BLAKE
"Open up, sweetheart,"
"No"
"Open your mouth or I shove my thumb up to your throat!"
My heart pounds hard against my ribcage. I am afraid that I have to do what he says or the pain will be much worse, plus his thumb always smells and tastes like sweat and dirt. I hate it when he puts it in my mouth. I have to brush my teeth constantly to get rid of the taste and even then, I spend days with a constant wave of nausea and retching, making me feel worse about myself.
I shut my eyes tightly and let my lips part so he can kiss me with his tongue as he violates and sodomizes me. I want to scream and stab him in his neck but I can't do any of those things so I remain in a supine form, numb with disgust and fear. My body trembles as he slides his fingers under the hem of my nightdress, I feel him inch closer and closer to the one place I wish he never touched me. He does it slowly to prolong my suffering. You know when taking advantage of someone, you do it slow to assert dominance and control. If you do it fast and brutal, you only wound the flesh but when you take your time, you sip into the victim's mind, and like a seed, you plant your devilish intentions and actions deep into their being. The seed grows slowly and steadily, taking root, anchoring strong into the system until you are one with your victim, no one not even themselves can tell where you start or where they end. That is what he does to me, he plants himself in me almost every night as my mother sleeps in their bed alone and cold. I warm his loins with my underage honeypot and he loves me for it. I insist on wearing pajamas with fuzzy trousers but my darling mother buys me sexy, satin lingerie for my nightwear. I need to remain appealing to him in my teenage body. I cry tears of hopelessness as he cups my sex, when will it ever end?
"Wake up B, wake the fuck up!" Vinny violently shakes me awake, shouting at me. The minute I face him, he reacts with a surprised face. That face turns into a face of concern but I shove him aside wearing my mean face. I look around and realize I am in Eve's house and the events of yesternight flood my consciousness. Shit! I had my nightmare in someone's house. I must always go home to avoid such reactions like I am getting from Vinny. He doesn't say anything but knowing him, I know he just pinned it for later. I slowly regain my awareness and hear Eve speaking to someone on the phone. "Kuja tu, tumeamka tu sai sisi wote." I immediately peg the caller as Neema and I look at Vinny. That's why he was waking me up, all panicked. I assume we are about to have a heavy conversation of breaking up and truth-telling but what comes out of Vin's lips shocks the wind out of me.
"I told babe that you brought us some weed that knocked us all out, it was something new so we didn't know it would make us react in such a manner," his eyes are pleading as my anger continues to rise with every word he let slip out of his mouth. By the time he is done throwing me under the bus, my anger thermometer-mercury has broken the glass and I am fuming like a mad bull in a stadium in Spain. My bulging eyes beg him to explain since if I open my mouth, I will say hurtful things that I cannot take back. I am already in a foul mood because of the stupid dream. He rushes through an explanation, "You have the least to lose here, I am dating her and Eve is the best friend, please you have to take the fall this time." I stare at him dumbfounded, what the fuck is he talking about? They fucked, liked it and obviously want to do it again by the looks Eve is throwing Vin's way. So what is the need to lie?
"What is the problem with telling the truth? It is much simpler that way," I say looking between them, "…and it saves me from sounding like the bitch that drugs people. I am not a drug dealer!" I shout the final words as I stand and search for my phone. I am about to storm out of here if these two want to paint me red as sin. I can't stomach lying and pretense since I am so good at it, I don't enjoy seeing other people do it. It somehow scares me. I am an ambassador of truth and honesty with total transparency when we are not talking about me. And as long as anyone is concerned, I am honest as the day is long in earth poles during summer.
"Breaking up is not an option," Vin says deadpan as he looks at me. His determination is attractive but right now, he is determined to save the wrong relationship. Eve nods like a toddler beside Vin, I always forget she is a freezer. She freezes every time she is faced with an intense situation. She better changes that awful habit if she ever wants to get everything she wants. She should be fighting for Vin. What they shared last night can't be faked or made-up and as the RnB singers say, lightning doesn't strike twice. If Neema is truly her friend, she would be naturally upset and maybe avoid the two but she would watch them and see that they are better off together. Then, perhaps, Marcus can make his move on her as she grieves and everyone would end up happy. But no! They want to lie to avoid doing the painful and right thing. People! Do not look at me, I know I started this mess, but people should surely make better choices regarding the consequences of their actions, don't you agree?
Before I can answer or simply comment, there is a rumble at the door, like thunder. We all jump at the sound, I am surprised how startled I am by knowing Neema is at the door. A chill travels down my spine like lightning as I settle back on the sofa I was sleeping on. Eve approaches the door with apprehension and I pity her as I, somewhere deep down regret setting things into motion. Vin stands smack in the middle of the room, I think that is his idea of being nonchalant. I almost giggle but I stop myself before he murders me. It is a Saturday morning and we have endured double the stress of a working day, we are wasting our rest day on useless bullshit of lies and games. I am almost bored but I fix my eyes on the door to picture Neema's face when she sees us all together in this room looking anything but natural. I want to know if she has any hint of doubt about why her best friend and boyfriend disappeared on the same night. Does she trust them fully to never go behind her back? Or does she know on some level that she doesn't have the loyalty of either two? People always know the hidden truth through intuition, they just choose to ignore it since it is always the easier thing to do. I have no expectations from her since she openly dislikes me. She thinks I am here to steal her best friend, but I have no such intentions, but I wouldn't move a muscle to correct her.
