I realised that I had never asked my grandparents if she could live with me, but we would have to see what will happen. Pops wasn't happy, saying we needed to respect their house. But he gave Sam permission to stay in a room in the house her as long as she wanted. Sam was very relieved and happy to do just that, but we needed to talk; so we thank them for understanding too.
My mom was the happiest of all of us, and my grandparents were excited to be great-grandparents once they found out. I dragged Sam off to the flat because I really wanted needed to be alone with her. I just held her, telling her that I would never question her love again and thanked her for choosing us.
She starred at me for a long time and then started looking around the place. The diary caught her eye.
'Very impressive! I will learn so much about you … I can't wait to read it.'
I told her that my mother gave it to me to write my wishes and thoughts down for our child. She asked for a pen and wrote 'son' in the blank space. She was very tired, so I walked her to my bed. I wanted to give her space, but she held me close.
'Get used to it, Jordi, I will most definitely sneak in here sometimes.'
I wasn't complaining and this was how my mother found us. Blushing, Sam got up but Mom told her to relax, she was only bringing in food. She said she knew we had lots to talk about. She came over to hug both of us, saying
'Thank you for giving me a grandchild.'
'Grandson,' Sam corrected her.
We mostly ate in silence, because being together meant so much adjusting.
'Sam, the reason I asked the other day if you wanted to be with me, was not because I questioned your love, but because I don't know how long I have left. The cancer is growing fast and I don't want to be a burden to anyone, least of all you.'
'Jordi, just face it, I have made up my mind. If it were to get worse, I want to be there for you just like your mom, I am sure of it. Don't ever try to decide anything for me again. That will be what breaks us and it almost did. I am my own person and ready to love you despite everything, if you would allow me? I am not saying that it will be easy and maybe I won't stick around as you so want me to, but I will try my very best. Let me decide what is good for me and see for myself, okay, Jordi? I think we are the toughest generation yet and have the best coping mechanisms in everything we put our minds too. We can do this!'
I knew exactly what she meant and was happy to be part of this new generation. But be that as it may, time waits for no one. I would try my best to slot in everything that I would miss out on when my life was over. Who would have said that the two of us would have to make such selfless decisions, that what normally grown-ups would get praise for? I knew though that we would be looked at as mere children wanting to be too big for their boots. How could we be judged when we already loved so deeply; did unconditional love ask for age?
My girl had proven over and over that she loved me despite all odds. Be it an illness, pregnancy, or separation from her family. She had already made sacrifices only a few could make in a lifetime. Sacrifices that would have ranked as admirable among the older generations. To me she was the woman that I loved most dearly, and her carrying this baby was a gift to us. I wrote my first wish to my son while his mom was resting her head on my lap.
'My first wish, dear Son of mine, is that you know that I love you already and cannot wait to see you. I am sorry that I will miss your many firsts, but I know you will be okay, because you see, I turned out alright, even when my dad was not around. You know I will be around you as your guiding angel if you let me. Call on me and I will touch you with the words that you are reading now. I love you forever, just like I love your mother. She looks at me as though she can read my mind. I hope she doesn't do it with you. Mothers can do that. So every time she wants to read yours, just smile and it will make her forget what she wanted to do, because it will be too cute to resist. Talking about smiles, you will have mine because no girl could resist it. Just ask your mother, she fell for a boy younger than her, how cool is that?'
I put the book down, kissed her tenderly, and before we got other ideas, gave the diary to her so that she could also write something. She read it and added a comment:
'No one can love you as much as I do! Just joking, it looks like you are the apple of your dad's eye already. We will love you forever, so I will ask your daddy to give me a goodnight kiss on my belly from both of us and that kiss equals thousands, okay?'
I kissed her belly and sang a song for our little one. 'No one is more loved than you little boy.'
That Sam wrote down too. Then it was our time and I got to thank my girl again for being there. She was worried about her mom and I just loved her for that.
I had a seizure during the night, but the doctor on duty at the hospital talked Sam through the whole process. She never even called my mother and that was pretty impressive.
My mother took us to hospital the next day and I realised I had missed my tablets a few times. I would have to be more careful next time but then even this was taken over from me. I stopped being stubborn, because I was sure Sam must have been extremely scared. My mother told Sam to stay the night with me and she said that nothing would have stopped her. I was getting very quiet, feeling like I didn't have a say.
