*Hayat's POV*
I was waiting eagerly for the day to come but soon rumors started everywhere about banning social media platforms including instagram. I didn't believed at first but when it was almost everywhere in the news, I got worried.
I don't even have his number. The only way I can contact him is insta.
What should I do?
Should I wait coz what if its fake?
But what if its true? You will regret it later.
After mentally debating I sent him a week prior to his birthday. I knew that his response would be rude. Either he will leave it on seen or just reply 'goodbye'. But atleast he would read it and thats all I want.
Two days passed but he didn't even opened the chat, which made me frustrated.
Alas! I couldn't wait any longer and texted Aamir.
'Aamir?'
'Who's this?'
You blind bro? Cant you see my username?
'Is murat with you?' I cut to the chase ignoring his question.
'No. Why?'
'You aren't lying right? Swear on your 3rd girlfriend.'
Murat told me about how aamir keeps 4-4 girlfriend simultaneously. So I thought to pull his leg.
'First of all I don't talk to any of them anymore.'
I chuckled at his reply.
'I see. Will do something for me?'
'What is it?'
'Jab Murat mile na, uske guddi pe ek zor se laga dena meri taraf se'
(Give a tight slap on the back of Murat's neck whenever you will meet him.)
'What happened?'
'Also, Mister is very busy to check his phone but can update his ID.'
'He is usually busy with work'
'Yeah Yeah I know the work load.'
I rolled my eyes.
'Yeah. That's why he doesn't gets time.'
'Anyways, just do my work'
'Ohkay but I can't slap him'
'Why tho?'
I raised my eyebrows at his response.
'Because he is older than me.'
Duh!!! Broo?!??
'Ohh how much?' I replied.
'1 year'
He is just messing with me I know
'Who's telling you to slap him personally. That would be from my side.'
'You can slap him yourself if it would be from your side.'
His reply stopped my heart for a second.
Will we really meet?
A ping of hope emerged but I shoo it away instantly.
'If i could i would have chopped him into pieces'
I replied him with a heavy heart.
He started replying a little late which made me doubt that maybe he is with murat? Maybe murat said to lie about it.
God knows better
'Good' his reply came after a minute or so.
'Anyways just tell him to check his inbox by sacrificing his precious time. I haven't sent him love letters, don't worry.'
After almost 4-5 mins he replied,
'Jo cheez usko jis din ke liye bheji hai, vo us din check krlega'
(He will check it on the day it is meant for)
Seriously!! Either he knew it all along and was playing with me, or murat is with him right now. Because I can feel that these are his words. I don't know why but I'm having this feeling. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe aamir talks like this too.
'Matlab dekhlia
Tum bhi bht bade wale ho
(That means you both know about it.
You are also sucha...)
Now I wanted to slap on the back of his neck too.
'Haaa'
(Yeahh)
'I sent in advance because of the rumors about insta getting banned.'
'Ok'
'Anyways
Bye
Just came to say this.'
'Ok'
I placed my phone down after seeing the last message.
And then it hit me.
Its finally over now.
************
I didn't felt much in the starting, but as days went by, it started to hit me.
Each and everything.
I wanted to talk about him but didn't wanted to poke my friends. Because I know the responses i will get. Either they would say to stop thinking about him, divert my mind or would instead scold me that why am I still getting affected by him.
He was no one to me.
Just a stranger, just a friend, whose existence I didn't even knew about before February.
So I decided to make my journal.
********
30 may 2021
11:10 AM
Dear diary,
My mind is a mess right now. Too many things are happening at once.
Lets start with murat.
Im really missing this human a lot. I don't know in what sense. I guess every sense. Yesterday was a bit rough day and i got overwhelmed. There are some family issues going on.
I dont know for how long i was laying on terrace, listening songs and crying my eyes out. I cant share this with anyone because i know either i will get scolded or... I don't know.
Because our bond was something weird but it was special. It's hard to explain. We were good friends, liked each other, but couldn't get in a relationship.
We were friends who had a crush on each other? LOL. Weird i know.
Those three months were the most special moments of my life, because i was with him. I don't know what's in his heart now. Why did he cut off all of a sudden.
Maybe he is scared of falling in love, scared of going against his family.
Why did he confessed his feelings when he cant do commitment? Why did he said he loves me? We would have just stayed good friends.
Sometimes he was like the most sweetest guy in the world, and sometimes the most rudest.
Since the cutoff he has been on my mind continuously. I waited and waited, that maybe he would contact again, maybe?
Even in dreams i used to saw this all, that he contacted again, and we sorted out things and stuff. But they were dreams :)
Wasn't he also one?
So, i decided to send him a goodbye letter on his birthday, but due to some rumors about banning instagram, i sent him before the date, because i didn't had his number. I would have gone complete contactless.
But they were only rumors lol, and i was clowned :)
Anyways getting back to it, I waited for two fucking days, but no response. Not even a seen. Guess he restricted my account maybe? That way the other person wont know you saw the message.
I dont know but i couldn't hold it any longer and texted his friend Aamir. Then it got revealed that bitch already saw the message.
I mean? This much distance? Avoiding? For what?
Anyways, I ended our friendship on good terms for my mental peace. To kick him out of my mind, and my life. Finally everything ended with no further contact. But why am i still missing him?
I wish those three months can repeat on loop. When i met him, talked with him, heard his voice for the first time, interacted with video call, laughed on his stupid jokes....
Well, he is gone now. All that he left behind are his footprints in my mind as his memories. He left after teaching me new lessons. To see the world with a different perspective all together.
********
*Few weeks passed*
I was checking my online class schedule as deja vu hit me.
~~~~
'Are you free? Can I call you?' his text poped up as I was arranging my books for the next class.
'Yeah. I have 15 mins.'
In an instant my phone rang and I picked up.
"What are you doing?"
"Just waiting for class. Its about to start"
"Achha. Or btayen."
(Ohh. What else? Say something)
"Kya btau."
(What should I say?)
"Anything"
"Ask me"
"Tum bolti nahi ho ya mere samne nahi bol rahi?"
(You don't talk much or just not talking infront of me?)
"We have just met few days ago, that's why"
"Ohh"
"Yeah because I'm not that frank with you just yet"
"Ohh you aren't frank with me yet? It doesn't seems like that while texting"
"Yes that's texting. This is calling"
"Ohkay no problem."
"Yep. I will start talking gradually with time"
"Aaj main bol raha hu tum sun rahi ho. Ek waqt esa ayega jab tum bolti rahogi or main bas sunta rahunga."
(Today I'm the one talking and you are listening. One day you will be the one talking and I would be just listening to you.)
"Achha."
(Really)
"Ji."
(Yeah)
"Okay I have to go now"
"Kahan?"
(Where?)
"My class is about to start"
"Take it later"
"Arey I will miss it"
"Class or me?"
"What kind of question is that?" I chuckled
"Class ya main?" he repeated his question. (Class or me?)
"Class." I tried not to laugh.
"Achha? Chaliye jayiye phir. Main aapka time kharab kar raha hu matlab." He said in a low voice.
(Really? Okay you should go now. I must be wasting your precious time.)
'Dramebaz' I thought.
(drama queen)
"Arey we can talk later na." I tried to sound reasonable.
"Yeah yeah its alright"
I chuckled and we said our bye.
~~~~~
I smiled at the memory of him and took out my books for the next class.
*******
Days became weeks, weeks became months. My schedule got busy with classes and notes and I also started doing some side activities like sketching. But once in month, especially during periods, thanks to mood swings, I would have a mental breakdown.
********