"Pu-wah!" I sprang up from bed, holding my throat with both my hands. My eyes were wide because of fear. I vehemently touched my whole body, making sure that it was still all flesh-- that I'm not just a mere soul. While doing it, also scanned the room. Cold sweat is coming out of my body.
It is dark in here, but a sense of relief washed through me as I saw that I am in my room. My clothes were changed to a nightgown.
"I... I am...fine" a heavy sigh came out.
The last thing I remembered was taking the test in the temple. And in that test, I felt like I lose my life. Remembering it again sends a shiver down my spine. It was as if it was testing my soul.
"Soul?" yeah, I felt my soul leave this body. A force is pulling me out forcefully, separating me, not wanting me to get near.
Did God Vitas find out who I was?
Is She sending me a message?
Did the priests know?
Those are the frantic questions I came upon. My whole body is shaking, I cannot help it. I look like a wet bird, curling up in a sitting position, hugging my knees. Although the fireplace is lit, I am very cold.
"My lady... are you up?" a voice came from the door. I see it's slightly opened. It was Maya.
"Hey... come in."
She then slowly moved in, closing the door behind her.
"How are you feeling? We were so worried about you, my lady."
"Well... I'm breathing. Thank you..." I forced myself to sit still and leaned my back on the headboard. "Is it evening?"
"Yes. It is almost midnight." she helped me move the blanket, covering me.
"I see. How long have I been asleep?"
"It has been two days, my lady."
"Two days, huh?" I'm just glad I still woke up. I trusted the high priest when he said I would be alright. But I ended up having another episode of depression instead. I wanted to be angry and annoyed, but I'm too tired to even feel those emotions.
"Would you like to eat?" she asked, holding a bell to call someone out if I'd say so.
"No..." I don't have the appetite anyways. Instead, "Maya... could you sing for me?" It was out of the blue.
"Eh?" her surprised face made me smile.
"Please?"
It has been a long time since I last heard her sing, and that was when I first woke up from a coma. She's unsure and embarrassed. I can see how much uneasy she is because of my stupid request. But looking at my pleading look, she ended up sitting in a chair beside my bed. Cannot help but agree with this troubled woman.
"Thank you... Maya." I smiled as I closed my eyes, waiting.
"Will this day pass as the crystal drops?
Out from the tears of winter snow...
These white plains and frozen lakes
I long await for them to melt, I know...
For I am a lost bird in the north..."
My heart felt at peace in the meantime. I am very impressed at how she found her words to form her song. I know that it was all hers because I haven't heard them sung by singers in this empire. It's not even known by the local folks.
Come to think of it, I have been thinking of helping her out but I always tend to forget because of my own circumstance. I will make sure to remember it this time around, and that I need to help her find her space as an artist. She would really be a good composer.
"Tomorrow is the last day of the hunt, right?"
"That is right. The hunters will be returning. Will you be coming?"
"I have to." I opened my eyes to look at her. "You may now rest, Maya."
"But--"
"I'm alright now. Thank you..." my tone suggests I would really like to be alone.
"Then... I will take my leave, my lady. If you need something, just please call us." the bell she was holding earlier was left at my bedside table.
When I'm finally alone, I went back to succumbing to my worries again. I kept on thinking about things I'm having a hard time sorting out. Deep inside, I want to believe that it was only me who knew what happened in that void. I want to deny whatever possibility of being found out. More importantly, I have this contradicting feeling of wanting to know the result but don't want to know as well. I'm a ball of confusion. I wanted to run away and hide, to escape all my worries. But it would only prolong the agony. In the end, I settled on the thought of mustering a brave heart and mind and facing everything by tomorrow. Only then will my mental state be at peace once more.
Did I fail the test? I hope I did.