'To vo sab jhut tha na?' she texted him. But deleted it right away.
(It was all a lie right?)
Too late, he already read it.
'What all?'
'Nothing'
'Tell me.'
'Yahi sab. Ki tumhe mohabbat hai mujhse.'
(All this. That you love me)
'Main bolta nahi iska matlab ye nahi ki main karta nahi. Bas ye sab karke dil dukhta hai or kuch nahi. (Just because I don't say it, doesn't mean I don't do it. It's just that we get hurt by all this.)
So, its better to stay away from these things.'
She kept quiet as he kept on saying.
'Who doesn't like to be treated this special by someone? So loved by someone?
But I know the ending too. It all ends with pain.' he concluded atlast.
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Night passed, but thoughts in her mind didn't. She was annoyed with him. She decided to make him understand that, 'its okay if you cant promise me your future, atleast give me your present.'
Next day she said all the things that were coming in her mind.
'I am not asking for future promises, because it isn't in our hands, but we do have present in our hands right? Even if it's for a year, month, or even a day, can't we stay together? I know this is temporary, but atleast i would be having beautiful memories to cherish. That yes you were a part of my life.'
He understood her point of view, but his main concern was attachment, which she wasn't looking into. He can see her falling deeper day by day, and couldn't seem to understand how to handle it. Because his own heart was betraying himself. So, he decided to shut his heart, and listen to his brain.
He started talking less and maintaining a distance with her. He was also getting busier in work than before. She understood his intentions and accepted the fact that yes there's neither present nor future for them.
So let's not be greedy and ruin the beautiful friendship they have. She had always wanted a guy friend with whom she can be her true self, and talk about anything. And he was the one.
'Talking about feelings, they will fade away soon, as he is just a crush maybe. I only know him since 3 months. I will surely get over him soon.' she thought.
*****
Chaand raat (Eve) came in few days. Everyone wished each other Eid Mubarak including them.
"Oh, I wish I could call him some endearments. But sadly he always takes it seriously. 'It will hurt hayat'." she ranted to Zoe as they were finding the moon behind the clouds.
"Wait, I have an idea. How about I say that you have given me a dare?" She smiled at her cousin who looked at her with 'Im-so-done-with-you' expressions.
"Go ahead. I have no problem." Zoe shrugged making her smile widen.
She again wished him even though they had already exchanged wishes.
Stupid she was.
'Eid mubarak jaan-e-man' (sweetheart)
'😒 eid mubarak' he replied with an emoji.
Everyone on this planet was done with her.
'Don't take it seriously, it was a dare' she gave her fake excuse before he says anything.
'Oohh. Who gave it?'
'Zoe'
'She is quite smart, isn't she?'
'She is my sister afterall'
'Yeah'
******
Next morning, she was excited for the day ahead. She got dressed up in black top with red shrug attached to it, matching with black leggings. Day went in serving the guests and meeting with cousins.
On the other side, he woke up earlier than usual to get ready for 'Eid ki Namaz' (eid salah/prayer). He got dressed in all black kurta-pajama and went ahead with all the male elders in Masjid. Rest of the day was busy with family & friends.
Finally they talked in the late afternoon and exchanged pics with each other. Without a doubt they both were admiring each other, but didn't showed much emotions.
Second day of the Eid went in flash without any contact. She was busy in the family gatherings with Zoe, and late at night, she thought to text him.
'Tumhari itni yaad kyu aarhi hai?'
(Why am I missing you so much?)
Next morning he replied, 'Why?'
In the afternoon when she checked the messages, she texted back.
'I don't know. Maybe because we aren't talking much nowadays.'
He was a little busy and tensed at that moment. He told her 'we will talk later', but she kept on poking him to sort it out right now.
In no time he got frustrated and said, 'hum baat nahi krte hain na? Ab hum baat hi nahi karenge. Naa tum message krogi naa hi main.'
(We don't talk right? We will not talk now then. Neither you will message, nor me)
She became angry at him and said bye in return, deleting his number.
Little did she knew, he meant every word and its not just one of their fights.
16 May 2021, was the last time they talked.
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*********
"I know he would come around, just like everyone does." she shrugged off
"Hmm let's see." Zoe nodded.
"Anyways, I don't care. He can do whatever he wants. Its not like I'm dying to talk with him."
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******
Days passed, but no approach was made from any of them. She waited that maybe he would contact her.
