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As You Are

🇲🇾iamnightduchess
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Old Memoria

He only wants to secure the future of his loved ones through doing whatever it takes to save the remnants left behind by the recent ambush on Marley. With less than 2 years left, his only duty is to be a Warrior as he had been from the very beginning; sacrificing himself for a nation that owns but doesn't deserve his unwavering loyalty.

While she knowingly becomes the pawn of a clan she has recently discovered, hoping that she would finally be at a place where she belongs. Fighting for a united future of her loved ones and her bloodlines.

Both former enemies are thrown into a turbulent sea of obligations where feelings are sacrificed in pursuit of a prospering peace between three warring nations.

For the rest of their lives, at least until his last drawn breath, they both have to fulfill their duties and come as they are to each other - as a friend, a known enemy and an old memory to strangers intertwined in a web of political matrimony.

Helpful terminologies:

Irezumi - traditional Japanese tattoos;

Horishi - traditional tattoo artist;

Geta - Japanese wooden sandals, usually worn with tabi (white socks); and

Furisode - a style of kimono, distinguishable by its wide sleeves and usually worn by an unmarried woman in Japan.

Montsuki - a Japanese traditional wedding attire for the groom which is comprised of kimono, hakama and haori.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2 days after the attack on Marley

Low voices conversing of a rather discreet matter could be heard coming from the medium-sized room belonging to the fourteenth commander of the Survey Corps. Two tall males dressed in finely-tailored suits and matching dark fedoras could be seen standing vigil outside the double wooden door, guarding the private discussion happening within. The two guards have become regular faces these recent years ever since Paradis opened its port and welcomed their very first foreign visitors, the ambassador of one of the most powerful nations in the world - Hizuru.

Inside the now permanent dwelling of Commander Zoe Hange, there were two more visitors taking their seats on the opposite side of the big writing table, carved from the finest oak tree in Paradis.

Kiyomi Azumabito of the last shogunate bloodline in Hizuru was one of them while the other was her long-lost kin, the youngest blood of the infamous Ackerman clan and Azumabito family combined and Hange's very own prized soldier, after Levi Ackerman himself. The finest prodigy the Military has ever seen, the one lauded as the woman worth a hundred soldiers, if not more. Mikasa Ackerman's face was a mask of calm facade as she became the silent third party observer of the conversation between the two older women with authority.

Hange's lens glistened in the dim light of the lantern next to her, signifying a possible move she could make on an otherwise complicated global-scale political chess game where there were not only two but three forces battling on the checkerboard.

Paradis, Hizuru and the latter's ally which was also the former's enemy, Marley.

Slight hint of exhaustion was evident on her only visible eye. A long sigh escaped her chapped lips in a quick drought. Chess was never Hange's favorite. It was more of Erwin's.

The sudden remembrance of her dearly departed superior struck an ache inside her heart - like a bleeding scar on a wound she thought had healed through time.

Furthermore, the unintentionally provoking conversation she had with Eren yesterday had only made her feel shittier than she could ever feel at that moment.

Boy, Levi would've had a field day laughing his arse off if it wasn't due to the threat posed by the loose cannons in their current detainment - the Jeager brothers. It was also very fortunate that Levi was away in the forest of giant trees, having the older Jeager brother under his constant surveillance at all times. Hange could bet her other eye that Levi would not be too keen if he ever found out about the subject matter of this discussion.

It was not an easy task. God knows how many sleepless nights she spent literally burning the midnight oil, trying to understand more of their enemies across the seas just so she could offer a much safer solution to the crisis erupted after Eren Jeager's indirect acceptance to Willy Tybur's official declaration of a world war against Paradis Island.

What would you have done, Erwin?

Kiyomi cleared her throat before continuing, "Madam Commander, as mentioned earlier, in order for Paradis to fulfill the three options we proposed three years ago, Hizuru could lend further assistance in a more pivotal role. I know I have reported our previous failure in rallying the support of the other major world forces but as far as we are concerned, Marley is still in the dark of our alliance, so this will work to our advantage."

"If I could preempt the direction of this discussion, are you suggesting that Hizuru have a threeway with Paradis AND Marley?" Hange just couldn't help throwing the implication out crudely, to which Kiyomi gave a questionable smile in return.

