'Then don't you think your parents are capable of sorting that out for themselves?'
His logic could not be refuted. Yet it didn't stop Kathryn from feeling intensely vulnerable about this meeting. 'You didn't answer my question,' she blurted out, needing more than ever to understand his intentions. 'Why do you want to meet my parents?'
He shrugged. 'Because you didn't ask me to. Just the flat announcement that you were off to be with them this weekend.'
A rejection by omission.
A little chill ran down her spine.
They'd been so close these past three months. Of course he'd wonder why she hadn't invited him to go with her. So he'd subtly forced a meeting. No waiting around on a back-step for Mitch Tyler. He went after what he wanted. Yet how serious was he about their relationship?
'You haven't asked me to meet your sister,' she pointed out. 'Why don't you do that, Mitch?'
'I was coming to it.' He sliced her a look that sizzled with challenge. 'Jenny would like you to join us for lunch on Sunday, if you can spare the time from your own family.'
He'd already planned it! It was sensing her reservations about being accompanied by him to her parents' home that had stopped him from delivering the invitation. She heaved a rueful sigh, realising she'd made a mess of what should have been simple.
'I have no problem with openly declaring an interest in you, Kathryn,' he went on. 'And I don't like being cast in the role of secret lover—kept hidden from your family. I'd much prefer you to feel happy about our relationship. Proud to have me with you.'
'I am!' she cried, horrified at how he had interpreted her nagging sense of failure over Jeremy. 'I'll be very happy to come to lunch with you and your sister's family on Sunday. Please thank her for the invitation.'
He nodded and said no more. But there was no smile from him, nothing to reassure her that he was satisfied with the situation.
Kathryn stewed over what he'd said all the way to Wahroonga where they turned onto the freeway and the travelling would be much faster. She had to get these issues settled before they reached Gosford. If this awful tension in the car was carried into the meeting with her parents, it would go dreadfully wrong. And it was her fault.
'Not inviting you to spend this weekend with me was not about hiding you from my parents, Mitch,' she stated emphatically.
'Good! Because I'm not about to let you, Kathryn,' he said with a hard, ruthless bite that alarmed her even further.
'What does that mean?' she snapped, instantly imagining him claiming intimacy with her in front of her parents…laying their affair out right on the mat, defying her to deny it in any shape or form.
'It means that I won't back off from meeting your parents and I don't give a damn if they spend the whole time comparing me to Haynes because I know I'm a better man than he is.' His eyes stabbed at her apparent lack of confidence in that point as he added, 'I thought you did, too, Kathryn.'
He returned his gaze to the road they were travelling, leaving her to sort out the confused mess in her mind. The really awful truth was she had been proud of Jeremy, happy to show him off as her partner. Which damned her as a superficial idiot. Mitch's sister didn't know that, which gave Kathryn a clean slate to work on, whereas in her parents' eyes…but she was thinking of herself, not Mitch. She wasn't being fair to the person he was—a far better man than Jeremy in every sense.
'I do know that, Mitch,' she said quietly, hoping he would forgive the offence she had clearly given.
He sighed, grimaced. 'I don't want to feel you've taken up with me on the rebound, Kathryn. That I'm fighting ghosts at every turn. You took off his ring but he's still there in your mind, influencing what you do—and don't do—with me.'
On the rebound…
That wasn't true. She'd been strongly drawn to the man he was before she'd broken up with Jeremy. But seeing Harriet Lowell in his home that first night had made her think the attraction couldn't be mutual. It was only when he'd openly said he found her very desirable—and proved it—that she could fully believe he actually wanted to pursue a relationship with her.
But that issue had all been triggered by the horrible scene with Jeremy, so she could see how Mitch might think that making love with him—then and there—had been an impulsive rebound decision, driven by the need to wipe out the nastiness and supplant it with good feelings. And these past few months with him had been centred on the incredibly wonderful sex they had together. She'd wanted to wallow in it, not think ahead, just let it be.
