"Hey Marjorie," Ian says and waves with his free hand. His other hand is in Kimberly's. I give him a tight smile trying not to let on that I am confused and hurt right now.
"Who is this babe?" Kimberly asks him, in a sweet voice. Babe? What the hell!
"Just a girl in my math class, Kim." Ian doesn't make eye contact with me. Just looks down at his feet.
Just a girl? That hit hard. What was going on right now?
"My name is Marjorie," I tell her, trying to remain confident.
"Hm. I'm Kimberly but call me Kim. I like your sweater." Maybe Kimberly is nice, but if she's with Ian I automatically don't like her. I also decide to not call her Kim per her wishes. I feel so stupid right now. I can't believe I actually thought Ian liked me more than a friend. He was probably just leading me on just for the fun of it. I was probably just his distraction until Kimberly arrived.
"Okay, we'll see you around Marjorie." Kimberly drags Ian away and I'm left there standing in the middle of the hallway with a stupid look on my face about to cry.
The rest of the day is a blur and I'm deep inside my head, lost in my thoughts until I get home.
My phone rings but I barely hear it. It's Ian. I don't pick up and he doesn't call again for the rest of the night.
I don't want to talk to him or see his face ever again! Even though we weren't officially dating, I still feel like he betrayed me and I hate him for it. I hate him for choosing Kimberly over me and I hate her for showing up out of nowhere and stealing him.
When Mom gets home from work I don't come out of my room, even when she says it's dinner time. Eventually, she knocks on my door.
"Marjorie, sweetie? Are you okay, are you sick?" She says through the door. I don't answer. I know I'm being over-dramatic and childish but I can't help it.
"Can I come in?" She waits for a second and after more silence from me, pushes open my door slowly.
"Oh, Mar!" Mom's face changes from worry to pity when she sees me and I can imagine what she sees.
I'm wrapped up in my down comforter, wearing my yellow bunny pajamas and Mr. Carrots and CeCe are curled up on my lap. I know my hair must be knotted by now and no longer curly and my face is probably tear-stained.
"What happened Mar? Is it Amelia?" I shake my head, no. "Ian?" That makes me angry. Why was her second guess a boy? Not every time a girl cries is because it's over a boy, even though this happens to be that exact instance.
"No! Just go away!" I yell at her with more aggression and force than I intended. I instantly feel bad. Mom doesn't get upset at my outburst though, she just remains quiet and serious.
"Well, when you want to eat, dinner is on the table." She walks out of my room.
I sit in silence for a while and then decide to call Amelia. I need to tell someone about the Kimberly and Ian situation and I need her to give me advice.
"Hi, what's up." She says when she answers the phone. When she sees the state I'm in though, her whole attitude shifts. "Oh my god, what happened to you?"
"So at the end of the day, I ran into Ian in the hallway, and guess who he was with?" She frowns.
"Uh, I don't know, who?" I grimace as I say her name.
"Kimberly." I wait for her response but all I get is confusion.
"Okay... please continue." I do as she says.
"He was with Kimberly because apparently, they're already dating! She called him 'babe' and she's not nice at all! She goes by Kim instead of Kimberly but I refuse to call her that. And, when we were talking, Ian wouldn't even look me in the eye. He introduced me as 'just a girl from math class". After I finish my rant, I feel lighter, like a huge boulder was lifted off my chest. I'm also suddenly exhausted and hungry.
"Damn, I'm so sorry that happened Mar. He's an asshole, you should forget about him!"
"How am I supposed to do that? I still really like him and I'd still like to be friends." I tell her, truthfully.
"Okay, maybe don't forget about him, but think about how he treated you. And if you still want to be in a relationship with him, now that you've seen that side of him. You deserve the best." She says.
"Not like I have a choice, he's with Kimberly," I complain.
"Well you never know, they could break up in a week." I guess that's true, but probably not likely. She didn't seem like she had any intent to dump him and share him with the world.
"He called me this afternoon, but I didn't pick up. I don't think I could have heard his voice and then spoke to him without crying." Especially if it was a FaceTime call, I think but don't say.
"Yeah, that's good, you should give yourself time away from him for a while. You know, there might be an explanation for this. After your break, you might want to hear what he has to say. He obviously does have something to tell you since he called you this afternoon." I consider what she's saying.
"I guess, but what if he tries to talk to me at school?" That would be so awkward.
"I don't know, hear him out I guess." Amelia offers.
"Thanks," I tell her. "I really needed someone to talk to and get advice on this." She smiles.
"That's what friends are for. Speaking of, have you told anyone about Mr. Holland?" Ugh, why does she have to bring this up again!?
"No... except you and Ian. I regret telling him now though, I shouldn't have trusted him. He'll probably tell Kimberly every single detail I've told him." I sigh.
"He probably didn't, boys don't gossip like girls do." Amelia reminds me.
"That's true, whatever," I say, indicating we move on.