"Marley's recent declaration of war towards Eren Jeager, have definitely slapped the Marley higher-ups in their faces. They might believe that they have the support of the other powerful nations in the world but Mr. Jeager's unexpected attack, along with Mr. Arlert's contingency plan had not only wiped out Marley's ships but also their entire naval fleet. Based on the recent report from our insider still stationed there, the Marley government is in chaos, the deaths of their high-ranking officers left their government running loose like headless chickens. The once mighty giant has fallen. They are desperate, Madam Commander." Kiyomi took a sip of herbal tea from the ceramic cup in front of her as she locked gaze with Hange from across the table. The brown-haired military woman, nodded for the older East Sea ambassador to continue with her proposal.

"The other big nations of the world are currently terrified. It took one Titan to wreak havoc in Marley. They wouldn't want to take that chance. However, if Marley decides to enlist emergency military reinforcements from these nations, they would not hesitate to step in. Therefore, I think it's crucial for us to take this opportunity to swoop in to be the first to present Marley an offer they could not refuse and in return, both Hizuru and Paradis will benefit from this agreement."

"Would you mind sharing the details of these 'benefits' you mentioned?"

"Marley requires emergency reinforcements, resources, and naval ships. Hizuru will provide all of them through this alliance BUT only if Marley could give us something very crucial in return."

Hange smirked. During their very first meeting, Kiyomi had been very nonchalant in expressing Hizuru's desire to monopolize all the iceburst stone export from Paradis in an exclusive trading arrangement.

What could Marley possibly offer that Hizuru couldn't wait to get their hands on?

"Until three years ago, I honestly believed that I was the last generation of my family. I believed that when I die, the blood of our ancestors, Lord Azumabito's lineage will too disappear within the depths of my graveyard. Miss Mikasa….," Kiyomi turned her head towards her younger kin. "Remember when I told you that you are the hope and fruit of our nation? You would be the spark that will ignite the fires of Hizuru and bring glory once again to our family name through this union."

Hange's visible eye widened with sheer surprise. "Wait, Miss Kiyomi, are you seriously thinking of offering one of our strongest soldiers, your very own relative on a silver platter, to Marley?!"

"Only if Miss Mikasa decides on it. I have tried to plea to the other nations to open their eyes and minds to Paradis' peaceful existence before this but it was futile. But if she were to return to Hizuru, perhaps she could finally be the voice of reason for both Paradis and Hizuru in the eyes of the world."

"But, what does it have to do with Marley?", remarked Mikasa in response, trying to, at the very least understand the older East Sea woman's notion before jumping the gun unnecessarily.

"Well my dear, Marley is in dire need of resources for rebuilding the aftermath left by Mr. Jeager, reinforcements due to the Colossal Titan's transformation and naval fleets for their defense, which Hizuru would provide in exchange for heirs to continue the Azumabito lineage. We give them reinforcements on our terms, we will keep their powers in check and they will ensure a continuation for our family's future."

Both Mikasa and Hange exchanged a mutual look of disbelief with each other after reaching the same conclusion in their heads. Hange wasted no time in making her concerns known. "You're treading dangerous waters here, Miss Kiyomi. You're not seriously thinking of turning another one of our girls into a broodmare?! Haven't the Queen suffered enough?"

"All of us have no control over our bloodlines, Madam Commander. Like the curse of Ymir, the Azumabito family has always been burdened with a truly heavy responsibility on our shoulders. However, in the end, everything depends on Miss Mikasa's decision."

"You're putting Mikasa in danger beyond enemy territory. On her own. Moreover, Marley is not gonna be really keen on this idea. May I remind you that we currently have two of their children under our detainment?"

"Miss Mikasa could offer to negotiate the release of the prisoners as an added value to this alliance. Rest assured, Madam Commander, Miss Mikasa will have constant protection with her at all times." Kiyomi's eyes shot a quick glance towards the door, reminding Hange of her own security details just outside the room.

"I mean why now, why didn't you mention anything about this suggestion 3 years ago?"

"Our nation frowns upon unconsented child brides. Miss Mikasa was only 16 years old at that time and wouldn't be capable yet of sound judgment on a big decision like this. We are not animals, Madam Commander."

"What do you think of all of this, Mikasa?", asked Hange towards the young girl in question.

Her hands instantaneously landed on the worn-out, coarse crimson fabric around her neck in a tight grip. She should decline this ridiculous idea. She should've just said NO.

