Dear diary,
How do you get rid of hate? How do you start to love someone who doesn't seem to care? I keep trying to but every single time I remember and all it does is make me hate even more. I know, I know hate is a strong word especially for a family member but how do you deal with someone who doesn't want you, who always feels like all you can do is evil ,who makes you feel like nothing, how?
You know I keep wondering how people do it. I mean he keeps messing up my life and doesn't realise it. Why can't I make my own choices? Why I can't express myself? Why can't he just love me like every other regular dad? Maybe I don't deserve it, right? I know you want to know what really happened, well I was studying and he kept on listing out courses he wants me to study I couldn't take it again so I kinda snapped. I told him,I didn't want him to pick for me and he didn't even care to know me . Guess what happened! Well ,I got a nice gift of a slap. Funny right? At the moment, I won't be surprised if he arranges a marriage for me after all that what's he wants to do, control my life! Come home late ,complain about everything and be lord over my life. I'm sick and tired of it. You know what's funny he keeps going around to talk how terrible a child I am. Really, am I really that terrible? Well, I would rather die than let him control me anymore. I'm going to go to any extent to ensure I get what I desire. Do I have to study all day? Do I have to quit sleeping? Do I have to be rebellious? Then ,I will,
it's my life not his . You know I've come to realise that life is a battle and I guess ,this is one of my battles. I do pray I come out victorious. I pray one day, I will look back and smile. It just has to be worth it.
Enough sobbing for one night! I'm off to bed. Goodnight.