Elaine quickly knocked her knuckles against the wooden table, causing me to jump slightly in my seat. She looked mildly excited, folding her cards down in front of her in three separate piles while she waited for my reaction. I had drifted off into my own thoughts, having lost where I was in our game of Gin Rummy. When Elaine realized that I had been drawn in to some other thought, she puckered her lips and leaned her chin on the palm of her hand.
"I know the universe is bigger than we can even imagine, but can you stop playing space cadet and come back down to earth?" Elaine chirped, baring her teeth in that same cheeky smile that she used when she was being silly.
I smiled back at her, taking a moment to yawn and stretch my arms out above my head. "Sorry, El, I haven't slept well the last few nights."
"I have some Valium if that tickles your fancy," She laughed.
"In that case I would never wake-up."
"Some days that wouldn't be so bad. Especially since tax season is coming up, that would be a perfect time to go to sleep and never wake-up again."
I hated to think that her statement was actually true in her case, trying to push the thought from my mind. I didn't want her to die, but I was lucky that I had a few more months with her. I had been trying my hardest to come to terms with the inevitable, but I also managed to put myself in a sore situation where I now considered Elaine one of my dearest friends. Her passing would be devastating, no matter how long I had to prepare myself for it.
"Can we just call it a win for you and go out for a walk? I can't sit inside anymore, I feel like I'm going to fall asleep in my chair," I said, gently sliding my chair away from the table. "We could head over to the park for awhile."
Elaine sighed, nodding at her cards as she shuffled them into one pile. "I'd hate to think you gave me a pity win, Ellion, but this time I'll let it slide. Maybe some fresh air will perk you up. For some reason feeding the ducks stale bread always sets me straight."
The mannerisms that I found the funniest about Elaine was her ability to make a joke out of her nihilistic views, all the while adding a spice of optimism throughout to give her humour more pep. She would talk about just how decrepit her body had become, but would immediately switch the conversation to how when she was younger the men would clamber over her, especially her beloved Larry. She loved to flirt with most men, immediately getting stars in her eyes whenever a handsome man piqued her interest, and in turn men loved her sense of wonder and how alluring she was. Frankly she reminded me of the likes of Marilyn Monroe with her sultry voice and woe is me attitude, all the while maintaining all of the power in the midst of her charade. However, I don't think it took away from the fact that she missed Larry more than anything, and instead she used her sweet-talking as a tool to help cope with the loneliness.
We spent a long while at the park, feeding the ducks and pigeons bread crumbs while discussing nothing in particular. I loved that with Elaine there was never a dull moment, even if our conversations didn't hold any significance or meaning. We had a tendency to rabbit-trail in our conversations, often finding ourselves back at the conversation of relationships. Elaine fully admitted to living vicariously through me; she used to love hearing about my relationship with Atheson, even when things were boiling down. It helped that Elaine had all the knowledge in the world when it came to men, seeing as her and Larry had their fair share of disputes.
I didn't miss Atheson, not in the way people typically do after having their heart broken. I simply missed the feeling of wanting someone – the way it feels to have someone that makes my heart skip when their name is said, how full my life felt when I had someone to look forward to seeing, even the simple things like telling him what had happened in my day. Atheson wasn't my first boyfriend, but he was my most serious to date, and after almost three years together I figured losing him would be a much bigger deal in terms of feeling sad. When I found out he was leaving me for someone else, I was more disappointed than I was angry. I didn't want our time to end together because I enjoyed how much we got along and the fact that nothing ever felt forced or rushed with him. Little did I know that eventually Atheson would want more, and apparently more was offered by another woman. Last I had heard from Jannie was that Atheson was talking pretty seriously about settling down with his current girlfriend, whose name I never had the pleasure of catching. Regardless, I did miss the company of a man.
"There was a brief period where Larry and I weren't really seeing each other, I guess you kids would call it taking a break. He went his way and started seeing someone else, and I sure had a lot of young men coming to my parents house to ask for their permission to take me out on a date, but I never once accepted. I knew Larry was for me, and that so-called break only made it more clear to me. It didn't take Larry long to realize he didn't want to be with someone else, either. Maybe that's the case for you and Atheson?" Elaine pondered, leaning down to pick up a rather large bread crumb that had fallen beside her feet only to throw it out into the gathering sea of birds in front of our park bench.
"I don't think so, Elaine. Atheson is happy where he's at and he hasn't looked back, and I'm not entirely sure that I would even glance in his direction if he did come back," I replied, fishing a piece of bread from the plastic bag in Elaine's hands. "I'm just feeling low, that's all. It probably doesn't help that I met this guy the other day, and I'm feeling all wishy-washy about it."
Elaine perked up, scooching in closer to me. "Go on, I'm listening."
I wanted to tell her about my premonition of John's death, but I knew that was impossible. I didn't want to get into the conversation of death with Elaine given the fact that hers was approaching so soon, and I hated to think what would happen if I ever let it slip that I knew when and how she was going to die.
