"Well, I said I would help Kotori, but how exactly should I go about it?" I find myself mulling over the issue as I curl a 20-pound dumbbell in my room.
I want Kotori to stop trying to get validation from the people around her. If she keeps doing that then I doubt she'll ever make any real friends. Maybe I could try telling her that she shouldn't keep going around trying to impress other people and that she should just be herself.
No, that won't work.
I have no idea how long she's been doing that. For all I know she could've been doing it since she was a kid. Meaning those ideals and that way of life have probably become second nature to her. Just suddenly telling her that she needs to change all of a sudden won't do anything. In fact, it would probably be counterproductive to what I'm trying to accomplish here. Plus, the fact that she's doing that in the first place probably means there's a reason for it. Since I don't know what that reason is, it would be insensitive to just take a direct approach without actually knowing anything about her past.
"Hmmm…"
I continue to think about it throughout the evening until nightfall hits and it's time for bed. I just finished eating dinner with my mom. She was as lively as ever. I didn't even have time to think of a solution as she happily prattled on about her day at work. She also started wearing the shirt I bought for her practically every single day. I told her it's embarrassing when she keeps wearing the same shirt over and over, but she just insisted that it was, "Her favorite shirt from her favorite son." I honestly have no idea why that shirt is so important to her, but if it makes her happy then I guess I shouldn't complain.
I find myself staring at the fan, following a singular blade with my eyes as it spins amidst the dark room. I once again begin to think of something I can do to help the girl who is suffering with every passing second.
"…"
"Ugh… Why am I even taking this so seriously?" Unable to come up with anything I find myself getting increasingly more frustrated.
I would never normally think this hard or put this much effort into trying to help someone. Especially if it doesn't benefit me in some way. This must be Kyoko's influence rubbing off on me. Well, that and an inflated sense of empathy I feel toward Kotori.
"Wait, Kyoko…"
"That's it!"
I shoot out of bed and grab my phone.
"…and sent."
After sending two messages, I hop back into bed.
"I can't believe I didn't think of something so simple. Alright, prepare yourself for tomorrow Kotori."
With my newly formulated plan, I finally allow myself to doze off feeling victorious.
The next day; Lunch Time
"Yo Kyoko, Yamaguchi," I greet the two girls as they arrive in the cafeteria.
"Hiya Akira-kun~"
"Tch, whaddya want Fuyuki?"
The two girls greet me in their typical contrasting manners as always.
"Sorry for inviting you guys to lunch so suddenly."
"Oh no, not at all. We're happy to eat together with you Akira-kun," Kyoko says brightly smiling.
She's as cute as ever.
"I ain't all that happy about it though. And why the hell did you have us meet you here when we're in the same damn class?" Yamaguchi complains with her arms crossed, directing a harmless glare at me.
"Huh? Didn't you say you were looking forward to lunch just a few minutes ago Ri-chan?"
"Wha—" Yamaguchi's face instantly flushes red and she hesitantly looks over at me.
"Heh, so that's how you really feel huh, Yamaguchi? I ask her, making no attempt to hide the smug look on my face.
"N-no, It's not like that, Fuyuki! And Kyo-chan, what are you telling him?!"
"I-m s-o-r-r-y…"
Yamaguchi starts shaking Kyoko vigorously whilst her face is beet red.
I've always wondered why Yamaguchi has such a hard time being honest. She's like a real-life tsundere.
"I didn't know it was a secret, Ri-chan."
"I specifically told you not to tell him I said that!"
"Did you? I forgot Teehee~"
"Don't 'Teehee' me! This is the second time ya did it!"
The two girls are completely immersed in their silly banter. I would love to continue watching, but she should be arriving any minute now.
"Hey guys, I actually invited someone else to have lunch with us if you don't mind," interrupting the two girls, I interject into their conversation.
"Someone else?"
"Someone else?"
The two girls both look toward me and ask in unison.
"Hey…"
Speak of the devil.
Just as they ask, a red-haired girl shows up and timidly greets the three of us. It's Kotori.
This is the plan I came up with yesterday. I have approximately two people I would consider to be my friends. Yamaguchi and Manabe. Three if you include Kyoko. Three and a half if you include Fujibayashi. Instead of trying to get Kotori to change so that she could make "real friends", I figured it would be easier to just have her befriend these two since they already seem to be fond of her. As far as I'm concerned these two girls are the most sincere friends you can have. Although, it's not like I have a lot of references to go by.
"Ohhhh, Kotori-chan!" Kyoko runs up to her and happily hugs Kotori.
"H-Hey!"
"Hmm, so that's who ya meant," Yamaguchi says, now directing her gaze at Kotori.
"Sorry to intrude…"
Kotori timidly directs an apology toward Yamaguchi as if being extremely cautious not to say the wrong thing.
"Nah it's cool, I don't mind at all," Yamaguchi shrugs, gesturing that she's not opposed to it.
"Alright, then why don't we all sit at that table over there?" I point to an empty lunch table toward the back of the cafeteria.
"Hm?"
I notice a group of kids glaring at us. Amongst them is the guy Kotori broke up with not too long ago, Ryuji. That must be his group of friends.
I wonder if he's still holding a grudge against me for almost ending his bloodline early. Or perhaps he's upset that Kotori broke up with him. Either way, it's unpleasant when he glares at us that way.
