Rianna doesn't remember how, because everything went crazy fast. It's all muddled in her brain, blurred and hazy, like Amsterdam's Autumn Morning under Fog. She remembers she ushered Annie to go to her birthday party without her. Annie didn't argue, she knew how dire the situation was.
After that Rianna completely lost it. She doesn't know what to do, nor where to go. She's unfamiliar with Amsterdam city nightlife, but it doesn't matter, if there's one thing she is sure of, is that she would never persuade him to talk in the bar. So she led him towards the tram halte (still walking hand-in-hand), purchased 2 tickets for both of them (she needed to do some weird movement to extract her debit card with one hand), and brought him to her house.
By the time they are in her house, it is already almost midnight. She leads him towards her room (his hand still in her hand), and before she closes the door, she glimpses towards the attic and Jasper's room. There's no sound coming from the attic - the usual. The light in Jasper's room is still on, but he's probably too stoned to eavesdrop.
So there they are. The man sits on the only chair she has in her room, and she sits on her bed. They sit in silence for quite some time. Rianna doesn't know how to start a conversation with a stranger she just forcefully picked up and brought to her room. She rattles her brains, trying to remember how the 113 operator talked to her 4 months ago.
But it is him who starts talking first. "Jimin."
Rianna lifts her head and stares at him, not sure how to react. "Eh?"
"Byeon Michael Jimin. That's my full name." he says again. "Just call me Jimin, or Michael, doesn't matter."
"So you are Korean then?" Rianna asks. He shrugs.
"You could say that probably, I don't know.. " he replies. "I'm half Korean and Half Dutch. Korean father, Dutch mother."
Half blood, just like Cathy. Half Indonesian, and half Dutch. "I see.."
The silence fell once more. "I am Rianna, I'm not Dutch" she tries now to start a conversation, but her attempt to make jokes doesn't get any reply, he just shrugs.
"I know." he says .
She nods and clicks her tongue. "You know. Is it so obvious? Is it my skin color or my accent? I bet it was my accent! Even after all these years I can't get rid of it."
"No.. I.. "
And there's a beep sound coming from her mobile phone. On her screen it says she gets a message from Michel. The first message in half a year. She grabs her phone to check the message, part of it because she is curious of what he has to say, part of it because she wants to escape from the awkward silence between them. "Do you mind?" she asks while waving her phone.
He shrugs again. It seems like the man in front of her is incapable of doing other kinds of movement except shrugging with his shoulders.
- I contacted Stephanie, we should meet to settle the divorce tems.
That soon to be ex husband of her, he just couldn't listen to her, or he just doesn't care to do what she asks of him. So she types her reply.
- I thought I told you we don't need a lawyer. I don't need anything, just send that damn paper.
She realizes that she has been ignoring Jimin. "Sorry… " she apologizes, to which Jimin responds with his usual shrug. "My husband." she adds.
"He doesn't live here," he says. It is not a question, merely a confirmation. She guessed that everybody who look into her room would know that Michel doesn't live together with her.
"No he doesn't. We are getting divorce."
Silence again, which is now broken by Michel's reply.
- That's not how it works, Sweetheart. I'll visit Amsterdam soon.
That damn prick always uses Sweetheart when he tries to condescending her. Annoyed, she throws her phone to her pillow. She realizes that Jimin has been observing her with curious expression, the first sign of emotion she has seen on him this whole time.
"Is that why, you…" He stops mid-sentence. "You know.. 4 months ago…"
She drops her back towards the bed. So she lies with her upper body lying on the bed and her lower body still in a sitting position. She stares at the ceiling, pondering how she could answer that question, or if she actually wants to answer that question. But she brought him here, so in a way she kind of owes him an explanation.
Talking about things you've been keeping for yourself to other people requires some form of courage, and a safety net. It's easy to tell her therapist, but she knows him in less than 3 hours. She refused to tell Annie because she's not her friend, yet. Should she tell Jimin her story?
Deep down inside she realizes. Stopping someone suicide attempt, forms a bond deeper than a mere friendship. After all, she caught him in his darkest moment, when he was in his darkest thoughts. It's only fair to him if she tells him her story. Maybe this is her chance to tell someone. She lost her chance to tel Michel properly of how she struggled inside, and now God gives her a new chance. She reaches out to her bedside table and grabs the picture of her and Cathy.
"Maybe, in a way.. " she flips the frame towards him and shows him the picture of Cathy smiling brightly, with a huge trophy on her hand. She just won a dance competition. Beside her, Rianna stood with her arms wrapping Cathy's shoulder, her face filled with pride. "This is Cathy, my…"
Her door slams open, the handle clashes towards the wall. Jasper comes inside her room, his face contorted, his hair messed up, and he looks too sober for his standard. "Can you keep it down man? I'm running out of joints and I'm trying to sleep here"
Jasper realizes that someone else is inside her room, and is startled. "Heeey Jim my man, whatcha doing here?"
Jasper offers Jimin his hand to which he ignores completely because his eyes are still on Rianna. Jimin sees confusion arise on Rianna's face and shrugs. "Yeah, by the way I live in the attic"