Wedding Day
Rubbing the kinks on the back of her neck, Mikasa sat in front of the vanity set standing at one side of her room. She was assured by the household matron that the matrimonial chamber chosen was as far away from all the commotion as possible. All for providing more privacy for the newly-wedded couple to get more acquainted with each other.
Mikasa bit her lower lips in utter frustration. As if they ever needed further reacquainting.
Her fingers then picked up a small silk handkerchief from the table top to wipe away the colouring on her lips, revealing the natural light pink tinge underneath. She dipped the ends of the same kerchief inside a small pot of pure water next, wiping away the layer of blush and powder on her face. Vanity was never a thing she dabbled with in the past. She was more comfortable rolling in dirt and water than any form of cosmetics. She swore that today would be the first and the last day she would ever have her face made up.
Never again.
The hustle and bustle of her handmaidens brought her attention back to her current reality. The largest sized room that the Azumabito household could offer had been the very same one that had been graced as the royal chamber of her ancestor, the very first shogun elected by the Emperor of Hizuru for more than a century ago. Such notion evoked a very dreadful, nervous feeling inside her. She believed that it was in this very room that hundreds of her blood relatives had been conceived through political marriages on nights like this.
This evening wouldn't be any different. Not if she were to do something about it.
Her gunmetal irises took in the interior of the room. From the decorated arch of the doorway, to the silk and lace curtains draping against the wooden window panes where they were meant to give an illusion of privacy. A nuance of the dark orange hues from the illuminating sunset created fine lingering shadows through the intricate design of the finely woven fabric. Despite having modern facilities like electricity, the maids were still ordered to light candles and lined them all around the room instead to accompany the primary light source that came from the lanterns, much to the young bride's puzzlement seeing as the room's inner walls were constructed from wooden frames and decades old shoji paper.
The sweet and sharp fragrance from the vases of fresh tuberoses on each side of the bed had become so sickening to her nose that even her, a fierceless soldier who survived numerous bloody battles before, had been having a hard time in holding herself back from retching.
Maybe it was the nervousness most new brides experience.
Or maybe it was the agitation due to restraining her intent to draw blood since the moment she realized who was the chosen consort from Marley. She suspected it was the latter. Just like that day on Wall Rose when her current newly-wedded husband revealed his true identity as an enemy Titan shifter, her hands struggled against Masamune's sheath the same way it did with the handle of her omni-directional maneuver gear more than five years ago.
Or maybe it was because of the unbelievable fact that she could feel something remotely to an attraction for this man the day he helped defended her at the back alley of the patisserie. Of all the people, why must it be the same man who had been the cause of their anguish and misery?
"Koi No Yokan." The foreign collection of phrases left her mouth in a pure, fleeting afterthought.
Sasha stopped devouring her half-eaten roll inside her hand. "Huh? What was that koi thingy you just said?"
A smile graced her lips unexpectedly and that seized Sasha's complete attention. Mikasa continued, " Koi No Yokan. Miss Kiyomi said that it is a saying in Hizuru about the feeling upon first meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in love with in time".
"Did you feel that earlier?"
The young Hizuru heir bit her lips unsurely. "I'm not sure. Did you have 'that' when you first met Niccolo?"
Sasha seemed to be recalling the first time she ever met her Marleyan paramour, Niccolo. The military cook from Marley. "I think I might have but I didn't know that it was a thing at all. Who knows, maybe you just met your future husband, Mikasa! Well, if things don't work out with Eren that is. There are always bigger fishes in the sea. You won't know your luck if you haven't cast out your net at all. You should give this mysterious Eldian man a chance. Seemed like he's interested in getting to know you more."
Oh, Sasha...if you'd only known how hauntingly true your words would turn out to be. She did marry that same man after all, as if some twisted intervention by the Universe had been crafting their destinies to be intertwined again in such a distorted way.
The joyful chirpings of her ladies in waiting became too much for her own patience as they eagerly offered to assist her out of the dress of soft bridal silk and ivory lace from her reception, to which she gladly refused and opted to do it herself instead. Akane, however, persisted in removing the steel pins in her hair, detaching the flower crown - the beautiful wedding gift from that little girl earlier - away from her midnight color tresses. It was followed by the smooth stroke of a brush, smoothing away the frizziness of her short hair before Akane ran her fingers through the soft strands, anointing them with dahlia flower oil. She was preparing her mistress for the marriage bed, like a feast waiting to be devoured by the beast, or groom in this situation.
Akane spoke in a hushed tone, pulling Mikasa back to her current reality. "Milady, are you scared?"
She looked at her own reflection in the mirror in front of her. The mask of indifference vigilantly existed on her face, and it did feel like her reflection was judging her own master, critical of her own inability to stand up and halt everything. Her decision, her time and her aching heart.
Only Kami knows how she desperately held herself back from fleeing today.
"No." She lied effortlessly through her lips, but Akane's perceptive gaze was very quick in sensing the tremors in her voice and the tiny shivers of her hands.
"Your new husband might take some time to warm up to you but don't be nervous or scared. I have a feeling that he has a good and loving heart. I can see he was taken aback with your beauty but I believe he was terrified of this too. At one point, when he saw your face for the first time, he was so pale that you'd thought he had seen a ghost!" A chorus of small giggles could be heard among the younger girls.
Mikasa bit her lower lips in an effort to hold herself back from unintentionally snapping back at Akane. She meant well. She didn't think Akane's poor heart could take it if she knew about her and their new Lord's history.
"But you have to admit milady, he's quite handsome. A most fitting Prince Charming for our beloved Princess," assured the good-natured Akane.
Minako, the ever quiet one chimed in hopefully out of the blue, "Was your kiss earlier felt magical, milady?"
Mikasa sighed. She should really consider enriching the genre of books inside their national library soon. Princesses or Queens never have a happy ending. Everything was fabricated, a bunch of sugar coated lies some people were feeding the minds of young, naive girls.
A queen that she knew personally was doomed to inherit the Beast Titan as soon as she delivers her child, only for the child to consume its own mother in thirteen years and for the consecutive child to consume its older sibling only for the sake of keeping the vicious cycle going.
Yet as opposed to what everybody believes; that the Queen had been coerced into conceiving a child with an old childhood friend purely for her own survival, Mikasa knew that she had chosen Eren Jeager as her secret consort more than a year ago.
