"Hey Hailey."
"Nate you're late!"
"Sorry… I was a little… tied up."
I can't really tell her I had a mental breakdown which resulted in a mental triumph making me gain a new sense of self-worth, now can I?
"Oh, it's okay. Come in through, I've made tea."
"Okay,"
I left my shoes at the door and entered the front portion of her house. The entrance room was a small arched entryway with painted walls and wood laminate flooring. The walls were a shiny blue, and the ceiling was a pure white, not a speck of dust nor dirt.
"Hailey, your house is so clean. I know I've been here a few times now, but every time it shocks me just how clean you keep it."
"Oh… well I just like to be clean." She blushed a little bit.
Come to think of it, she's a little different today. She looks more… relaxed. Her hair is in a loose messy bun, and she is wearing a loose shirt. It's definitely not lounge wear; she seems like she's wearing something you'd see a girl wear when she's out with her boyfriend.
"But Hailey, I've got to say, this book you lent me is really good. I read some online reviews, and they said that the book was really bad because nothing happened but man, I really liked it. Holden was so funny, I felt like every page was him just letting us hear what he was thinking, saying. Everything seemed intentional, but accidental at the same time. The way he can go from talking about dead family to being horny to being depressed. It all flowed so well. "
She jumped toward me grabbing my hand, "YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT."
By the time she said that our faces were really close, and I looked her in the eyes and we both blushed intensely and turned away from each other.
Keep it together brain, you like Emma!
"Sorry…" She looked down.
"No, don't apologize, it's okay."
She fell silent and stood there for a few moments. I heard a ringing start to increase, over, and over, and over. The boiling water was screaming and whistling and screeching through the house. She left me in her room and ran out to stop the tea.
Her room was really nice now that I think about it. My room is pretty bland compared to hers. She had posters of bands she liked, and books everywhere. She had at least 3 bookcases on one wall. There must've been 100+ books in that room. Heh, knowing Hailey, I bet she's read them all.
"C–– Coming in, can you pull out the table?"
"Sure! Do you need a hand?"
She was holding a tray with 2 cups, cookies, a tea container and napkins.
"N––no I'm fine, I work at a diner."
She put them down on the table and handed me my cup and slid me a coaster.
"Thank you!"
"My pleasure." She smiled.
We talked a little bit about The Catcher in The Rye and then we went on to discuss our other three books.
Eventually, we fell silent, sipping our tea, and we both read a new book she got at the bookstore. She bought two copies so that I could have one. I asked her if I could pay her back, and she refused to accept my money. She kept saying no.
"Your kindness is enough of a payment."
"Kindness?"
"You talk to me. You helped me make a friend. You even come to my house and spend time with me."
"That's not kindness, that's common courtesy." I thought to myself about how people must've treated her so rudely. She was never anything but pleasant around me, and for some reason she was alone for so many years.
"You mean… everyone is always this nice to each other?"
"No… often, people are rude and hateful toward each other. But for friends like us, it's almost automatic that I would be kind to you. It's not me going out of my way, it's natural."
"F––friends?"
"Yeah, we're friends!"
She started to tear up a little bit.
"I––I'm sorry, did I–– did I say something wrong?"
"N––no Nate. I'm just so–– I'm so happy. No one has ever called me a friend before. Not once."
What a sad world this girl must have lived in for her whole life. To go your whole life without friends. Not a single one. No one to call. No one to hug–– to talk to in times of need. No one to be there for you when you're all alone. No one to rely on. No one to trust. Being all along. All by yourself. Locked away in your room with your books and posters. In this huge house, all by yourself…
I started to cry as well. As sad as I say her life was, mine wasn't all that much happier.
"Hailey… I'm honored to be your first friend but… you already have friends, y'know. There's Emma, and Marc. And y'got me. And you got all of our classmates. You might not talk to them, but I know they don't hate you. You're not–– you're not alone!"
"UAHGHHH!" She wailed and cried, and I couldn't comfort her. I couldn't stop my own tears.
I was really happy. I mean, I wasn't the one without friends but there is a satisfying feeling you get when you help someone out. And it only helped that she was this cute girl that I've grown to enjoy the company of.
Eventually we finished crying and returned to our books. She and I sat there munching on the homemade chocolate chip cookies she made and sipped our tea. In silence we read and read and read until we both finished the book.
"That was really good."
"Yes, I'm really happy we both got to read it together."
"Oh, here, I'll give you back your book."