Well, that was what her lips wanted to say but her heart seemed to have reservations of its own. "I-....may I please talk to Eren and Armin first before I decide?"

"Of course."

"Miss Mikasa, I could not stress how much of an impact and difference you could make if you return to Hizuru. You could save not just Mr. Jeager, Mr. Arlert, Queen Historia, but also all the Eldian race especially the ones you care about. However, I believe it's truly best if Mr. Jeager is spared the knowledge of this discussion."

"Mikasa, please be careful," Hange agreed, "Do not divulge too much of the nature of our discussion here to not just Eren, given his current state of mind, but also to the others as well. If we plan this carefully, you could be offering another much-needed alternative to restoring peace again to not only for your people in Hizuru but to the Eldian race all over the world - both in Paradis and Marley."

She continued, "Paradis needs fifty years that we don't have and you could be the one who buys the time that Paradis needs. The key to the eternal liberation of all Eldians exists within the heirs of our throne and the future children you would bear from this alliance, Mikasa."

The young loyal soldier nodded weakly in return. At times like these, she would've had Sasha to confide in, but it only made her feel lonelier than ever now that she was gone. The best friend and sister she never had. Whose cold, lifeless body she had to bury only the day before. Sasha, who died at the hands of a military-trained child who obviously didn't know any better.

When will this ruthless cycle of bloodshed ever stop?

How many more innocent humans have to be sacrificed because of circumstances not due to their own decision or control?

How many more innocent children had to be conceived and born for the sake of shouldering a burden only their bloodline carries?

-o-O-o-

"You've done so much, so much for everyone, Eren. Please don't say you've done nothing." Her gentle voice resonated against the walls of the underground cell, trying to calm her childhood friend, her family and the one person whom she still holds high above others.

"Why can't anyone understand that every single fucking thing that I've done are for Paradis?!" The words that came from the most feared Titan shifter burnt with a bitterness so strong, it would've cut through the steel bars separating him from the rest of the world.

Separating him from everyone who cared about him.

Separating him from them.

Separating him from her.

"I'm sorry…."

"What are you even sorry for, Mikasa? That word's been thrown around lightly everywhere nowadays it literally means nothing to me."

"Eren…" Armin's voice drawled dangerously low, his tone rigid and guarded.

Mikasa let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry that you've been fighting so hard for peace and you still feel that it is never enough. You've been gone away for so long, we thought you might never come back."

"I have to keep fighting for all of us. For peace. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough. I could not stop until I have fulfilled the destiny I was born into."

The raven-haired girl's grey eyes darkened with a painful gleam. "Do you no longer care about Historia's safety?"

She received a sharper glare in return. "What is with you & Hange?? Do I NOT care about Historia's safety?" Eren struggled to utter the words in between a scoff and a burst of sarcastic laughter. There was a sharp intake of breath before he continued, "She was the fucking reason why I left for Marley, Mikasa! So I could guarantee HER safety."

"And when you did, did it even remotely occur to you that you might have shifted the course of our doomsday even sooner than we thought? It's only a matter of time before the other nations rally together to send hell to this island the way it happened nine years ago?!"

Her unexpectedly harsh words sent a jolt of tremors along Eren's hands as they shook against the steel bars of his holding cell.

His dark emerald eyes steeled in a solid resolve. "I will take them all. Until none of them lives."

"You cannot be reckless anymore, Eren. This is no longer your fight alone. Please think of Historia and her unborn child's safety."

"Mikasa...I'm…."

Armin interjected, "We have known a long time ago about your feelings for Historia. Only an idiot wouldn't be able to see that she held the same feelings in her eyes for you, Eren. About the child...Mikasa and I, we do have our suspicions on the nature of your relationship with the child she's due to give birth to anytime soon…"

Eren's silence and the way he hid his gaze away from his own childhood friend and family, only confirmed nothing but the truth.

He was the real father of the child Historia is carrying.

What an irony it was. The person who had been truly against the idea of Historia being forced to have children to continue her lineage had been the very same person who was responsible for it.

Historia's relationship with her childhood acquaintance had been nothing but a ruse, a red herring to deceive the public eyes from the real parentage of the soon to be born heir to the throne of Paradis.

As always, he didn't need to use words to rip her emotions. His wordless blank stare had already done a significantly terrific job in throwing away any remnants of feelings left behind in her beating heart: Love.