Unlike herself, Historia had the freedom to choose who would sire her unborn child and heir to her throne.
The Queen chose the young man whom she loves.
The young man that sadly, Mikasa loved as well. Even way before the Queen did.
However, it was never a competition. Eren has always been vague about his feelings and Mikasa knew, there was only space for revenge inside his heart. She had hoped she could be the one who fills the missing piece inside him but he had chosen someone else instead.
Someone who is purer than she could ever hope to be.
Mikasa surrendered to the fact that she could never be as compassionate, as gentle and as kind as Historia ever was. That must be the reason why Eren fell so deeply in love with their Queen. For it was her selflessness, that he braved enemy territory on his own just to protect the young woman that he loves.
And their child that she carries.
Mikasa closed her eyes painfully.
I will never be Historia.
I will never be who Eren chose.
Then without Eren, who am I exactly?
The sound of someone clearing their throat came from the door, causing the group of young girls to turn around together. Meanwhile, Mikasa only glanced at the reflection of the mirror from the corner of her eyes to recognize the lady who had just made her presence known.
Shiori Akayama, the warm and motherly matron of the Azumabito household walked into the room with a tray filled with a silver bowl of rosewater and a few cotton blend towelettes. When the tray was settled on the nightstand, she approached Mikasa's anxious figure sitting a few steps away.
"Akane, you may take the other girls back into the banquet. Please make sure everyone drinks responsibly. I would need to speak to the Lady Mikasa. Alone." She slowly shooed the young girls away and waited until they have shut the door behind them, leaving only her and their royal heir.
Shiori Akayama, a jovial woman with a cherubic face, is Madam Kiyomi's most trusted person and childhood friend, who oversees the whole upkeep of the Azumabito castle and she also happened to be Akane's mother. Shiori had stepped into the role of a pseudo maternal figure easily to Mikasa, more than Kiyomi ever did, the moment she returned to Hizuru. Being around Shiori reminded her of being in Hange's presence. Strict from the outside but with a warm, loving heart on the inside.
The older woman took her place at the other end of the pristine, suede ottoman Mikasa was sitting on, and took one of the younger girl's hands in hers.
"Lady Mikasa, I know that your mother's passing happened when you were really young and you have lived your life as a soldier on the Island. No one could have prepared you for womanly matters like this. You can be honest with me, Lady Mikasa. Have you been with a man before?"
Shiori was aware of Mikasa's origins and her current predicament. A beautiful, healthy young girl like her would've had a long list of suitors back at her birth land if the circumstances had indeed been different. Having herself wedded to someone from the enemy territory was one thing, but to marry the very person responsible for her people's suffering was a cruel fate that not even she would wish to happen to an enemy. But marriage amongst enemies or opposing clans was a tradition that went all the way back from their ancestors' time of living. It was how the warring feudal lords kept the peace across the vast, rich lands of Hizuru.
Mikasa shook her head. "No, I haven't, Shiori-han."
Not in that way, she thought. She did not need to be reminded of that night with Jean a year ago. She was caught in a moment of weakness and yet Jean, being the gentleman that he was, never even took advantage of her, given that his affection for her was still existing at that time.
It was an almost mistake they both promised to never ever talk about ever again.
She had slain titans without any fear in her whole entire life before this. Damn, she had even shot Thunder Spears in two Titan Shifters' faces before, one of them in her new husband's face, yet she had never felt as shaken as she was at that particular moment. But then again remembering those things would not be of any help right now.
"Kiyomi-sama didn't want to put you in a tremendous pressure but the sooner your husband's seed takes root in your womb, the sooner we can achieve the goals essential to the ones you truly love and care for in Paradis."
"Shiori-han, please. I need to talk to Madam Kiyomi. I-I don't think I can do this. Not tonight. The thought of touching him just brings back unpleasant memories and my family…. I can't decide if Eren or even Armin's going to kill me first or him if they ever find out about what's happening right now."
"Milady, please listen to me. I am aware that your new husband is the enemy of your people and you have fought against him in the past. Twice. It's already difficult for you to even look at his face, let alone enduring life with him. But you have made a vow that could never be broken. Marriage is another battlefield but it is also a new beginning for you two and your people. You're Lord Reiner's wife now and you have the advantage."
"But Shiori-han…...we HATE each other!" Her pale pink lips clamped tight in disagreement.
The older woman's hands embraced hers in comfort. "Hate is better than nothing. But if you go back a bit further, you and he were once comrades fighting for the same side isn't it?"
You did care about him, even if it was only in history. When you believed he was your friend.
"That was before he betrayed us. He was deceiving everyone the whole time."
"From what I've seen earlier, milady, there was nothing but remorse on his face. If he truly hates you, believe me, even I would have no hesitation in smacking our new Lord on his smug face. Maybe he's suffered enough since the last time you saw him. Maybe it is a good time for the two of you to start over and pave a way for the three warring nations to exist together in a peaceful future?"
"It's never enough for me to forgive him." A dejected sigh escaped her lips. Oh, Mikasa....keep telling yourself that. You couldn't get his face and his voice out of your head ever since that fateful day in Marley.
Shiori decided to fuel the embers of the young bride's rage. "Then, use it to your advantage, milady. Break him down into pieces if it pleases you. You both are on the same side right now. You can start again. You are his wife after all. He is yours to do as you please, as it is for him with you. Apart from your strength, your heart and your beauty as weapons, milady, the greatest weapon you never knew you have until you needed it…," her voice lowered to a gentle whisper, "would be the one between your legs."
Mikasa widened her eyes in sheer terror. She would rather jump into a Titan's mouth, than being in this room, having this particular conversation right now. ".....Please no….." Mikasa's disagreement only came out as a helpless plea instead.
"All women in histories embraced that weapon to their advantage. They have built legacies and civilizations from the bedroom. That bed is your battlefield. If you conquer him between those sheets, milady, you will conquer his loyalty. Our warring nations' future peace depends on the consummation of your marriage. If Madam Kiyomi does not see the blood of your maidenhead on that bedsheet tomorrow morning, my child, everyone will be in big trouble."
She shook her vehemently. "I will not force myself on my enemy. Nor I will allow him to do the same to me. I'd sooner slit my own throat than being in the same room as that monster. I can't even look at him in the face without wanting to draw my blade into his heart and make sure he stays dead this time around," persisted the raven-haired bride, malice dripping from her words. Just like Eren, her words were strong enough to aim straight for someone's heart.
