Celeste:
Why did I remove my own memories and sacrifice my own happiness? More importantly, was my mother really that violent the whole time? Gazing out the window, a blank canvas waited impatiently for me to begin my next inspiration. Sitting in the room alone, Novi had been too busy to hang out with me. Turning off the light, I crawled into my bed. Pulling the blanket over my head, my depression had driven my husband away. I really should put out before he rejects me. Damn it! This space wasn't small enough. Swinging my feet over the bed, the navy dress shirt I was borrowing floated off of my bump. Wandering into the closet, I still hugged his pillow to my chest. Climbing into the lowest cabinet, the tight space felt so comforting. Hiding behind his t-shirts, the darkness bathed me in her warm hug. Sniffing his pillow, his scent did little to relieve my fraying nerves. Burying my head into his pillow, a muffled scream burst from my lips. All I wanted was for my husband to hold me and caress my goddamn bump. I may not be ready for sex but I wanted him to touch me still. Sinking lower, the guilt of betraying him worsened my mood. The door opened up, a curious Novi helped me out. Tying one of his ties around my eyes, he kissed the top of my head. Of course he knew where I was, Novi understood me the moment he met me.
"I apologize for neglecting you. Believe me, I would never reject you for not putting out. You worry too much." Novi apologized sincerely, guiding me through the house. "I have a surprise for you. It was all for you and I am aware of how fucked up that sounds." Placing me on his back, a wooden ladder groaned underneath his feet. Setting me down, he untied the tie around my eyes. My jaw dropped, tears of joy welling up in my eyes. A pristine studio with oak floors and blank white walls stunned me, every art tool possible lay in a neat line on a familiar desk. Running up to it, my father's scratches covered every inch of it. Leaping into his arms, my lips kissed him feverishly. He deserved some sort of reward, my hand rubbing against his stiff cock.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to." He groaned gruffly, sitting me down on a stool. "I don't want to stress you out." Apprehension rested in my eyes, my hands trembling. Part of me wanted to jump him while the other was scared to do anything. Shaking my head, this was something I had to work through. Unbuttoning his pants, that bastard never had me give him a blowjob. Getting on my knees, my lips wrapped around his thick girth. Sucking harder, his hand grabbed the top of my head. Husky groans echoed in my ear, his hand moving my head back and forth. Focusing on the tip, my thighs rubbed together. Thrusting my hips, my name bounced off the walls. Pulling me up, he laid me down. Unbuttoning his Italian suit, it landed with a soft thud on the floor. Resting his head on my bump, his crooked grin made my heart skip a beat.
"May I please treat you, Celly?" He asked gently, waiting for my permission. Nodding with a nervous smile, his tongue flicked against my swollen clit. Grabbing the plush cushions, my toes curled. Sucking on my clit, short gasps escaped my lips. Mixed emotions battled in my head, one side of my mind yelling at me to stop enjoying the moment. Confusion raged in my mind, a volcano seconds from erupting.
"You are a filthy slut." A sly voice taunted cruelly in my head, tears flowing from my eyes. "Stop being a bad girl." My chest tightened, my hands cupping the sides of my head. Novi stopped, concern flashing in his eyes. Waving my hands around, he needed to know that everything was fine. The voices needed to shut the fuck up, guilt mixing with shame.
"I need to work through this." I stammered through a wall of tears, his finger wiping them away. "Just be gentle." Lining himself up, he slid it in slowly.Pressing his firm muscles against me, he lifted up my leg. Moving his hips sensually, alarm planted itself in my brain at my inability to let my fear go. How did people get over this crippling PTSD? Go away, I screamed in my head.
"You're safe with him." My inner wolf comforted me, her words doing little to calm my nerves. "Let me t-" My breathing grew shorter, the room spinning. This was too much too soon. No, I had to let him finish. Taking a deep breath, nothing helped. Pumping a few more times, his hot seed filled me up. Curling into a ball, violent sobs wracked my body. Laying down behind me, his strong arms held me until the attack passed. How pathetic! You are a failure of a woman, I wept softly to myself.
"I am so sor-" He began to apologize, my finger raising stopping him. Turning to face him, his forehead rested against mine. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks, his hand rubbing my arm. Guilt devoured my soul, his reaction threatening to break me. Fix this, dumb ass. This was all your fault, a weak smile twitched on my lips.
