BREATHE
JUST BREATHE
"WHY !!!!!!", I screamed my lungs out as I smashed my hand into the mirror placed on my bathroom wall and I could hear the smashing sound repeating in my ears as the broken parts of the glass collided with the cold floor as I used my two hands to close my ears in a failed attempt to escape from my misery as hot painful tears dropped from my weary eyes as they rested on the sink.
Smashing the mirror was of no use as I presumed of gaining some relief but that just caused more pain as my body shivered from the piercing feeling I felt on my hand but I ignored it upon seeing the blood dripping unto the white tiles of my bathroom.
I shut my eyes and I could hear the dripping sounds of my shower and the deadly quiet silence mocking me of my unfortunate loneliness and that even hurts more than all the things I feel right now.
Pain has always been an old friend of my from the time when my mum abandoned me, my dad and my two senior siblings all by ourselves, my dad could barely do much cause my mum's stunt gave him an heart attack resulting to a stroke, he was bedridden for years and in those years my two big brothers did their best to afford sending me to school after my dad's property was seized by the government and that resulted to them getting killed by bullets in one of their drug delivery they indulged in just for me to get enough money for me to go to college and I couldn't even see their corpse neither do I even know if they got buried, I only saw pictures.
Thinking back at all these, my heart aches and all I try to remember are my sweet childhood memories of me, mum, dad and my brothers playing in the garden cause that seems to be my happiest moments and I wish I could just go back to being a child and never grow up cause life teaches bitter lessons especially to it's best believers.
I looked down and saw my reflection in the broken pieces of glass on my bathroom floor, such a pity my life is just as broken as my reflection I thought using my injured hands to push my brown hair off my face irritated. What else could life possibly take from me other than my life which doesn't seem to serve much use
Who ever said as long as you have life you've got hope lied, hopelessness comes from life so how can it possibly give hope, all it ever does is mess with people's life like you do with a bow and arrow with the target, a game of hitting the bullseye, hitting the place that hurts the most. Am currently the only existing member of my once complete family
"Wow, an applause for life and if you don't mind a standing ovation for it too, what an excellent way of exhibiting hope to individuals by completely shattering the very little ray of hope I had, you just want to take it all huh ???, nothing's left now, if wanna take something come take me I basically won't hesitate", I spat in anger talking to no one in particular, as I fell to the bathroom floor and rose my knees to my chest and cried my eyes out as harsh memories of my dad fighting for his life at the hospital few hours ago and I watched him struggled to stay alive with every bit of strength in him.
Months back, on him receiving the news of my brothers death and labelling as drug dealers, he went into a coma from the stroke he suffered and came out of it just a week ago and just a few hours ago he died with his last word being my mum's name "Rose", is funny how a person's name and appearance says nothing about who they really are, silly mind games
I went silent for a little while as I raised my head up and rested it on the wall, my hand still dripping blood as am starting to feel a bit dizzy but I need no susayer to tell me am not gonna die cause I've been doing so ever since Melvin and Kelvin(my twin senior brothers) died but such a shame that death is such a horrible listener, it strikes when not wanted but never shows up when needed.
What a fucked up world we live in
"Ella !!, Ella !!!", I heard a familiar voice call out my name, I wasn't even interested in seeing who and my brain is too busy to wonder who, I just buried my head on my hand that's rested on my knees
The silence wasn't comforting but disturbing, the chirping of the birds no longer sounded like beautiful singing birds but laughter of truthful mockery and it was becoming unbearable.
"Ella !!!!, oh my God !!!!", I heard her voice yelled as she barged into the bathroom and rushed to me
"What have you done to yourself ???", she asked slowly helping me up
"I...I did nothing, the...they've taken ever...eve...every..thing from me, dad is ... he's.. gone", I said as I stumbled backwards and she yelled in shock on seeing my bleeding hand
"Oh no Ella, you've lost a lot of blood", she said placing me in front of the sink and staying behind me as she brought my hand into the sink and poured water on it removing the glass in the process and causing slight pain, I couldn't care less, am too weak to even think of caring
"Whe...where is his body", I finally asked summoning enough courage
"At the mortuary, he'll be buried tomorrow and I brought the autopsy result"
"Could you stand in for me, I don't wa...want to go ", I said faintly
"I can't Ella, he wasn't my dad, he was yours and you are to perform his last rites ..."