"Have you ever---" I paused, watching her eager eyes scan my face for the next words to come out of my mouth, "---known something about someone that you shouldn't? Something that you can't possibly tell them about, and it just eats away at you night after night?"
There was a moment of silence between us as Elaine leaned back against the bench, thinking it over before nodding slowly. "Yes, and I've always found that being honest makes all the difference, even if the person doesn't respond the way that I want them to."
"But what if being honest isn't an option? What if the thing you knew was so out-of-this-world that even you had trouble believing it's true?"
I could tell Elaine was confused, but she maintained. "Unless it's aliens, my dear, nothing is too far-fetched to be discussed," She said, placing her hand on my knee comfortingly. "You can let whatever it is eat away at you and allow it to hinder what is supposed to happen in your life, or you can face the facts and break the ice."
If Elaine only knew what I had seen, maybe her answer would be different. Before I was able to continue, she squeezed my knee and then reached back for her bag of crumbs. "Now tell me about this young man you met."
I went on to tell her about how I had seen John Shop on Friday night at Ice Queen and how I immediately felt attracted to him, but didn't elaborate on what had happened after as far as the premonition went. We discussed my meeting him at work and how I had an 'anxiety attack' while near him, and yet he still wasn't frightened away. Elaine never questioned me about what it was I knew about him, instead she tried to focus on how I felt about him and why I felt the need to stay away from him. I explained my own reservations about feeling attracted to someone who I had never met before, but Elaine found it funny that I was being so coy.
"How else are you supposed to find another boyfriend? You really think we all know each other from the time we're little children and end up marrying each other? I think that's actually a rare exception, to be quite honest. Most of us go out and find new people that show us something wonderful about life that we often overlook," Elaine explained.
"I don't think that's the type of person I want, I'm not great with people who don't already know who I am."
I wasn't lying or making excuses, I actually did feel that way. I had a reputation for being odd and not quite like other people, and I hated to think that someone could walk into town and not know me like everyone else, only to discover it later when our potential relationship could be escalating to a serious degree. I suppose it really boiled down to the fact that I didn't want to get hurt because someone felt mislead by who I was, or at least who everyone else thought I was.
"And who is it that you think you are?"
I choked on my words as soon as I saw the look on Elaine's face that said she wasn't going to buy a single negative thing that I had to say about myself. "You know what people say, Elaine."
"People like the girls at work, you mean?"
"Yeah, them, and other people, too. It's just the way things are around here."
"You mean to tell me that you hold the opinions of people who treat you terribly with higher regard than you would someone like me, who loves you like your my own child?"
I watched the birds scatter as a few people walked by, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm over-tired, and I get really down on myself when I haven't had enough sleep. You know I appreciate what you have to say more than anyone else, but I also am aware of how other people think I operate. Not everyone can be as perfect as you, Elaine," I said as I nudged her softly.
She leaned in to rest her head gently on my shoulder, holding the plastic bag tightly in her hands as she watched a few birds gather once more in front of us. "Give it a chance, honey, you can't live your life in fear of what other people think of you."
I leaned my head against the top of hers. "I know, you're right. But, if I'm being completely honest with you, I wouldn't even know how to break the ice with him if I tried my hardest."
Elaine perked up immediately, placing the bread crumbs on the ground so that she could put both her hands in mine. "That's why you have me. All you have to do is go into work tomorrow and talk to him, ask him out on a date."
I cringed. "That's not how dating works these days, I can't be the one to make the first move and that obviously."
"You're kidding me, aren't you?"
"I wish I were."
She huffed, looking over her shoulder as she thought. "You kids make everything so difficult now-adays, we need to go back to the courting system," She said. "Why don't you ask him to that Spring Fair you're helping Jannie with?"
"I'm going to be at a booth all night, I'm not entirely sure how that does me any favours."
"It tells him that you want any excuse to see him, even when you're busy. If that doesn't tell him you're interested, I don't know what will."
We laughed together, both leaning back against the bench again. Elaine had a point, and it worked as a perfect way to get to know John better. Yes, I thought he was attractive, that wasn't a lie. But that wasn't the reason I wanted to get to know him better, instead I wanted to use it as a way to figure out who would want to kill him. There had to be a way to save him, and if this is what it took to do just that, then so be it.
A gust of wind picked up in the park, taking the bag of bread crumbs from the bench and swiftly pouring the contents in a streamline away from us. Elaine scoffed, rolling her eyes as she tried to contain the gray strands of her hair that were trying to fly out of place. We decided to head back to Elaine's house to play a few more rounds of Rummy.
As we left, the wind continued to blow through town as if a visitor had opened the door and walked in without shutting it. So it was, a visitor did come to town, two bare feet stepping across the damp pavement in search of a cause and effect.