She loved Eren. She would brave the ends of the world for him. She would even die for him. She would run to hell and back for his sake. She would do it again and again but that would never change a significant fact: Eren will always keep moving further and further away from her. The recent attack on Liberio which was responsible in claiming hundreds of innocent lives - women and children specifically - had been the lid that seals the coffin.

What was in that coffin, one might ask?

It would be none other than her heart and her undying devotion towards the Titan shifter. Her family and the unattainable love of her life.

He was no longer the nine-year-old boy who she knew more than a decade ago. Whom she fell so deeply in love with.

"I could only hope that you'll be the one to tell us about it." She stated in a matter-of-fact tone, her composed expression concealing the pain that she kept buried at the back of her mind and heart so well.

Say something, Eren. Give me one last reason to stay.

Love would make you do unthinkable things.

Love would also mean you would do whatever it takes to take away their pain and their suffering.

Love would also mean that you would do anything for their happiness, no matter how short-lived it would be, even if it is at the expense of your own.

Love would also mean protecting the people they love and care for. Even if it's not you.

Mikasa looked up towards both of her childhood friends while restraining the beads of unshed tears on her heavy eyelids. "Armin, Eren, I know I don't say this enough but thank you for everything."

Loving someone is to let them go.

-o-O-o-

10 days after the attack on Marley

It has been seven painful lonely days since she secretly boarded the unidentified ship en route to Hizuru, leaving everyone she had grown to care for and love back in Paradis, even her only remaining relative from her father's Ackerman bloodline, without so much as a goodbye. She left her birth land with nothing but the dress on her body, the worn-out dark red scarf around her dainty neck and a medium-sized crate from Hange - an early wedding present. Her concealed departure was sent off by a hug from her Commander, a whispered 'thank you', a strong reminder to be brave like the soldier she has always been and a firm reassurance that the journey she would be undertaking is for Eren's safety and the future of Queen Historia, her unborn child and all of the Eldian race.

Her father came from a long line of royal protectors loyal to the throne, it was in her blood to shoulder the responsibility to protect the Queen and her descendants. Just like Queen Historia, the circumstance of her birth holds a very significant existence that could destroy or save countless lives. By returning to her mother's ancestor's land as the last generation of the great Shogun, she will carry a much heavier task. Like a tiny pebble cast into a calm lake, it would cause the first ripple that will eventually shake the body of water in its aftermath.

She responded to Hange's parting words with a salute dedicating her heart to humanity, her final gesture as a soldier of Paradis Island's Survey Corps military division.

From the day she stepped on the soils of the East Sea country, her homeland, it has been a string of continuous meetings, functions, events and even a small conference introducing her as the long-lost heir of the great and honorable Azumabito family. She was not used to the constant wardrobe changes and the fact that she had to shake many pairs of hands and said more than what she was accustomed to in a day of her whole entire life, it was almost enough to send her to a breaking point if it wasn't for Madam Kiyomi's timely intervention.

She drew a long breath into her lungs. The small action reminded her of the pain on her back, a lingering reminder of the prickly ends of the Horishi's steel needles etching the irezumi of the Azumabito's three blades on her skin. She volunteered to go through the process three days before the wedding, partly because she wanted a bigger reminder of the Azumabito blood flowing through her body and will soon flow through her future unborn children.

The sounds of raucous laughter & loud voices caught in conversation could be heard from the distance, pulling her back to her current reality. Given the circumstances, regardless of the political strain the two nations were involved in, just like deaths, weddings do bring people together. They could turn even the most bitter of enemies to the chummiest of friends all courtesy of the seemingly never-ending flow of liquored drinks. However, she could definitely be wrong.

Who'd knew that the very first wedding she ever attended would be her very own?

If this was another reality, she would've wanted her only best friend, the closest person she would have to a sister, right here next to her when she needed her the most. Sasha would've made a really loud but caring maid of honor. She would've made relentless remarks in barging straight for the wedding delicacies on the banquet tables or racing against both Jean and Connie for the available drinks. She would've teased Mikasa endlessly about tripping on the train of her bridal kimono or her wooden geta. She would've told Mikasa that everything will be alright and that she is finally home with her real blood family in Hizuru. She would've made a promise to shoot the lights out of Mikasa's groom if he ever dared to disrespect her in any way.

Sasha was the one who was supposed to be married first, not her. She was not supposed to be gone too soon, not before her.

