Leru paced in her quarters, about-facing every two steps. Her room was hardly the best place for pacing, but Nick would be seeking her council after the conversation at the table and she'd rather have that talk in private. She felt him arrive, an anxious wad outside her door. She balled her fists, but refrained from hitting the wall -- he'd hear, and he'd react with pity and self loathing. When he didn't knock, she finally rolled the door open. "What, Nick."
He stood a head taller than her, but shrank as she looked up at him. He felt like garbage.
She folded her arms as she rubbed her brow, stepping aside to allow him entry.
He obliged, gratefully holding back his misery like an overfilled bladder. He pulled her bed out of the panel wall and sat as she closed the door behind him. "I'm losing it, Ru." His voice shook with his hands as he brushed his untrimmed, void-black bangs over his scalp.
"You're losing us." Leru stood a step away, arms still crossed. "You don't tell us what's happening, what you're doing. Do you even wonder why your crew wants to be rid of you?" She knew he didn't, and she could feel a heavy, hollowing mist rising from him.
"Do you…" The mist thickened, choking him silent under a radiating glow of despondency. He squeezed his eyes as he tried to tighten a fracturing graciousness around it all, a buzzing fear echoing throughout.
"Stop," she sighed. "Stop, dammit, I said stop!" She laughed through a growl rather than scream as she came to sit beside him, letting the tears flow freely around the creases of her strained, maddening smile; "you ridiculous man."
"I'm trying-"
"I've told you a million times you can't bury your emotions, it just complicates them, adds to them." She pressed her palms into her eyes and took a breath. "I know this ship, this crew -- it's a tough environment for you to recover in, but you've got to keep trying -- and to try and understand them." She knew he agreed, but he was still lost in that mist. "Just… run me through what brought us to Estermere. We'll work through it, at least til our next payday."
Nick looked at her, green eyes glistening. "And then?"
"We'll worry about that when we have a better idea of what 'then' will be like." She turned towards him on the bed. "We landed on Sherrit station, you went to the public terminals to look for contract work. You created a ghost account as usual, and were immediately contacted by another ghost telling you to go to the Estermere orphanage." She took his hand in both of hers, holding his gaze. "Elaborate."
"They said they worked for RDI, and there was a connection between the two -- they said to follow the money." He looked away as his fear buzzed angrily.
She squeezed his hand. "And how did you know it was worth investigating?"
He inhaled deep, free hand rubbing at the interface scar on the back of his neck. "The message contained details…" He swallowed, "It was signed." Regret welled in him as he avoided her gaze. "They addressed me by name, and the last line simply said 'I'm so sorry', before being signed 'Morning Glow'."
Leru's hands went limp. "Morning Glow…"
"If it wasn't Aurora, it had to have been Dawn himself." Nick held onto her hand as they slid to the sheets, staring at his knees. "Given that I didn't walk into an ambush at Estermere, I don't think it was RDI's CEO."
Leru's hand slowly tightened. She wrapped her hands around his, feeling his guilt morph into that heavy mist that kept him lost within himself. "Nick."
He squeezed his eyes tight as the mist rose to bury him, swallowing even the buzzing fear.
"Dammit, Nick." She turned his face to her and kissed him, hands on his cheeks.
His eyes loosened but remained closed, arms wrapping around her as they pulled each other close. His graciousness burst forth, scattering the mist amidst a glowing love that heated it into a mere fog.
She bathed in it, that deeply buried beauty of his. She only needed him to see it the way she did, to know what he was when he didn't turn himself into that heavy, apathetic cloud of misery.
They knew each other, inside and out. She did her best to explain without words the way he made her feel, but he was unable to understand it as anything more than a distraction from himself. Still they took their time, both knowing that the climax would only be followed by regression.
Eventually Nick pulled himself away from her as his love sank back into that heavy mist while they lay together in the afterglow, and he left to go shower the moment off until all that remained was the damp dimness of Perseverance.