"I asked you to do this. I feel so guilty for leaving you dry night after night." I explained in a frenzy, the words flying out faster than I could think of them. "I love you. You did nothing wrong." His thumb traced my cheek, his other hand resting on my bump. Basking in the tenderness of the moment, neither of us wanted to move.
"It amazes me that our cubs are growing in this beautiful bump. I can't wait to see it grow bigger and bigger. You are the most amazing woman in the world." He whispered sweetly, rubbing my belly. "I wolf you. I wolf you more than the moon." Surprise rounded his eyes the moment I pulled him in for a bear hug, his heartbeat picking up. A goofy grin spread cheek to cheek, my finger lifting his chin. Locking my lips with his passionately, my heart fluttered at his adorable reaction. Scarlet painted his cheeks, his finger tracing the buttons of my shirt. Eventually we would be able to have sex, his sincerity doing little to quell my guilt.
"I couldn't have done without you." I assured him lovingly, switching the subject to protect my mind. "I want to sell my art." Sitting up, his genuine smile brightened his face. Spinning me around, his hands slid to the small of my back. Clapping his hands, a sweet love song began to play. Spinning me around the room, my head rested on his chest. Sinking into the music, this was the first dance we should have had. His warm aura bathed us, my nerves relaxing for a second.
"I am going to make you known worldwide, Celly." He promised with a childish glint in his eyes. The song ended, his body trembling with excitement. Tugging on his suit, my heart skipped a beat at his eagerness. Inspiration struck, Novi resting by the window. The paintbrush shook in my hands, flashbacks of my father's death caused it to drop from my hands. Remembering the blood on my hands, a single tear slid down my cheek. Picking up a pencil, the tip danced across the canvas. Shading the lines of my hands, the image came to life. Picking up the red paint, I tinted it with a dot of black. Splattering the canvas, tears flooded from my eyes. Slapping it with my brush, the red smeared the way I wanted it too. Stepping back, the moonlight bathed a sleeping Novi. Glancing around one empty cabinet remained. Cleaning my brush, the picture only made me feel worse. Crawling into the coffin size space, the darkness felt like a warm hug. Holding my bump, the door opened. Novi poked his head in, a curious glint twinkled in his eyes.
"Would you like me to make this a bit bigger? I can't help but notice your love of small spaces. Hit that switch by your head." He mused tenderly, getting onto his knees. "I am going to order in. What would you like?" Hitting the switch, light bathed me. Opening a sliding door, many books lined a mini bookshelf. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I feel anything? This emotional numbness was becoming a pain in the ass, the familiar feeling of guilt washing over me. Why was emotional numbness my coping mechanism? Answer the question, you fucking idiot.
"Get what you want." I mumbled numbly, turning off the light. "I am not worthy of your love anyways." Curse these mood swings! Getting in next to me, the way he rested on his elbow stole my breath away. Tracing my cheek, his lips brushed against my forehead. Yanking me into a loving embrace, my fingers gripped his jacket desperately. Stop being pathetic!
"I can't buy that. You are worth more than you think." He assured me gently, my eyes falling on the painting. "Did you just feel free or something when you painted that? Was it not you who told me art is a way to escape? I still remember your smile that day. Art releases your emotions. Paint your anxiety away until it goes away. That painting would catapult my gallery to new heights but most importantly you get to share how you feel. That painting is dripping with guilt." My breath hitched at his instant understanding, my eyes coming to life. No wonder he was great at his job, his emotional intelligence knew no bounds.
"That's the woman I fell in love with. Depression doesn't go away but we can work on that with therapy. Do you know what I love the most about you?" He babbled passionately, his eyes falling on my dazed expression. "Why are you so surprised? You know I love you. You get a glint in your eyes when a subject intrigues you. Keep your curiosity." An eager Stella popped her head up, a first place ribbon stuck out of the pocket of her navy pant suit. Her wild curls bounced around, her breath hitching at my painting.
"I can feel the guilt from a mile away. You placed in first place, my dear. You beat out several highly trained artists. None of our clients ever came close." She gloated gleefully, cocking her head back towards me. "So many people wanted to buy it that there were a couple of billion dollar offers thrown around. I told them that it was a personal gift for me, so any offer was a no go." All the breath left my body, the corner of my lips twitching at the sheer amount of money. Tears of rare joy welled up in my eyes, my real smile couldn't leave my face.
