I jolted upright as soon as I heard the scream. I threw the blankets from on top of me and jumped down the bed only I fell instead. I wasted no time because it could only be my mother who was screaming and I was the only one who could succour.
Not even bothering to pick up a knife or call the police I sprinted towards the door and stumbled into the room.
My mother was on her knees her hands on her lap clutched into excrutiatingly tight fists, her hair fell over her face and from the floor where I had fallen I could hear her cry.
I crawled as fast I could and used both my hands to lift up her face.
"What happened?", I yelled.
"It is gone", she looked straight into my eyes and my heart just broke. Her red eyes showed she had been crying way before I woke up and I felt guilty.
My tone softened, "What's gone mom?".
We did not have much money, atleast not enough for her to throw a tantrum like this, if it was stolen.
"I-I-I-I-I- c-c-can't find it", she grabbed ahold of my shirt and began to cry.
I hugged her tightly, "It's okay mom you don't have to cry".
She nodded against my shirt.
"What can you not find?", I asked one last time. If she did not tell me I was not going to push it, I was just going to be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on.
"My wedding ring", she clutched at my shirt tighter.
I froze.
I got up and she lifted her head and she looked at me with sorrow.
All the remorse I felt quickly went down the drain as I stood fire ready to burn out my ears and nose.
"Are you seriously looking for that thing?", I screamed.
"I-I-", mom did not even manage to say much before I cut her off.
"What do you need it for?", I did not bother tuning down my voice.
She raised her sleeve and wiped her wet cheeks, "I miss him, Lindon I miss your father. I-I-I-I-I saw the Blake's and all the other happy families and I-I-I just miss him okay!".
Just like a trigger can fire a bullet, like a push of a button can light a bomb, those last words drove me mad.
"You miss whoo!!!!????", I yelled "For what?!!!????, why are you missing him!?!".
"You won't understand".
"Damn right I won't and don't understand but give me a logical excuse, better yet give me the most idiotic excuse in the world because you are being a complete imbecile Mom".
Mom got up immediately, "Because I still love him!".
And that was her idiotic excuse.
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out, I turned around to leave but turned back immediately "What is love then?".
"It is when you are devoted to me, when you prioritize me before anything else, when you are ready to take your life for mine, when you are loyal to me!", She screamed.
"Take your life?", I screamed back.
"Yes, and I am telling you Lindon, I am still devoted to him, I will always prioritize him before anything else and I am damn right sure I would take my life for his because I am loyal!".
Her words refused to diffuse into my brain.
"Why?", I asked "Why are you still devoted, why do you prioritize him before anything else, before me!?, and why would you take your life for his????".
"Because I love him".
"Will you shut up mother", I screamed practically reaching for my ears to pull them off in the process.
"Why?, I am not going to lie to you I love him".
I held the bridge of my nose and dropped my hand, "Love is reciprocal mother, why should you love someone who doesn't care?, who doesn't care enough to come visit?, who doesn't care enough to check on you when you have been diagnosed with a heart problem after signing the divorce papers?, why should you care for such a BASTARD!!?, why mother?, why should you care?, and don't tell me you love him because he will never love you back, that's the simple truth, if he loved you he would be right here, right now. But he does not love you mom, and he never will and that is why he ran away from you because he does not love you!!!".
All the guilt I felt befire vanished in a millisecond
"But what if he still loves me?", she asked suddenly silent.
Was she bipolar now?.
"If he did why wouldn't he be here with us, hell knows where ever he is, he probably has four kids who he takes to school every day, a family who he fends for, a loving wife. If he loved us mother he would have watched me take my first step, he would have watched me graduate out of kindergarten, he would have been a father but unforntunately he doesn't love us. So I am begging you mother let it rest, because love is something he clearly does not have for you!".
"He was always scared of love, probably still is and I am sure that is why he left".
I felt liked strangling the sense into her "What world do you live in? Huh?".
"A terrible world where things do not go right for anyone, where fate gets to decide how you live, a world where lovers are taken away from eachother Lindon, that is the type of world I live in!".
The sappier the conversation got the more I went insane.
"But why prioritize all that mom", I was crying now, "I mean do you even love me as much as you love the reason for all this", I gestured at her terrible state and the appearance of our old house.
"Of course I do love you as much my Lind".
I repelled from her touch as her hand reached to touch me.
"You can't love both of us, who do you love mother?!".
Still on her knees she looked up at me and shook her head.
"I love your father more".
And that was what I hated about my family the most, or atleast my mother and I. We were honest and we rarely ever lied and I just knew she was telling me the truth. I stared at her and swallowed hard before I silently turned around and left.
"Lindon!".
I did everything he was supposed to do!, dropped out of school to work, I put food on the table, but yet she still loved him more.
My head hit the pillow in a swift motion and I was under the blankets instantly, I faced the window away from the door and cried because in other words I was told by the person I loved the most that I did not mean a single thing to them and that itself was enough to break my heart again. And no sixteen year old could go through that without breaking into pieces.
'I'll be okay'.
______________________________________________
💜AIO💜