When the door swings open, Marcus jumps in, all boyish and annoying. You can literally feel the room's tension fall away like broken glass in a frame. We all let out sighs of relief. "What are you doing here this early, Marcus?" Eve asks, unable to mask her irritation. Marcus as always misses the agitated tone in Eve's voice and answers as he treads towards where I am seated, "Neema asked me to come, told me that there was an issue but I honestly I came for the breakfast we will obviously eat," when he is done speaking, he roughly grabs me and hugs me, fully enveloping me in his frame. I love his hugs, so big and warm, always making me feel safe and protected. However, I shove him away just to maintain my bitch status. I like Marcus's natural energy. He is so kind-hearted and loyal to his friends, in fact, he is like a dog. Everyone loves dogs right? That is how much I love him and being around him, the only problem is just like dogs shitting on carpets and peeing on beddings; his sex life offends anyone around him. Constantly lying to ladies to bed them only to discard them. It is a sad reality for him. He really should respect himself more and treat those ladies with deserved respect. The fact that he is hopelessly in love with Neema makes him act out more to prove a point, mainly to himself. I just want to find out if his dick is as big as he claims, not that I would ever jump into bed with him. Some girls feel jealous, seeing us walking around with him. I wish they knew how grateful I am not to be sexually attracted to Marcus, he is eye-candy but he is just that, something nice to look at. Like a sunset, I enjoy it but I wouldn't want to be near it. Plus I would rather watch that sunset with a normal person next to me, commenting on how their day sucked or how the accountant thinks coffee should be prepared by women in the office. I want someone to take me home and enjoy the dark night, the silence and the warm cuddles in our sleep. Maybe if Marcus was with Neema, he would be that normal person next to someone he loves. He fist-bumps Vin and goes on to chatter about a game that happened last night. I zone him out as I watch a silhouette approach the doorway, I immediately know that it is Neema.
My heart accelerates and my eardrums refuse to listen to the approaching footsteps. I am suddenly overcome by the feeling that I am underwater and water is flowing into my ears drowning out all the noise, leaving me to only hear my hesitant heartbeats and deep intakes of air. I watch Neema materialize on the room's threshold, the morning sun highlights her body like an angel. Her facial expression is murderous and vile, making her embody the angel of death and destruction. I swallow hard as she scans the room like a freaking predator deciding on which prey to devour first. I am the last person she looks at and the instant our eyes meet I know she hates me now. She believed the lies and she is more than glad to place all the blame on me, she has found an opportunity to poison the others against me. She forgets one thing, I am not Eve and I don't let people push me around like a pinball. I match her glare with my personal favourite, the I-am-not-afraid-of-you look. I even smile a little bit just to get her more worked up. Our eye contest is interrupted when Eve throws herself towards Neema and the sounds around me inch back to my ears to hear Eve apologize to her friend. Vin hugs and kisses her next and their enthusiasm may sell them out if they don't cut it out. I remain transfixed on the sofa, watching these clowns pretend that everything is normal. I look at Marcus and he is busy typing away in his phone, trying his best not to stare as the love of his life get smooched by his dear friend. How they pass as normal people still baffles me, two years in. I seem to forget I am now a part of this circus and I am a clown as well. I care about these people more than I have ever cared for anyone before.
After the faked salutations, Neema turns to me, frothing, "B, you have to be more responsible with your actions, especially when it affects those around you." I can't resist the urge to roll my eyes. "I know, you think it is a small issue but what if either of you needed to be hospitalized?" she continues to scold me in front of the others. I throw a look at Vin and he shakes his head in apology. I realize my hands are in tight fists and I may cut my skin with my nails. Neema goes on, "You are used to doing things without having people giving a care about you, but my boyfriend has someone who cares for him, so does Eve, so back off!" I look at Marcus on instinct and he is looking at Neema, his eyes full of concern, he hears nothing she is saying, all he wants is to hold her and calm her down. I wish Neema saw that look or rather I wish I had someone who looked at me like that. "Don't look at Marcus, his habits don't involve any of us!! So you are alone in this. You are inconsiderate about people's feelings and you have to change if you want to continue being friends with us!"
I shoot up, fuming, I cannot listen to any more of this crap. Why am I the one shouldering all the blame like Vin and Eve are toddlers? Fuck this! "Shut the fuck up Neema, geez, your boyfriend and best friend aren't helpless children I took advantage of, they knew what they were doing!" I strike back, sounding sarcastic as possible for Vin's and Eve's benefit. I get a panicked look from Eve and a challenging stare from Vin. They are in no mood to help me out of this fucking hole, I feel bile-like anger rise to my throat but I somehow decide to forgive them this once. Neema is monstrous, and anyone would be afraid to stand up to her. Everyone except me! Neema takes a step forward intending to intimidate me and I laugh, I can't let that silly action slip unacknowledged and unridiculed. She gets madder, "What's so funny?" she makes the effort to look at all occupants in the room. I guess it is to make sure, no one else finds this situation amusing.
"You are such an uppity bitch!" I say while bending to pick my phone from the coffee palette. I am done with this shit and my palms are slightly bled from where my nails dug into my skin. I am going to my house for a shower and hopefully some good weekend sex. I am still horny from last night and my nightmare makes everything worse. "What did you just call me?" Neema's voice is so low it sounds like a growl. She really needs to chill. I ignore her as I walk towards the still wide-open door. My boots are on the floor ready to take me home. She shoves me and repeats herself like I didn't hear her the first time. Eve gasps and Vin jumps forward to hold Neema back. Now they step in?!!!