Love in chaotic times?
Seeing my brothers going to university taking a 5 year; minimum career, was not on my books.
Needed to graduate, look for a job, make enough to survive, save some money (if possible), start a new life, away from violence, peaceful, promising.
But also needed to build up my future life. Many of my school friends graduated and got married…
I was not ready for it.
Getting married was not in my books. Not yet.
Seeing how sad and the life enjoyment getting cut off because of motherhood, was a no-no for me. I was still young.
So I decided to work hard, earn enough money to move out and start a new life….
Morning English classes, lunch time to go to work until over midnight, were easily taking over my schedule.
If life fe was that easy, where travelling at my wish and where ever I wanted, I would've gone further on my plans….
But the situation was turning into a really troubling and disturbing and volatile situation. More violence, more riots, more night curfews, more everything…
It amazing how; although living in a chaotic, rioting revolutionary environment, we managed to continue our lives, make a living…
Much harder was to make and keep enough to travel outside our mother land in search of better life, a peaceful and affordable one, where racism it not a norm, and bring in constant fear of being killed, robbed or abused by a stranger.
Yeah, it was an illness the country had acquired, it was scary.
Kidnappings, car bombs, violent riots, unannounced curfews, police attacks, and protests against the current government, you name it…. Anything, any ways to let the government the country and the population were not happy with the current situation, was expressed in the form of riots and violence, burning establishments, cars, looting, causing black outs by demolishing high power towers…
At night we could hear shootings…
Hoping was just to intimidate any troubling activities back to be calm and a pacific night sleep….
We still managed to get together for partying, not long, but enough to talk and enjoy time together. I don't remember my graduation time at school nor at my college when I finished studying for my career.
Perhaps too scared to call the attention….
Gotten robbed 2 times, survived a kidnapping, a car bomb, numerous black outs( mind though, this was turning onto a routine), knowing which way to run away from police if I found myself in the middle of a riot), watching my back for not being abused or robbed or kidnapped), I tell you, there was never a boring or dull day for us.
Night time random shootings.
Car bombs.
Black outs.
Learning to celebrate birthdays on total blackouts….🤷🏻♀️
I just wanted to find a job, save some money, and travel to another country, looking for a better future.
Intimidating as it was, as terrorism purpose was, to incite terror and loose of life's citizens country, it was challenging to balance the way our life's ended up being like. Leaving early in the morning, working hard as we watch our backs, come home, have dinner with the family, if possible, go sleep….
Wake up to a new day…
Repeat….
Repeat….
And repeat…
And keep surviving…
For my brothers, already studying in university, all they talked at the dinner table was the riots they saw. But clever, never took participation in them. We knew we could've been taken to jail perhaps being taken to jail…
And never see our family again….
A survival Russian Roulette….
Work hard, never loose my job…
Save money…..
Watch myself staying out of trouble…
Survive the day's news
Repeat.
I had to find a solution
Check out at the embassy's offices of visa's applications were being offered to travel outside the country….
Many countries required to have English as a second language. Fluently.
Another hurdle to overcome…
Saw my high school friends grown in distancing themselves from, as well as my college friends, perhaps way too concentrated on accomplishing same dreams as us…
Getting out of the country to a better, peaceful life…
Doors started to close behind us.
Many friends, departed in search of their own happiness and golden dreams..
Completion was already hard because finding a job was not easy. Loosing a job?
Piece of cake….
Now what?
Love was in the horizon.
As well as my resilience to find a better future, where I did not have to fear of anyone, or being killed or arrested bec I was in the middle of a riot or protest an an innocent bystander.
I was not that I gave up on my duties as a natural citizen, but the increasing violence was slowly changing our minds, our lives, our future.
There has to be a better option.
But how?
When?
Where?
Soon?
Later?
Really worrying….
And in my mind:
Never say never'
Never getting married,
Never finding a boyfriend,
Never getting out of the country.
Wanted peace
Wanted better future
Wanted to find a more secure job
But
Where?
When?
How?