"No! I told you I bought it for you. It's yours, I want you to start a book collection of your own."
"Really! I can keep it!?"
"Yes, don't you dare try and leave it here."
"Yes Ma'am! I will cherish this book, thank you."
I bowed in front of her like she was a military sergeant. She blushed like mad, probably embarrassed I was being so weird and exaggerated.
"Oh, by the way, Hailey. I was wondering if you would let Emma join us. I feel kinda bad leaving her out, cause when we are together, she doesn't really have anything to do.
At that moment I got a text on my phone. It was from Emma:
"Hello Nate. This is Emma's mom. She collapsed; I was told to text you by her."
NO! NOT NOW! WHY?
She'd been okay for almost a month… Why now?
"Sorry I gotta go, Emma needs me!"
I thanked her for her hospitality, and she led me to the door. I said goodbye and she muttered something to herself.
"I see… so that's how he feels about her."
* * *
Please tell me you'll be okay… Emma! It seemed really bad this time, her mom even texted me.
"Hello, my name is Nick James. They probably have me under Nate. I'm here for Emma Jones. Her mother called me."
"Yes sir. Down this hall."
I sprinted down the hall and slammed open the door. A large flash of light blinded me and I walked in. I saw Emma's mom sitting in a chair. She looked like an older version of Emma.
Then I looked over, and I saw Emma. She was hooked up to all sorts of machines, some I didn't even know the name of. It was so reminiscent… of him. Of dad.
"Emma!"
I heard her mother crying.
"She's asleep… she's not waking up… I can't–– they can't get her to wake up."
Come on Emma. Wake Up! Please! I can't–– Don't leave me alone… I…
"God…"
I fell to my knees and felt my eyes get wet.
Why now? She was okay. She was fine yesterday. We went to 7/11 and got slurpees. We took a drive down to the lake. We were both fine. Please god… if you exist, let her live. Please wake her up.
' * * * '
I guess it happened again, huh.
It's so dark, can we get some light in here?
That's better.
It's been quite some time hasn't it. A month? Maybe more? I don't know how long I've been asleep.
I'm bored.
I see a rainbow, I wanna go there.
There's no one here.
It's lonely.
I'm lonely.
I'm scared.
"Nate?"
Why did I call out? This is my mind. No one is here.
I wanna see him.
Why am I thinking about him?
I could die.
I don't wanna die.
I'm scared.
Why am I alone right now? Shouldn't my brain be able to create people?
I wanna see him.
I wanna see myself. I have no body here. I can't even see my own hands.
I'm scared.
I'm really scared.
Don't leave me alone, guys.
Guys?
Hailey?
Marc?
Nate?
Where are you?
Teacher?
Mom?
Where are you…
I'm so scared.
I don't wanna die. I really don't. My life finally is happy and as soon as it became happy, I have to fuck up and cause everyone sadness.
I always do this.
It always happens when I'm happy.
I ruined that first date with Nate.
I ruined my fun with my old "friends".
I always ruin everything.
I fuck everything up.
I'm so scared.
I don't wanna die.
Maybe I deserve it…
I really wanna see him.
Nate.
Your kind voice.
Your soft eyes.
Your fluffy hair.
Your smooth pale skin.
I miss you.
The way your eyes get small when you smile.
The way your laugh sounds when you really mean it.
This time we've spent together.
It's been the best time of my life.
I couldn't ask for more.
Maybe I should leave…
"Emma, wake up!"
Huh? That was Nate's voice.
I CAN HEAR YOU!
I can't talk.
I feel his presence.
He's here.
Nate!
Nate!
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad you came for me.
I think I might like you…
It would be the first time, the first time I've ever felt… love.
"Emma, I'm here."
I can hear him.
I'm so happy.
Wake up!
Stupid body! Stupid heart!
Let me wake up!
I need to see him!
I want to see him!
You're my body! Do what I tell you!
Listen to me damn it!
You're my body!
Get up! Get up!
Let me open my eyes!
I wanna feel him!
Hands!
Eyes!
Get up!
Damn it…
I'm so weak.
Huh… I have no body, why can I feel tears?
How am I crying…
I feel someone.
Someone's holding my hand…
"Na––"
"Doctor! She said something!"
Yes, Body! Work!
Open my eyes!
"Doctor, she opened her eyes!!"
Nate… I can see him…
I'm so happy…
I'm so happy.
"She's smiling…"
' * * * '