Ugh...
This shit doesn't make sense even at school...
I feel like my whole body is floating...
Shuffle shuffle.
I walked down from the nursing building with no strength.
Park Ye-young's madness... even after the whole situation, we did all the blood pressure practice and everything.
It's a bit creepy how she acted like nothing happened.
Well, I guess since she wasn't the one who got fucked, she might not care...
"Ugh..."
I feel weird.
I'm floating, feeling all numb and hazy, but at the same time, I feel self-loathing.
I never thought something like this would happen at college...
Of course, being a guy, I've had those kinds of thoughts.
Hell yeah, I've had a lot of dirty thoughts...
But I never imagined being treated like a toy by a girl...
I thought about leading, kissing, and seducing girls...
Not getting choked out and raped by Lee Juha, or getting jerked off by Park Ye-young...
"Huh..."
But my dick feels good...
It's like something in my head is breaking.
I thought college was just a place to chase your future dreams...
But it's turned into something else now.
It's just become a bizarre place where I get jerked off and do lewd shit whenever Park Ye-young wants...
Why did it end up like this, for fuck's sake...
KakaoTalk!
Then my phone buzzed with a KakaoTalk message.
What the fuck is this? I'm a bit nervous.
Maybe Park Ye-young secretly took a pic of the handjob earlier and sent it? Thoughts like that popped into my mind.
My whole body feels like it's turning cold. No way... she wouldn't do something that crazy... I checked my phone with tension.
[Lee Juha: Yo LOL]
Ah... it's Lee Juha.
Well, I didn't hear any click sound earlier...
Even if she's crazy, she wouldn't do that.
Relieved, I kept checking the messages.
[Lee Juha: Weird message came]
[Lee Juha: (Photo) ]
Huh?
What's this?
A photo with a bunch of text came through. A picture full of Japanese text... with a small translation below.
'Hello. I enjoyed your OnlyFans videos. I am Neiko, active on the same platform. I was deeply moved by your recent uploads. I'm contacting you because I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing a collaboration video.'
'A female can come, or a male can come, it's fine either way. It would be even better if both came. After watching your recent videos, we're inspired to make similar content.
Working with us will help your future activities.
We gain new inspiration, and you get exposure to our subscribers, making it a win-win strategy.
If you're interested after checking out my videos or timeline, please contact me.
I'll be waiting for your reply.'
... What?
A collaboration... request?
My eyes narrowed.
What collaboration? Don't tell me it's to shoot porn together...?
Suddenly, it felt surreal. Fuck, after all this, I'm getting a porn collab request...?
I only uploaded two videos, what's with this firepower... Guess a lot of people are paying attention.
I stopped to search for 'Neiko' on OnlyFans.
Neiko... Holy shit, she's super famous.
It's like she's among the top twenty in the Japanese OnlyFans scene.
There's a male representative, and a female one too. Seems like there are various women involved apart from her...
'Gasp.'
I flinched. A selfie with her showing off her chest... I instinctively looked around. Oh, no one's here.
A Japanese woman with a very short bob cut and an incredible body...
She looks like a genuine Japanese lady.
Her hair is a bit longer than a guy's bob cut, and her boobs are massive...
Her body has a sleek, unified line, but the boyish bob cut makes her look uniquely cool.
That's a rare boyish style... maybe that's why I'm drawn to her more.
She seems cool, friendly, and approachable.
Her strong, rare Korean vibe made my heart race.
'Wow...'
Is she really a noona like this?
[T/N: Noona is a Korean way of saying older sister]
A noona who leads confidently...
Kind noonas are good, but there's something appealing about a strong, leading noona...
No, that's not the point!
This massive company streamer is requesting a collab.
Should I call her a streamer or an AV actress...?
[Lee Juha: This is fucking awesome. Their channel is huge.]
Damn, it's big...
Not just thousands, but they're talking in millions of followers. It's like getting attention from an entire city.
I'm dazed. Should I be happy about this or not...
I'd be thrilled if I was a BJ or streamer getting contacted by a big company...
But getting contacted by a big AV actress while doing porn is confusing. It feels like I'm being recognized by weirdos...
[Lee Juha: Do it? Or not?]
...
If I do it, it'll definitely be good.
If a collab video comes out, I could grow even faster from here.
I'm already getting noticed as a new actor... if I collab with a big company and their video goes up...
I wouldn't be surprised if my fame doubled here.
Maybe earning a million won a month isn't just a dream anymore.
I was a bit swayed.
These Japanese actresses, with a vibe rare in Korea...
Their looks and bodies are so amazing that they make my heart tremble just looking at photos.
The thought that I could have sex not just with girls like Lee Juha but with these women too...
That thought sent a wave of excitement and dopamine rushing up from my chest. It's hard to think clearly.
...But...
Lee Juha will have sex with that male actor?
That thought suddenly blocked my brain.
Imagining having sex with those Japanese noonas is thrilling...
