Leon's maniacal laughter perplexed the terrified women laying on the bottom of the white-painted wooden box.
A flurry of exploding attacks had just hit the group, yet he was cackling in pure amusement!
Lindy's eyes widened when she saw the hope glittering in the previously-timid women's eyes. Ironically, his arrogant confidence eased their concerns!
"Why do you all look so surprised? Are you just now realizing how arrogant it is to casually fly over a warzone with a massive sign that reads [your women fly free!]....?"
The redhead chuckled in disbelief. "I read the sign as [Desperate women willing to do anything fly free]. I didn't consider how arrogant it was too."
"Me too…."
"Same…."
"Me as well…."
"I don't get it. Why would he write something so… creepy and suggestive on it?" The redhead asked.
Lindy laughed with a flicker of madness in her eyes.
"According to Leon, if we put up a no-strings-attached slogan, quote [we'd also need to procure a van, and some spray paint to write FREE CANDY in bold letters. That's far too much effort on short notice]."
The women burst into laughter.
"And the second reason," Lindy said with a devious expression, "Is that the more people we piss off, the more murderers and attackers we can toast without going against our gods' virtues."
Everyone in the basket fell silent for a moment.
"He's getting rid of the people that would hurt women too?" The redhead asked in disbelief, "Why?"
"Because I'm already here and earning every reward, so I might as well be a gentleman while I'm at it!" Leon yelled from above, "Now stop questioning it and enjoy the show!"
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllll! BOOOOM!
A massive explosion of vibrant red colors rained upon the earth.
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllll Boom!
Neon blue sparks detonated from the sky.
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllll boom!
Radiant golden shards showered the candidates like gold coins being tossed to the poor.
WHIIIILLLL BOOOOM!
Everyone in Kaskmont watched a true supernova of color explode into a delightful sea of rainbows.
The perplexing part was that the arrogant, angel-topped bondage blimp didn't even tremble!
Reina actively set up barriers instead of using the original passive net she set up.
As a result, the overpowered arrows that flew at the group like homing missiles exploded as if they were nothing but cheap, firework stand mortars.
—
Ding! [God's announcement! God Candidate Leon Traxler has uploaded a new video: Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service!]
-
Ding! [The user's video: Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service! got its first god view!]
-
Ding! [The user's video: Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service! Is #50 in trending! Gods are now seeing the user's video.]
-
Ding! [The user's video: Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service! Is #10 in trending! Gods are sharing the user's video!]
-
Ding! [The user has obtained 100 new subscribers!]
—
The gods' reaction to the video on the Forbidden Library was instantaneous.
"Subscribers." Leon chuckled with a wide grin.
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrllllllll BOOM!
Dazzling green leaves fell from the sky.
Ratatatatatataaaaat!
Thud, thud, thud, thud, boom!
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
The women screamed in the basket. However, they weren't fearful. They were squealing in joy over the beautiful overpowered barriers showing their true potential!
—
Ding! [The user's video: Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service! is now LIVE! Gods and candidates can watch it unfold!]
—
"Hey, girls. You want to see what type of person Leon is?" Lindy asked enthusiastically.
Her fan girl excitement made the worn-down candidates forget they were experiencing the apocalypse. It was so refreshing to hear someone get excited to gossip, so they immediately jumped in.
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrllll BOOM!
"Sure! I'm Quinn, by the way!" The redhead said.
Ratatatatatataaaaat!
"I'm Kira!" A blonde followed.
Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, boom!
Their names were Quinn, Kira, Rika, Milly, and Phan. After casually introducing themselves while missiles, bullets, and other weapons smashed into them, Lindy continued.
"Open up your interface, go to the Forbidden Library." Lindy instructed, "In the search bar, search for Leon Traxler.
You'll find him immediately, considering 1200 gods follow him, has a live video at number one in trending, and a good-looking face!"
"Wait… he's a streamer!?" Kira cried in bewilderment, "It's the apocalypse! How does he have the bandwidth for social media!?"
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiirllll Boom!
"Nah. Leon's never used the record feature," Lindy replied with a wide grin, "He's just so badass—"
BOOOOOOOOOM!
A blood vessel on Lindy's head burst, and her head snapped 5% to the right in a violent craze. The guy with the machine gun used a grenade launcher to attack, and it went off in her ear.
She immediately got up and looked over the side of the crate.
—
Ding! [God Candidate Lindy Crestfall is now live on Candidate uses enemy attacks as mood lighting for his party airline service! Gifting is now open!]