Mikasa immediately rubbed away at the stubborn droplet of tears that managed to leak from the corners of her eyes as she was suddenly reminded of the last long conversation she had shared with her sworn sister. Of the laughter that they shared and promises made - exactly five days before the retrieval in Liberio.

"Who knows, we might just have a double wedding in the near future. Just imagine: both of us marrying men from Marley? That's surreal!"

She could still feel the excitement in Sasha's voice and the warmth in her reassurance. The pain of shattered dreams; ones that they'll never be able to see through together when she had to bury Sasha's cold, lifeless body immediately as soon as they landed in Paradis.

Even though she would be marrying a stranger, a part of her felt that she could brave this enough for Sasha's sake. She would try to seek for the happiness that Sasha so deserved yet never got to realize, on her behalf.

If her mother was here, Mikasa imagined the older woman would fuss over her dress and the way the handmaidens should style her hair. Mrs. Ackerman would have told her what was to be expected of her by her new husband - loyalty and obedience without compromising her honor. She would've reassured Mikasa that her new husband would be gentle with her on their wedding night. She would've told her that her new husband will take good care of her, and make her happy in time like Mikasa's own father did with her.

Oh her father, if he was there, she hoped he would be proud of the young woman Mikasa had become. Mr. Ackerman would have shed tears of happiness at his only daughter's wedding, after making sure it was what she would've wanted. He would have held her hand tightly in his as he walked her down the aisle. He would've promised he would set his new son-in-law straight if he so much hurt his daughter's feelings.

Except that none of them were alive anymore.

Sasha, Mama, and Papa were gone and only existed in her memories now.

"Lady Mikasa, you're truly breathtaking but it's a shame we have to cover your face with the veil," moaned one of the handmaidens - no, HER handmaidens, fussing over the almost see-through muslin fabric with lace trimmings against her face. She still found it difficult to grasp at the fact she now has the luxury of her own ladies in waiting. Until a week ago, she was only but a military member serving the Queen within the walls of Paradis Island.

Yet four of them would not be able to replace Sasha.

Akane, the same handmaiden from before, the one with the long braided hair and always a sunny expression on her face, lowered her face next to hers. "Even with your face covered, your unusual grey eyes will capture his soul. Your new husband will fall in love with you at first sight, milady."

The other three cooed in agreement.

"Lady Kiyomi didn't allow us to say this, but we did catch a glance at your groom earlier when their entourage arrived at the castle gates, Lady Mikasa. He's as handsome as the knights we see in the history books, his hair as shiny as the golden sun. I bet he would look even dashing when he changes into his montsuki."

The beautiful white silk adorned with matching intricate embroidery of beautiful pink camellias felt suffocating on her form. She pretty much preferred a simple furisode than this ceremonial garb. Instead of the traditional tsuno-kakushi, a paper headdress most brides wore in Hizuru, Mikasa preferred to keep her jewelry to the minimum with only a web of pearl tiara on top of her short midnight color tresses instead. She even refused for her natural face to be made up, to be concerned with any forms of aesthetic, not even a tiny dab of crushed coral powder on her pale cheeks except for a simple line of kohl outlining her already significant eyes.

This was not the wedding she envisioned when she was younger. This was not the wedding of her dreams and the groom was not a man that she had ever met, let alone care for.

Being tied to the groom would also guarantee the probability of her crossing paths with her enemies across the seas again.

Mikasa was not spared of any details regarding the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with other than a rather vague description by the matriarch of the Azumabito family, 'Although he is an Eldian, he is a man respected for his valor due to his service and loyalty to Marley. A prime candidate for an honorable husband.'

The Marley government was not to be taken lightly either. Even after suffering a huge blow to their military defense, they wouldn't simply be accepting an opportunistic offer from Hizuru without a fail-safe of their own. Of course, they would offer an Eldian man as her husband. Her future children would have Eldian blood and they would not be spared from the Curse of Ymir if she changes her mind halfway and refuses to carry her current mission until the end.

There was a gentle rapping against the shoji door right before it was held open by Hana, another one of her handmaidens, the quiet one with the two low pigtails.

At the opening of the door, it was Madam Kiyomi's own bodyguards, dressed in traditional Hizuru ceremonial attires instead of their usual suits, trench coats, and hats.

Both of them bowed to her simultaneously. "Lady Mikasa, it's time."

The young raven-haired girl let out a long breathe she had been holding.

From a birdcage to another.