CHAPTER FIFTEEN
1st November, 2003|
It had been almost a week since my encounter with the mysterious men and though I tried too, I couldn't stop thinking about them, especially a certain pair of violet eyes that continuously inhabited my dreams. I wasn't ashamed to say that I had visited the bar frequently, hoping to bump into a certain someone but I never did so I thought that they had already left.
A soft breeze ruffled my hair as I lie on the soft grass near Jules' gazebo, writing. I'm staring out at the lake, watching fallen leaves glide on its surface, sending ripples through the reflection of the clear sky above.
Drea had made a little bubble of summer over the lake for Matty's birthday and he was playing in the water with her as she pretended to be a shark, chasing him across the lake. It was hard convincing a seven year old that swimming in ice water wasn't as 'cool' as it looked, so she heated it up to appease him and prevent possible hypothermia.
Jules had taken me in after the funeral, after I refused to go home to an empty house. I couldn't stay there with all those ghosts, in a house that was so usually filled with life suddenly stripped of it. All of my stuff had been moved to my room within two days, and suddenly I had a home again.
~A.M~
2nd November,2003|
.....
~A.M~
3rd November, 2003|
I decided to take a walk through the park, the one where we took Matty in the evenings. It was dark, only lit my the moon and a few scattered lamps but the memory of my father had been keeping me up.
I saw him being killed almost nightly in my mind, the memory still fresh as if it was only yesterday. We had taken on the assignment together even though he didn't want to, but he had come anyway because he didn't want me going in alone.
'Doves flock together.' he used to say. I always found the saying cheesy.
I still had his K.O.A.C uniform folded in my closet, the large hole still pierced into the fabric.
I was walking along the path when a figure sitting on a bench a few feet ahead made me freeze. His white hair glowed in the darkness and my heart sped up as I walked closer to him.
My voice came out in wisps of smoke and I shoved my hands into my coat pockets as I uttered the name of the person I hoped it was. He turned to the sound of my voice and I smiled a little at him.
He asked me what I was doing out in the cold. There were no wisps of smoke when he spoke, and when I took the seat beside him I felt heat radiating off of his body. I told him that I was clearing my mind with a stroll and he told me that he was out 'thinking'. He looked out into the distance, and I followed his gaze, hoping to see what had him so immersed in thought. 'Fate.' He said as if he had read my mind.
I don't know if I believe fully in fate, or if I wanted to. I believe that our Goddess spins golden threads of life into animhi and entwines them with our souls, but I didn't like thinking She and the other Greats programmed lives the way They wanted. I didn't like thinking the outcome of my life was unchangeable, but sometimes it brought me a sense of– I don't know, peace? – knowing that somethings are out of my control and was supposed to happen anyway.
Daemyn tilted his head at my inquisition and smiled. I can recall his words perfectly:
"Yes, and how it's such a fickle thing; Your life is already planned out for you by your Great before you're born, and They decide whether you live a life of happiness or misfortune. Do you think that's fair Alessia? That we all have to live by someone else's plan, all according to the mood they were in when they created us?"
I was so caught up in his answer, in his eyes that had become colder with every word he spoke, that the only thought I had was : 'What did those eyes see to harden them so much?' Only now, as I write I realize that I still hadn't given him my name, yet it sounded perfect on his lips.
I couldn't stop my hands from reaching out to his, and I couldn't stop my fingers from wrapping themselves between his. But I was grateful for my spontaneous lack of self control when he squeezed my hand lightly in his, warming me to the bone and sending that familiar sensation through my body.
I had asked myself whether or not it was safe to open up to this beautiful stranger and the correct answer would be 'no', but I felt his warmth, and that kindness behind the cold of his eyes and I spoke. I told him that when my father died, I spent hours each day thinking of how I could have avoided it. Maybe I should've just stayed home, or I should've convinced him not to come, but if fate really did exist, nothing I could have done would have stopped him from dying.
There was nothing criticizing about my question when I asked how he knew fate was real, just mere curiosity, and maybe a bit of hope. Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next: "Because," he said, "I was given the curse of seeing it. I saw yours the day we met. "
My breath had caught in my throat as I tried to digest his words and I asked him what my fate had in store for me. He said that he couldn't tell me that, otherwise I'll just try to change things and I'll end up setting things into motion quicker.