That someone happened to be her very own husband.
Unbeknownst to her, the said monster she was referring to specifically in her conversation, was standing outside the room, struggling to take in a long breath and attempting very hard to gather his bearings. Even through the closed wooden door, he could still hear bits and pieces of the conversation happening inside. Most importantly, he couldn't help but overhear each and every one of her words, rather clearly he must add. He taught he was done and over with his own anxiety from earlier but alas, he could feel the onset of palpitations inside his rapidly beating heart again.
"Acker-sorry, Mikasa," Reiner corrected his blunder, in fear of the public's scrutinizing eyes and ears who were at the moment, focused on the newlyweds in the middle of the western-themed reception hall. "Could you at least try to look at me," he pleaded to her, his tone a low whisper, hoping he would be able to get his new wife to turn her head towards him since he had only been looking at the side of her face ever since they walked together from their separate holding rooms. "Will you at least pretend that you're not burning in rage, at least right now?" He had boldly assumed that the reddening of her cheeks was due to her anger when his hands hovered hesitantly against the curves of her bodice. When she reluctantly turned her face towards his own, only then he overcomes his fear as his larger hands finally rested against the curves of her waist. She herself finally moved her hands from holding his arm and hand to clasp around the back of his nape.
The Universe would never cease to punch him in his face as it continued to make a mockery out of his forlorn situation. He was helpless when her hands rested against the very same weak spot that she could have used to wipe him out of existence, given all the chance she had at that moment.
His amber eyes sent a plea to hers. "I know this is not what we both wanted, at least not with each other but we can't turn back now."
"Easy for you to say. I'd rather it be anyone but you," she hissed back in a well-concealed manner yet her eyes clouded with a purely judgmental look.
He couldn't help but wince at her venomous tone.
"I know. You'd rather it be Eren more than anyone else."
"Don't you dare say his name." She whispered, her hands naturally tightened against his neck in mild warning, daring him to push the conversation further.
"He's not here is he?"
"You'll be long dead if he were."
"May I cut in?," a foreign male voice asked out of nowhere.
Reiner addressed the newcomer. "Galliard?" He shook his head at his friend. "I am not sure if this is a good idea."
"It's unfair to hog your new bride to yourself, Reiner. I'm pretty sure the Lady Mikasa wouldn't mind sparing a dance for me, your very own friend?" Porco smirked but his eyes were none too gentle, as he gently nudged his own partner, Pieck forward towards his immediate superior.
Reiner looked down towards Mikasa, found more cause for alarm than relief when his wife's cold facade didn't break when she nodded her head in response. Porco seemed more than eager to whisk her away and that made him even anxious. The events in Liberio from ten days ago were still fresh in everyone's mind and would never be left unforgotten, any time soon.
What was Porco trying to do?
Reiner was tempted to get Pieck and himself to stay close to their previous dance partners, but Porco seemed adamant to keep his conversation with his new bride merely a whisper. He could see from the corners of his eyes that Mikasa, who was almost as tall as the Jaw Titan holder, locked in a heated gaze with each other. Her face was a clever porcelain mask of indifference yet he could see her lips moved to a conversation he desperately wanted to know.
Pieck confided, "Reiner, I'm worried Porco might do something everyone will regret." Her grip tight on Reiner's hand and arm.
"I'm more worried about her."
"I knew Hizuru is allied with Paradis. We were playing right into their plans." Pieck sighed as her eyes moved wildly against their surroundings.
"You're right, Pieck. But give me some time to find out what Paradis is planning. Ackerman has a history of an unwavering attachment towards Eren Jeager, she wouldn't be leaving him behind without an extremely good reason."
"Her people wiped out my whole Panzer team, Reiner. She helped Jeager and if it wasn't for you, they could have killed Porco too."
"Pieck, you should also remember that she had almost succeeded in killing me not once but thrice now. She could've killed me in Liberio when she had the opportunity but she didn't. I've known this girl for three years, Pieck, but this woman I married is not the same person that I remembered."
"You do care about the demons on that island, don't you?"
"I CARED about them then."
"Even the Princess?"
"It's complicated, Pieck. As of now, I'm dreading the moment when we'll be alone. I might not even survive tomorrow morning, at least not without missing a few limbs or two. Did you see the way she was holding this blade that she gave me earlier?," He laughed anxiously before sighing. "Please tell my mother, I love her and tell Gabi that I died trying to save her from that hellhole," laughed Reiner, again, more for his own pathetic attempt at making light of his situation than actually making a joke, considering the gravity of the fucked up situation he was in.
Why couldn't she just simply be a stranger?
The long-haired young woman could only send a look of helplessness to the new War Chief of Marley, as her hand gently patted her longtime comrade's shoulder with empathy.
"We'll always be nearby. We won't hesitate if she ever decides to make the wrong move. Not this time, Reiner. Zeke might be terrified of the Ackermans before but we now know he was planning to side with them all along. The bottom line is we survived them. We'll be ready."
"I appreciate your positivity, Pieck. But I just married one of them. Who knew I'll be marrying the very same girl who had almost succeeded in killing me before?"
This was the same girl who haunted his nightmares since four years ago.
It truly felt like he manifested his nightmare to life and he knew it won't be ending anytime soon if he would be spending his waking hours in her presence.
What the fuck did he just get himself into?
He posed a curious glance at his new bride whose face had taken a much darker turn after he saw Porco moved her strong yet graceful form in a smooth twist, aligning his head next to hers as they both faced in the direction where Pieck and himself were at. Reiner saw Porco's lips moved in a whispered conversation against Mikasa's ear, only for her to turn her head towards him in retaliation.
It didn't escape his observation that Mikasa, without a doubt retorted Porco's words, causing the face of the Jaw Titan holder to turn pale with fear in return.
Lord Hosokawa seemed to sense the unbearable stress between the two enemies that he made a timely intervention to pull Mikasa away politely with her cold mask unperturbed. However, to someone who had been around in her company for more than three years, he does note the agitation evident from the creases of stress lines in between her eyebrows.
Porco had let his mouth run loose without thinking again.
He quickly excused himself to Pieck, not without asking her for a favor to ensure Porco would be with her at all times. Porco was a great friend to him but all of that would be as good as a disaster if he suffers sudden, tremendous stress, which very rarely happens. It was very clear to Reiner that his new wife had successfully riled his friend up without so much as an effort.