'Oh Jordi, stop sulking. If you want me around, you'd better do it. I won't take over everything but will help you to remember your pills. I also think you know by now when you'll have a seizure so stop hiding it from us. It will be so much easier if we know when one is starting rather than being surprised all the time. It scared the living daylights out of me again, sorry Mrs. October, I am just so mad at your son!'
My mother left when I told Sam to stop being bossy.
'Get used to it, Jordi. I am going to move in with you.'
'No, you don't!' I said crossly and walked off to my flat, but she followed closely. I turned to face her and in her determined state, she walked right into me. I had to balance my body to prevent us falling and it brought back so many memories for the two of us, that we had to laugh the fighting forgotten. I looked at her so seriously it made her stop laughing, and I told her that I would take that laugh of hers with me. She was not laughing when she asked me to marry her.
'Are you serious right now, Sam?'
'Jordi, I know we are still young, but why can't we?'
'Well, this I never dreamt of, Sam, but I think you have seriously missed the plot. I wanted you to whisk me off and do it right, but going on your knees will do just fine, I suppose.'
'Not in this life!' and she laughed.
I will keep on dreaming. I pulled her to my bed and clumsily we got to know each other without any shame and barriers. She looked at me and cried. My heart ached for what she must be feeling. I could only empathize with that feeling, I would be leaving her behind and that sucked.
With an emotional voice, she asked me again to run away with her. I tried to talk sense into her, how could we run away when I was so ill. She could see right through me.
'Why do you hesitate every time I ask you, Jordi? You got to want something so badly that you will do anything to get it.'
'No more excuses then, but we will do it my way, okay? Let's get dressed young lady. We cannot run away naked; I've had enough trouble with you for a lifetime!'
I took her to Sunrise beach. We got there just before the sun came up.
'This is where we are in our life, Sam. Living with uncertainty makes a person so desperate that they'll look for excuses, and the moment the sun comes out, everything changes. Behold the beauty right in front of us.'
She looked at the sun and how it turned the horizon red with beautiful, scattered clouds surrounding it. The rays spread out hitting a few clouds perfectly with red and gold, transforming the horizon.
'Sam, just look at the birds, it is as though they are one with the skyline, showing off; creating the perfect portrait.'
The drawing in of her breath is answer enough. I in turn, looked at her in realisation that the beauty we beheld there, was a total reflection of her.
'This is the picture I will always cherish in my weakest days and you should too Sam, the beauty of something new, no matter what happens.'
She looked at me and said the horizon is the reflection of all the little rays within my eyes when she looks at me. She breathed in deeply and exhaled with a sigh. She was quiet when we got back home. My mother scolded us saying that I must never be so careless again; going away without telling her where we were. I apologised, not wanting anything to disturb my inner peace.
'You need to rest. In fact, both of you look like you need it. Young lady, into the house with you! Jordi, you have me for company because I am working from home today.'
Just like that, Sam obeyed my mom, but sent me a text to thank me for running away with her. I talked to my mom about what happened yesterday, and today.
'Mom, can I have your blessing? We want to get married. I know I am not eighteen yet, but know what I want.'
'Did you ask Sam first before you spoke with me?' I had to laugh and her confusion made it even worse.
'Yes, I did Mother, actually she was the one that asked, and I said, yes. Even my son was happy when I told him just now.'
'Oh, my word! What a poor excuse to get me to agree, Jordi. You were always the clown. Marriage should not be taken lightly, though.'
'I know Ma, but it will never be like yours. We already love each other and what are the chances that I will get divorced? Before she may consider it, we will already be separated by death.'
I knew that shocked her deeply, but she just listened.
'I just want to do everything possible before I die, so will you please help me? Some people have all the time in the world to plan the perfect wedding and life thereafter. Time is not really my friend, Mother. I need to outrun time for everything to be perfect and to leave the memories I will create, behind. I am counting my blessings here, because I know my time is drawing near.'
She looked at me and asked how soon?
I answered: 'as soon as possible.' Sam went back to her dad's company; she was not working in his department, so that helped at least with any possible tension. I didn't want her to have any contact with him, because it must have been very hard on her. She loved her parents; I knew that. I also know it was mostly her stubborn streak and also the fact that she didn't give up on anything no matter how hard it became. So I just had to be okay with her following through with her internship.
We got married in a private setting. Both Sam's parents were invited, but neither replied, so we guessed they were not happy with the outcome. It was amazing how we adapted so fast. It never felt wrong to be so young and married!