Mum !! Mum !!! Mum !!!!!
I turned around and ran both hands through my hair, and I brought my knees to my chest on the bed as tears dropped down my cheeks and into my sheets.
The pain, ache and most unbearable this guilt, I feel cursed by an hurricane called death snatching everything I love and take dearly with no second thoughts from me within seconds, it hurts and kills me each time I look around and find only me staring at my miserable reflection on whatever is left of my broken invisible glass.
I bend my head down eyes tightly shut as I listen to the tormenting silence and tears dropped from my eyes as i remembered all that has happened up till this point.
From my mum leaving, my dad's stroke, the government seizing dad's property, my brothers death, me dropping out of school and then now my dad's death.
**Phone ringing**
I heard my phone ringing and picked without checking who it was
"Ella, after the burial i have a very important meeting so i have to leave for at least two or three weeks but am...", i heard Maggie say from the other end
"That's fine", i answered cutting her short
"Are you gonna be ok ??", she asked sounding worried
"I will be, it's really fine as long as you're gonna be there tomorrow, its all fine", i assured her
"Yea, I'll pick you up at 7, is that fine by you ??"
"Sure, bye", i said and hanged up, not wanting any further conversation
I shut my eyes and tears dropped down, as i remembered the incident that took place this morning
Past events ...
"Why haven't you made the payment yet ??", the doctor asked rubbed my forehead worried, suddenly his office seemed so hot
"Sir, could you please perform the surgery for now. I'll get the money", i said with finger crossed, when in actual fact I've got no idea where I'll find 15,000 dollars in 24 hours
"We can do that, but the surgeon in question will never perform the surgery without his payment upfront and besides your dad doesn't have much time, his kidneys are badly damaged, you knew very well about this fact before he slipped into a coma and we couldn't possibly perform surgery on him while in coma, but now he's out and we've got to act fast ma'am", he replied looking helpless
There's no way i can raise such an hefty amount, I've got nothing to sell, the house i currently live in isn't my but my brother's and Maggie's, and Maggie has done enough for me so far. Oh God !!!
"Sir please, isn't there a medical loan or something i can take, i swear to pay back as soon as i get the money", i pleaded for another option
"I could but you're not up to 18, so you can't possibly take a loan. It's against the rules here", the doctor answered as a nurse barged in breathless
"Sir !, the patient ... he's ..", i didn't wait to hear her out as i dashed out the office, praying that it wasn't my dad she was talking about.
I pushed his ward room door open, only to see my dad in a terrible condition, he had taken off the oxygen mask and was gasping for air as his chest rose and fell, he was breathing heavily. i rushed to him and took his hands in my as i looked him in the eyes
"Dad !!, wha..t's wrong ?!!", i said my voice shaking, and then i felt him tighten his grip on my hand and i couldn't stop the tears from dropping my eyes, he smiled a bit still breathing heavily and his lips parted open like he wanted to say something
"Dad !!!", i called, as i wiped the tears falling from his eyes
"Nurse !!!, where's the doctor ??", i shouted as i noticed the machine lines were becoming
"R....R...R", he tried speaking but could barely get the words out
"Dad, it's fine", i said wiping the sweats on his forehead and then the walked in
"Please i think something's wrong", i said to the doctor, fear written all over me
"Wait outside Miss Ella", the doctor said and i was about leaving but my dad's grip didn't weaken, i looked at him and he said
"R...R..Rose"
"Miss please wait outside", the nurse said this time and my dad let go and i walked out but stood but the window, which was transparent allowing me to see what was going on and in 5 seconds it all began.
5
4
3
2
1
My heart started racing as i saw how my dad breathing became faster, his chest was raising and falling rapidly and the beeping noise kept getting louder, it sounded more like an alarm that kept saying" he's dieing Ella, do something".
But i was rather helpless, i felt like my heart stopped as my breathing seized the moment my dad's chest fell the last time and never rose again, his head turned to my direction eyes opened and a faint smile on his face, as my eyes went wide and tears dropped and then the nurse and doctor tried reviving him but to no avail.
I didn't realize when my knees grew weak and i fell to the floor and wept like a baby and a familiar feeling rushed, the same feeling that i felt when my brothers died, that lonely feeling. My heart ache and i didn't know when i rushed through the ward door and towards my dad as i threw covers that was placed over his face
"DAD !!!!!!!", i screamed shaking his lifeless body hoping that will cause him to come back and not leave me alone in this world, i cried, begged, and pleaded no one in particular to please do something, anything.
I closed my eyes and silently prayed that this was some dream and I'll wake up and find out that everything is not real and dad is fine but it seemed like no one heard my prayers cause nothing happened and my dad's corpse was wheeled out the ward, his hand still out the covers and i couldn't stop crying.
"God Why !!?", i screamed as a nurse came in
"Ma'am please calm down, there are other patients here", the nurse said and walked out leaving the hospital.
