So this is how it feels to receive lots of invitations. It's quite burdensome. I decided I won't read them all, and I'm not planning on attending any. I just barely survived that coming-of-age banquet. Thinking that I would be attending another party makes me dizzy.
"Nobles must like parties that much, huh?"
I know that attending parties would help me a lot in boosting my image, as well as in building relations and connections in society. But this is not the right time for me to work on that. My inner peace and comfort are always the top priority.
"Just throw them all out..." I said in a tired voice.
"But, my lady... would you not see these ones?" I see she specially separated some invitations. I am guessing those might be from prominent families.
"Maya, you know how to write, right?"
"Yes, my lady."
I smiled. "Would you be kind to send a response to those letters?" referring to the bunch she separated based on importance. "Just tell them that I'm humbly declining their invitations."
I saw her shoulders drop as I said that. She might have been expecting a positive response from me. I thought she would protest and make me attend to at least one. But she didn't say anything and placed the letters inside the box.
"What about the reason, my lady?" she asked.
"Do I need any?" my brow raised.
"I understand," Maya replied before finally heading out, bringing all the letters with her.
I feel bad for doing this. Anyways, a week had passed since my birthday and here I am, still annoyed. I am not seeing nor hearing any news about the prince, however, I'm still getting embarrassed and annoyed whenever I think about him. I cannot even understand myself.
Do I like him, you ask? No, I don't. It's just that it's making me uneasy whenever I think about the acts I did. Stupid! Really stupid, and unladylike.
As a writer, I have already created a character's path for myself to follow. I have always envisioned that the new Aerin should be poised with elegance, someone who looks cold on the outside but kind and warm once you know her, someone who is not easily read. I thought that I could pull it off, however, my honesty to react to things is highly dominant.
"Aish!" scratching my head harshly.
How about we'll think of another path this time? Yeah, let's do that!
"Should I start acting cute? You know, characters who usually have predictable actions go on the path of cuteness." Ah, no! I hate that.
"How about acting reserved?" Hmmm... could be. I scribbled everything down.
"Or should I just act normally?" yeah that could be the best option, instead of acting differently.
"Urgh!" even so, I'm skeptical.
I know I sound pathetic and I may look like a desperate soul trying to fit in. But this is me trying to live my life out here. Well, honestly speaking, I do feel awkward and pathetic most of the time. For the past two years, I have been trying my best to act like someone else. Been trying to understand the ways of the nobility, forcing myself to the customs that I am not used to, changing everything according to my preference believing that it is right, but ended up crying in silence whenever I get stressed out. Getting used to everything is still a long way for me.
"Haaah..." I sighed.
Staying in this room would just suck me up to depression. Let's go get some fresh air! I wanted to breathe.
I started to walk outside the garden, heading to the greenhouse.
"Mmmm..." what a lovely day. The summer air is indeed refreshing to the mind.
The greenhouse is situated at the farthest end of the estate, near the stream. And beyond that stream is a forest. At times when I'm battling with myself and my circumstance, I would usually come here and sit still. Sometimes, I would read or sleep, facing the stream. I even develop a new hobby, and that's fishing even though there's no fish to catch in this stream.
Days passed, weeks, a month, another month, and some more months until it was finally winter. All those times I was just idling around, doing the same boring tasks again and again. The people in this house are so worried about me, they have been urging me to go out and shop, stroll the city, or attend parties. The only time they were successful in getting me out was when I handed the business plan for the undergarments over to Chris. Usually, Chris would just come to visit the duchy. But since it has been a long time since I was secluding myself, the butler who was instructed by my father specifically told me that I needed to hand it over personally. And so I went.
Chris's shop is in Tezeba, the capital. I just went there three times, the first was to hand over the design. The second was to talk about the plan on advertising it, the materials, and its costs. Then finally, when everything was settled including the percentage I will be receiving from the revenue, I stopped coming out again.
I only learned about the success of the business upon reading the newspapers. And later did I know that I was already branded as the 'detached princess of Melenheim.'
"Great!" I sarcastically exclaimed. Should I consider this a great feat?
"Can I join you?"
I looked up to see my father. I smiled as I put the newspaper aside.
"With pleasure." I then asked a servant to get another teacup for him. I'm having tea in the parlor room, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace, while oftentimes watching the snow fall outside the window. "How's work?"
"Same as usual." he smiled. Then his gaze landed on the newspaper. "Have you read it?"
"Yeah!" I laughed. "I might have intrigued them, yes?"
"You were not showing yourself, yes." then he drank his tea that was just served by the servant.
Before, I thought facing society after my coming of age would be great, but I don't feel like it now. After months of pondering, I came to realize that I don't need to prove anything to anyone. And that I don't need others' confirmation. Yes, I proclaimed before that I will be changing people's perception of me, but I realized how tiring it is. I guess the depression my self-reflection had made me a better person. The people in the duchy knowing how much I've changed from the villainess one is already enough.
"Well... do I need to?"
"No, you don't."
I realized he may have something to say, but just doesn't know how to say it. Observing him for years made me understand so much about him. He wouldn't just leave work and come have tea time with his daughter for nothing.
"Dad... what are you worrying about?" I am a hundred percent sure it is something about me. So I started to ask.
"Is something bothering you?" he finally voiced it out with a caring look.
"Hmm? No!" I said after I sipped my tea. "Why would you think so?"
"You have not been coming out. I understand from when you were ill and I thought that after your coming of age you would go back to doing the things you usually do. Maybe something the matter?"
Seeing how much he talked, he must really be worried.
Yeah, I came to know how much Aerin loved prancing on the streets of Tezeba. That she also loved shopping, going to cafes, and attending or either hosting tea parties.
The old Aerin doesn't like talking to people, but she likes listening to gossip. She also loved torturing people emotionally and socially by making them attend her parties, ridiculing them about their dresses, their status, or anything that comes around. Planting to their minds that she's above them. That's how awful she is.
You might ask how I happened to possess her. Well, that's because she was severely ill. Aerin was found in a quiet alleyway in the city, unconscious with blood gushing from her head. What happened to her? Who knows! Up until now, there's no result from the investigation.
I reached for his hand and smiled. "Dad... I'm fine. I really am."
"If you say so. I believe you."
"Hmm."
Then the cold afternoon continued to pass as we sat down with our tea.