It seemed…dangerous…to think ahead, to even consider a future together. She realised now that she felt safe within their relationship as long as it was kept to the two of them. In fact, she had subconsciously cast him as her secret lover, clinging to the intimacy of that privateness, not wanting any outside influence to threaten it.
She looked down at her bare left hand. The solitaire diamond ring was gone but what had happened with Jeremy was still in her mind. She had to get over it, let it go, or she might lose the man she most desperately didn't want to lose.
'Remember the day we met in your chambers?' she said, determined on changing his view of her feelings for him.
'Vividly,' he answered dryly.
'You affected me so deeply, it made me question whether it was right to go ahead and marry Jeremy. I was still questioning when you took me home the next night. Then Jeremy confirmed how wrong it was. So what I feel with you is not a rebound thing, Mitch. It started before there was anything to rebound from.'
Silence.
Did he believe her?
He was staring straight ahead as though focusing all his attention on the road but she could feel his inner tension as he weighed what she'd said against his own impressions of their first meeting. Kathryn worried over how many times he'd felt rejected by her, how much it was eating into him.
A sense of panic hit her as she realised they'd turned off the Sydney to Newcastle Freeway and were heading down the Kariong hill to Gosford.
Another ten minutes and they'd be at her parents' home, where she hadn't made him feel welcome. Frantic for him to understand her motivation, she tried to explain further.
'I don't know if you've ever thought of marrying anyone, but it's not a commitment I walked into lightly and I couldn't walk out of it lightly.
Having met you, I questioned my choice, but the questioning was painful and I wanted Jeremy to make the pain go away. But he didn't. He made it worse.'
'Fair enough,' came the relieving acceptance of her argument.
Kathryn was just beginning to breathe easier when he hit her with another question.
'You say meeting me caused you to question your choice. You knew I was unattached, so after you'd ended it with Haynes, why didn't you call me, Kathryn? You could have used any number of pretexts to contact me and let me know you were free. As it was, if I hadn't come to you…'
'Oh, right!' she exploded in frustration. 'Here's this powerful man who took care of me for a day because his old friend asked him to. And while I'm in his home, this beautiful tall blonde turns up—a barrister, as well, sharing his profession and clearly having shared his bed. Okay, so he says it's over. Do I look like Harriet Lowell? Do I share his legal world? All I am is an obligation he carried out with charming civility.'
He frowned. 'Did I make you feel like an obligation?'
She sighed at the hopeless error in her reasoning. 'No. You made me feel… I wished I wasn't engaged to Jeremy.'
'I was barely holding onto being honourable, Kathryn.'
The black irony of that statement squeezed her heart. He'd wanted her then. Wanted her all along. And she was not answering his need to feel wanted by her.
'I'm sorry, Mitch. Believe me, I thought of calling you many times. But having made such a huge mistake with Jeremy, I just couldn't…open myself to another hurtful mistake. I guess I'm a coward.'
'No. You helped Ric and stood up to Gary Chappel. You fought the big fight over Lara's right to safe refuge while your dreams were crumbling around you. And you walked away from all Haynes offered. Those are not the acts of a coward.'
A red traffic light forced a stop and Mitch reached out and enfolded one of her hands in his. Her gaze instantly sought his, begging forgiveness. 'I do want you with me, Mitch.'
And finally he smiled. It was slow and a touch wry, but at least it was a smile that lifted some of the weight off her heart.
'You'll have to forgive me my black and white mentality, Kathryn. I'm not good at greys,' he said on a dry, whimsical note.
The traffic started moving forward again and Mitch released her hand, returning his to the driving wheel, leaving her with the tingling memory of its warmth and strength. The hand that had hit Jeremy, she thought, rescuing her, fighting for her.
It was now up to her to fight for him, to give him very positive signals because there was much on the line this weekend. No doubt about that. Her parents, his sister…there was no place for any negativity in either meeting. No place for muddly greys, either. Kathryn had the very strong sense that this was make or break time in her relationship with Mitch Tyler.
She wanted it to work.
The very thought of losing him…
No. She had to get her head straight once and for all. Mitch Tyler was her man. Somehow she had to make him believe she was his woman.