Sloth - Sloth (Latin: tristitia, or acedia "without care") refers to a peculiar jumble of notions, dating from antiquity and including mental, spiritual, pathological, and physical states. It may be defined as absence of interest or habitual disinclination to exertion.
I had Failed.
Even now, minutes later, I stood in the alleyway, helpless and unable to move. I had failed spectacularly, getting an innocent woman killed and killing a man who just wanted to help his mother. I had accomplished nothing, even with all the power I had gained. I suffered through hell, just to come home and create another hell for myself. Surely this has happened to someone else, right? I can't be the only fuck up here. She got herself killed if anything! There's no hope for someone like that!
Thwomp.
A small gust of wind came from behind me, and I turned to see a man in gold and white spandex who had just landed on the ground and was now scraping the woman's eye off of his shoe. He picked at it a bit more before he blew a gust of wind at it strong enough to make me stumble backwards. The eye landed on the ground, now fully crushed. He took a moment to adjust his footing to look more professional, then clasped his hands and made eye contact with me.
"Rio Lopez, I assume?" He leaned forward as though to hear me better and awaited my response.
"I uh- What? Do I know you?" He was a superhero I had seen on billboards in the surrounding area. His name was Gust, and he's a first generation Enabled with the ability to control wind currents. He's a popular hero in Illinois because of not only his multi purpose ability, but also his showmanship as one of the more flashy heroes.
"I'm sure you already know who I am, Rio." He raised his hand to gesture to the blood in the surrounding area. "I came here because I was told a new Enabled had been assigned to homeland defense. I wanted to have a chat with you and give you a warm welcome after being on the battlefield for so long, but it seems you've gotten a little ahead of yourself already."
I was trembling. This man was far stronger than I ever could be, and he had just walked in on me killing two people.
"I think you're misunderstanding. I- There was this guy, and the woman, the woman, she- and then I had to kill him, it was me or- I-I'm sorry, ok?" I couldn't finish a sentence, and I stuttered every other word. That was the best excuse I had.
"Sorry?" He looked confused. "What're you sorry for, kid?"
"What?" He wasn't going to arrest me for my crimes or something? "I killed them. Aren't you mad at me or something?"
He paused for a second to think about what I had said, and the he LAUGHED. He laughed a powerful, loud belly laugh.
"I don't give a shit about either of them. People die, it's part of the whole hero gig." He waved his hand dismissively. "I'll get it written off in the local news; new superhero tragically arrives at the scene moments too late! How's that for a headline?! But seriously kid, come with me, you can fly, right?"
I was a little weary but I lifted myself into the air and trailed along behind him slowly.
He took my around the city, showing me important places and giving me advice along the way.
"This building is disguised as a normal bank, but it's actually the homeland defense headquarters for Illinois. Every state has a HQ and a few smaller branches in the major cities. Here, you can get a costume, sign with some company for merchandise, or get patched up if you're in a rough spot."
He stopped flying and let me catch up, then turned to me and shot me a serious look. He spoke again, this time slower.
"If you fuck up again, you can go to hero HQ and have them get it cleared up in the media. Trust me, I've gone here hundreds of times for that reason." Hundreds? Something I had done by accident only moments before, done hundreds of times by someone who is idolized? The air drained from my lungs as I realized that I had been so stupid all this time. "That about wraps up all the boring shit, you should get some sleep, kid."
I decided to take his advice, finishing my thoughts as I traveled home.
I was so selfish. I overlooked the people around me, even killing them. But that wasn't the issue. It wasn't any of the things I had done. While I was beyond forgiving, beyond repent, the man who I had spoken to before was far worse than I ever could be. He had been born of miracle, guided to save and preserve those who had created him, and yet he was the epitome of evil. Now, I wanted nothing more than to distance myself from the life of a superhero, to become something different. Whatever that was, it was better than what Gust had chosen.
Somehow though, I had to be grateful. In the time since I had gained my powers, I near destroyed my moral code, killing someone along the way. Then, when I realized such a thing was commonplace, to the point it was for fun to some people, I regained what life meant to me. Not what life meant to Rio Lopez, an Enabled, but what it meant to a Disabled. I was going to change. I would create the world a Disabled boy who lived with the military his whole life could only dream of. Before any of that, I had a lot of thinking to do.
Were all of the heroes like that? Were most? Gust was a killer who received praise for doing shitty promos on TV and occasionally putting out a fire. What if all heroes were like that? Super powerful and influential figures that could do as they pleased, killing and disfiguring lives as they wished. That was something I had wished to be, something I had become for just a few minutes, and the results were catastrophic.
If anything, this solidified not only my hatred toward the Enabled, but also my fear for them. I was just like them. I looked down upon the Disabled that I was hardly better than, but I wanted not to be like the Enabled either. It was in my nature to be self-centered as all Enabled were, and I hated them for it. The memories, my experience at camp, the pain I had felt with each kill. It had all made me this way. Years, decades prior, the new superhero-filled world humanity had made was what started all of this. It was a chain reaction of pure misery.
This world wasn't worth saving. Was it? I don't know. I don't feel like it. Perhaps somewhere, deeply hidden far from sight, there is a spark of hope. But I couldn't be bothered. I landed on the fire escape, climbing through the window and collapsing on the ground, exhausted. If there was anything now that I longer for, prayed for, it was a glimpse of hope.
But right now? My only choice was to go on without it.