to defend himself. The pain was suffocating.
He still had his sister, though. "How can you say that?! How can you believe that Callum could force himself on anyone, even in that state?" Catriona was angry now. It was very rare to see her visibly angry. "Valencia didn't make it sound that way at all!"
"How could it be any other way? Mikan wouldn't…"
"You said yourself that we just met her. How do we know what she would or wouldn't do?"
Riley shook his head. "She's not that kind of girl."
Catriona went very still. "You can't see into somebody's heart, Riley."
"No!" Riley ran forward and knelt next to Catriona. "It was the carcha, Cat, the carcha! I know you aren't like that either."
"Maybe you just don't know my heart, either." The raw pain in her voice was too much for Callum to bear. Riley clearly knew something Callum didn't and that only made it worse. He'd given his sister space because she seemed to need it but maybe that had been a mistake.
"What is going on, Cat?" Callum asked. He made his voice as firm as he possibly could. He'd never needed to be stern with his sister before and it felt strange.
She glanced at him and then quickly looked away. "We're here to talk about you and Valencia, not me," she said.
"I don't care. I can't stand this any longer. You mean everything to me, Cat. I know you think you're protecting me but I die inside every time you look away."
Riley stood. "This isn't something you want to know, Callum. Trust me."
"Don't tell me what I want!" Callum shouted. He was angry, really angry, for the first time in a long time. It startled all three of them. Callum's anger went as soon as it surfaced. He hated the way he felt right now. "I can't live like this any longer. My friendship with Valencia is over and I can't imagine her father will want to see me ever again. If I lose you two, too, I'll have nothing left."
Catriona was silent for a long time but she finally said, "Alright."
"Cat, no!" Riley spun around, his hands held up.
"No, Riley. I know that if the situation were reversed, I know it would hurt me more not to know. He deserves the truth." Her gaze shifted to Callum. "I'm sorry I've been hiding things from you and avoiding you. I was just afraid you would hate me if you knew."
"I could never hate you," Callum said, his hands curling into fists. "Never!"
She smiled. It was that same tremulous smile that seemed to be on the verge of collapse. "I believe you." She glanced at Riley. Her expression was soft and kind. "Riley, could you let me talk to Callum alone? I don't think I can do this with you here, too."
"But, Cat…" His hand raised plaintively.
"I know, Riley. I'm not mad." There seemed to be some unspoken communication between them because after a moment, Riley nodded. He seemed glum but moved to Callum's side and squeezed his shoulder. That single gesture made Callum think that despite the friction, he hadn't lost his best friend. Then Riley left and Callum was alone with his sister.
She sat quietly on the bed for a long time but Callum didn't press her. When she finally made a noise, it was a a very forced laugh. "I've imagined this conversation so many times but now that we're here, I don't know how to start." She went quiet again and Callum calmly waited. "I thought the hardest part would be explaining what a carcha bite did but now you actually know," she said softly. "I never wanted you to know but I guess it makes things easier."
It took a moment for what she'd said to fully sink in. Then Callum's blood ran cold. "You were bitten. When the carcha brought you here, the Odontos poisoned you and...and...then," Callum swallowed. It was painful. "He has his way with you." Callum had always feared that was the case but he'd tried not to think about it. Right now, the fact that he'd avoid it made him feel like a terrible brother.
Catriona stared at her knees. "Not just him."
"What?" Callum's chest felt like it was being crushed.
"It was all of them," Catriona said, so quietly Callum could barely hear her. For a blink, he'd hoped he'd heard wrong and then she repeated, louder, "It was all of them."
Callum felt like he'd been electrocuted. So many emotions flooded through his brain that he thought he might pass out or vomit. How could someone be that evil? The Odontus had taken a young woman from her home not just to be his own victim but a sextoy for his entire garrison? It was too monstrous for Callum to even conceive. 'I can't believe I regretted killing the carcha here for even a second. They all deserved to die! Maybe all of them do.' Dahri flashed through his mind and Callum suddenly felt ambivalent. Could all carcha really be evil?