And maybe he was right, who knows? Who knows what we'd do to make our lives just a little bit easier? Even just for one more day? But I had regretted asking because his answer made it sound terrible.
'It's just a matter of time and perspective.' he had said.
I remember looking up at the night sky then and at the few stars that was peeping through the clouds and I remember asking if there was anyone he tried to save from their fate. His voice was distant when he spoke, when he said 'Not yet'.
We spoke for hours on that little park bench, my body close to his as I tried to borrow some of his warmth. Sometime during our conversation, I asked how long they were planning on staying and he said that they were supposed to be gone already, but Achar had extended their stay.
~A.M~
27th November, 2003|
My life had been a whirlwind these past couple weeks, so much so that I hadn't gotten the time to write. Today, however was one of the few off days I had in a while with my countless K.O.A.C assignments during the day and my nightly meetings with Daemyn .
We had met in secret for the past few weeks at the same park even though it was late November and freezing cold. At first it was just for company and innocent conversation but we had grown to love each other's company and despite my warnings about the beauty of dangerous weapons, I think I had grown to love him.
I was willing to get cut just this once.
We had gotten to know each other well in those few weeks and he told me about himself when he realized he could trust me and I did the same when I realized I could trust him. He told me that he was from Ilairk, a place that seemed so distant even if it was just a portal away. It spiked my curiosity since I had grown up with stories of the bond between Ilairk and Eçalis and how it was broken during the Divide. He told me of his brother, of their strained, if not close relationship, of how he had let him take the throne because he didn't care for power as much as Achar did.
In turn I told him of my parents and my family and why I was in the bar that night. He seemed confused that I grieved for my father and told me that they had thrown a great ball when his father had finally died and my heart ached for him.
He had no love for his father; the former king of the Night Court was a cruel beast who use to pit his children against each other, ordering them to fight to the death in order for the strongest to take the throne. He said that battle went on until only two of his twenty offspring were left alive.
Daemyn had abdicated when it was his turn to fight Achar, his last brother . He said that after he refused to fight, Achar turned bitter, claiming that Daemyn thought himself better than him and refused to fight; that Daemyn thought he'd win and that he believed himself stronger than his elder brother.
He had just smiled then, and said that it was the truth. He was indeed stronger than Achar, even in childhood, because even if they were brothers they only shared half of the same blood, and Daemyn's half was stronger.
~A.M~
28th November, 2003|
I introduced Daemyn to my family today.
I had been waiting until whatever we had felt like something serious before making introductions and connections that we're going to break, and thankfully almost everyone seemed to like him because I didn't know what I would've done if they didn't. Matty doesn't know how to feel about the new man in my life as yet. I think he's jealous that he's not my one and only anymore and I had to constantly remind him throughout the day that he'd always be my munchkin.
He's currently huddled up in a ball in my lap, his arms wrapped tightly around me as he sleeps.
~A.M~
31st November, 2003|
After months of putting it off I finally built up the courage to spread Dad's ashes. Jules took me to her brother's house in Eçalis, and we scattered his remains in the sea.
I said my last goodbye as the suns set.
~A.M~
3rd December, 2003|
Tonight Daemyn told me he had to leave, that he had to return home for work and that he'll only be gone a week at most. We were at the park, lying on our blanket as the orbs of fire he made floated around us to thaw the cold, but I found it hard to admire it's beauty like I always did. A lump of disappointment settled in my chest as I started thinking of the time we'd be apart.
Seven days. Not so long, no, but still.
He had pulled me down until I laid on his chest, and I listened to the slow beating of his heart. I still didn't know what the other half of him was– he had skirted around the subject every time it was brought up– but every day I seemed to care a little less about what he was because of the person he was.
He told me he loved me when he dropped me home, and I was ecstatic because I didn't want to be the one to say it first; I didn't want to get cut alone.
~A.M~
4th December, 2003|
He took me to his house today. It was a beautiful near-modern manor on the outskirts of Brooklyn that Achar had acquired after he decided to stay a while longer. We had spent the day together, wrapped up in each other's company until Achar come home. He seemed a little displeased when he saw me there, but he smiled and greeted me anyway like the gentleman he was.
Daemon stepped out for a while to speak with him and when he returned he said that he had to leave today instead of tomorrow as planned.
