I lay my head back against the edge of the tub and sighed. That got out of hand quickly, I thought, my heart aching. I replayed the entire conversation over and over in my head. There were so many places where all I had to do was not say anything. So many times, where if I'd just not been…well, me, I guess, the conversation would have stayed as pleasant as it seemed at the start.
I loved her. That much wasn't a lie. But it also wasn't a lie to say I did not trust her. I felt the two terms were not mutually exclusive. In my opinion, she threw people away too easily and quickly for my tastes. I lowered my head further into the water until my mouth was under the steaming surface. I stared down at my nipples peaking above the water and sighed.
I wasn't wrong, I didn't think. I also wasn't wholly right, either. I didn't feel bad for being afraid and cautious. Aria was from a different world than me, yet even that world should have given her pause when everything was snatched away from her and she was tossed onto the shores of Tottori. There were consequences for stepping outside the "norm". There were ramifications and unless and until someone was prepared to face those consequences head on discretion was needed, I felt.
Maybe in the streets of Tokyo where no one knew or cared about what you did or who you did it with someone could be with who they wanted, when they wanted. But here at the end of the world that sort of freedom simply didn't exist. Everyone knew everyone. People talked and one word said to the wrong person could spell doom.
In that very real sense, I decided, I was not wrong to be cautious and insist on reasonable precautions. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe her family would simply move her on to some other place and maybe she was ok with that. I didn't have that luxury. Honestly, I also didn't want to be separated from her, either. I felt the only way to get what I wanted and keep what little I had was to walk a delicate tightrope. She seemed to think bulling her way through was acceptable. I blew bubbles in agitation.
Still, I could have worded things better, been more diplomatic. I should have reasoned with her and been kinder. I should have tried to convince her my way was the only way that worked rather than getting defensive. I should have listened to my sister, I guess, and not been so stubborn.
I didn't want to apologize, though. My scowl deepened and I ran my hands through my wet hair, lifting my head out of the water to sigh before lowering my face back down. She should apologize first, I thought fiercely. 'Scared little girl', my ass. No, I decided. I won't apologize first.
"Kasumiiii!!! I have to pee!!!" Mio's voice called from beyond the door. "When will you be done?"
"Never!" I called back, hauling myself out of the tub. "You'll have to pee in the woods like the beast you are!"
"You can't tell me that!" Mio shouted. I heard her small foot stamp angrily on the floor.
"If you move around too much you'll leak," I chuckled, drying myself off and pulling on my overshirt.
"You're a butt!" Mio yelled. "A big stinky old bu- "She stopped as I opened the door and grinned at her. "You're still a butt butt," she muttered, hurrying into the bathroom.
I collapsed onto my bed and sighed. Once again, the bath was too hot, but I felt rather good, all things considered. Like I'd sweated all of the bullshit I'd absorbed from Aria away into the bath and been left whole and clean. I was just about to reach for my phone when it rang. That's probably her right now, I thought smugly. I knew she'd apologize first. She knew she was wrong. She knew – oh, it's Emi, I thought.
"Are you ok?" Emi asked immediately after I answered the phone.
"Huh?"
"Tell me you're ok!"
"Uh…I'm ok?" I asked. "What are you talking about? You heard about the argument already? Your informant network has got to be massive! Do you have cameras all around town or something? It's nothing, I'm sure it'll work out."
"What argument? What are you talking about? Didn't you see what I sent you?" Emi sounded flustered.
"No, I just got out of the bath. What's going on?"
"Look at the text. Follow the link. I will wait." Emi's instructions were rapid fire and I quickly complied without thinking. I found the text from Emi, clicked the link, and stared. I closed my eyes for a long moment as Emi fretted on the phone before opening them again and stared harder. It was Daishi's Instagram account. I could tell because he fancied himself important enough to get some weird, verified sticker for it. There, at the top of his page was a selfie taken some forty-five minutes ago of him and Aria in his room. She looked a little bewildered, I thought absently, but it was definitely her. Beneath the photo read the words:
Love my new lady. Jealous guyz? U should be! Lulz. Gonna get r frek on 2night!
"Are you there? Kasumin? Are you there?" Emi's voice took on a slightly desperate tone.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm here, Emi," I replied woodenly, staring at the photo, my brain ran through a maze of thoughts like a rat looking for the cheese at the center but kept slamming into blank walls.
"Aria tried to call me earlier, but my dad had that weird business thing he does, and I wasn't around my phone but as soon as I was done a cousin of a friend of a friend who follows Daishi on Insta sent me the link."