It was a classic Ackerman move.
As far as he could remember, both Mikasa and his former Captain, Levi had that same intimidating vibe without even trying.
Admiral Hosokawa tapped him joyfully on his shoulder. It was amazing how the most reputable naval veteran in the world could act so casually to a junior like him in person. "Young Lord, it is our tradition for the new Lord of Hizuru to meet his subjects, the heart of our country. The newlyweds should be making a proper introduction to the townspeople waiting to congratulate you and the Lady Mikasa outside. Your Highness?" The Admiral cast a gentle gaze at their royal heir, which in a way had softened her stress lines and reduced them to a tiny smile instead.
To Reiner, it almost seemed like he was observing a father's protective nature towards his daughter.
He took her hand that was offered by the admiral in his like it was the most natural gesture for him to do. He definitely held his good acting responsible for that smooth facade.
Therefore, when they both made their first public appearance as Hizuru's newly-mandated Lord and Lady the moment they stepped out of the mansion's main door, he maintained an air of unwavering loyalty and a mask of calmness even though his nerves were already running amok inside his body.
The sea of happy, proud faces of all ages greeted them before all of them simultaneously bowed down to the newlyweds in respect, giving them the blessings for a prosperous and peaceful future. Mikasa quickly spoke to him in a low whisper, "Just follow my lead."
He nodded and did as she instructed, by returning the respect and blessings given through the same action.
For his whole life, he has done nothing but following orders without any questions and he did a damn excellent job at it. This was no different yet he felt indebted to return the gesture out of his own free will without needing her prompting. He has been in this position before, a decade ago to be precise. He was together with Marcel, Annie and Bertolt as their departure to the Island was sent off with a big parade from the Eldian people in Marley. Back then they were celebrated as future heroes: the hope for the oppressed Eldians.
Yet today, he is standing here with someone, who ironically was born and raised in the Island that he was supposed to bring to ruins before, and yet together, they both represent hope for their nations and their people.
He noticed that a little girl, no more than four, took off from her mother's side and ran towards where they were. A garland was in her hand, weaved from a colorful mix of wildflowers.
"Lady Mikasa," cried the little girl just before she loses a footing and almost bumped into the ground if it wasn't for Mikasa's natural reflex and agility. His bride helped the little girl up, her knees bent as she dusted off any debris on the girl's adorable little kimono. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, milady. You're so beautiful and so kind!" The girl stared at Mikasa's face in awe, before she whispered something in the royal heir's ear. Mikasa replied with a smile, "I think so too."
The little girl whispered yet again and to which Mikasa asked, "Would it make you happy?"
The girl nodded enthusiastically, hands clasping together in hope of something even Reiner was a bit curious of. His heart softened the moment he realized that the little kid reminded him so much of Gabi when she was much smaller five years ago, when she was still untainted by all the political indoctrination by their 'beloved' government.
Mikasa lifted the tiara she was wearing and gave it to her handmaiden, who was standing nearby right before placing the floral crown from the little girl on top of her head, adjusting it until it fits snugly at the crown of her raven hair.
He felt hesitant to admit but he couldn't deny that tiny little voice inside him that believed he was seeing the girl who was proclaimed as Paradis' most prized soldier through fresh eyes and unguarded mind. She, who was once a cold, expressionless and most of the time, a socially awkward person, could warm up naturally to a little child she had only met for the first time.
"Your little admirer says she has a small wish," said Mikasa, as she stood up from where she knelt and looked up towards him.
'Wish?' Reiner gave her a quizzical look in return right before he felt a small tug at the bottom of his overcoat.
"Milord." The little girl waved at him to get his attention. It was his turn to bend his towering form down and made sure he was on the same eye level as the small, friendly child. "Do you want to tell me your wish?"
She nodded before she whispered in his ear. "Is it true that a prince and a princess would live happily ever after when they are married?"
Reiner didn't have the heart to divulge the awful truth to the innocent little girl. He was not destined for a happy ending that was for sure. "Absolutely."
"But don't you need to give Princess Mikasa her true love's kiss?" This time, she didn't whisper.
"Well…," shrugged Reiner. That was something he thought he could skip altogether. He really needs to explain to this hopeful little kid that her favorite Princess would sooner stab his guts before he even thinks of looking at her.
He felt yet another tug, too rough for his own liking, as the force pulled him back to a stand and he was greeted by his wife's doubtful face.
Placing a hand against his left jaw, her dainty fingers brushed against the thin hair around his lips as she moved her face closer and closer against his.
"This means nothing," was the hushed, breathy whisper. Filled with regret and dripping malice, right before she closed the distance between them.
Their lips met for the first time, awkwardly but it was as tender as it could be. The tip of his own sharp nose grazed gently against her porcelain face, the soft floral scent on her skin an alluring imprint against his senses.
He held his breath anxiously and froze.
It was only a light brush between her tinged lips against his thin ones like a fleeting caress before she quickly pulled away, with a blossoming blush on her cheeks. He knew it was only a charade to prove their union in the public eye in that few long seconds. Yet at that time, he didn't really understand what took over his own actions as he gently pulled her head back in once more and dip his head down before touching his warm lips against her cold forehead.
It's not like he needed to prove it again.
In spite of all that, he really took the time to savor the kiss.
They were surrounded by the sounds of cheering voices and happy laughter from the spectators, but all he could hear at that particular moment was his own erratic heartbeat.
He was courting death way before his time. If he dies tonight, the last thing he would remember was kissing his wife, something he would never imagine he would be able to do in this lifetime.
He used to be a great pretender but this was unexpected, even to him.
He sensed her sudden intake of breath and a gasp due to his sudden action yet she held back from shoving him off, evident from the way she grasped against the crisp fabric of his tie, in a desperate restraint. Her eyes closed for a few seconds and they opened afterward when his lips drifted away, looking sharply back at his own.
Her voice took a darker tone. "I hate you with every breath that I take."
Reiner couldn't imagine that it could be any more 'romantic' than this.
"Welcome to my personal hell, 'Princess'." He smirked calmly, his fears and insecurities temporarily locked inside his tortured, compartmentalized brain.
There's nothing more beautiful than having your miserably ever after.
Till death do us part indeed.
