Emily's P.O.V
I have a confession to make. Remember on the first day of school when I had something to talk to Nathan about? Well, I was planning on telling Nathan about my feelings. Yeah we're just friends but honestly I've had a crush on him since I was twelve. The moment he took my hand and walked me into school, I just knew he was the one. He wiped my tears and promised to always be there for me. That day I made a promise too. That I'd always have his back, and be there for him too. After that day when we were twelve, my crush gradually turned to like and as the days turned to years. I realized that I was in love with my best friend. I had finally decided during the summer break to tell him how I felt but he saw Emma walk by and ruined our tradition.
I just felt it wasn't the right time to tell him and then we both had stuff going on and tragically his mother passed away. GOD bless her soul. So the right time basically flew out the window. When he started giving hints about liking Emma I didn't think much if it, of course I felt a little bad but I just thought it was a little crush and it would die but it didn't and now they're… well I don't know what they are but they are kissing in public places which means they may already be dating.
I can't even begin to explain how hurt I feel and how much ache my heart ached when I saw them kiss yesterday. It was like he took out my heart, ripped it into a thousand pieces and handed it back to me. I should be happy that he's happy but how can I be happy knowing he's kissing someone the way I want him to kiss me. This is so frustrating.
I'm not saying this because I'm bitter and jealous. I am but that's not why I'm saying this; I think there's something off about Emma. I just don't trust her. Maybe she's still together with her college boyfriend, he was a popular jock when he was in our school, if they broke up the whole school would've heard of it, but no news like that was heard, not even a rumor.
Apart from the boyfriend issue. Nathan was acting weird yesterday, all I was doing was looking out for him, he wasn't eating anything and I was just showing my concern and he snapped at me. He has never spoken to me in that manner before. I know that it may be that he's just not himself after everything who would be. He just needs time to adjust to life again, and if that means he snaps from time to time I guess it's okay. So I'm not going to take what he said to me seriously, he is in his feelings, I just wish he didn't sound so mean yesterday.
*brrrr* my phone vibrates indicating that it's morning and time to wake up. I can't believe I didn't sleep a wink. Well that's what always happens when I have something on my mind
********
"Hey" I say to Zeke as I climb into his car.
He nods his head at me and hands me a card. I open it and it's an invitation card to a dinner party scheduled for Friday night. The last time he invited me to one of these was the week Nathan lost his mum so we didn't go.
"I'm literally being forced to attend this. I'd rather do anything than go to anymore of this" Zeke states as he starts the engine of his car
I stare at the card and then at him
"Why? It doesn't sound that bad. It's free food"
He sighs
"It's extremely boring and the other people my age that attend are all snubs. I never have anyone to talk to"
I smile a little
"Then it's a good thing I'm coming with you"
"I guess it is" he says with a smile
"Aren't we going to Nathan's?" I ask as I notice he's taking the route straight to school
"No, he said he'd walk. He needs the exercise or something like that"
"Okay"
*******
I go straight to my locker to drop some stuff and get some books. Then I walk over to where Zeke and Nathan's locker is. Zeke is standing there alone and there's no sign of Nathan. As if on cue, Nathan walks through the door, his hand linked with Emma's hand, the two have matching smiles on their faces. It's so cute, they look so good together, it's just that I wish I was the one whose hand was linked with his. I know this makes me sound pathetic. You know what, I'm going to be happy for them. I'll try my best.
"Hey guys" Nathan says untangling his hand from Emma's and opening his locker
"Hi" I greet back and smile at Emma
"Emily about lunch yesterday. I'm sorry" Nathan apologizes
"It's okay" I reply
"So what's up?" Zeke asks looking between the two curiously
Nathan smiles at the question
"Yeah, right" he takes Emma's hand once again and she blushes.
I feel a tight pain in my chest as I fear what's about to happen
"We're together" Emma says cheerfully, holding up their hands.
My heart literally deflates itself and I suddenly want to roll myself into a ball and cry my eyes out.
"Congratulations" I say with a forced, exaggerated smile.
"Thanks" Nathan says and then they lean in and share a kiss. The moment their lips join I feel my eyes start to water
"I'll see you guys in class" I say and walk away from them.
A tear slides down from my eyes. I wipe it off and rush into the restroom. I find an empty stall. I close the door, sit on the close toilet and let my tears fall. I can't believe this is happening. Fuck being happy for them. I can't be. It's so hard. How am I supposed to pretend to be happy for them when everytime I see them together I feel a tight knot in the pit of my stomach? All I've ever wanted was for Nathan to feel the same way for me that I feel for him. Maybe that's never going to happen.