He took me home and told me he'd be back in a week.
~A.M~
11th December, 2003|
He wasn't.
On the seventh day, I waited for him at the park like we said we'd do.
He didn't come.
~A.M~
15th December,2003|
I waited.
~A.M~
21st December, 2003|
I had stopped waiting at the park when two weeks passed and he still hadn't shown, and at this point I had become reasonably angry... And worried.
He wasn't the type to just up and disappear without so much as a goodbye so I peeled myself off of my bed and headed to the park one more time, knowing that he wasn't there but still hoping anyway.
He wasn't waiting for me like I wished he'd be, so I turned back and ended up running into Achar. We hadn't seen each other since the day at the house so I took the opportunity to ask when —if— Daemyn would be back. He said that he should be back soon and told me I was free to visit the house anytime, that the door was always open. I wasn't comfortable with that but I accepted politely, knowing I wouldn't go unless Daemyn was there.
~A.M~
25th December, 2003 |
Desperation made me finally give in and take Achar up on his offer, hoping I would've caught Daemyn at home and give him a piece of my mind but no one was there when I arrived.
I had walked in and called into the house but there was no answer so I turned around to leave, but a noise had me pausing with my hand on the doorknob.
It was my day off but I was still a soldier at K.O.A.C and I couldn't just leave and ignore, so I walked towards the cry, my glaive in my hand.
I crept through the winding halls, making sure to keep track of every turn I made until I came upon a grated door at the bottom of a stairwell.
Words cannot properly describe what I saw then, but I'll try: Various body parts were displayed in glass jars around the room. Torture devices hung from the walls and ceiling, rusted with blood, but I had seen worse than maimed limbs and torture devices. What made me recoil was the woman that laid on the operating table with her organs on display beside her and her eyes open even in death. There were countless other things in cages around her.
The colour of her blood determined that she was Décalthian.
There were no bars when I took out my phone to call the other Doves so I hurried back up the stairs, keeping my footsteps light just in case someone had returned while I was down there.
I was so occupied with making it out of that place that I didn't notice the person in front of me. I couldn't stop fast enough and almost crashed into him. Daemyn caught me before we collided.
Minutes ago I would have jumped into his arms, but after what I saw I pulled back from his touch.
I confronted him about what I saw in the cellar . I was a Dove, it was my job, and love played no part in it. He had no idea what was in the cellar, he didn't even know that there was a cellar and when I held him to it, calling bullshit, he told me that the wall had been bricked up all the while he was here.
He showed me his memories, knowing I still didn't believe him, and I saw everything.
I found out what they were ; they shared the same father, King of the Night Court , but Achar's' mother was a fae woman from the court and Daemyn's was a demon who had seduced the king.
He answered all of my questions, and why he left for so long.
~A.M~
27th December,2003|
......
~A.M~
28th December, 2003|
.....
~A.M~
14th May, 2022| —
The date made my heart drop and speed up simultaneously; that was the day before she went missing.
There was a yellow post-it note on the side of the entry, the paper still crisp as if it was only left there recently, and my brows furrowed as I read what it said:
~I don't know why I stopped adding entries to the journal, though looking back I realized that things had began to move so quickly that I didn't have time and I decided to commit it all to memory rather than to my pages.
However, I want to continue the story for you, Soli, so after all these years I picked up this book to write and not to read.
~A.M~
I peeled away the post-it and tuck it between a few pages for safe keeping and continued reading.
14th May, 2022|
It was late December when I found out I was pregnant.
It came as a shock to your father and I since Décalthians couldn't conceive by someone outside of our species . He took the news better than I thought he would, honestly. I didn't think he would've been ready for a baby, I knew I certainly wasn't, but you should've seen his face when I told him; I had never seen him loose composure like that before.
From that moment on you were his first love and I had been pushed to second place, and I had no problem with that. We waited until I was at least three months along to tell everyone, since we couldn't be sure if I would be able to carry full term. Everyone on my side was ecstatic, especially Matty who was excited to have another kid in the house.
Achar wasn't as happy. He had a tight smile on his face when we broke the news and he began to act strange after that. He would be overly invested in my pregnancy, then, I thought that he was concerned if not overbearing. It wasn't that innocent.