His remaining 21 months' time couldn't come too soon for his own good.
He deserved her hatred. He deserved those painful words but he couldn't pretend that it wasn't injuring his pride. He was a pathetic piece of shit, he didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness, not even from Eren, Armin, Krista, Connie, Sasha, Jean and not even from her.
He didn't even deserve to live.
His grip tightened against the hilt of the treasured blade gifted to him by the Azumabito family during the ceremony earlier. The blessed warrior sword felt cursed as the velvet fabric left invisible burn marks against his palms.
It was beyond a simple oath.
It was a life sentence.
He had made a vow to protect her until his last breath.
Yet, who would protect him from her wrath?
Reiner exhaled a long breath from his own heavy lungs. How he wished he had succeeded in taking his own life before.
Would he rather lay down his life and let his now-wife take it for good this time?
She didn't succeed the first three times before, maybe she would succeed this time around. Right after he has served his purpose in fathering a royal heir for Hizuru. But he needed to know some things so badly. He still has questions begging to be answered. He wants to get those answers from her before he goes away for good.
He has twelve months to prove his worth, to seek answers and to put a child in his former enemy's body.
Too deep he was in his own thoughts, his mental space crowded with voices he didn't even know existed, that he had missed the figure who was exiting the room in front of him.
"Lord Reiner? I didn't realize you were here. I thought you would've wanted to enjoy the festivities a bit more", greeted the older matron of the mansion to the new lord of Hizuru, after seeing his figure perched languidly against the stone wall. Looking pretty much like he was about to crumble to dust.
Reiner nervously ran a hand through his already unkempt hair, forcing a smile on his face and responded, "I just wanted to get away from all the noise."
It was only slightly before sunset and the festivities won't be ending until midnight itself. For all he knew, everyone would be assuming his disappearance from his own reception happened because he just couldn't wait to get his hands on his beautiful new wife.
"Can't wait to have some alone time with your wife?"
Hah, of course. What else would they be thinking?
He'd sooner get himself poor piss drunk before he would agree to the older woman's implications yet he cleared his throat as a response instead, pretending to feign a nonexistent embarrassment.
Shiori nodded her head with a knowing expression on her face. "I have prepared a pair of fresh yukata and new bathroom essentials for you to use in the morning. We will send supper to your room in the next hour. I suggest you both get some rest first before anything."
Reiner looked down at the plump, jovial woman. He really wouldn't want to dwell too much on what the woman was referring to when she said 'anything'.
She offered her unwarranted advice to the tall, young man. "My lord, please be gentle with Lady Mikasa. Give her time. She will soon come back to her initial state of rationale. Until then, please exercise patience and constraint towards your wife."
Even then, Shiori couldn't guarantee that the War Chief from Marley would still be intact as the morning comes. Shiori could see the young man was thinking of the same thing she was having on her mind at that moment.
"May Izanagi and Izayami open your hearts to each other, milord. Tonight onwards, please refrain from killing each other. Your people's future depends on the success of your union." Shiori sternly reminded him, the same way she did with their princess.
So that was what her 'anything' meant.
He only gave a slight nod when the woman bowed and took her leave. As her figure disappeared around the corner of the long hallway, Reiner took in a deep breath and reached out for the brass knob.
It truly felt like Death has finally arrived and eagerly waiting for him on the other side of the door.
The second he pried the heavy wooden door opened, a strong wave of a sweet, enticing fragrance invaded his senses and once again, triggered an eerie sense of recognition that he can't seem to recall.
What is this? He momentarily wondered.
-o-O-o-
She should've insisted on keeping Masamune, the newly-polished katana forged from steel and iceburst stone, for her own safekeeping. But instead, she had to adhere to their life-long tradition of presenting it to her life partner, regardless of its circumstances on how it came to be.
Still clad in her wedding dress, Mikasa attempted to undo the satin buttons on her bodice, beginning from the lace cuff at the back of her nape, to no avail. A low sigh escaped her lips as she only managed to unhook the first two small clasps of the dress, out of the thirty or more left. The thought of just tearing the whole dress up seemed like a very tempting idea at that point. She just had to make sure she would do it quickly before one of the girls came back to check on her and realized that she was stupidly incapable of undoing her own clothing.
Why do people have to suffer for something so trivial like weddings?
It would've been different if it was Eren though.
She would've stayed in this dress for as long as she could if it meant that it would be Eren that she marries and she could pretend that whatever happened today was only a fleeting bad dream that will disappear if she wished so badly for it.
No, Mikasa. Stop.
Eren chose her. Not you.
Remember, you will never be the only girl Eren ever wanted.
She felt a sudden tug against the back of her nape and a ghost of warm breath against her slowly exposed skin.
"Akane?" She asked, right before her strong sense of smell caught a blend of masculine fragrance. Fresh pine of an earthy undertone mixed with the afterscent of burnt tobacco.
"Sorry, I'm not who you're looking for. I thought that you could use a hand with this," came the deep, gruff voice she had thought she had forgotten. Crushed, dry autumn leaves. She shook her head from the immediate reminiscence.
Don't touch me. Get your filthy traitorous hands away, murderer. Just leave me alone!
Was what she wished she could say but she was just exhausted and wished nothing more for her day to end quickly. She has tomorrow and the rest of his life to confront each other and attempt to resolve a score that would never be settled unless it ends with someone's death.
Therefore, she said nothing, not even a grunt, to protest his much-needed assistance. After all, she was the one who refused the girls' offer from the first place.
Meanwhile, she was oblivious that her new husband was secretly having an internal struggle of his own. He found his eyes fixated curiously on the rather simple yet intricate ink on the skin along the column of her spine. It was a drawing of the Azumabito family's symbol, as large as the size of his open palm. The dark ink was a stark contrast against the pale smooth skin as it was slightly unraveled with every consecutive button that he helped to pull open.
Reiner asked, "Did they force you to put this on your skin?"
There was only silence except for the sounds of her heavy breathing as her response. Her fingers clenched and unclenched repeatedly against the bunched up material of her dress. There was no need for him to pretend that a simple vow could erase everything that he had done in the past.
Like they were nothing but a forgotten memory.
Like he never initiated the whole nightmare that happened in Shinganshina nine years ago.
Like he could pretend that they were friends again?
