Trying my best not to lose it, I frustratingly concluded my tirade in almost a whisper, "Do not start something you can't finish, Damascus. Just stop it now!"
I really do not understand why he is being like this. He should take the hint. I am not a child. I made a mistake. I know and I admit that it was a stupid mistake have I not been clouded by anger. I've suffered and learned from it. I do not deserve to be treated as if I am incapable of running my own life for a mistake that happened once. Besides, why is he acting as if… as if… No, no. It's impossible for him to have that kind of interest in me. Or does he? No, he doesn't, come on Kira, stop fooling yourself. He is just being unreasonably overprotective and overbearing right now. Such an effing control freak, that's what he is! He should just keep this side of him for his women. I'm pretty sure they'd be more than willing to oblige and bend backwards for the 'Great Damascus Lee!' Hmph. I've had enough of his shenanigans. I've already agreed to live with him and even agreed to a bodyguard, what else does he want from me?! I better keep my resolve and not be affected by his casanova ways. I do not want to be categorized as one of his women. Hell no. I want to make it clear to him that I am not going to allow him to include me in his list of conquests! And here I was, thinking he really is a dear friend…
Aki sighed. He did not know whether to laugh or cry.
"Why is that?" He asked.
"Why is what?" I asked, clearly baffled.
"Why is it not possible?" Desperation and frustration, clearly showing in his voice.
"Huh?"
"You said that it's not possible for me to be interested in you the way that a man can be interested in a woman, Kira. Are you not a grown woman and I, a grown man? And why do you always insist that I have a lot of women? Have you seen me with any since we became close friends? Are you really just oblivious? Why do you keep on feigning ignorance about how I feel toward you? Am I really not to your liking, huh, Kira? Do I not pass your standards to be your man? How long will you keep me categorized under your 'dearest friends' list?" He exasperatedly lamented.
"Huh?" I was not sure if I heard him clearly. How he feels toward me? When did we even have that conversation? When did he even say that…that he has feelings for me in that way? Wait, does this mean that he sees me in that light? I mean, is the 'Great Damascus Lee' telling me that he wants to be my man and I, his woman? What?! I cleared my throat, trying to make words come out but it was futile. I was tongue-tied.
Aki turned to face Kira. "What do I have to do to make you see me, Kira?" He sounded out, exasperated and desperate.
I just looked at him, still in a state of confusion. I really didn't know what to say at this point. I mean, I want this, right? I want him to see me beyond our friendship, I mean at least a part of me does? The woman in me is also screaming to be noticed and be valued. Heck, I want to be his ONLY woman, but why do I seem so confused and scared now? Is this one of his jokes? Is he toying with my emotions right now?
"Tell me Kira. God knows I really do not know anymore what to do." He's looking at me boring into my entire being. Those deep set eyes that can hypnotize anyone as if he has a superpower of some sort. Like how writers depict fictional vampires being able to compel a person. Those eyes that can mesmerize you to the point of throwing you into the abyss and get lost. Those eyes that I just love…wait. What?! Damn it. I am even allowing myself to go that route. Get ahold of yourself, Akira O'hara!
"Is this one of your jokes, Aki? Can you please be serious right now?" I hesitantly asked, clearly not sure of how I should respond to him nor react to what he just said.
"Do I look like I am joking right now?" Aki didn't really know whether he should laugh or cry right now. Or should he just grab this woman in front of her and devour her with a very impassioned kiss to let her know how he feels?
"What are you trying to say, Aki? Honestly, you have to spell it out to me right now. You are one of my dearest friends and I am truly grateful for that. I've been thanking the heavens since you came into my life. But why this all of a sudden? What…what exactly are you saying? And what do you expect to hear from me?" I stuttered. Oh my God. Am I in a reality show right now wherein any time a cast of crew would come out and… Damn. I lowered my head, as if doing this will help me make sense of what he just said.
He leaned in and placed his forehead on mine, keeping his eyes on mine. Slowly, he placed his lips on my forehead, and then on my left eye, right eye, before kissing my right cheek and then the left. He kissed the tip of my nose. He sighed before looking me straight in the eyes again. 'What the fuck is he doing?!' I silently screamed!
"I love you, Ms. Akira O'hara. And not just as a friend. I have loved you since the day I met you. And I have fallen deeper in love as we got to spend more time together. Why do you choose to not see that? Why do you build up walls between us? Why do you pretend you do not feel the same way? How long will you deny me and fool yourself into thinking that what we have is just pure friendship? What do I have to do to make you see beyond our friendship?" He whispered. His warm breath sending shivers down my spine as a warm sensation started pooling within my core, threatening to make me lose all my senses. Did I really hear him correctly? He loves me more than a friend? Wait, WHAT FUCKERY IS THIS?!
I held his gaze, trying to make sense of everything he just said. But, for the life of me, I cannot utter a single word. Holding his gaze made me feel paralyzed and as if I was thrown into an abyss. Fear. Doubt. Desire. Longing. Excitement. Satisfaction. I felt all of these somewhat conflicting emotions. I cannot process his words, the emotions showing in his eyes and the emotions being elicited from me. I froze. And then, I closed my eyes and moved away from him. I heard him sigh.
"It's been a long day. You better rest Kira. Just let Liam know when you want to have dinner. I will retire for the day and will not be joining you for dinner later. See you tomorrow." He stood up and turned on his back, with his shoulders down. He looked so dejected as he left me sitting on the couch, frozen and speechless.
What the fuck just happened? I tried to process everything. What he said. What I've been feeling all this time. What I am feeling now. I do not know how many minutes passed before I took a deep breath and decided to go to my room to let everything sink in.