The months after had been quiet, if not uneventful. I had taken extra care to not overwork or strain myself and everyone else had become my jailors and physicians wrapped into one. But, despite all our efforts, I thought that I was going to miscarry.
I had woken up with blood and fluid running down my legs and a sharp pain in my stomach and I had to prepare myself to say goodbye to you. Your father went for Jules and they rushed in, and to our surprise she told me I was going into labor.
You were born three months premature on June 6th, 2004, only six months old. At first we thought that you may not have made it because you were so small, even for a premie, but you pushed through with determination.
Then things started to go downhill. The weeks after your birth, you would be missing from the nursery only to find Achar cradling you to sleep. He became possessive of you, wanting to do everything that a father should. He had a slip of tongue one day and called you his daughter and I had realized then that he wanted you, wanted us. I took you from his arms, claiming that you needed to sleep.
He tried to kill your father that night.
A fight broke out between them and I remember clutching you in my arms under the bed as they made the bedroom a battlefield. Achar had managed to escape before your father finished him off, but he was badly injured and Daemyn left to find him after dropping me by Jules' house and making sure we were okay.
When he returned he said that Achar had somehow managed to go through a portal back to Ilairk, despite his many injuries. He told me he was leaving to find him, and kill him, and he did.
Weeks had passed here before he returned again, but only days had gone there. He would stay with us for a period of time while his people searched for Achar in Ilairk but he left often to search for himself. He always timed his visits as to not loose track of time since years could pass here as quickly as hours did in that dimension.
The years had passed in a constant blur of paranoia and caution, but we still managed to enjoy the time we had together to make sure that you enjoyed your life.
The night before your sixth birthday you woke us up with your screams and we thought that Achar had gotten to you. You were covered in blood when we rushed into your room, small welts and scars all over your little body. You said it was a nightmare when we finally managed to calm you down, that you were in a place full of blood and monsters and fire. You wouldn't go back to sleep that night, no matter how hard we tried so your father gave you your birthday presents a few hours early.
I was against the dagger, I couldn't see how that was safe for a six year old, but you loved it and you held your new bear in one hand and the sheathed dagger in the next and finally drifted off to sleep.
Jules' nephew had come to visit the next summer, by then your nightmares had became frequent. Siya had been moving houses every term, living between his grandfather during school and his maternal uncle during holidays, and Juolari stopped visiting Eçalis since she married Tomas so she hadn't seen him since he was five years old; on the day of her brother's funeral, so she had called for him and asked if her brother-in-law would give up some of his time with his nephew for her.
You were mesmerized the first time you saw him, your father had laughed as your little cheeks grew cherry red and you shifted behind his leg to hide, but he just pulled you out and made you face him. It took only a few hours for you two to become best friends, he didn't seem to mind that he couldn't play as wild with you as he did with Matty and his other cousins, since you weren't that healthy. He slowed down, waiting with you to catch up and as you caught your breath, and you two grew inseparable as the days went by. At some point you had given up coming to us when your nightmares came and headed straight for Siya's room instead. It was the cutest thing.
Things went bad the next year; Daemyn's people called and alerted him that they found a lead on where Achar was hiding. Your father left that day and never returned.
The longest he had been gone was two months, but six had passed and there was no sign of him. You asked when he was coming back almost every night and all I said was 'soon,' as I too waited. Months turned to a year and I had to come to terms with the fact that he might not be coming back. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, breaking that news to you, watching as you processed the words .
You hadn't spoken for a few days, hiding in your room with Mr. Bearingtonn and your dagger clutched in your hands. You only spoke to Siya , but even he couldn't coax you out. You slowly began to smile again as time passed and we got the first grin in a long time when the twins were born, then, finally you laughed and suddenly you were almost okay again.
The spring of 2014 I showed you your father's ring and told you that when you find someone you loved as much as I loved your father, you can give him this. You had asked if you could've given it to Siya, and I told you that I'd keep it safe until you were ready. Somehow you had managed to coax us into having a wedding for you and Siya the next day and you made everyone wear their best clothes— except for Matty, you made him wear a frilly pink dress you found in Jules' closet.
I don't know how you got Drea to bake you a wedding cake, when she hated the kitchen, but you did and she even got decorations; she went all out for that fake wedding and it was all going so well until the demons appeared out of nowhere.