He almost asked his nebulous question aloud but then he noticed that his sister was trembling, her hands tight on the folds of her robe. He'd been quiet for too long and he didn't even want to imagine what she was thinking. Callum rushed to her and knelt down. He touched her knee gently and she flinched. "I'm sorry, Cat. I was just shocked. What they did to you was so evil that I was stunned. I'm so, so sorry that this happened. I wish I had been stronger for you." Tears filled his eyes and slid down his cheeks. "I also understand why you wanted to hide this from me but I'm so glad you told me. I don't know what I can do. I can't even imagine how you feel. But I'll always be here for you. You're my sister and nothing will ever change how much I love you."
"You don't understand, yet," Catriona said. She didn't seem comforted. Far from it, in fact. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were so tight on her robe that Callum thought it had to hurt. Callum waited silently for her to continue, partially out of consideration and partially out of sheer dread. What could be worse than what she already said? "What they did to me...with their venom in my veins...it felt...good." She said the last as if she were admitting something heinous.
"It felt...good?" Callum repeated tonelessly.
"It wasn't good. It was...I'd never even had sex or an orgasm before but they made me come over and over and over again. It felt so incredible, Cal. Do you understand? They were r-raping me and I liked it. How am I supposed to live with myself?" Her head was still bent forward and tears started dropping onto her arms and hands.
Callum frantically tried to get his thoughts in order knowing he couldn't stay quiet for too long without hurting his sister worse than she already was. He felt kind of like he'd just been hit with one of the carcha stun-staffs, though. "It's not...you didn't…" Callum was speaking before his brain had come up with anything to say. Fortunately, it lurched into motion just in time. "You're forgetting that I was bitten, too. I know what it feels like. My whole body was on fire and I couldn't think of anything but sex. You don't have to be ashamed, Cat. It was the venom. You couldn't help it."
She looked at him then and he almost wished she hadn't. There was so much raw emotion in her eyes that it made her seem like she was on the edge of madness. Maybe she was. "What if I could?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Callum asked carefully.
"What if I could help it?" Her voice was soft but with none of the gentleness that it usually had. There was a dangerous edge that Callum had never heard from her before.
"I'm not sure I understand."
"On the third day, after they'd spent two days fucking me senseless," Callum winced at her harsh words because he knew she was punishing herself by using them, "the Odontus said that they were bored with me and left me in alone in my cell. Nobody bit me that day. But when the Odontus came back he said he would fuck me if I begged him to do it." Her face collapsed and she said the rest though increasingly heavy sobs. "I b-begged him. I begged him and the rest to f-fuck me. They b-brought Riley and made him watch and I still couldn't s-stop! I f-fucked them all in front of him. It felt so good, Cal. Why did it feel so good?! What the fuck is wrong with me?!" She screamed the last and broke down completely, sobbing so hard it had to hurt.
Callum couldn't think. It was impossible for him to string coherent thoughts together. He'd never been blindsided like this in entire life. It was too much. He felt like his brain was broken. He just heard her confession over and over again in his head, without having any emotional reaction to it. He was in shock.
But eventually one thought managed to worm its way to his brain. His sister was hurt. She was hurt and she needed him. He stood and sat on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She fought him, struggling and pushing him away. "Let me go! D-don't touch me. P-please. I'm disgusting!" Callum held on doggedly and eventually she collapsed against him.
He stayed quiet as she cried herself out against his chest. Callum didn't think she'd cried since the day of their mother's funeral. She was always a rock. He'd been in awe of how strong she was. She'd protected him from the harshness of life on Ragrun for years, despite only being a year older than him. And he'd failed to protect her. The carcha had hurt her so much worse than he thought. He took no solace in the fact that he'd eventually rescued her and killed the ones that did this to her. He'd only saved her after she'd been broken. There was no time to wallow in self-loathing, though. There had to be something he could do to make her feel better, if only a little. His brain couldn't even begin to wrap around the implications of her confession. So he spoke from his heart instead.
"I love you, Cat."
She pulled slightly away from him, enough to look up. Her eyes were even redder, with deeper bags. "What?"
"I love you. I said that nothing would ever change that and I meant it. Nothing that you told me changes how much I love you."
"How couldn't it?" Her voice was raw and raspy after sobbing so hard.
"Because it doesn't. Even if I didn't understand the carcha venom, even if you told me you had sex with all those carcha for fun, I'd still love you."
