The old man sighed again before leaving his well-built stone house, far better than the straw huts of the villagers.
His house was away from the other villagers' huts, located right at the boundary of the forest.
He walked along the road paved towards the village with his staff's thudding louder than his steps.
This was his usual routine, the thought of the devil had already left him like the passing of a bad nightmare.
As he got closer and closer to the village, he felt the place bustling more and more lively.
He saw a man rush out of the only warehouse with a beer barrel on his shoulder.
The old man raised a brow. The villagers rarely drank, most of the beer was sold, the villagers indulged themselves only in times of festive.
"Cough! Oi, you! What are you doing?" The old man flailed his hand towards the man.
The man paused before striding over, flashing a bright smile, he explained, "Oh, Chief Jake, you don't know? There's a celebration going on! we have a Saint's relative in the village after all! come along!"
Old man Jake furrowed his brows, "Go ahead youngster! These old bones will only slow you down!"
The man nodded. To Jake, somebody nearing his 90's, the 40 years old man was indeed young.
'Saint's relative? Who in God's grace? Even I, in my whole life have only seen a saint's relative thrice, much less a Saint! So, how on God's name did a Saint's relative end up here?' Jake felt something was off.
Not even a shadow of Kobi appeared in his mind, after all, how could somebody with a disgusting mouth like him be a Saint's relative?
Jake's pace increased as he started hearing the cheers and songs of his villagers.
'Just who is the Sai__' Jake's mouth slowly loosened.
With eyes quievering in fright and confusion, he grabbed the arm of a young boy and pointed towards the group of men dancing around while surrounding a blonde youth.
"I-is that the Saint's relative?"
The boy furrowed his brows but seeing it was Jake, he eased up, "Yep grandpa, that's him alright, guess what? He even saved Reka!"
Jake nodded his head foolishly and let go of the boy.
As the boy walked a bit far off, Jake suddenly snapped out of his daze and retorted as loudly as he could, "That's Big Sis Reka for you, kid!"
Hearing the chuckle mixing in with the other childrens', he shook his head and walked towards the centre.
The raging melody and the bones littering the ground didn't faze him in the least, he couldn't be more used to it.
What men and what woman, all sat on the mat spread on the ground and cheered as they gobbled food and enjoyed the couple dance.
In the middle of the circle created by the dancers, on a simple chair taken from Jake's house without his permission or knowledge, sat a haughty devil laughing jovially.
"HAHAHA!" Kobi laughed aloud and spread his mouth wide, hinting at Reka to throw the grapes in her mouth.
'Life is... such a bitch!' Reka sighed and smiled brightly. "Here master, have some juice!"
"Mhm! Good maid, good maid!" Kobi sipped the juice and patted Reka on the head. Reka smiled in sincere gratitude.
"Tch! So lucky, I wish I was in her stead!"
"I know right? Just look at her, she can't stop her foolish smrik!"
"I would kill to be in her place!"
Hearing the voices of the envious girls, Reka's smile widened. Yep, keep laughing Reka, keep smiling! If you truly spit on his face like you want too, these villagers will suck you dry!!
"Oh! Village chief! You're finally here! Come, come! Lets have a drink!"
The men, seeing the elderly figure, invited with bright grins.
"Hoho! How can he? How dare the village chief sit on the ground?" Kobi's voice suddenly silenced the humming tones and the classic lyrics.
"Of course the village chief would sit on the chair like me!" Kobi nodded his head towards Jake assuringly.
The music burst out again, with even more vigor no less.
Of course, the villagers were glad such a kind fellow appeared here.
A man near Kobi scratched his head awkwardly, "B-But their's only one chair! Should I fetch another?"
"Huh?" Kobi glanced at this fool in awe. Just how could somebody be so dumb, "Of course!"
Hearing the reply, the man nodded with a smile, "Rig–"
"We respect the chief, but not too much! Since there's a shortage of chairs and you have to leave such a grand party to bring another one. I will make a grave compromise and allow his smelly and unclean old butt to sit on my lap!" Kobi puffed his chest respectfully.
The drums stopped again.
'Fuck! This arrogant brat is making me curse more than I have in my last three decades!' Jake massaged his temples and looked around.
'If he's really related to a Saint, then we can't offend him!' Seeing the tense air, he decided to appease the situation, "Aw! Everyone–"
"Shit! The Junior Saint is too magnimious!"
"Damn that lucky old bag of bones!"
"Shit! If he doesn't appreciate this opportunity, I'm gonna murder him tonight!"
'Fuck!' Jake sucked in cold air, 'The heck did he manage to win over all my people in such a short time? Shit! I am questioning their loyalty! I will report it to their leader! Oh wait! fuck! that's me!' Jake had an urge to slap himself.
"Huh? Seems the chief feels too grateful and doesn't dare sit on my lap! I see, I see! so he feels my shit is enough for him to cherish his whole life!" Kobi nodded understandingly. He was just too great!
'...The fuck!? Who needs your crap to sit on?' Jake felt something metallic run and cold rush to his throat. Nearly giving him a heartache. 'My fragile heart can't take this.'
"Hurry! hurry everyone! The chief is old, he can't stand for long, quick! bring my shit!" Kobi flailed his hands around frantically, the urgency written all over his face!
"H-Hurry, hurry!" The man besides him repeated solemnly and the villagers burst into an uproar.
"Search! Quickly search the divine dung!"
"Shit! Don't let that old fart get the shit!"
"Hurry! Lets quickly murder the chief! Maybe we will get the shit for ourselves this way!"
"Yea! Kill, kill!" Most of the villagers hurriedly nodded and directed their gazes at the agape chief.
'The fuck happened to my people?' Jake felt as if his whole past life was a lie.
"Oh! Wait, I forgot I have yet to dung yet!" Kobi scratched his forehead sheepishly before a righteous look appeared on his face, "It's not much but please make do with this as a compensation!"
Poke!
Shuffle! Shuffle!
Found!
Captured!
Pull out!
Kobi rolled the black object between his thumb and index finger before flicking it towards Jake.
Jake, incredulous at what he just saw, opened his mouth speechlessly. His bad sight not even managing to spot anything flying over and settling into his mouth.
Kobi blinked his eyes strangely, "Y-you! Crooked tree you.... you are so crooked! You freaking swallowed my booger!"
The air turned deathly cold, and for some reason, there was a scent of envy and bloodlust in the air.
But... before things could escalate too much, Kobi's words spread out again, "Old man! Yo-You sure got strange kinks!"
. . .
Kinks?
...Village Chief!?
S-shit! No wonder... so he just couldn't help it! H-Huh?
The villagers... accepted reality bravely.
Heck! They even flashed Jake a few hints by rubbing their noses.
'What is happening!? I just woke up and this mess? C-can I go back to the world before my sleep, please?' Jake blinked his eyes.
Suddenly, he felt a strange taste in his mouth.
He rolled it around his tongue before he... accidentally gulped!
Jake looked around and smiled warmly like he always did. Suddenly, his stomach flipped upside down and something metallic splattered out of his mouth.
"F-fuck! chief is so happy that his secret appeared to us that's he's spitting blood!" Kobi slapped his thigh like he had unveiled a mystery.
Suddenly, Jake spurted more blood.
That day... Jake vomited more than he had ever in his whole life!