As word of Jimin's death spread and their friends and acquaintances reached out to offer condolences, Nuri's anger simmered beneath the surface. He couldn't fathom that Jimin would choose to kill himself. The more people tried to convince him to accept this, the more his anger grew.
The weight of grief and unanswered questions burdened Nuri's heart. He knew that everywhere he turned, people whispered about Jimin's supposed suicide, but Nuri refused to accept it.
One evening, as Nuri sat alone in his empty house, the walls seemed to close in around him. Daeshim stayed at the clan house when Kin had been moved to the clan house so clan doctors could monitor him. Ibuki and Boss decided to stay with Kin and offered to look after Daeshim until Nuri was ready.
Nuri sat in his dimly lit living room, his mind consumed by tormenting thoughts. He couldn't help but blame himself for what had happened. He should have known the day he discovered that Jimin powered the Manor Wards with his life force.
'If they were right and Jimin killed himself, was there something I could have done to stop him?'
The weight of guilt burdened him as he replayed every interaction, every word exchanged between them. His emotions surged, threatening to consume him entirely.
"What could I have done differently?" Nuri whispered, his voice trembling with anguish.
As if on cue, his soulmate, Momo, walked in. When news of Jimin's death broke, Momo had been in Japan on a work trip but hurried home to support his soulmates. The rest of them were trying to return but it would take time.
"Tadaima," He said softly as he took off his shoes at the door.
"This is my fault." Nuri mumbled as he rocked himself in a self-soothing gesture, completely oblivious to the fact that Momo had walked through the door
Concern etched across his face, Momo sat beside Nuri, offering silent comfort.
The phone rang, and Nuri reluctantly answered, expecting another well-intentioned friend calling to offer condolences.
"Nuri, it's Mingjue," said a familiar voice on the other end. "I am on my way home. I'll be there in six hours."
Nuri nodded before realising that Mingjue can not see him "Travel safe, ge."
"Before I go, we need to talk."
Nuri sighed, his anger threatening to overflow. "What is it, Ming Ge? Are you planning to tell me to accept that Jimin killed himself?"
Mingjue's voice softened, laced with empathy. "I understand your pain, Nuri. He was my soulmate too. I have been his soulmate longer than you were. We're all searching for answers. We want to help you heal."
Nuri's voice trembled with frustration. "Help me heal? By insisting that Jimin took his own life? I won't accept it! There must be another explanation."
"We are still investigating but there is a chance Jimin killed himself."
"I hate them, Ge," Nuri whispered as Momo gently pulled him into a hug and ran his fingers through his hair. "They want me to give up my place as clan omega. I can't leave the clan. It is the only thing I have left. If they take my family away from me, I have nothing to live for."
"I know, Didi," Mingjue paused, choosing his words carefully. "I know it's difficult, but denying the truth won't bring Jimin back. We're all grieving, and some people may not express it in the most appropriate way, but they're trying to support you."
Nuri's anger swelled, tears mingling with his rage. "Support? This isn't support! It feels like a betrayal. They didn't know Jimin like we did. They didn't see the love we all shared, the dreams he and I had. And they always hated Jimin being the House Head. The Grandmaster has never hidden her hate for Jimin. Kin told me that someone had sabotaged the ritual and Jimin told me that he would come and see me when they were chased. There is no way Jimin killed himself."
Mingjue's voice softened further. "Nuri, I understand your anger, but remember, people are imperfect. While I agree that some of them may benefit from the events, not all are against us. Their words may be misguided, but their intentions are sincere. They want to help you heal, even if they stumble along the way."
Nuri's breath hitched as he considered Mingjue's words. The anger that consumed him gave way to understanding. He realized that his refusal to accept Jimin's death had fueled his anger and made it difficult for others to console him. And it had put undue pressure on his soulmates as they tried to run the clan in his stead.
With a heavy sigh, Nuri finally spoke. His voice was softened by sadness and vulnerability. "Ge, I appreciate your words, and I know everyone means them well. But I can't accept that he killed himself. I just can't."
Mingjue sighed "Let's compromise. We are still looking into it. If there is any chance that it was instigated by someone we'll find them. I promise you that. But you have to accept that there is a chance it might be ruled a suicide."
"Ok." Nuri lied, pulling away from Momo.
After a few more minutes of talking about Daeshim and their Soulmates' travel plans, Mingjue said his goodbyes. Nuri gently placed the phone next to him. Momo reached out to gently touch Nuri's hand. Nuri flinched but turned to look at Momo.
"Nuri, I know you're hurting, but blaming yourself won't bring Jimin back."
Nuri's eyes were filled with tears, pain, and regret clearly evident in his eyes. "I can't help it, Momo. I keep replaying everything in my mind, wondering if there was something I missed, something I could have done to save him."
Momo nodded understandingly, his voice filled with compassion and pain. "Grief often comes with an overwhelming sense of guilt, but it's important to remember that we can't control other people's actions or decisions. We all loved Jimin deeply, and it's unfair to burden yourself with the weight of his choices."
Nuri sighed, refusing to accept the comfort Momo was trying to offer him. "But what if I noticed the signs? What if I had reached out more, and asked the right questions? Maybe I could have helped him find another way. I knew something was wrong. He's been collecting memories of us since the day we met."
Momo gently squeezed Nuri's hand, his eyes filled with empathy. "Nuri, it's essential to recognize that mental health struggles are complex, and no single person can bear responsibility for someone else's pain. You were there for Jimin, supporting him with love and compassion. But ultimately, each individual's journey is their own."
Tears streamed down Nuri's face, a mixture of sorrow and acceptance. "I just miss him so much, Momo. I wish I could have shown him how much he meant to me, how much he was loved."
Momo wrapped his arms around Nuri, offering a comforting embrace. "You showed him that every day, Nuri. Love isn't measured by our ability to prevent tragedy; it's measured by the moments we share, the support we offer, and the unconditional acceptance we give."
Nuri's voice trembled as he choked back his tears. "I will always cherish those moments, Momo, but if what everyone says is true and Jimin killed himself, I should have seen the signs.He was mine to look after and I let him down"
Momo held Nuri tight, his voice filled with reassurance. "Guilt is a natural part of grief, but it's helpful to remember that you are not alone. We are here for you. And most importantly, be kind to yourself, Nuri. Allow yourself space and time to heal. And if it helps, I'll contact a few of my friends. If this is really murder and not suicide, we will figure out who did it and why."
Nuri took a deep breath, feeling a glimmer of hope amid the darkness. With Momo's support, he promised himself to honor Jimin's memory by finding out what happened to him. He also promised himself that he would bring those who did this to him to justice. Only then would he forgive himself for the burdens he couldn't bear.