Despite what my psychiatrist tells me, I solely believe that I am a real-life vampire. I may not look the part, obviously because that's the whole point of being one. The occult is full of mysteries that are mythical beyond science can comprehend. Thus giving them exactly no evidence to be proven true until one sees for themselves, rightfully so.

I even believe myself as a psychic of some sort. Due to voices telling me what people are hiding from me, no one believes until I expose their secrets out of random intuitive thoughts, or the 'gut-feeling' that just pops up in my head and I blur out the blatant truth to expose others For the benefits whom are victims of manipulation.

These psychic abilities let me foresee the future and beyond, and know eldritch knowledge beyond human comprehension. Making my brain stimulated through self-hypnotic psychosis. To the point the spirits I've attracted into my circle, and offer blood as a sacrifice to the entity.

Nyarlathotep, whom origins unknown, a GOD beyond God Himself, a deity forgotten in the sands of time. Until he came to speak to me. Nyarlathotep is a deity with knowledge beyond man's imagination, despite man's imagination is limitless. His omnipotence is further the borders of the unlimited expanding universe itself.

For I was hopeless in the darkest days of the night's waving trees and storms of lukewarm-watery blizzards, through the gloomiest day of my life. I thought I lost everything, blaming myself other than society.

But it was society's fault for my mental downfall, that led to a series of unrelenting hooks and chains that flayed my entire hopes and dreams. Ripping away the soul of my future and my very life. Thus, giving my purposeless life without meaning in its own inevitable death, until to the very end beyond the infinity of eternity.

I still had a chance, when this one deity that was forgotten to the point that no single mortal entity, let alone animal know who this god is.

He didn't demand worship, but if I wanted to turn my life around, he expects devotion. This "god" can destroy an entire universe by just blinking one of his eyes if he wanted to, but no. He wanted to see humanity suffer than having an entire universe, along with every one's soul to be wiped out, erased, and be gone forever, or whatever "forever" stands for his own definition anyway.

He could have given anything to me without an offering, or he could have killed me right on the spot, or a fate worse than having your entire mind destroyed worse than how society traumatized me. He wanted me to do his dirty work in the material world which is the mundane world of reality itself.

He could have easily done those jobs he's asked for, and the things he demanded me to offer to him aren't really necessary. But he wanted me to show my devotion if I really wanted to turn my life around.

Although, the thing is he can throw me away or kill me at any moment, no matter how much work and effort I put into sacrificing everything I do for him, even if it's more than enough for him, he could have made my life miserable, or worse, perhaps the worst beyond my own expectations. Regardless, I was desperate.

So, I made a blood pact with him by drawing his sigil using my blood as ink and a Hawaiian Crow's feather as my quill or pen. I had to waste all of my savings in order just to kill that one bird by travelling across the Pacific Ocean to Hawaii, even for them being the rarest birds, and it is illegal to harm so, I did it anyway.

And I had to smuggle a ritual knife that I had to craft by myself into the airport, and I almost got caught with such acts several times.

That is until I went back home and finally used the quill and shivved my own wrist, penetrating through the skin, slicing it down slowly and deeply to get it injured enough just to make sure the blood was enough to draw his sigil on a parchment made out of a man-crafted out of papyrus, which took me a lot of process to learn how to make such a paper.

Papyrus is the first type of paper used in 2700 B.C. used by Ancient Egyptians.

Then, the final step into the initiation process was to kill the closest person you ever loved. So, I killed my own father. And in order to do this, you must make sure they are still alive as you hang them up by a butcher's hook. I even had to steal one from the local slaughterhouse nearby.

That is when I made sure to stab my father enough times to cripple him, so he can't fight back, but not enough to kill him. I had to make sure he's alive.

Then, I carried him up on my shoulder, then I threw him up where the hook can catch his back, with its sharpness to penetrate through his skin, then get him stuck on the spine, where he can no longer move.

Then, I set the post that carried my father by the hook, on fire, then chanted the phrase "Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Nyarlathotep!" over and over again, until I can feel Nyarlathotep's energy and feel that he is already satisfied by my work or art.

That is until, I realized that I was not born to suffer like everyone else, as if it feels like I've escaped the matrix and found reality. To which what is reality is how everyone else in the world are just mindless NPCs inside a video game who can't think for themselves.

And my father was one of them, and all of my friends and family. I realized to myself that I was chosen by Nyarlathotep that I can get out of this simulation. To which I already had, and the astral planes is what the true reality is.

Then, Nyarlathotep taught me how to be immortal, and that is only by drinking human blood, at the size of a young person is enough to stop me from aging.

One night I drink blood, one day I stop aging. But if I don't drink the next day, I will age another day, to which is the same for a year and so on. So, I have to keep doing this in order to keep my youth.

Blood is Lives.