"Answer."
Her heart raced at the proximity of the man in front of her. She was too stunned to utter a word or avert her eyes. What Mona could only feel was the drumming of her beating heart.
Her palms got sweaty while gripping the sheets, and her chest heaved heavier than normal. She gulped and tried to speak, but her voice came out trembling.
"Y-Your g-grace.... too c-close..."
But the Grand Duke only raised his brows and inched even closer.
"You have no problem with me hugging or carrying you around before." Answered him while narrowing his eyes at her. "Why are you acting so conscious of me now?"
True to his words, she felt more embarrassed than before and her self-consciousness skyrocketed. She thought of how her face would look from the Grand Duke's perspective. And unconsciously, she brought her palm to cup her chin, to hide any double chins if any. While her other hand was placed on her chest, trying to calm her racing heart.
She wanted to avoid his eyes, but the Grand Duke was so persistent that he even put his free hand beside her face, locking her under him entirely.
"So?" He probed and took an inch closer.
It seems that the man wouldn't free her if she didn't answer. But she doesn't dare to bring up the 'kiss' when it looks like she's the only one bothered by it.
"I-I tell you.... promise, but can we talk while sitting properly, at least?" But the room doesn't have a seat at all. There were only three wooden single beds, and she was lying in the farthest one from the door.
The Grand Duke stared at her for a minute but also moved away after. Only when the man was sitting appropriately on the bed was Mona able to breathe properly. She immediately rose and tucked her loose strands in her ears.
Facing the Grand Duke after grabbing a pillow to put in her lap, she looked back at him, ready to spout her fabricated answer.
"I am just being considerate towards the head mage..." She started, while her mind was begging for Shelly's forgiveness for dragging her name.
But she actually doesn't want to be considerate at all, not because she's a heartless bitch, but because doing so will mean she's pitying the head mage and surely the said lady wouldn't want her acting like that, considering her attitude. And most of all, she wasn't in the position to feel pity for her.
Mona tried to continue but when she saw the grim face of the Grand Duke, her words got stuck in her throat.
The Grand Duke was looking at her with a serious and cold expression. His lips are on a thin line, and it seems that he's restraining himself from anger.
In his cold and deep voice, he spoke, "So, that's it. You're indeed very kind, Miss Mona."
His words are complimenting her, yet Mona felt the sharpness and sarcasm in them. Her heart trembled at his reaction, and she immediately wanted to tell him the truth. But the Grand Duke already stood and made his way to the door.
"Since you're so considerate towards the head mage, I take it that you'll avoid me throughout this expedition." He said before grabbing the door open and stepping outside, without giving her a chance to respond.
Mona was left dumbfounded. She felt a throbbing pain in her chest and regretted her choice of answer. But truthfully, she was also a bit confused about what made the Grand Duke react like that.
Was he upset because she'd rather avoid him than let the head mage deal with her feelings? Or was it because he saw through her lies, and got mad?
But thinking more about their situation, Mona sunk into the bed and punched the pillow repeatedly. After all, how dare she keep avoiding him when she's the very reason they were on that expedition? She was embarrassed and flustered, can't the Grand Duke realize that she was acting like that because she learned of that moment?
But of course, how would the man know if she didn't say it properly? She can't expect the Grand Duke to learn everything about her, just because she was his duty. Moreover, what he did was merely to help her, it doesn't have any romantic feelings involved. So, it was expected him to forget it already, but for her, it was her first kiss.
Her fucking first kiss, in this life and her previous one. What can she do? She was born romantic, so her first kiss for her is special.
But is that even considered a kiss? She wondered. She touched her lips and imagined that scene again. The scene she didn't witness but only imagined after the detailed storytelling of her maid.
The sudden knock on the door startled her and she hurriedly put her fingers away. She hid her flushed face on the pillows right before the door swung open.
"I've brought the food, my lady," said Sandra. She put the tray of food on the bedside table.
Mona lifted her face and looked at the meal. It consists of a bowl of rice and a sliced chicken fillet with sauce and vegetables.
"The inn only serves this kind of food. There was soup also, do you want me to add more?"
She shook her head and mumbled her thanks before sitting properly to eat her meal. She already lost her appetite. But Sandra had the trouble of delivering her food, so she tried to eat it. Luckily, the amount of rice was just enough for her.
She ate in silence and ignored her maid staring at her. After a while, Sandra broke the silence and spoke.
"His grace said we will set out again once the heavy rain passed. Our next stop will be on the boundary of the central plains, where the fort was located. It will take us three days of continuous riding."
Mona paused in her eating and looked at the maid. Replying, "Continuous?"
"Yes. His grace said that it'll be dangerous if we travel longer in the open. Although monsters don't get easily in the north, there might be some strays who manage to do so. Camping would be risky."
Their destination is the south. So obviously, they would need to cross the central plains where the central capital and the royal palace were. The straight route will be shorter to travel than if they choose to go over the west or east to reach the southern territory.
But crossing the capital will surely give them pain, since once the news that the Grand Duke has arrived, countless invitations will surely pour on him. And although he is the kind of man who ignores those letters nonchalantly, there are still some important ones that might require his attendance.
And Mona's appearance will surely draw attention to them. It may have been already two years, but who knows if there is someone in the capital who still holds a grudge towards her and causes disorder once again.
"I see." She lowered her head and stared at the food. Half of it was still uneaten, but she could no longer digest the food so she decided to drink the water and tidy up.
When Sandra noticed her leftovers, she asked her worriedly, "Is your stomach upset? You usually eat two servings and yet...."
"It's fine. I guess I'm just tired after riding Nyx." She answered and fixed the pillow on the headboard. "Wake me up once we're ready to set out."
Sandra helped her lie gently and nodded, "Okay. Make sure to wake up immediately."
She smiled at her before closing her eyes. She actually wasn't that tired and sleepy at all, but somehow, the darkness gently wrapped her in its embrace, blocking the sounds of heavy raindrops hitting the roof and eliminating any kind of noises.
Once again, she fell into the abyss.
But it's the kind of abyss that cradles her.