But Lee Juha having sex with that male actor?
My heart just grows cold. It feels like my brain is resetting.
We're not really anything to each other.
Just a school bully-victim relationship. Just a sexual relationship because of OnlyFans.
Clearly, it's just that, but the thought of Lee Juha having sex with that guy makes me choke.
[Lee Juha: Hey, do it or not?]
[Lee Juha: Answer, answer, you bastard!]
She's excited.
She has to be, this is a chance to skyrocket.
I couldn't answer for a long time.
I stood there like a fool, as if I'd been hit on the head with a hammer.
Why... why am I like this?
It's clearly not related to me, so why do I feel like throwing up and dizzy just thinking about it?
I turned off my phone screen.
Even though it vibrated a few more times, I ignored it.
Unpleasant, creepy images kept popping into my head. I imagined it.
Lee Juha getting fucked and climaxing with that male actor on set...
The actor panting, handling Lee Juha as he pleases...
My brain felt like it was on fire.
Clearly, it's not related to me...
Clearly...
***
It's already 11 PM.
I need to catch the last express bus...
I hastily packed my books into my bag.
I focused a lot today for all the shit that happened...
I made good progress, so I can schedule things more easily.
"Uff."
I walked out with my heavy bag.
The cool, crisp night air brushed past me.
After concentrating hard, my head felt clearer.
The gloomy feeling from earlier seemed to vanish too.
"Phew."
I sorted out my thoughts.
I'll just be fucking shameless.
I'll have sex with Lee Juha and those noonas. Just me.
They said it would be good if both came for the collab, not that both must come.
They said one could come, so I can go alone! Honestly, rejecting this collab seems like a crazy move. This might be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity...
So, I'll go alone and film alone!
...Would I get slapped for saying that?
From Lee Juha's perspective, this might not be a bad choice for a moment.
Since she doesn't know what the filming environment is like...
So, I'll go as the advance party to check it out. The atmosphere.
I want to think about it positively.
I just want to tell Lee Juha not to go.
I want to shoot with that awesome boyish noona.
I feel like I'd die if I saw you having sex with that guy. My brain would explode.
So, don't fucking go, bitch! I want to say that!
Will she think I've gone nuts? Will I get slapped? I want to say it anyway.
Even if she rejects me, I'll just cling to her pants and beg.
No, don't go, just let me shoot alone if we want to grow bigger. Or let's both not go!
Forget the collab!
I don't even know why I'm thinking like this.
Why do I feel so opposed to Lee Juha having sex with someone else... I don't get it.
But my heart tells me to do so, what can I do?
"Ha."
On the way down to the bus stop.
I saw many friends who, like me, had finished studying.
Some good-looking, bigger, more popular guys were among them.
Can I stop her?
Can I block her from going?
Can I tell her not to go like some alpha male?
Do I have the right to say that when I can't even beat any of the other male classmates?
Am I more attractive than that big company guy? Will Lee Juha listen to me?
I saw my pathetic arms.
My skinny legs like a twig.
My fluffy hair and the horn-rimmed glasses that make me look like a dork.
If I work out and become more masculine... will she listen to my requests?
If I cut my hair, learn to do makeup, and groom myself to look better. Will I be able to lead more confidently?
If I pay more attention to my clothes like Yoo-inha... will I be able to speak confidently without feeling down about such things?
I grabbed my hair.
Thinking about it, I always just went to the cheapest barber shop around.
I haven't gone clothes shopping since I went with Yoo-inha. I didn't feel the need before.
Why was that?
I felt even more pathetic than usual.
Why am I afraid? Afraid of going to the hairdresser, of shopping for clothes, of telling Lee Juha not to go, everything.
In the bus stop mirror, I looked like a total loser.
More so today than ever.
I should've gone to a proper salon.
I shouldn't regret it now.
Honestly, just thinking about going to a salon alone makes my heart race...
Maybe I'll get a personal trainer, learn to work out, bulk up a bit. At least getting choked and raped is not cool...
My legs were trembling.
Just the thought of trying something new made my whole body shake.
But it was more of an excited tremble than one of fear. Maybe I could... do it, that kind of thought.
Maybe I could be like those cool guys over there...
Even if I imagine the despair of staying the same despite the effort... the hope of improving slightly was stronger.
My heart was racing.
Yeah, I've got some money from OnlyFans... let's spend some...
I shook my legs without reason.
I'm worried. Everything worries me. What other heart-pounding events will come next?
Will I do well on my exams? Will I overcome something like this if it happens again? Will I stop shaking at every little thing?
"Phew."
I turned on my phone which I had turned off.
Seeing the pile of messages from Lee Juha.
The last one was an emoji... I have no idea what she wrote before that. Probably full of curses.
I'll say it.
I want to have sex with that short-haired noona. ...No, that's not it!
Just that I don't want you to go. If it's about getting famous, can't I just go alone? I'll say something like that.
With trembling hands, I opened KakaoTalk.