He had done some reading while he was in Liberio several days earlier, in order to understand his soon-to-be-wife's culture and traditions. He couldn't say he understood all of them but he was at the very least, aware of the aggravating process of applying a traditional tattoo on one's skin and its significance.
Has she always had it etched on her skin all along?
The ink drawing actually looked really fresh. He had no idea, he had never even seen more of this young woman than what was visible at that moment and he would be lying if he said it didn't intrigue him in the slightest.
Like she did seven years ago, to be exact, right before he developed an innocent crush on the blue-eyed, blonde-haired Krista. The girl who had actually caught his eyes on the first physical of their military training was this young woman standing in front of him. Back then it wasn't her beauty. It was the smooth, natural way her body balanced itself on the omnidirectional maneuver gear training harness and the way she actually surpassed everyone, even himself in melee sparring. His interest remained forgotten in time, especially after knowing her bizarre obsession and overprotective nature towards Eren Jeager.
She was indeed the girl that all the boys admired but she only had eyes for one boy.
Right before he reached the last few buttons on the seams around her waist, she turned her body around roughly and retorted his earlier question, "It's none of your business, Braun." Her bare feet stomped harder than it should be against the tatami mat, in protest as she approached a single corner of the chamber.
He ignored the implicitly disrespectful tone she threw at him as he watched her body disappeared behind a wooden shoji screen followed by the sounds of rustling fabric. He settled himself on a velvet lounge not too far from where the bed stood, detaching the ties of the blade on his belt and rested it on the settee's smooth surface. His hands made quick work in taking off his military overcoat and draping it against the armrest all while kicking off his own footwear, discarding them on the cold, wooden floor. One hand pulled loosely on the tie around his shirt collar and he gratefully breathed in the air as if he was being denied of it during the whole event that took place earlier. He rested his back against the settee, trying to close his eyes for a little while.
For now, he just wanted to sleep and never wake up.
The sounds of rustling fabric stopped and it wasn't long before Mikasa stepped away from the screen in a plain white thin kimono. Its simplicity only enhanced her natural beauty. It could be her royal lineage but she looked regal effortlessly. It was like she was born to be wrapped in nothing but the finest silks in the world yet Reiner could only send an exhausted look her way.
Who'd knew that a little orphan girl from Shinganshina would be the last heir of a very powerful empire?
Mikasa cast a sidelong glance at Masamune, lying vigilantly next to his new master, as if silently patronizing her insolence towards the man that, devastatingly, has authority over her and deserves her utmost respect now.
That won't mean she would give in that easily though.
"How long are we going to be like this?" He stopped her dead in her tracks.
She whipped her head around and snapped, "Like what? Enemies? We are."
Reiner argued, "As of today, we're not." She was as hard-headed as he had remembered.
"Behind closed doors, we are."
He lifted his head up from where it rested. "Then why did you agree to this arrangement from the first place? What is Paradis planning? How long has Zeke been working with the Survey Corps?"
She glowered frustratingly. "As I said, it's none of your business."
"Too late, Mikasa. You're my wife. Whatever your agenda is, it's my business now."
"Please stop talking before I do something I would regret."
"Alright. I just need to know ONE thing. Were there two children who were onboard that blimp in Liberio?"
Mikasa huffed yet she answered. "Yes." She remembered those kids. The 'miscalculations' in Zeke Jeager's plan.
"Are they still alive?". His tone softened before begging. "Please, Mikasa, I need to know."
Her eyes squinted in utter suspicion. "Why do you need to know?"
"One of them is my cousin."
WHAT.
There was a doubtful glint in her eyes. "The boy or the girl?"
It must be the boy.
He might as well be honest and truthful with her. No more lies. "The girl. Gabi is her name."
Damn you!
In a swift consistency of exceptional agility, she unsheathed Masamune from where it was laying and placed its blade against his neck, earning a wounded grunt from the deep end of his throat.
She gritted her teeth in restrained anger. "Why should I even care?"
There was no fear in his eyes. There was only desperation. "Mikasa, please hear me out. She wasn't even supposed to be on that blimp!"
"She did and because of that, we lost Sasha! It was her hands that pulled the trigger on the gun that killed my only best friend."
By accident. The bullet was actually aiming for Jean. Not her.
He grabbed at the pale wrist which was holding the blade on his throat, his fingers landed on the smaller family symbol tattooed on the skin there. "One of you killed my best friend, ate him, has his Titan and had used that power to attack Marley."
"You attacked Paradis first!"
He would not let her ignore his reasonings. "You want to hold me responsible for my little cousin's action, but I dare bet that you had saved someone important from dying using Bertolt's titan."
"How dare you!" How could he even know that they sacrificed his best friend to save their own?
"We were only kids the day we breached the walls. We were only THREE stupid kids following orders! But of course, it would be nothing compared to a cavalry of armed Titan slayers, the Colossal Titan and the Founding Titan to kill thousands of Eldians in Liberio. Now, tell me, Mikasa, who has it worse right now? We can argue about this whole night and I won't even finish half of my side of the story."
Mikasa tried to wrestle her wrist out of his firm grip to no avail, considering she was a lot stronger than he was. Reiner was quick in grasping her other free hand, blocking its attempt to push herself away from him. Both of his hands tightened their grips against her wrists, not too hard that he would hurt her yet still refusing to budge, even though he was aware that his strength was no match against her Ackerman blood.
However, it was also her guilt that was holding her back and he knew it absolutely well.
He jerked his hands inward and pulled her body gently towards his in the process. The smooth fabric of her silk kimono created a dangerous friction against his own shirt, already untucked from the waistband of his light brown breeches. The floral scent on her skin was a relentless tease working its devious spell from the tip of his nose all the way up to his deranged brain.
As beautiful as she is, she was still an unwilling ally in this arrangement and one wrong move could rip his head off for good.
She gritted her teeth. "You're pathetic if you think a simple vow could hold me back from hurting you."
"I am begging you to please help me return to Paradis so I could retrieve Gabi and Falco before the allied nations decide to torch the island in six months."
"No." Her tone was rigid and absolute, even though she realized that he had blurted out the possible danger heading towards the island.
"Ackerman, please, I'll do anything! I just want to bring my cousin home to her family. The kids do not deserve to die on that island and you know it!"
"Then do this: stay out of my life."
