A single ribbon soared through the blue sky. It wasn't 'now,' nor was it 'reality,' either. It was the past. Representing something that happened, but had long passed. Why am I remembering that now? Is it because my life was flashing before my eyes? No, I'm not dead. After the accident with the taxi passed, the driver and I got off with light injuries. And yet, only Ayaka ended up bedridden as before.
That's why I must be simply using an old memory to escape the cruel reality that kept me trapped. That ribbon flew through the blue sky…like it had wings, as it danced through the air. Like a goldfish swimming through the sky, far away.
In third grade…During that summer, Ayaka and I chased after that ribbon. It almost felt like it was guiding us to a beautiful place. It Sounds stupid now that I look back on it, but we were young and naive. Running after it for a while, we reached that field of sunflowers. I can still vividly remember it all. The chirping of the cicadas, the scent of summer, the strong sun burning on our skin, the wind passing us by, the color of the sunflowers, and her white one-piece shaking at every move. After I caught the ribbon, I called out to her.
"…Ayaka, gimme your hand."
"My hand?" She tilted her head but did as she was told, so I wrapped the ribbon around her wrist.
"Waaah, so cute! It's like a bracelet! Thank you, Aki-Kun!"
She seemed delighted, as I faintly remembered what Kazama told me before. That in this world, there's a 'red thread of destiny.' And although this may not be a regular thread, with its beautiful red color, I wanted to imagine that it was something similar. However, I was too embarrassed to tie it around her finger. Because I wasn't aware of how I really felt about Ayaka back then. At the time, I was satisfied just seeing her smile.
"Hehehe…Oh man, I'm so happy right now!"
Her smile, beneath her straw hat, shone as bright as the sun, as if it embodied life itself. Just watching that smile made my chest feel warm. But, all that is in the past. That summer is long gone.
I woke up and immediately checked the date. Another day arrived when I was stuck in this timeline. I felt like I had downed a bottle of lead as I raised my heavy body, ignored my severe headache, and headed to Ayaka's hospital room. Since that…taxi accident…I went through countless more loops, always failing to protect Ayaka. No matter what fate she suffered, or what tragedy occurred, she always ended up bedridden like during her first accident. Her body wouldn't move, she wouldn't respond, and her eyes wouldn't open. And even so, she was probably conscious.
"Ayaka."
I reached the room she was hospitalized in. Even as I called out to her, I knew my voice was shaking.
"I came again. You must be bored, right? Let's talk about something."
This…isn't any different from the first memories Ayaka showed me. Just by coming here, I can't save her. In fact, I'm only making her suffer more. But…what else could I do? She's stuck here forever, and I'm not supposed to even come to see her? If she's conscious, then she remembers everything. She knows about everything that happened. In fact, she would probably be better off not being conscious, just sleeping the entire time.
"Ayaka, what…are you thinking?" I asked, only to scoff at myself.
I knew the answer to that. I've seen her thoughts in the memories she presented to me. That's why…I didn't have to guess what she was thinking…as she was locked inside that pitch-black darkness.
—Aki-Kun, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I can't do anything. I'm the one at fault. Let's just…end it all. Let's put an end to this.
She's about to break apart. In general, stories about time traveling and loops like this are a theme you'd often see in light novels or games. The protagonist overcomes adversity and terror to then save the heroine in the end. And then, a blessed future awaits them. After all, the heroine doesn't remember any of the loops. It's only the protagonist who keeps his memory. That is…the only saving grace.
But for Ayaka, it doesn't end after the loops. She'll be forced into this torturous situation, experiencing all her memories at once. Not only has she experienced this before in the future, she even came back to the past to ensure that I would be happy…So, how many more times could I force Ayaka into this torture? I was desperately trying to save her, to make sure she could live a normal life. But…am I not the only one who keeps killing her over and over? I've even begun to think like that. By going through loop after loop, I force her to live through tragedy after tragedy.
—Don't try, Aki-Kun. I…love you…
"I…love you, too."
I responded to Ayaka's imaginary voice. That's right, I love Ayaka so much. We were happy, and we should have been able to grasp that happiness. What went wrong? Where did we go wrong? And even is that voice? What goal does it have? What meaning is there in forcing me through these loops? I could only see this as a twisted mind's wicked pastime. And then I remembered something that the voice said before…Not to me, but to Ayaka.
'You said that you were willing to offer your life for his sake. Please, don't forget that…'
Ayaka swore when she spoke to that voice. And I'm sure that the reason Ayaka is plagued by all this tragedy, leaving her bedridden like this, must be because of that vow. If so, what exactly could our way out even be? If salvation is our goal, something that only is achieved with compensation and an exchange…then offering life to save another…Could such a contradiction even exist?