"Shit! I even deleted his number. I shouldnt have done it in anger." she mumbled to herself.
Soon she realized maybe he really meant all that. Maybe he wasnt just angry.
"But how could he?! I mean-" she pinched her nose as she ran out of words. "Okay. I know we would have parted our ways someday, but i didn't knew it would be so sudden. But what's done is done. If he really doesn't wanna keep our friendship anymore, its alright. But I will end it on good terms. Because I want mental peace."
"And what you will gonna do?" Jaylene asked.
"I will send him a goodbye letter on his birthday. Its coming in few days."
"Ohhkaayy"
"Is it okay?"
"Yeah it is fine. It will make your heart at peace and finally admit that yes everything's over now."
"Yeah. Because all I do nowadays is wait for him. That maybe he would contact. Maybe. But after this I can calm myself that yes nothing will happen now."
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********
Happy Birthday Murat!
Shayad mera msg dekh ke tum sochoge 'yaar ye phir agyi'. And shayad tum ye msg pura padoge bhi nahi. Its okay. Bas mujhe apni baat kehni h. Dubara text nahi ayega tumhare pas fikr mt kro.
Mujhe pata tha ek din humare raste alag ho jaynge but itne jaldi vo din ajayga ye nahi socha tha.
Mujhe laga tha gusse me tumne bola h ab baat mt krna.. But guess what vo to sach tha.. Sab kuch hone se pehle maine tumhe apna ek achha dost mana tha. isliye mujhe humari dosti bad terms pe end ni krni thi. Maine socha tha haste hue khuda hafiz bolenge. Kuch baate unkahi reh gyi thi meri trf se. Isliye ye letter likh rhi hu.
Meri har baat romantic way me nahi hoti thi. Kayi baate main as a friend bolti thi. Mujhe ek guy frnd chahiye tha jiske sath m pagalpanti kr sku, masti kr sku, kuch bhi baat share kr sku or vo mujhe thik baat smjhaye. And humari dosti bilkul vesi thi. But phir tumne doori rkhni shuru krdi taki mujhe sach m mohabbat na ho jaye. U know what? Main Isliye feelings beech me nahi lana chahti thi kyuki mujhe pata tha dosti kharab ho jaygi. And vahi hua. Crush tha tumpe utar jata ek do mahine m.. Mujhe mohabbat krni bhi nahi thi.
Khair jo hua so hua. Shayad meri kismat me koi guy frnd h hi ni. Gadbad honi h kahi na kahi. And haa tum chutiya ho. Kayi baar pucha h na tumne ye sawal. Aaj jawab de rhi hu.
Anyways happy birthday again, i hope tum apne sab goals achieve kro and achhi life jiyo. Shukria mujhe kuch khas memories dene ke liye.
Take care
Tumhari dost
Hayat
Allah hafiz
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(translation)
Happy Birthday Murat!
Maybe after seeing my message you will be like "God! She's here again?". Maybe you wouldn't even read the full message. Its okay. I just want to say something. You wouldn't get a text from me again.
I knew that we would part our ways someday, but didn't knew it would be this sudden.
I thought you were just angry when you said we wouldn't talk again. But little did I knew that you meant everything.
Before everything happened, I had always thought of you as my good friend with whom I didn't wanted to end things on a bad note. I thought we would say our goodbyes with a smile on our faces.
There are some things which were left unsaid. That's the reason I'm writing this letter.
I didn't used to say everything in a romantic way. Sometimes I meant it in a friendly way. I had always wanted a guy friend with whom I can share my craziness, do lots of fun, talk about anything, and take advice whenever needed. And our bond was exactly like that.
But then you started maintaining your distance, thinking I might fall in love with you. You know what? That's why I didn't wanted to bring feelings in between because I knew it would ruin our friendship. And that's exactly what happened. Yes, I did had a crush on you but it would have went away in a month or so. I wasnt even planning on falling in love with you.
Anyways what's done is done. Maybe there's no guy friend written in my fate. Somewhere or the other something is bound to happen. And yes, you are an asshole. You have asked this question many times right? Here's the answer.
Anyways, Happy Birthday again. I hope you live your life to the fullest and achieve everything you want. Thankyou for giving me some precious memories.
Take care
Your friend
Hayat
Goodbye
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**************
She wrote down whatever she wanted to say to him one last time. Her intentions, her thoughts, her feelings, and thanked him atlast. Her friends supported her with the decision but couldn't stop laughing at the 'asshole' part.