"I am so sorry for what happened Silveen." Adela began after I had been helped to a sitting position and the pack doctor had come to check on me.
I had lied about a few things, or should I say I have been oblivious about a few things. I hadn't dodged as many attacks as I thought I had, how could I have, I didn't even know how to, I must not have felt them because I didn't feel any pain but now that I look at my body, it was covered with scars. Scars that didn't hurt anymore.
"How did you find me?" I asked looking at the Adela who had perched by my bedside. She was the only one who stayed in the tiny room with me.
"The screaming from the woods alerted the patrols. We went to see what was going on. Some of the survivors said something about a bloodthirsty wolf going on a killing spree." Adela said with a small smile, "I kind of guessed who it could be."
"I didn't attack them on impulse." I said immediately looking away.
"I know."
"They set me up. They tried to kill me. I was defending myself." I continued as if I didn't hear her the first time.
"I am not blaming you Silveen." Adela calmly.
"Why would you even create a place like that? Why would you create a place where your fellow werewolves are been slaughtered like that!" I accused angrily. The memory of what I saw there was unbelievable.
"I didn't build that place." Adela said, still as calm as ever and I gave her a look of disbelief. If she noticed she ignored it. "You might not have noticed when you went there but that place was no longer on our land." My brows raised, "it isn't a place frequented by our warriors either. We have enough practice and things to train with here. The fight arena lies on a path transversed by all sorts of rogues. All the people you met there are rogues on shady business and a lot of illegal things are sold there."
"I was tricked there by a member of your pack." I retorted.
"Yes. I won't claim there aren't bad eggs amongst our warriors but anyone who is caught frequenting that underground cage fight is usually sent away from the pack." Adela explained and I realized for the first time the extent of stupidity I had displayed that night.
I should have known when Rosie told me not to get caught by the patrols. I should have guessed.
"July. What happened to her?" I asked now staring at my hands.
"Dead." Adela said and I looked up in surprise.
"You killed her?"
"You killed her." Adela declared and my brows furrowed.
"Her corpse was one of those found dead in the arena." Adela explained and I bit my lips. I didn't even remember killing her.
"Tsk. That's too bad. I thought I would get a chance to deal with her." Rieka said with regret and I smiled.
It felt so nice to hear her sassy way of speaking again.
"And Rosie?" I asked but Adela looked at me confused.
"What happened to Rosie?" I asked her seriously.
"Who is Rosie?" Adela asked with an oblivious look and I almost scoffed.
"You don't know Rosie?" I asked as I adjusted myself on the bed. "She took me there. She told me I could get into the castle if I won a fight there, then she forced me into the rings when I refused to fight." I explained, frustrated at the idea that Rosie could escape.
Adela sighed. "This is my fault. This is all my fault." I frowned in confusion. "I should have never allowed you to follow protocol. I know how special you are and how special your case is. I should have known that the others would react badly." she said with regret.
"This isn't about you. I don't even know her and she tried to hurt me in exchange for money. What happened to her?" I asked again.
"I don't know her Silveen. I would have Selene find her and have her punished." Adela said and I immediately wanted to protest but she immediately cut me off, "focus on your resting and leave the rest to me. You lost a lot of blood that night Silveen. We almost lost you." she said sadly and I kept quiet.
The sadness and worry in her eyes seem real. She really cared about me. But why? She didn't even know me.
"I have told the others to move you into the castle. You can stay with us from now on." Adela said again.
"No." I said immediately and she raised a questioning brow.
"You asked me to start from the very beginning because you thought I needed it. I am not going to hide in the castle because some people can't stand my existence. If anyone has a problem with me, let them face me." I snarled and she smiled.
"You remind me of the first time we met." she said but I didn't give a reply. I just pulled my knees up and rested my chin on them.
Adela sighed again and stood up. "You should get some rest." she said as she walked to the door. "I would check on you later." she then sighed again when I didn't give a reply and left silently.
..........................................
I stayed in that position for a long time staring into spaces as I took time to think about my life and everything I had gone through. Rieka had been right. I had been maltreated because I always appeared weak.
Didn't Luna Misheal say the same thing? She didn't even want me for Eric because she felt I was too weak. Since I left winter hollows, I had said I would change, be different, be a new Silveen but I didn't. I didn't do anything to change my situation.
I continue allowing myself to play the victim as if I hadn't had enough. From the start that was all I did. Play the victim and accuse Rieka of being a cold-blooded killer whenever she showed our strength. If my bloodlust hadn't been awakened that night. I would have been standing in front of the moon goddess by now.
Biting my lips, I threw the bed covers aside and got off the bed. I know what to do.