"She's gonna be there"
"Who ???", she asked pulling the white now red singlet off me as stood with my bra lazily resting on the zinc
"That witch", I said as I frowned in anger just by the thought of her
"You mean your mum ??", she questioned doubtfully
"Who else"
"Her being a witch or not changes nothing, she's still your mother and you can't change that", she said reminding of the one thing I hated the most, that that woman gave birth to me
"Well isn't that unfortunate", I stated as I turned around and vomited into the sink the little cereal I ate before I got a called from the hospital
"I don't see how, she did give you life", she said almost as if she was stating an award winning answer as she packed the broken glasses from the floor and wiped my blood
"I didn't ask her to do that for me and merely giving birth to a child doesn't make you a mother, that witch is a disgrace to womanhood, her one action destroyed not one or two but four lives Maggie, SHE DESTROYED EVERYTHING ", I half yelled as I washed my face in the sink and trying walking out but I stumbled and she cut me just before I could break a tooth
"No action good or bad Ella is done with a foresee of the future, if she had know she probably wouldn't have done what she did", she countered leading me out the bathroom and into the room and sat me on my bed
"Why do that in the first place huh ???, dad was very rich I mean he has a pension of over a hundred million dollars, mansions, cars to satisfy all her desires but she just didn't care about anyone but herself, i mean we tried contacting her to at least help us to gain access to dad's accounts to try fighting the case but she wouldn't just pick, that selfish bitch isn't capable of loving anything if she could leave us, her kids and go stay with another man and thinking how I'd cope without a mother", I gulped swallowing down the spit I didn't realized I had been holding
"Maybe there was something else to it and besides you didn't marry your dad, you wouldn't see the flaws he had even if they where all on display, he's you dad after all but her husband "
"Oh spare me that crap, dad hadn't done anything if he did, he would have left and not her", I said shunning her comment
"Here", she said handing me a towel
"Go take your bathe, you stink of vomit"
"Thanks"
"Don't thank me, it's what sisters do", she said and then picked up the clothes I scattered around the room and began folding and arranging everywhere.
Maggie has always been my best friend and though we're not age mates, we just love and enjoy each others company and she was Kelvin's girlfriend before his demise, and she had always been there for me as a sister and mother even after the fact that she lost her fiancee because of me.
I walked into the bathroom and headed straight to the shower and sat in it as I turned on the shower.
The cold water fell into my skin causing me to whine in pain, as i felt all my clenched muscles release and I breathed out as tears kept dropping from my eyes and the cold water flowing down my skin. I reached for my sponge and then scrubbed my body rather slowly not to take much time but because my body hurts badly especially my hands, minimizing the actions to be carried by them.
...
"You should eat something, I mean except from that cereal you ate earlier today, you haven't tasted anything else, please do eat some ..."
"I ALREADY SAID I WASN'T HUNGRY ... WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ",I yelled irritated by her continuous pestering
"Am sorry, I ...", I didn't finish before she interrupted
"It's fine, we all deal with pain differently and if yelling at me keeps you from looking and acting like this, then am fine by it", she said and I smiled slightly as I pulled her closer to me where we sat on the bed in my bedroom beside each other in a quick hug
"Get some rest, I'm outside if you need me", she said getting up and walking out, closing the door behind her and I'm left alone with the nerve racking silence as I looked around and i could feel the heavy present of emptiness lingering all over the room as I pulled sheets over my body to get some rest as I laid there, and closed my eyes
Past events...
"Why are you doing this ??", my dad yelled at her as she dragged her luggage down the stairs and I kept dragging her top crying
"This is all your fault, not my. I just can't stand you or this marriage anymore", she fired back dragging her bag behind her resting it on the outside wall as she walked back inside to get the rest of her things
"Mummy please don't leave daddy", I beg trailing behind her
"Stop this Rose, we can fix this. At least think about the kids", my dad begged trailing behind me as we both tried begging, my brothers are in school and aren't here to beg Mummy to stay with us
"You didn't think about the consequences of your actions huh Mike, I've stayed and tolerated it all this while but I've had enough of it all", she spat with a sight of threatening tears to fall out
"Fine am sorry, please don't leave me Rose, I love you", my dad begged trying to take the last bag from her to stop her but she pushed him away and he fell on the floor
"Daddy", I screamed rushing to him as he laid on the fall stunned by my mum's action and she walked out and I rushed after her crying
"Mummy !!, mummy !!!, mummy !!!!, please don't leave me", I begged crying profusely and she turned to look at me
"You might hate me, but I know you'd prefer me gone than dead", she said and pecked me before leaving
"Mummy, wait !!!, mummy", I yelled
"Mummy !!!!!!!!!!"
Present day
"Wait mum !!!!", I screamed waking up abruptly.