I don't like the drugs

Kavielle POV

  My body must have weighed thousands of pounds suddenly; when I woke, the room was darkened, just the lights of the monitors giving the room a slight glow. When I tried to sit up, nothing would move. The feeling was familiar, the weight pushing me to the bed, the medication they would trap me inside my own body with.

  Opening my mouth, a small moan escaped, the ability to formulate words hadn't come back to me yet. I lulled my head to the side, looking across the room. In the distance, it appeared there was someone there. A form under a blanket, posted on couch against the wall. Did one of them decide to stay with me? Oh my god, Drew… Did he really stay with me?

  I choked, the monitor beeping faster suddenly before it silenced quickly. Startled, I tried to force my head back over, the strength required to pull the weight upwards was not coming to me, I strained, anxious to see what happened. A soothing breeze swept up my arm to my neck, calming me instantly. My mark soothed me, making my head spin.

  A soft, cool touch to my chin followed, my head being repositioned, facing him. He was smiling gently, standing over me, "Shh…" he cooed, almost inaudible, his finger to his lips, "stay calm." He had shut off the heart monitor, a bit of glow from the bed the only lights left, the rest of the room was black. My heart thumped hard, I wanted to scream out; my breaths shuddered, panic setting in.

  If that was Drew laying on the couch, he would protect me. Could he protect me? What is this thing standing over my bed?

  "Please," he whispered again, grabbing my hand, "you must calm down." Another wave of calm flowed through me, almost forcing me heart to slow, my breathing to ease.

  "Whhh…" I moaned, trying to speak. He pressed his finger to my lips, smiling again.

  He leaned in, so his face was more visible, "You are not crazy, this is not a delusion Kavielle. You must come to me and I'll help you see," he leaned closer, "I love you."

  His face inched closer to mine, my heart felt like it was going to explode, pain shooting through me; closing my eyes tight, I felt his lips press gently into mine. The electricity shot through me, the feelings rushing to me. I felt his love… but why… why did he love me?! The guilt was overwhelming, the pain unbearable.

  He pulled back, my eyes locking with his. His hand touched my face, then moved down to the mark on my neck, burning shooting through me, "I want to help you Kavielle, you just have to let me." His cold hand grasped my neck, terror setting in. I panicked, thinking he was there to finish me off. I tried to struggle, make any movement, but it was impossible, the drugs holding me still.

  I felt a burn in my throat, trying to will the words out of me. Unable to hold it back any longer, I mustered all of my strength, screaming as loud as I could, "Drew!" The sound hurt, my lungs burning with pain.

  The world seemed to kick into fast forward suddenly; a shadow ran past me, my bed shoved to the side, falling over, a commotion around me as I lay on the ground. No. Please don't hurt him. My heart shattered, wondering what I had done. Vincent… Drew… please be okay.

  The light beamed through the room instantly, footsteps all around me. What appeared to be a nurse rushed to my side, "Oh goodness, are you alright?"

  Another voice echoed in the room, "There was someone in here. I swear to you, they were standing next to her when I woke." Drew, you're still here… I wanted to reach out for him, pull him to me. Damn these drugs!

  "We'll review the camera footage, if someone snuck in here, we'll know." My head pounded, words blurring, I wanted to hear. I wanted to understand, but it hurt to listen. Existence is pain.

  The nurses had laid me on my back, a couple of them attempting to tip the huge mechanical bed back over. Drew appeared, limping, hunched over, he grabbed the side, the group of them managing to get the bed back right side up. The nurses moved to lift me back to the bed when he stepped in front of them, easily, but gently lifting me up. Just being in his embrace for that moment was comforting, knowing he still cared.

  Desperately, I wanted to touch him; I caressed him with a finger, trying to make him notice. I wanted to apologize to him; beg him to forgive me. If that wasn't a delusion, if he saw it to… Then I really had sex with Vincent with Drew right in the other room. Crushing any hope that him and I would ever make it. He had to be as crushed as I, maybe even more. Why is he still here? Does he think I'm crazy? Would it be better if he did?

  As he placed me back on the bed, I looked up to him, trying to beg him with my eyes, please forgive me. He gave me a gentle smile, "Glad it see you're awake finally." His hand squeezing mine for just a moment. It was a comfort I needed, knowing he didn't run away from me.

  My mouth opened, another small moan, but words still not forming. He took a step back, I tried to reach out, touch him as he walked away. Who could blame him? He was a kind man, but even the best man has his limits. This had to be it.

  The nurses started hooking up the machines again, one of them raising up the bed so I was sitting up slightly, "Ms. Bourete, how are you feeling today?" the beeping of the machine kicked in, a steady beat. She examined my arms and legs, looking at my scars, looking for anything new.

  Words still unable to form, the room spinning a bit, she continued, "Can you explain to me what just happened? Was there someone else in the room with you?" I forced just a slight nod, "Did you recognize this person?" Again, I nodded, she stopped, looking back at Drew. "Was the person who hurt you Mr. McAlistair?" How could they even think that??

  The monitor beeped rapidly, I forced a moan, "Nnnnnnn" I choked, trying to get the word out.

  She grabbed my hand, "Stupid question, of course not. Just stay calm. We can give you another dose so you can go back to sleep."

  Again the monitor blared, I tried to fight, push them away from me. Please, don't put me back there… I didn't like the darkness. The world in my head, where I was all alone again… It was scarier than anything that had happened out here. Nothing could be crueler than living in your own mind.

  Please don't make me have to stay there again. I already spent so long in the dark. So many years just floating in the unknown. Please Drew, don't let them! I knew I was crying, but the feeling in my face was first to go.

  "Don't you drug her again." Drew's voice called out from the other side of the room, "First you want to try to get her to blame me for all of this, again, now you're going to try to keep her drugged up so she can't even exist. It's not fucking right."

  I felt tears pouring down my face, looking up he appeared at my side, "Look at her, she's terrified. You're supposed to help her, not fucking hurt her more. Bringing her here was a mistake."

  "We're going to have to ask you to leave if you continue to keep us from helping our patient. She is in our care now, she is obviously disturbed and needs medical intervention." She snapped back.

  He just moved back a little, letting her inject another dose of something into my IV. She threw away the needle, leaving the room. He looked down at me, "I'm so sorry Kavi. I'm gonna fix this, I promise."

  He held my hand, kneeling next to me, his face pressing against it. The warmth was comfortable, even with my heart racing, him being there was real comfort. Not like the comfort that was forced on me by the meds or whatever hold Vincent had on me. This is what I wanted…

  His beard scratched against my hand, the warmth of wet tears running down it. His lips pressed against my hand, he whispered, "I'm so sorry Kavi, I've failed you again. I don't know if I can help you anymore." His soft tears continued for a while, as the meds tried to drag me back into the darkness. Terror rolled through me. I was unable to move, stuck inside myself again. His love was the only thing holding me together.

  Please, don't give up on me now.