A second later, he is here though, striding through the door to his desk next to mine. I watch him settle in, taking out his computer and textbook. He doesn't breathe a word to me, not even hello.
I turn away from him and focus on class, which has just started.
The entire class Ian and I don't talk except when it's about math. I was kind of hoping he would have some kind of explanation or that he would at least talk to me, but all I get is silence.
I decide to try to get him talking.
"Hey, so how have you been?" I say casually. He sort of shrugs and brushes me off.
"Eh." That is all I get in response.
"Ian..." I try again but he cuts me off.
"Just drop it." His response hurts me. How many times is this boy going to hurt me and how many times am I going to let him?
***
It's later now and I'm in the kitchen helping Mom make dinner. We're making Meatloaf with baked potatoes because it's one of Hank's favorite meals. I'm setting the table and Mom is taking the baked potatoes out of the oven.
I've been debating whether or not I should tell her about Mr. Holland. It's been weighing on my chest all week and every time I see Mom I think about telling her. I'm about to get up the nerve to tell her when she beats me to it and asks a question of her own.
"So, how's it going with Ian? Everything okay?" Mom asks me.
"Fine, I don't know." I shrug, not telling her the truth.
"Okay, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here." I nod."Alright, I'm going to get ready. You should put on something nice too."
I look down at my grey sweatpants and a yellow T-shirt that I changed into as soon as I got home so I wouldn't have to wear the purple shirt anymore.
"How fancy are we talking? I ask Mom, following her to her room.
"Well I'm going to put on some nice jeans and a blouse but if you want to wear one of your yellow dresses or jumpers that would probably be good."
"Okay," I say and go to my room to put on one of my rompers. I also comb my hair since it's a little tangly and then I go and see how Mom is doing.
She's wearing blue jeans and a baby blue top that brings out the blue in her eyes.
"You look great, Mom," I tell her. She smiles.
"Thanks, Mar, so do you. Ready?" I nod and we walk to the living room to wait for Hank to arrive.
Finally, he does, ringing the doorbell. Mom and I jump up and race to the door. We're out of breath and we giggle a little, nervously while we try to compose ourselves.
We pull it together and Mom swings the door open. Hank is standing on our porch with a bouquet of flowers.
"Awww, this is so nice Hank," Mom says and hugs him. Hank kisses her cheek and then goes to shake my hand.
"How are you ladies doing tonight?" Hank asks us.
"Great, how about you?" Mom answers him.
"Good now." He laughs. We lead him into the kitchen and sit down.
"Wow, this all looks so good! Meatloaf is my favorite." Hank says excitedly while helping himself to some food.
"I know honey, that's why I made it," Mom says. Honey? When did they start calling each other honey? It's weird for me to hear my mom talking like that to someone.
"So, how is school Mar?" Hank asks me, using my nickname I gave him last time. Surprisingly, I don't mind.
"It's okay, it's school," I tell him.
"What's your favorite subject?" I think about my answer to his question. Adults always want to know what your favorite subject is in school or if your enjoying yourself which I think is a silly question. Don't they remember hating school as a kid?
"I really like History and of course lunch." I joke. Hank laughs a little and Mom rolls her eyes playfully.
"I liked math when I was in school," Hank says, of course, he did. He probably had a good teacher unlike me.
"I hate math and my math teacher." I voice my opinions.
"Let's move on to another topic, shall we?" Mom says stopping me before I can start complaining about math because once I get started, there is no stopping me.
"How's work been?" Mom asks Hank.
"It's been really good, I recently..." I stop listening and zone out, thinking about how Ian brushed me off today. I feel crappy about it and I don't have a clue as to why he did that.
"What about you, Mar?" Mom is asking me a question.
"Huh? What?" I say, confused.
"Would you want to go on a short trip with me and Hank? Maybe during Thanksgiving break?" I don't think long about this.
"Yes! Of course, that sounds so fun! Where?" When I say this, I can visibly see Hank and my mother relieved and happy about my decision.
"Well, we don't know the details yet, and Hank and I still need to take the time off from work but we're thinking about it." I am still delighted. I love going on vacation, even if they're short.
"Alright," Hank says. "We can all think about places that are driveable from here and start thinking about all the details."
After dinner, Hank and my Mom go into the living room to watch TV, while I head up to my room. I open up Ian's texts and just reread them. There is a lot of messages and it takes me a lot of scrolling to get to the beginning. I want to call him and talk to him for hours like we used to. I sit there, staring at my phone for a while debating whether or not I should call him. I finally decide to call him.
He picks up after a while.
"Hi," I say, nervously.
"Hi." He answers. There's an awkward silence until I can't take it anymore and I tell him everything I've been thinking about all week.
"Why did you brush me off today in class? And when I bumped into you and Kimberly you said I was 'just some girl from math'! You didn't even mention all the other classes we have together or that we talked for hours upon hours last weekend? You could at least call me a friend." I know I sound pathetic but I don't care, I just want him to tell me why he's been treating me like this.