—
"HEY FUCK STICK, WASTING VALUABLE AMMO FOR NOTHING!"
Ratata…tat. The shooter's enthusiasm went limp as quickly as a teenage boner when a girlfriend's angry dad burst into the room.
"YEAH, YOU! YOU'RE OUT; NOW GO HOME! YOU'RE JUST LOUD, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH HUMILIATING!"
The man, in full camo, scrunched his face into a scowl.
He turned around, threw up his assault into the air, and—
Rata…tata…tat
—he left a fuck you shot while walking away.
"PHLEGETHON!"
Lindy didn't take kindly to the little man ruining her gossip session, so she called out the name of the new skill she had unlocked by a level increase.
A large, ominous ball liquid ball the size of a baseball shot out of her hand. As it moved forward, it grew larger, Larger, and LARGER until it was the size of a small house.
"Quinn! Hurry, watch it live!" Kira cried excitedly, "The view is soooooooooo much better!"
The women logged into their interface and pulled up the video just in time to watch a close-up of pure regret on the man's face.
As the ball grew, its shadow covering him got darker and darker.
If that weren't enough, the crimson, blood-textured ball of liquid was bubbling, and steam was radiating from it.
"LISTEN UP, YOU CREEPY THOTHOGGLERS!"
Lindy roared with her hands high.
The weapons stopped firing. The air fell silent. Everyone held their breaths.
"WE APPRECIATE YOUR FUTILE EFFORTS TO DISRUPT HIGH CULTURE!"
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
A wave of confusion washed over the candidates tagged in the video. They watched a flurry of notifications flash before their eyes, ushering in their death.
"YOU'VE PROVED YOU'RE DANGEROUS, AND THE MAN OFFERING WOMEN FREE RIDES IS THE SAFEST PERSON TO BE WITH. SO THANKS!"
Ding! Ding!
Leon grinned from ear to ear when he heard her plug. He was impressed that she had self-control in her current state.
"BUT! IF I SAY [YOU'RE OUT] THEN YOU'RE OUT!"
The dark crimson blood ball started boiling out of control as Lindy reached up her hands to grab the ball with an invisible force.
"NOW, TAKE NOTE! I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A TUTORIAL ON EASY MODE!"
Lindy's words gave them the slightest hope that she'd go easy on them. However, the look in her eyes was devoid of mercy.
The scum below stood between her and [Leon talk], an offense recently deemed punishable by death.
"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GOSSIP ABOUT MY MAN!"
Wait? That was what her entire speech was about? Not being able to gossip about her man?
Every man firing a weapon at the group stared blankly into the abyss, trying to figure out if they had misinterpreted her statement.
Their confusion proved fatal, as the critical time necessary to run was wasted thinking about the batshit crazy woman making a grand speech.
"RELEASE!"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"AgGgHhHhHhHhHhHahHhHh!"
All the men and women in the camouflage-clad man's general area instantly drowned in a tidal wave of boiling blood.
Phlegethon. It was the boiling river of blood that led through the underworld and passed through the seventh circle of hell.
It was a sight that one would expect from such a location. Hell.
When the boiling blood touched a weak superhuman's flesh, it burnt all of the nerve endings on contact, making it impossible to feel.
The sheer heat proved to be the only respite that individuals felt as their body lost every sense sensation and feeling before they choked, heat exploded in their body, and died.
Phlegethon. Boiling alive in the river was a punishment for people who committed an act of violence against their neighbors, a hyper-relevant punishment for the situation.
Once again, it was a sight perfectly suited for the seventh circle of hell.
There was only one difference.
It was a small difference, but it was significant nonetheless.
The thing about the scene unfolding was simple.
They weren't in the seventh circle of hell.
Everyone experiencing the legendary punishment was from Earth and had the misfortune to get skullfucked by the whims of the gods three days ago.
They narrowly escaped death on the first day through their ability to form parties and engage in violence.
On the second day, they scrounged for supplies and built their stake in the world.
Then on the third day, a man in a hot air balloon touched down near the warzone. Their female compatriots hopped on the airship, which brazenly flew away in the open at a leisurely pace.
Being human, they made a simple mistake.
And now.
Now.
Now they were experiencing the most brutal and truly unnecessary death imaginable—for interrupting a woman's gossip time.
The gods were the worst.
But as always, humans proved that they could overcome any challenge. Thus, they overcame the gods in a shocking upset and earned the title of [the extra worst].
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Gifts started pouring in for Lindy, who ignored them completely, smiled and turned around to rejoin the gossip circle.