We were all unarmed and off guard and before we knew it the place was a mess as we all fought for our lives. Matty had rushed to protect the twins as a demon came after them and somehow he managed to fight it off with just a cake knife and a chair. Siya tore through the demons, assisting Drea as she lit them aflame. And I? I was in a state of panic because you were nowhere to be found. I thought Achar had used our panic as a distraction and took you. That I had lost you. I had ran up to the house and my heart started beating again as I saw you running out, but tears were running down your face and you were clutching your arm to your chest.
I decided it was better for everyone if we had left; Matty was injured, and so were the twins, they had scratches all over their bodies and Matty almost lost his arm. Joules and Tommy had suffered major injuries as well. We stayed until everyone was healed and we left before they woke up. Drea had insisted that she was coming with us, as if I wasn't leaving to protect her as well, but there was no forcing her into staying.
I remember explaining to you that we were leaving everyone behind for their safety and I didn't know what I expected from you, maybe a tantrum, resistance? But you just nodded and hugged me, and we cried together.
We moved frequently after that, always erasing ourselves from the places we didn't allow ourselves to settle. It was hard being always on the run, always anxious and paranoid about every new face, questioning their intentions, but it was when your powers started to grow when things became really hard. Not only were we dealing with your health that seemed to be constantly deteriorating, but we got unwanted visitors often—more often than we allowed you to know— their essence drawn to yours, but it was us they wanted to hurt, not you. As your father's blood runs through your veins, the blood of a king— a true king, you became a beacon, Soli, for all earthly and unearthly things that wish to serve, and they kept coming so we kept moving.
For the past couple of months your nightmares have become worse, more vivid, you said; I take that as a sign that Achar is waking up and that he's closing in on us. We can't let either of that happen so we might have to move again. I'm not looking forward to telling you this, seeing how attached you've grown to this place and to Rae, but this is how it has to be.
We fought today. We never did, but today you were so adamant in your decision as I were in mine, and we clashed. You don't know how hard it was for me to tell you no even though it was what I wanted as well, to see them all again. I miss them every single day, not a day goes by that I don't think about Jules and Tommy and I can only imagine how big Matty and Siya have gotten ; the twins probably don't remember who I am. And I don't know if it was me being selfish or weak when I changed my mind, and in doing so endangering them again, but... I miss them.
~A.M~
It took a while for me to close the book, even after I had finished reading long ago. My eyes were stuck to that last page but I wasn't reading, just absorbing. Everything.
I never knew the whole story; I knew who my father was but not what he was; that his psychotic brother was after us, and that it would be bad if he escaped his prison in Ilairk, but I never fully understood why. I only knew the things they deemed important for me to know. I had the memories from when I was little and I had put together pieces during the years but it was nice to finally have almost every piece of the puzzle.
My feet carried me to the room right next to mine and I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. "Sai?"
I was met with silence as I called into his room and I turned to leave, only to see him coming up the stairs.
Sairen stopped a few feet away and gave me a soft smile. "Hey."
"Hi. "
"I see you were finally able to open that thing up ?" He gestured with his head to the book in my hand; I hadn't realized I brought it.
" I was, yeah. I got some answers too."
He nodded and leaned against the railing, folding his arms across his chest.
"Are you alright? You disappeared earlier."
"I'm... fine." Surprisingly it was the truth; I felt better since I read the journal. It didn't make everything okay, or calm my shock of the new revelation that was my father, but it helped shift things a little into perspective and that was enough for the while. "My dad's alive. "
Shock rippled over Sairen's features. He had mourned him too, cried too— they had become close in what little time they had together. "Daemyn's alive?"
"He had been all this time and he didn't even try to contact me. And what makes it worse is that he knew how miserable I was, how much we missed him because Schadeux has been his messenger. "
"Did Alessia know? Is it in the—"
"No. Ach– he told me. He showed up earlier and answered some questions I had."
"And you believe him?"
"Schaduex confirmed," I shrugged, "and it adds up with what my mom wrote."
"I'm sure he had his reasons,"
"Yeah..." I looked down at the book again and wondered how so many lives could be confined to just a few pages . "Do you want to read it? You have a cameo."
"Can I?"
I let him read the journal as I laid on his chest and read it again, taking in all that information for a second time... and maybe resenting my father a little more.