"None of them want to kill me, right?" I chuckled nervously, coming out of my hiding hole. "No one has ever complimented me like that before. Forgive me if I don't quite know what to do with that. I will continue my collection based on my mental state and you can sell them. Anything to help you two! Would you like the same style with the pencil underneath with the paint on top. Do you think people would like it? At least I do." Unsure of what else to say, she sank down to my level. Cupping my shoulders, Novi lay lazily in the background.
"I don't know if you realize it but you can make a difference through art." She sobbed softly, moved by my painting for some reason. "People cried at your painting. They saw hope in the way the light flickered through the leaves. None of the other artists came close to that. The judges bombarded me with so many questions like who trained you. I proudly said that your father taught you everything. They couldn't believe you didn't go to art school. To answer your question, we should continue heading in that direction. It blends two types of art with ease. Keep up the good work, kiddo." Smiling brightly at me, my vision blurred. Brushing it off, Novi's golden eye fell on me. He felt it too, my bare feet gliding down the ladder. Leaping out the window, an unfamiliar energy was encroaching upon my town. Dirt flew behind my feet, my trembling fingers unbuttoning my shirt. Bones cracked into place, my muscles groaned in protest. Shaking my fur, everything seemed twice as loud. A drop of rain hit the surface of the lake about a hundred feet away, the forest going deadly silent. A pack of rogue wolves pounded my way, panic widening my eyes. Sprinting deeper into the forest, a quick sniff told me that ten werewolves were on my tail. As powerful as I was, the outlook wasn't so great. Help, I would need help. Branches whacked my face, two silver wolves skidding in front of me. Did that guy have children! Paralyzed with fear, my paws refused to move. A dart whizzed through the air, the violet feathers quivered in my hind leg. Dropping to the ground, fangs tore into me. Chunks of my flesh flew into the air, a sharp whistle stopping them.
"You did enough damage." A sly voice announced gleefully, a blurry face examining mine. "Not as tough as we were told. You thought you could get away with killing our dad, didn't you? Now we will get our revenge." Attempting to stand, the wounds had rendered me immobile. Blood stained my fur, a silver blade hovering over my belly. A different set of paws crunched over loose branches, my breath hitching at the sight of a golden eyed navy wolf ripping out his throat. Novi! Novi was here, but how? Stella leapt off of his back, swinging an ax over her head. Blood rained over me, wolf heads rolling to my nose. Childlike wonder brightened my features, Stella landing in front of me. Clammy sweat drenched her skin, her features blurring.
"How are you doing, my dear? I forgot to tell you that my cousin could shift whenever he wanted to. He was born with a genetic mutation." She informed me with a bright smile, spinning a needle in her palm. "This will only pinch for a second but it will change you right back. I have had to use it a couple of times on him. Although, he hasn't done it in a long while." Jamming it into my hind leg, my body cracked back into its human form. Gritting my teeth, my body felt as if it had been hit by a train. Embarrassment burned my cheeks, she tossed me one of my sweater dresses. Tugging it over my head, the wounds on my legs and arms still bled a bit. Sitting up, Novi laid down in front of me, his fur dancing in the breeze.
"Forgive me for asking. Why wouldn't he tell me? I would have loved to run with him all of this time." I queried curiously, glancing over at him and then her. "How horrible of me to assume he couldn't? Can all of you do it too?" Shaking her head, she sat down next to me. Watching her play with the ax, Novi crawled onto my lap. A worn backpack caught my eyes, my mind wondering how many times she had to help him in moments like these.
"If he lied about it, I get it. All the kids would make fun of him for it. Well, that is except for me of course." She admitted sheepishly, petting his head. "I am not surprised he hid it from you. It has always been a sore spot for him." Laying back, my eyes watched the stars twinkle in the sky. Resting his snout on my bump, his cousin laid back too. No anger rested in my question, only rich concern haunted my words.
"I get it. I had to hide it myself. My favorite memories were running with my father when no one was looking. Oh, listen to me. I am telling you something stupid." I blurted out awkwardly, shame dimming my eyes while my real smile refused to leave my lips. "Whenever I am having a bad day I would always think back to the good days with my father. He had a way of making the worst days seem like things of the past. Novi's father has that effect. I feel so blessed to have them in my life. Why did you leave the clan? I noticed you aren't connected to the mental network." Shrugging her shoulders, her aura reeked of the desire for freedom.
"Novi let me go. He lets anyone go if they ask." She uttered simply, her grin growing wider. "I think he always says something about allowing people to follow their dreams. I doubt he would let you leave though." Chuckling softly to myself, she spoke the truth. Nothing in me wanted to leave his side, Novi hopefully realizing that.