Emi's father had parties rather frequently where him and his friends and partners would use their children as ornaments to highlight their great parenting skills or something, dressing them in traditional Japanese clothing and watching them behave impeccably the whole time. I witnessed a party once and, quite honestly, I had no idea what to make of it. It seemed awkward and exploitive but the rich lived by different rules than everyone else, I figured, and let it go. After the parties Emi always ran wild and acted like a squirrel on caffeine. Emi was not qualified to sit still for a prolonged period of time and the stress of doing so took a pretty heavy toll on her.
"Sounds complex," I muttered, not taking my eyes off the picture of the two of them.
"They're Instafficial! What's going on? Do you need me to come over?" Emi ignored me.
"Uh…" I began, my mind still drawing a blank.
"I'm coming! I'll be there in twenty minutes!" Emi declared resolutely. "I'll bring pie." She hung up before I could say anything, and I was left alone staring at the photo of the two of them and reading the words over and over.
"Hiyo, Mrs. Kasumi!" Emi called as my sister let her into the house. I could hear her from my bedroom where I had not moved since Emi's call. My mom didn't particularly care for Emi but, always eager to curry favor with the upper crust, she swallowed her dislike and replaced it with a sickly-sweet passive aggressive fawning which made me ill.
"Emi!" My mom enthused brightly. "How lovely to see you, dear! Here to visit our Kasumi, I imagine. How are your parents?"
"They're as evil as the day is long as expected!" Emi giggled. My mom, clearly with no idea how to respond laughed.
"You are quite the pistol as usual, Emi!" My mom tittered.
"Aw, you're only saying that because I don't know what it means!" Emi chuckled, her voice coming closer to my room.
"You're not wrong! Have fun!" My mom called back.
"Cry on my shoulder!" Emi called to me as soon as the door opened. She closed the door behind her and tossed the bag she carried onto the floor. She drew me into a hug and petted my hair murmuring "shhh", "shhh" into my ear.
"I'm fine," I finally managed, talking into her shoulder.
"Don't lie. It's ok to hurt." Emi persisted, holding me tighter as I struggled slightly to breathe.
"No, seriously," I finally managed. "I'm…surprisingly, ok."
"Do you want to touch my boobs? I don't mind," Emi whispered, continuing to pet me. I giggled and pushed her away. She grinned at me and sighed.
"I brought pie," Emi gestured to the bag on the ground. "It might be all over the place, though. I was rushed. I had to get over here before you jumped to your death from the window."
"My room's on the first floor, Emi," I pointed out, gesturing to the curtained portal she was referring to. "The drop is, literally, a meter and a half."
"Well, I wasn't thinking right," Emi shrugged.
"Did you really come over to console me or to escape your house?" I cocked an eyebrow at her suspiciously.
"Trivial matters!" Emi waved my question away. "So…what about this fight? What's going on?" I sighed and recounted the argument on the bridge. Emi took the crushed and mangled pie from the bag and began to pick at it with her fingers like a chipmunk, nodding and narrowing her eyes suspiciously as I talked, and she nibbled.
"So, it seems I wasn't wrong," I declared finally.
"I can't believe she's trash like that, though." Emi shook her head sadly. "She was my friend. How could she do that to you?"
"Now, now," I shook my head. "Don't be like that. She's still your friend. It's better this way, I think. I mean, seriously. At least I found out what she was like now rather than after I'd grown more attached."
"That's still shit, though, Kasumin," Emi shook her head. "Big boobs make you do things like that, I think. What was that girl with the big boobs that dated everyone in the class in the second year of middle school?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Emi," I replied with a shake of my head.
"That girl! She had like ginormous tits and was always flaunting them. Bouncing them around and stuff," Emi grabbed the air over her breasts for emphasis. I shrugged, having no idea what she was talking about. "I'll remember. Anyway, what are you going to do?"
"Well," I took a deep breath. "Eat some of the pie you destroyed, talk to you for a bit, grab your butt once or twice because it's cute and just be grateful I didn't fall too hard, I guess." Emi got on the bed and shoved her butt in my face.
"Start with the butt!" Emi declared brazenly.
"Get your ass out of my face!" I snapped with a laugh, smacking her ass cheek with my hand. Emi turned with a huge grin on her face and shook her butt from side to side.
"You tease! Heat a girl up only to toss her aside! Let's eat pie with our fingers like the animals we are!" Emi cried, clutching her fist tightly in victory.
"Sounds like fun," I smiled.