Her sentence was the last blade that slashed the titan's neck as he used the weight of his body to push her smaller, slender frame against the surface of the velvet settee. His amber eyes darkened to a deeper golden hue, his voice drawled in a low growl that would sooner make her defenses come undone unwillingly. "Mikasa, as of today, I have the authority to exercise my right as your husband. You've made a vow to me. I could take you, right here and right now, I can do it without any remorse because my people's future depends on how soon I can put a child in your belly and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Yet I won't do that to you. We both have suffered enough. I am not asking much but only for you to help me return to Paradis to bring the kids home and I will do anything that you ask. I would even surrender my Titan to Paradis if it assures their return."
Her empty heart beat a lot faster inside her chest as her breathing became heavier with a combination of constrained anger and uncertainty as she looked at the same man who used to have a gentle temperament that she had witnessed before on the dirty streets of Marley's capital. The bottom of her yukata parted open unintentionally during her struggle while the ties that bound the thin fabric together threatened to unravel herself to the man who has the right to claim her tonight. "I should've never hesitated on that wall five years ago. I should've killed you!"
He moved his head forward, inching closer to her face, daring her to stop him. "I wish that you did. You would've saved me the trouble of living this shitty, miserable life. Even I was too much of a failure to pull that trigger on myself. To think that would've been the easy way out. I could try to do it again right now to give you that satisfaction but I know I would only fail again."
The raven-haired young woman blinked her eyes in disbelief at the man lying on top of her right now. Now that their faces were only a few inches away from each other, she could see the aging lines on his scruffy, lightly-tanned skin, the shadow of aftershave and the unshed tears on his lids. "What-"
-is he saying?
"I AM a pathetic piece of shit! You really should've killed me. I'm so tired of everything that the only thing I want right now is to just die in peace. Knowing you, you won't even give me that!" A single drop of tear ran down from the corner of his left eye.
Kami-sama, what should I do…..
This would be a perfect opportunity for her to kill him and blame it on his heart when the morning comes but why couldn't she do it. Again?
If only they had this conversation five years ago, maybe things would've been different for everyone.
No one would have died so easily.
Mikasa was struggling against his grip and found her opening as she felt the weakening hold against her wrists. "St-stop…"
Reiner then gripped the sides of her head as he whispered so desperately close against her lips, his larger and heavier build a dangerous obstruction weighing down on her own lighter form. "I'm begging you, Mikasa. I'm really, really done with living. Kill me, please. I know you can get it right this time."
"I said stop!" She quickly struck the back of his neck using the side of her open hand and breathed a sigh of relief as his now unconscious head landed unceremoniously against the side of her neck.
What in the world just happened?
Her body was shaking just like her hands did five years ago. She should've been glad to witness her enemy crumbling down in front of her, expressing his personal desire for death by her own two hands yet her heart was thumping hard in protest.
Everything is so confusing right now.
She should be happy to know that he's been suffering after all these years.
Yet why? Why did she feel even hollow than she was before?
Her chest suddenly registered the much heavier weight of the figure on top of her. The cold night breeze slipping through the window panes prickled the exposed skin of her legs, a telltale evidence of their earlier struggle. Tiny dots of goosebumps began to appear as her body shivered, making her feel more vulnerable than she ever was. That small gust of wind did a very amazing job in amplifying the masculine pine fragrance coming from his scorching heat.
That damn scent of his.
Mikasa took in a long, tormented breath.
How could something so clean and pure come from someone broken like him?
And why wasn't she surprised to know that it'll be her, who would be carrying the groom to the bed instead?
She was in a little way, relieved. The night could've ended a whole lot worst.
She could have ended up maiming him to the point where he would need more than a month to regenerate himself.
Or he could have ended up getting away with her dignity and she would have been powerless to stop it because of a stupid vow.
"Milady?"
Shit.
The young bride lifted her head up to see the meek figure of her handmaiden and responded to the newcomer hesitantly. "Akane? Now's really not a good time."
Her nimble hands were quick to wrap themselves around Reiner's unconscious figure in a mock embrace, not wanting to reveal their earlier altercation to one of her handmaidens.
"I truly apologize for the intrusion, milady and milord but I'm only here to bring supper. I did knock several times but I believe you both were in the middle of-"
Mikasa closed her eyes in embarrassment. "Thank you, Akane. You can just leave them on the table."
Akane obediently did as she was told and quickly scurried away in panic, afraid she might have caused discomfort to her mistress.
"Please do lock the door on your way out."
"Yes, milady."
Great, by tomorrow morning, the whole mansion's going to be buzzing about this.
-o-O-o-
The moonlight slipping through the partings of the curtains on the windows of the medium-sized guest room illuminated the two figures entangled on the satin-covered four-post bed. The light source from the lanterns on both sides of the bed cast two black shadows against the stone walls, their movements were telling a story of a rather intimate nature.
Echoes of moans and whimpers resonated against the walls, as the man tightened his hold against the waist of the woman sitting on top of him, grunting as he felt a continuous wave of pleasure flowing through the point where their bodies were joined. His hands gripped hard against the pale, milky skin of the woman's shapely curves.
"Fuuuuck, only you know how to make me feel this amazing," grunted Porco as he thrust his hips upwards to meet the steady, smooth movement from the beautiful woman on top of him. Pieck rested her hands against Porco's shoulders, crying out in painful, yet insatiable pleasure as his warm hard member pulled in and out of her in a quick and slow, teasing combination of rhythm.
"Harder, Pokko. Please!" Pieck gushed, the ends of her long dark ponytail waved uncontrollably against her glistening back as her lithe yet petite body bounced on top of her lover's muscular form. Her fingers clawed against his pectorals, the tips of her nails scraping teasingly against his nipples, eliciting another long moan from the Jaw Titan holder.
Their bodies would naturally seek each other during their times of need, like they always do. Even in a foreign land, they had no shame in tearing each other's clothes off as soon as they disappeared behind the door of their designated guest room. Pieck was always the proper lady but even she could not deny Porco's desire, induced by the stress from the events earlier today.
She had been feeling it too.
However, for some inexplicable reason, Porco and her had been going at it even longer than what they were used to. Not that she was complaining but she was getting a bit concerned for Porco. Despite her legs already feeling like they were about to pop out of their joints, she could really, really use a washroom break right now. Their lovemaking had never been THIS long.