"I don't have a reason to. As long as I have a roof and food, I am okay. Novi makes everything better. My whole life I didn't always have food or a decent room, so anything beyond that is amazing." I laughed gently, his eyes falling on me. "When you are stripped down to nothing, you tend to appreciate the simpler things. I have no complaints. Although, my mental state is a bit of a mess. I feel like such a burden to Novi most of the time." A long whine escaped Novi's lip, his large head shaking. Resting his head on my bump, Stella rested her head on my shoulders. A strained huh poured from my lips, my ears eager to hear her insightful words.
"You don't see it, do you?" She spoke gently, poking my nose. "You are worth being loved. I understand you won't ever be okay in the normal sense. I for one think you are the nicest person I have met." Smiling warmly in her direction, my goal was to make everyone else happier before I took care of myself. Popping to my feet, I spun her hunting knife from her backpack around my fingers. Whipping it into the treeline, a deer stumbled out to its death. Deer had been what I had been craving lately, both of them watching as I began to break it down.
"Do you mind getting some stones and creating a circle?" I asked politely, Stella getting right on it. "Get some firewood while you are at it. Rolling up my sleeves, half of this meat would go to Novi. Licking his lips, he had to be patient. Slitting the stomach, the warm guts plopped out with a sickening noise. Cleaning out the inside, the next hour of me breaking down resulted in neat cuts of the deer. Snapping my fingers, my skin was clean. Stella built a campfire, a silent spell producing a spit. Placing half of the meat on it, I tossed the other half to Novi. Gnawing on the meat, his tail wagged a mile a minute. He could be hunting right now if it wasn't for me. Spinning it around, an awkward silence hung between us. A considerable amount of time passed, the meat was done. Novi slumbered behind us, a large bone sticking out of his mouth. Letting the meat cook for a bit, her next question snapped me from my empty train of thought.
"Where did you learn to hunt like that?" She queried serenely, accepting her piece of meat. "I find it rather impressive." Her face brightened upon her first bite, pride glowing in my eyes. Taking a bite, it needed salt and pepper. My puppies kicked in response, my free hand pressing her palm against my bump. Childlike wonder brightened her eyes, silent tears sliding down her cheeks. What the hell was wrong with her? My inability to read her annoying me slightly, the compassion in me wanting to do so much more for her.
"I used to escape to hide out in the woods for a few days to catch my breath after my father died." I explained with a weak smile, attempting to hide my depression. "I learned how to survive off the land. Sometimes, I wish I never left. Being out here feels so free." Shock rounded my eyes at her kind embrace, my free arm hugging her back twice as hard. Was this how you were supposed to hug a stranger back? Hugging Tammy was easy, especially when it came to comforting someone else. Jesus Christ! Stop being so damn awkward. This woman complimented you and you couldn't even hold a damn conversation. Focusing on our meat, Novi shifted back. Reaching into her backpack she tossed him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, his shaking hands throwing them on. Walking over awkwardly, guilt dimmed his eyes. Turning towards him, I passed him a piece of venison.
"You could have told me that you can change." I chastised bitterly, his messy hair causing my thighs to rub together. "I would have ran with you." Playing with his food, his eyes refused to meet mine. Clenching his fists into a ball, his hair hid his eyes. Why did I just sound so bitter a second ago? Shaking my head, this wasn't going to help the conversation.
"You wouldn't get it!" He barked through a wall of tears, blood dripping onto the loose dirt. "I would change in the middle of school! It got so bad that my parents took me out for a bit. You probably had control the whole time with how fucking perfect you are." Ouch, I whined to myself as an arrow stabbed me in the heart. Brushing that off, this subject seemed rather touchy. He lashed out because of a solid desperation, my heart breaking for him. Taking a deep breath, my mind coursed through the many ways to settle down the tension in the air.
"No, I didn't change in the middle of school but I had other problems like my wolf ears popping up randomly." I admitted sheepishly, relaxing his fists. "Heal. At least you had loving parents to help you out." His wounds healed, my arms pulling his head onto my lap. Perhaps, he did have some trauma in his life. Playing with his hair, he chewed on his venison with a numb look on the face. Fantastic, he was more broken than I was. Chewing on my lip, something had to be done. What made him feel better? Why couldn't he just tell me how he felt! He made a point for me to talk about my feelings, perhaps he should follow his own advice. Yanking me on top of him, his hand burying my face into his shoulder. Choosing to ride this out, a dim ray of hope glowed to life.