"Is it okay here?"
"Eh?" August realized what she was talking about and hurriedly nodded, "Yes, yes. It's okay here."
"Let's sit there," Clary walked to a bench and sat on one side.
August nodded blankly, sitting down on the other side.
They remained silent for some time. Clary looked like she wanted to say something many times, but stopped every time. Finally, she hesitantly asked, "Senior, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
August turned to her, his eyes devoid of any emotion. He nodded, prompting her to continue.
"Are you, um, in a one sided crush right now?"
August didn't know why, but rather than denying it like he should, he found himself nodding calmly. He even faintly smiled, "How did you know?"
"Just...experience, I guess?" Clary also smiled sadly, "If there's one thing I know most about, it's one sided love and hopeless crushes. Have been doing that for 5 months already."
August nodded silently. Clary continued softly, "...I'm here if you want to talk. You know, people who have been in the same pain understand each other. After all, misery loves company, doesn't it?"
August wanted to deny, but words flowed out of his mouth before he could do that. "It's like that. I'm sure that person only sees me as a friend, but I'm catching feelings for them, which makes me feel guilty about betraying their feelings of friendship."
Clary was a good listener. She was silent, but nodded her head at the right moments, making people feel at ease. Sometimes, it really is easy to open up to strangers.
"It's just so…complicated," August shook his head miserably and his voice cracked as he continued, "E-Everything's confusing. I like them, but their feelings are just…Ugh, I don't know."
"Are you going to confess?" Clary's tone was flat and blunt. This is a question every one-sided lover has to be asked harshly at least once. Might look cruel now, but it's better for the long run.
"N-no," August shuddered when he imagined Edward's disgusted face staring back at him. "-Confessing is out of question!"
"-So you're not gonna do anything about it?"
"...I just- I don't know. Falling for them was amazing. It was like I was on cloud nine, happy and delighted. First, it was curiosity about the thing called 'love' people speak so highly of. I didn't think much of the small desire until it became so strong that I couldn't even bear to think about letting go now. I didn't extinguish the tiny flame due to curiosity, and now, it has become a huge fire, threatening to consume me. Everyday became more interesting, and without even knowing what was happening, I began to look forward to our meetings. Even if I'm probably just a friend, I couldn't help but wish for more."
"Everything was perfect, until reality hit me. We have no chance…" He trailed off and sighed, "I- It's hopeless. I'm hopeless. It's my fault for falling for the wrong person. I know they'll hate me if they know. Even…Even if they didn't contact me for 3 days, it's their choice, right?"
"Who they hang out with, who they become friends with or who they contact…I have no authority to question it. I feel bad. I feel bad for being hurt by things like that. I feel so horrible when I find myself expecting things they have no obligation to do for a 'friend'. I-" August shuddered, "I hate myself...and if they know, I'm sure they'll hate me too."
"Senior," Clary patted his back to console him. With determination shining in her eyes, she confessed, "-I liked you."
August was shocked, but before he could apologize or even fully process her statement, Clary held up her hand, asking him to be silent. "Let me speak for once, senior. While I still have the courage to."
"-As I was saying, I liked you. For a long time, in fact. Does that make you hate me?"
"No!"
"-There. We weren't even friends until now, right? Still, you didn't hate me for liking you. You even look sad for me. The person you like…they are your friend. I'm sure that even if they don't accept your feelings, they won't hate you for it," Clary paused. She didn't know where this confidence was coming from, but she wasn't afraid to speak her mind for once. "Look, I'm not telling you to confess. All I'm saying is, don't feel bad about yourself. Don't feel bad about falling for someone. It's a natural process, okay? Humans are made to love."
August was silent for a long time, processing her words. "...But I feel pathetic for being a friend who hopelessly likes them even if there's no chance."
Clary countered, "-I also hopelessly crushed on your months. Am I pathetic in your eyes?"
August shook his head. Clary continued, "You know, senior, I think that people who are in a hopeless crush are really brave. They invest their feelings in someone even if they know they have almost no chance. They're willing to bet their heart and risk it all, you know? They're honest with themselves and don't suppress something just because it doesn't have any chance of becoming real. We should love, not fall in love because everything that falls gets broken."
August couldn't help but smile at the abrupt reference. "-That's a quote by a famous singer, right?"
"Yep! I love her songs. Have you heard of them?"
"-They're amazing."
Clary was relieved to see his mood freshen up a bit. "So, all I want to say is, don't you dare feel bad about it. Being a veteran hopeless lover, I'll take offense if you feel bad about those feelings, alright?"
August looked troubled and lost in thought. Seems like he needed some time to think about it all.
Clary stood up and brushed her skirt. "Well, I'm off then? It's about to get dark."
"W-Wait! I still need to apologize-"
"Don't," Clary's tone was sad, but firm. "-Please, no," Finally, all the suppressed emotions and sadness came tumbling out. Her eyes teared up as she pleaded, "Please, don't show any more consideration for me, okay? I-" Her voice cracked, "-I'll misunderstand. Just....Just treat me like a friend, alright? That's enough for me."
"I-"
"Let's pretend I never told you that, okay?" A lone tear rolled out of Clary's eyes, but her lips remained curved. "Let's...just be friends. You can do that for me, right?"
August knew saying anything else wouldn't help. He, out of all people, understood that.
"Alright. I look forward to being friends with you, Miss Clarence."
Clary let out a watery chuckle at that. "Okay, Mr. always so formal," Mimicking his tone, she did an extravagant medieval bow and laughed, "I look forward to being friends with you too, Mr. August Castellan."