"What? That's...you can't mean that."
"I do." Callum frowned. "Would you hate me if I had sex with Chajin?"
Catriona shook her head. "But that's different."
"What if I had sex with Dahri and Chajin at the same time?"
"No but that's still…"
"What if I did it with every girl here? Nita, Mikan, Yemoramato. Maybe I could even find a way to go all the way with Cosmos."
Catriona laughed and then seemed surprised. Callum's heart leapt. "I think I'd just be impressed," she said softly. They were the first words that weren't choked with pain since she'd begun.
"We're family," Callum said. "We're each other's only family. Nothing can ever drive us apart if we don't let it. I'll admit, I'm not sure what to think of everything you told me. I wish I knew something to make it better." Callum's throat thickened but he willed it away. She didn't need to see him cry right now. "But I'll always be on your side, Cat. Always. Never, ever think that I won't."
Catriona closed her eyes and, maybe it was just his imagination, but he thought her face relaxed a little. She dropped her head back against his chest and said, "Thank you, Cal. I was so scared to tell you. I was so scared." Callum pulled her close and waited for her to keep speaking. But after a few moments, he realized she'd fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted.
Callum gently maneuvered her so that she was lying on the bed and then pulled the thin blanket over her. He gazed down at her. This was the first time he could remember seeing her asleep. She always went to bed after him and got up before him. Even if he got in late, she was awake. How tired did she have to be to drop off like this? The pain was gone from her face while she slept and she looked like an angel. Icy rage flowed through him, so powerful he almost choked. How could anybody have hurt her the way the Odontus did? How many other women had been put through something like this? Callum had never really truly thought about fighting the carcha empire before. He just wanted to live in peace. But for the first time, he considered that it might be a good thing to spend his life fighting them.
He lowered the lights in the room and stepped outside. After only a couple of steps, he stumbled to his knees. The horror of what had happened to Catriona and the immensity of his own failure raged through him and he had to take some very deep breaths to keep from vomiting.
"So she really told you?" Riley was standing a little ways down the hall.
"Riley?" His friend pushed away from the wall and walked to Callum. He stuck out a hand and Callum let him pull him to his feet.
"How is she?" Riley asked.
Callum shrugged. "I'm not sure. I tried to help but I'm not the best with words. She fell asleep so I decided to let her have my bed."
Riley's eyebrows rose. "She fell asleep?" Callum nodded. "I think that's a good sign. She's barely been sleeping at all lately and the slightest thing will wake her up. Maybe telling you did help. I didn't think it would." Callum frowned. Riley quickly explained. "I thought it would just hurt her more. Shows what I know." He laughed bitterly. "I haven't been able to help her at all. Fucking useless."
"She said they made you watch," Callum said, very careful to not sound accusing.
"So she even told you that?" Riley's shoulders slumped. "Sorry. I kept demanding to see her and I guess they thought that it would be funny. Honestly, it was so surreal that even now I can't really get emotional about it. She didn't even seem like the same person." Riley looked away. "I'm sorry about my reaction to the Mikan thing, by the way. I haven't been sleeping well either. I was a real asshole."
"It's alright," Callum said. "Thank you for staying by Cat's side all this time."
"I was the only one who knew what all happened. She could talk to me about it a little but at the same time, she was horrified that I'd seen her like that." Riley shook his head. "I don't know if me being around helped or hurt her more."
"Helped," Callum said firmly. "I'm sure of it. If you had abandoned her, I don't even want to think about what would have happened."
Riley grasped his own forearm. "How could I abandon her? She's Cat."
Callum nodded. "Thank you, Riley." He pulled his friend into a backslapping hug. "Thank you for caring about her as much as I do. Thank you for trying to rescue her. Thank you for staying by her."
"Of course," Riley said, his voice thick. "Of course."
Callum let him go and stepped back. "We both failed her this time but we can't ever let it happen again." Riley scrubbed at his eyes and nodded. "We have to protect her this time, even if it means burning down the entire carcha empire. Are you with me?"
"To the end, brother," Riley said fervently. They clasped hands, both squeezing hard. Riley smiled, showing a little of his old cocksure attitude. "The carcha don't know what they've unleashed on themselves by pissing us off."