"And you wouldn't even look me in the eyes when you were with Kimberly like you were ashamed or embarrassed by me. Also, why didn't you tell me you were dating Kimberly? You made it seem like you liked me and then when she shows up you just throw me away." I'm crying now, days of tears streaming down my face.
"Oh my god, Marjorie. I'm so sorry." Ian apologizes. "I never meant to make you feel like that, it's just Kim and I dated for like all of Freshman year but I eventually broke up with her because she was always creating drama and always making me go through this crazy, toxic shit. And then she showed up here out of nowhere, I honestly think she's following me because she took the breakup really hard and she was always calling me trying to get back together." Ian pauses to take a breath and I ask,
"But, now your back together? I heard her call you babe." I ask him.
"No, we're not together she just likes calling me babe as if I will want to go back to her if she says it enough. I don't know, she likes making other girls jealous too." Ian explains. "I'm really sorry Mar, Kim can just be so, manipulative sometimes and that day, I just didn't have any energy to deal with her or fight back so I let her think we were back together."
"That's a shitty thing to do to both her and me," I say, bitterly.
"Yeah I know, I'm going to break up with her, or whatever and tell her she can't control me anymore. And I know that just because she and I used to date, isn't an excuse for me to be an asshole to you. I'm so sorry again and I understand if you don't want to talk to me again." Ian sounds sad when he says this.
"No, that's not what I want Ian. I was just confused about the whole Kimberly thing and when you didn't want to talk to me in math." I say, hoping he'll clear that up.
"Yeah, honestly I thought you were going to yell at me like you just did now, or cry or something and I didn't want the whole class involved. That was another shitty thing I did this week, damn, I'm an actual asshole sometimes." At least he realizes it."I also really like you Mar and by then I had thought I already blew it so what was the point." Did he just say he likes me? This makes my heart flutter. I smile even though he can't see my face.
"I really like you to Ian West. Which is why it really hurt me what you did." There, I said it. I told a boy I like him for the first time in my life. And suddenly, I really, really need to see his beautiful face.
"Can we switch to FaceTime?" I ask at the same time as he says, "Wanna switch to video?"
We both laugh and end the call so we change it to video. Soon, his face fills my screen.
"Hey," He says. I smile. "So, can you forgive me?" He asks.
"If you can't already tell, I am very quick to forgive," I tell him. I really am okay, now that he's explained and I know what happened. It also helps that he likes me back. I still want to know one thing though.
"So, what's going to happen with Kimberly?" I'm also wondering what will happen with us.
"I'm going to tell her I'm with you now and that we're done forever. I'm not going to let her manipulate me anymore either." He answers both of my questions.
"So, we're together now?" I ask him. He looks startled, then nervous.
"Uh, if you want to be. I want to be with you Mar, I really like you, so will you go out with me?" He asks me.
"Yes! Of course. I really like you to Ian." I'm beyond excited and I don't care that he can tell. We smile at each other for several minutes.
"So, do you have any homework?" He asks me.
"Uh, not much. Honestly, I have no clue, I haven't checked." He laughs.
"Yeah, same. We should look though."
"Yeah," We both get our folders and binders and open our computers.
"Ugh!!!!!" Ian exclaims. "I have science homework to do."
"I have science too, wanna work on it together?" He nods and we spend two hours getting some work done. It feels amazing to work with him like before and now that we've admitted to liking each other, I feel like I can be more honest with him. It feels, freeing.
Just then, CeCe hops up onto my bed and crawls onto my bed.
"Aw, is that your bunny?" Ian says. He is adorable when he says 'aww'. It makes me smile.
"Yep, this is CeCe and I have another named Mr. Carrots," I tell him proudly.
"Mr. Carrots? That's a good name for a bunny rabbit." Ian says.
"Yeah, but the funny thing is, Mr. Carrots hates carrots, he's the only bunny I know, who does so it's like a funny name for him," I explain. Ian laughs.
"I can't wait to meet them someday, they're adorable. How long have you had them?" I hadn't even thought of Ian coming over to my house, meeting my bunnies, meeting Mom! The idea makes me nervous but also excited.
"Um, since I was like 8 years old."
"Wow, that's a long time. The only pet I've ever had is a fish, and he died the week after we got him." Ian says,
"Oh, that sucks," I say while petting CeCe on the head.
"Eh, it was just a fish, way different than bunnies or like cats and dogs and stuff." I agree.
"What's your favorite color Mar?" Ian asks out of the blue.
"Yellow," I tell him. "What about yours?"
"Black. And I assumed you liked yellow because you wear it every day but I wanted to be sure." He points out. I smile.
"Guilty. And I was thinking you would like a dark color." I tell him.
"You look good in yellow, which is amazing because not many people can pull it off, and I can't imagine you in anything else. It just fits you so well." I blush when he says this.
"Thanks." I can't stop smiling.
"No problem." He smiles his gorgeous smile and I melt a little. How can I like a boy this much?