"Is something wrong Akira-kun?" Kyoko asks, cutely titling her head to the side.
"Nah, it's nothing."
I quickly avert my attention back to the girls, making sure they don't notice the direction I was looking in, especially not Kotori.
"Alright then, let's go~" Kyoko enthusiastically raises her right hand, grabbing Kotori's hand with her left as she guides us to the table.
The four of us take a seat. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry today, so I just bought an energy bar and a Pocari Sweat from home to eat for lunch. Kyoko and Yamaguchi both have their bentos while Kotori has yakisoba bread and a Panda Coco.
"Let's eat," Kyoko and Kotori bless their food.
Yamaguchi and I don't bother and just start eating.
"So… What did you want, Fuyuki?" Kotori wastes no time inquiring about why I invited her to lunch.
"Hm, nothing much. I thought it might be nice for us all to eat lunch together. Did you have other plans today?"
"Well… no not particularly," Kotori lowers her head and sneaks a glance at Ryuji's group before finishing her sentence "At least not anymore…" she says in a slightly disheartened tone.
"Then it's not a problem, right guys?"
"Yeah! I'm all for eating together with Kotori-chan. We're friends after all, ehehe~"
"Yeah, it's cool with me as well. I'd rather eat with her than with this idiot any day of the week," Yamaguchi gestures her head toward me.
"I'm sitting right here Yamaguchi…"
"I said it 'cause yer sitting right there," Yamaguchi says, shrugging her shoulders with a slight smile on her face.
"…"
Unable to think of a good retort, I graciously accept my defeat and take a bite out of my energy bar.
"Don't worry Akira-kun, Ri-chan actually really li—"
"Not another word from you!" Yamaguchi quickly covers Kyoko's mouth before she can finish her sentence.
"Wait… We're…friends?" Kotori suddenly mutters to herself as if she just now comprehended what Kyoko had said.
"Yup, we're totally friends, Kotori-chan. You think so too right, Ri-chan?"
"If Kyo-chan considers her a friend then that's enough reason for me too as well," Yamaguchi says nonchalantly, continuing to eat her lunch.
"…Is that so?"
"Yup~"
"I see…"
Was Kyoko's declaration really that surprising to her?
I don't know what kind of relationship she had with her other friends, but I'm sure she looked a little happy when she heard their responses just now.
This is good.
I'm sure this'll work.
If they just keep spend time together then…
"Hey Kotori," I call out to the red-haired girl.
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you eat lunch together with us from now on?" Looking straight into her eyes, I suggest she spends more time together with us.
"With you guys? Well…" Kotori has a troubled expression, her eyes are filled with doubt and hesitancy.
"That's a great idea! Won't you eat with us Kotori-chan?"
"Is that… Is it really alright if I eat with you guys?" Kotori timidly asks as if she were a child asking to eat a snack before dinner.
"Of course Kotori-chan!" Kyoko reaches over the table and embraces Kotori, rubbing her cheek against Kotori's.
"Mmm, Yuzuha-san cut it out…" Kotori tries to push off Kyoko to no avail.
"…"
Kyoko abruptly lets go of Kotori, now looking at her with an uncharacteristically serious expression.
"Kotori-chan…"
"Y-yes…"
(Gulp)
Yamaguchi and I both silently watch, anticipating what Kyoko is going to say. It's rare to see her take such a serious tone, so even I'm starting to feel a bit nervous.
"We're friends, so just call me Kyoko alright?"
(Thump)
Yamaguchi and I slump over onto the table in sync.
"That's what you were gonna say?!"
"That's what you were gonna say?!"
"Ehehe, it feels so distant when she uses my last name after all. Does it bother you Kotori-chan?"
"O-Oh no, not really. I just… I guess I just don't feel like I've done anything for you to want to be friends with me ahaha…"
Kotori shows a small smile, but I can see through it clearly. There's a deeper meaning behind those words.
Her eyes are wavering and full of apprehension. She can't even look Kyoko directly in the eyes and her voice is practically inaudible. If I wasn't sitting directly next to her I wouldn't have been able to hear a word she said. There's also hint of loneliness in her tone that lingers at the end of every word that comes out of her mouth.
I wasn't sure at first but, after seeing how Kotori acts around these two there's no doubt about it in my mind. Clinging onto her like glue is a strong fear of disapproval, and holding her down is self-deprecation. She is a canvas and the brush that is her own insecurities will continue to paint her until she's displayed with nothing but self-loathing. That's what her future entails if she continues to live like this.
(However…)
"Do you need a reason to want to be friends with someone?" Kyoko asks without a moment of hesitation as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Huh?" Kotori's eyes widen as she sits there dumbfounded. Almost as if she can't fathom what Kyoko is saying.
"You don't need a reason to want to be friends with someone, do you? I like Kotori-chan, so I want to be friends with her. Is that not a good enough reason?" Kyoko tilts her head and asks Kotori, seemingly just as confused as she is.
"Yeah, you ain't gotta do anythin' special just ta be friends with us. If ya wanna eat with us then just say so. We ain't gonna bite or nothin' like that ya know?" Yamaguchi adds, briefly lowering her chopsticks.
(If there's anyone that can repaint that canvas and help free Kotori from the shackles, that is her insecurities…)
(Without a doubt, It's definitely these two.)