Present Day ...
Tomorrow is the burial and i can barely sleep, how exactly do i go on without dad, he was the only reason why i didn't lose hope now how do i go on living. My so called mum must be so happy, she must be rejoicing she finally killed him and upon everything that happened he still loved her even till his last breathe, he called her name instead of mine, even though she doesn't deserve any form of love, people like her should be killed.
Phone Ringing ...
I didn't bother looking at the screen before picking
"Ella, your mum isn't going to be attending the burial", Maggie voice came through and i just stared at the phone in my hands
...No reply...
"She's not attending because she knows you don't want her there, so you don't have to worry ok ??!"
...No reply...
"Ella !...Ella !!...Ella !!!, are you there ?!, ...Ella !!!", Maggie screamed from the other end and i could hear but my body feels so numb and foreign to me right now
...No reply...
"Oh my God, Ella please don't do anything stupid please, I'll be right there please. Am coming", she said and hanged up as i laid on the bed my back rested on the bed bunk and my eyes open.
5 minutes later ...
"Ella !!!!!", i heard Maggie screaming my name as she dashed into my room, looking scared and worried
"You silly girl, do you want to bury me also huh ?", she asked as she released her breath and rushed to me were i laid on the bed alive but dead
"Ella ?!", she called shaking me as she sat beside me on the bed and looked me in the eye
"I wish i could bury that bitch but she has to pay for everything she has taken from me ", i said pained, hurt and angry
"Go ahead then, go kill her then. Go take your revenge"
"I will, no matter what it takes OK !!", i answered wide eyed
"Do you think that'll will make you happy .."
"YES !!, seeing her miserable and broken will give me such peace, you can't imagine", i interrupted her as i stood up from the bed
"Do you hear yourself Ella, you sound crazy"
"That's cause am crazy Maggie, i hate that woman so much, she's to blame for everything .."
"Can you just stop this blame game, STOP it please. This is no ones fault ok, she's your mother but you know so little about her Ella, this hatred you're starting to harbour for her will never do you any good and neither will it ease you pain. Just bury your dad tomorrow and bury all this emotions along with him cause the one who will be destroyed is you Ella, not her, me, your dead brothers or your dad", she said and i broke down in tears as she rushed to me pulling me to the bed and sitting me on the bed
"Just calm down Ella, everything will be fine ok, am here and I'll always be with you, so just breathe and go to sleep", she said as i laid on the bed and she pulled the covers over me and patted my head lightly.
Tomorrow I'll be going to bury my dad and i can't help but think that she hadn't left that day then i won't have to go through all these, her one move destroyed all of our lives and no one is to blame for it other her and her selfishness.
....
*The next day*
"Ella, take the ashes", i heard Maggie say as she patted my back bringing me out of my thoughts, as i looked at the man and his extended hand holding the remnants of my dad.
I raised both my hands to collect them but they kept shaking as tears still dripped from my eyes, out of everything I've done my whole life, collecting this urn seems to be the most difficult thing to do as i just can't muster enough courage to hold this as i dropped my hands down and slumped to the floor.
I had zoned out when my dad's body was wheeled into cremator and the flames were turned out, i just stood, my face flooded with my tears. I couldn't scream, wail or even breakdown cause honestly all i felt was anger and hatred, i wanted nothing more than to kill my so called mother. I mean how wicked and heartless could she be that she couldn't come to pay her final respects to her late husband or in the least to come check on me to see if am well and fine but nothing, not even a message, call or text.
I should have known that dad's death meant am finally alone in this forsaking world and shouldn't have expected so much from her after all. This just confirms any other iota of doubt i had left, what an unfortunate child i am to be birth by such a woman, being motherless would have been a lot better than having a mother who is absent, selfish, greedy, wicked, heartless, unfaithful and a sly.
How can such a being be created by God ??
How ???
She's a disgrace to motherhood, because of mothers like her, people distastes women.
I can't believe that after everything i was still so hopeful that she'd at least show up for his burial.
"Ella !!!, please. Calm down", Maggie pleaded pulling me up
"Maggie. Dad ...he's ....he's ....he's", i tried saying but i couldn't just stop crying
"He's gone Ella, he's gone", she said and it felt like she had just broken the little hope i had left of thinking that this just all some dream that I'll soon wake up from.
"Sorry sir!, I'll take that", she said collecting the urn from the man and helping me up
"She didn't come"
"Your mum !?", she asked handing me a handkerchief to wipe my tears .
"Who else !"
"Yea, she didn't".
"I thought as much", i said wiping my tears with her handkerchief
"That's what you wanted, so why sound so disappointed !?", she questioned still holding me as we walked
"It's nothing ... i just thought ..., never mind. Just take me home please", i pleaded, not wanting to voice out the hope i had of her coming
"That's fine, won't you hold this", she asked, shaking the urn to grab my attention
"I...i rather not", i said and we left.