I am a plant that looks at the sun. I am a snail that has lost its shell. I am a lost body. Sometimes I want to weaken and show the world that I am a fragile human with no defense in every problem. I have always been bad at my own life.
However, I know many people who don't care until it happens; they feel the pain that words can't describe.
"You are always late for school daily; what do you want to be?" I said while replying to tidying up the pile of clothes scattered in the TV room.
I've guessed a messy house and clothes were scattered everywhere, resulting in my dad coming home recently with no problems with my mom and money.
Because my father was laid off three years ago, my house was like an endless hell, listening to my mother, who always scolded my father and vice versa. I can only be silent, keeping all this disappointment to myself because mom never wants to hear my opinion of her anger.
I kept quiet, then continued my small steps towards the stairs to reach the room, a room that was quite spacious and just the quietest room I had in this house.
"If you tell your parents, you will leave. You are no different from your father; you never want to hear what your mother has to say. You see, Shinta, who is always obedient to her parents, never violates and always ranks first in school. What do you want to be? If you play every day!" Mama snapped her anger because she saw me who did not respond to her words.
Comparing me to the kids is a routine I don't want to break. The friendliness of his two children can be like what he sees in other people's children. If you want your child to be like other people's children, why not start with him learning from other parents?
I can only be silent, not wanting a single word to be said because I don't want to add to the chaos in this house.
My sister Raya is sitting busy cursing while reading her favorite comic.
Raya is my sister, the only blood sister I have on this earth. He is my reason to continue to be strong every day, the motivation to keep living my dream for these three years.
* * *
"Perhaps, this is the way of life I have to live. Yes, even though I have to endure pain every day," I said, slowly suppressing the hidden sadness.
Diga stopped playing online games on his cellphone because he suddenly heard what I had just said. He then looked at me with big eyes and rubbed my shoulder gently.
In front of me, his face is sad even though maybe he doesn't understand the pain I feel. There is peace every time I am by his side, feeling lucky to have been met and brought together to become friends by this strange man.
"No, don't be like that, Kai. Everyone must have their pain. I'm trying to understand why your mother is always like that and your father who turns his life into a random odd job, "Diga tried to calm me down.
"They both love you; it's only possible that way. Now," said Diga.
I immediately stopped my eating activities, then frowned, trying to digest Diga's words which didn't make sense.
"My parents love me. Why have they acted like that for almost three years with Raya and me? They don't love anymore, Ga. They are selfish with their own emotions."
Diga was stunned to hear my statement; now, he turned around, trying to digest my words.
"Yeah, I know. Well, there is still me who loves you sincerely. Even though you're acting weird," said Diga with a smirk.
Diga's presence has always been my place to come home to when no human being in this universe wants to hear my complaints because Diga is also my dream that I have always tried to bury for almost three years.
The two of us are unlike friends who have told in Novels with similarities and harmonized thoughts. Diga and I are two very different people; we are different in our thinking, and our hobby is constantly arguing about the contents of other heads, voicing the idealism of unstable teenagers who are full of emotions.
However, we both understand when we must suppress our emotions be good listeners, look after each other and sit side by side even though egos are controlling each other.
What I admire about Diga is his ear that never gets tired of hearing my chatter about my frustration with the fried rice seller who only gives me a little chili, my classmates who always bully other people, and about the broken heart I feel.
"Let's go," said Diga, who had just looked at the clock on his cellphone screen, which showed 06.30.
Diga and I immediately walked to the old motorbike that Diga had. A motorcycle was full of history. It's not that Diga doesn't want to replace his old motorbike with a new one, but because on this motorbike, he has knitted many memories from being with me to seeing Bella alone with other men.
Arriving at school, we immediately walked to our respective classes; when our feet had just settled at the school gate, Diga already saw Bella complete with exciting knick-knacks.
His gaze has immediately thrown away as if there was a wound that had not yet dried. As a human defender of Diga, he directly looked cynically at Bella. Bella just glanced back at me without any sin or more.
"Haha. Gini is a broken heart," I said as I entered the school hallway.
Diga just smacked me because there were no words he could say. I grabbed his head again and ran so fast that Diga came after me; that's how we parted ways to go to our respective classes.
* * *
"KAIIIIII!!!!" shouted Putri from the back seat when she saw that. I had just arrived.
"It's been a long time since Kai came. I haven't done any PR yet."
When I entered high school, my family's finances occurred because I had to find extra money, and Putri was the solution. He was the lazy kid in our class who never did school work. He was willing to cheat on me at an ever-changing price.
Being the son of a rich person is sometimes too easy to take advantage of.