"Do you have any homework?" Amelia questions me.
"Not much, nothing due tomorrow so I probably won't do anything tonight." She knits her eyebrows together.
"Lucky, I have lots to catch up on. I'll see you tomorrow at school." I nod to Amelia.
"Okay, thanks. Bye." I say.
"Are you going to be okay?" She asks.
"Yeah, don't worry," I assure her. We hang up and when I look at the time, it's already half past eight.
I creep down to the kitchen to get a snack. I see the leftover Lasagna in a Tupperware in the fridge but end up getting goldfish from the cabinet. Mom hears me and comes into the kitchen.
"There's dinner in the fridge Mar, are you finally ready to eat?" Mom asks me.
"I'm just gonna have a snack," I tell her, pointing at the goldfish. She puts her hands on her hips and sighs.
"Marjorie, if you're hungry you can eat the dinner I cooked." I don't know why Mom is making such a big deal about this.
"Fine, whatever. I'm not hungry anymore." I stomp back to my room and slam the door. She's probably just mad that I never came out to eat with her. I do feel a little guilty for not showing up and I should probably apologize soon. I'm too tired now though so I turn on The Office on my computer and fall deep asleep.
I wake up and get ready for school. I put on my white sundress with the small yellow sunflowers and braid my hair down my back.
I walk outside into the sunlight. Ian is standing there waiting for me, in a tux with one single, yellow rose.
"What's going on?" I ask him. "What about Kimberly?" Ian just smiles and hands me the rose.
"Here is a rose for my rose," Ian says, grandly. Cheesy, but it still makes me smile.
"Thank you, Ian." I beam.
"Come on, let's just run away. Forget all this, forget everyone." Ian purposes.
"I don't know Ian, we can't even drive. What about school, what about money? There's a lot to think about here." Ian's shoulders drop.
"You know what, Marjorie? Never mind, forget it." I get tears in my eyes.
"Ian, I didn't say no, I just--" He cuts me off.
"No! Why do you always have to plan everything? Why can't you just chill out and go with the flow? Take risks sometimes. It's exhausting honestly, being with you when you're like that."
I am full-on crying now. How could he say this to me? Why was he purposely trying to hurt me?
"Stop crying, Marjorie!" He yells at me.
"How can you expect me not to cry after what you just said to me?" I say in between sobs. My tears fall onto my dress and create wet spots. Ian just shakes his head and walks away in the direction of the sun. I continue standing outside in my driveway, wearing my tear-soaked dress and a yellow rose in my hand.
I slowly pluck off the rose petals one by one, tossing them on the ground. A small breeze picks up then, blowing the petals towards the street. My dress and hair are both lifted by the breeze that soon turns into wind.
The wind becomes stronger and stronger until it lifts me off my feet and I have the sensation that I'm floating. I hear an alarm go off in the distance and at first, it's far away and quiet but then it gets louder and louder and louder and louder--
I sit up straight in bed, sweating.
My alarm is blaring and I feel like if I don't turn it off this second, the noise will give me a headache. I slam my hand down on it.
"Mar! Are you up?" Mom yells from the other room.
"Yeah!" I yell back and then head to the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth. As I'm washing my hair, the events of my dream come back to me and I relive them in my head. I'm relieved it was only a dream and Ian didn't actually say those awful words to me. I don't even think, he believes that in real life but yet again, I have no idea.
These thoughts bring me back to yesterday and I'm reminded that I will have to see Ian first thing this morning. I think I'm going to let Ian explain and if he tries to talk to me, I'll listen but not necessarily forgive him.
I head down to the kitchen where Mom is already eating breakfast which consists of bacon and eggs.
"Good morning," I say. She smiles at me.
"Good morning, are you feeling better today?" I nod and see she's relieved when I do.
"Yeah, sorry about last night, I wasn't having a good day and I took my anger out on you." She gives me a hug and kisses the top of my head.
"It's okay sweetie, I'm glad your feeling better." We eat our breakfast and she tells me Hank is coming over for dinner tonight.
"Oh." Is all I can think to say. I'm not opposed to Hank eating with us in our house, but it's still so new, sometimes I'm not sure what to think of it.
"I really like him, Marjorie," Mom says defensively, misinterpreting me.
"Yeah, I know Mom and it's fine with me." I can't tell if she believes me but she excepts it.
"Alright, have fun at school," I say goodbye and head out the door. The sun is already shining bright and it feels like a summer day. I feel warm in my sweater, so I take it off and stuff it in my backpack. I have on a light purple T-shirt, great, no yellow. I didn't pay attention to what I threw on this morning and now I'm paying the price. I take that as a sign of bad luck.
When I arrive at my locker, Amelia is already there, and she gives me a big hug.
"Don't worry about seeing him today, and remember it'll only be awkward if you make it awkward." I thank her and head to class.
I walk into math and I'm relieved when Ian isn't here yet.