Sure, their Titan powers gave them the additional energy more than regular humans, a fact that she and Porco loved to take advantage of, but tonight, even with the fast and heavy thrusting, Pieck couldn't help but feel that Porco's mind was not really here inside this room.
Porco stopped mid-thrust, moving one of his hands from her waist to her face and asked, "Pieck, what are you thinking about?"
She shook her head and replied, "You."
Porco's light brown eyes glinted in the ray of the lantern lights. "Come here." He pulled her face closer to his and bit gently into her thin lips. His tongue followed suit, prodding through the kiss, sensually looking for its counterpart as his own member down under mirrored his mouth's actions. Both searching through its respective warm, wet passage in a quick burst of sinfully delicious frictions.
Soon after, Porco could feel the increasing sensation from the hardness of his shaft, and he knew that his body was almost ready to release its load. "Pieck, I'm really close."
Pieck moaned heavily in response. "I'm coming too, Pokko. Pull out now?"
Porco's head shook languidly, trying to delay yet again. "Ugh, wait, in a bit, Pieck." She smiled and decided to make things easier for her. She lowered her head and began to rain kisses against Porco's neck, biting that very small spot behind his ear. His weakness.
He grunted in between his heavy breathing. "Damn, girl. Only you could do this to me."
She whispered into his ear. "Do you like it when I do that?"
"So fuckin' much!"
"Good." Her head shot up, licking her lips and looking at him sharply in his eyes. "There's more from where that came from."
Except that in that particular moment, it was not the face of his long-time lover, but it was the face of the very one person that had struck fear in his heart.
All he could see was the short-haired, pale and cold visage of one Mikasa Ackerman, complete with the indifferent yet deadly look on her face just like that night in Liberio.
"Oh fuck!"
Panic, Porco switched their position and accidentally came inside Pieck in the process. His body shook as he released his seed all the way inside the young woman, both ended up confused by the aftermath of their lovemaking.
Pieck struggled to catch her breath and said, "Pokko, what happened just now? You're always careful."
Porco was helpless. He felt like a giant lump was stuck in his throat and it was getting harder for him to breathe.
Shit! Why the fuck would I be thinking of her at a time like this?!
Porco couldn't imagine how much harder it would be for Reiner to have to go through all that just to save their people.
Titan shifters could never sense pain from any damage inflicted on their physical Titan form but Porco still couldn't shake away the taste of Mikasa Ackerman's blade against his Titan's hind legs. It felt no different than a lingering unpleasant aftermath of a near-death experience. Like a noose hanging around one's neck, waiting for the end to come when the rope tightens.
Meanwhile Reiner had survived not one, but three encounters with the girl.
Porco could only hope that his best friend will survive the wedding night with his terrifying new wife.
"I hope Reiner would make it through the night," remarked Porco, out loud.
"Do you think they are, you know like us, right now?" asked Pieck out of curiosity and concern.
"Maybe not. But can you imagine the hate sex they might be having if they were? I wouldn't be surprised if Reiner lost a hand, a leg and his head by tomorrow morning."
They both shuddered at the thought and they instantly clung to each other in a much-needed comfort.
-o-O-o-
Mikasa found herself rooted in front of the large doors to the office, belonging to the queen of Paradis. She was hoping she could drop by for a visit and catch up with the young queen. It has been several weeks since they last had an audience with Historia and Mikasa had found herself missing the blonde-haired girl. Imagine the surprise when she realized that the doors to the queen's office were unguarded.
After several knocks with no response, Mikasa let herself in, a concern crawling up her heart in regards to the queen's safety. The writing-table was unoccupied, only paper works and documents remained, some of them being left hastily unfinished.
As Mikasa rounded the table, she couldn't help but overhear hushed voices conversing in secrecy on another side of the room, their identities hidden behind a large bookcase.
"I don't think this is a good idea."
Mikasa heard the queen's soft voice from afar.
"It's not fair to Mikasa if we do this!"
'Wait, do what?'
"Only if she knows about us!," came the all familiar voice that she knew by heart.
'Eren?'
"Eren, please understand. She's my friend. I can't hurt her like this!"
"We don't choose who we love, Historia. I love you. Don't you love me too?"
"I do, Eren but Mikasa-"
"Will one day understand. For now, we'll keep it a secret from everyone. Even Armin."
There was a slight pause before it was followed by the unmistakable sound of her two friends in an intense lip-locking.
'Eren, how could you??'
After all that they've been through together?
Mikasa found herself burying her face into the crimson scarf around her neck, trying very hard to stop the tears from falling down her face as she slowly retraced her steps back to the door.
She felt awful and unwanted.
She also felt like her heart just broke in two.
"Eren….why….."
Reiner woke up in the still of the night in the dark room with a pounding ache against the back of his neck. The breeze from the parted windows was a chilling caress against his nude torso. Last he remembered was, him trying to provoke Mikasa into ending him and she must've knocked him out cold in response.
He didn't know if he was more glad or regretful.
"Eren….no…..," came the whisper from the person lying next to him. Even in the moonlight, it didn't take long for Reiner to recognize the restless sleeping figure next to him on the bed, her erratic movements due to her dreams projected similarly restless shadows against the bed's canopy.
A flicker of light, the color of the sunset, caught his attention. It was almost the same light that follows after a Titan's transformation. It seemed to be manifested on the side of his bride's head for a quick second before it disappeared.
His natural reaction was to reach out to her and to see if she was alright but now, he had lost that privilege as a friend. Even as her husband, he would need to earn her trust again before he could even come close to her. There might be less than an arm's length of a distance between them on this bed, but he knew that they were worlds apart from each other.
After taking two glasses of the wine from the nightstand, he drifted back to sleep, his worries cast aside until the sun rises in several hours.
When it did, he was not surprised to see that her sleeping figure was no longer next to him. The only thing she left behind was traces of her perfume, her warmth and a questionable tiny dark red spot on the satin sheet that suspiciously looked like blood.
It could only mean one thing.
Did he?
He checked his own body for anything out of the ordinary. He was clean, with no bruises or marks or anything. He was still in one piece.
If it wasn't his blood, then could it be hers?
Wait a minute....did they?
He can't seem to remember anything at all.
Reiner then lifted his body up from the bed, eventually confirming the state of undress he was in, befuddled with more questions than he ever had compared to the night before.
He groaned in disbelief.
How was it so easy for people to strip him of his clothing in his state of unconsciousness again?