Warning y'all guys, this will probably be our longest notes section yet. Because outside of my blogs, I feel this is the most emotionally resonant I've been writing. Masks were one of the early chapters of Paladin I was most fond of writing. After figuring out Sarah and James' relationship and building up her past a little, I set out to do two things with the original version of this chapter.
One is to give more color to Sarah's current skill set and doubts. Two was to start laying the seeds for Sarah and also to develop her friend group outside of James. That's where Persona came in. What better way to parallel the journey of someone trapped yet unsure about their identity than someone at peace with having none?
Unfortunately, OG Persona, or Melissa, was about as bland as week-old Tapioca. Much like with Asad and Wiz, there's a solid premise, just not good execution. And the more I started reworking, the more I realized what I wanted to do, even if it was a little scary. Writing characters who aren't straight cis black men always comes with a little self-doubt for me.
In this day and age, positive representation, I feel, is more important than ever, and I've seen too much media get praise for simply bringing up an issue instead of tackling it in a nuanced or well-written way. If my dream is to tell stories that will one day make people believe they can express their own, I would like them to feel seen in my work if I can help it.
This is why I'm more than thankful that many of my queer friends were able to help workshop Persona/Peyton to be a genderfluid character while also highlighting that indeed, Sarah's aro/ace. Either way, I know a part of me can never truly 100% accurately capture the experiences of someone I'm not. If I make a mistake, please point it out to me and know it's not coming from a place of intentional ignorance.
Of course, that didn't mean I didn't add my personal touches to Persona. To make their distinct from most of Paladin's powerhouses, I thought of adding more finesse to her fighting style through more grappling or throwing martial arts akin to Judo, Aikido, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, and a tiny bit of wrestling to spice things up a little. Plus it serves as a great counter to Hermes in the end. I also thought Peyton would be a better fit for a name.
Not only because it's a gender neutral name but also due to how the name translates quite literally to "Fighting Man's Estate." I thought it would be a good way of coloring how they are free of traditional gender norms, while also highlighting the more Robin Hood feel I wanted to present with the character.
Which I guess leads to Hermes. He was one of the more prominent Pantheon agents I set up so I wanted his introduction to carry a lot more power, but maybe also play into his simplicity as well. Considering so much of Paladin is dedicated to perception and hiding in plain sight I thought a character named after the literal god of thievery, carrying himself in a more straightforward fashion would be a good parallel.
Especially with the dichotomy of how Hermes' namesake is quite literally a symbol based on people who trick the system, is being tooled to a point where it can never break. Fight-wise in comparison to Arachne and Hephaestus, going for a guy that had more blunt physicality which puts Paladin's god-like speed on the backfoot would be refreshing and show they got some fighters too.
All these details and changes from the narrative were a lot of work, but like I said before, Masks as a chapter means a lot to me. Since the end of January, I feel like life's put me at a crossroads. Meeting all sides of my family in such a short time has made me wonder about what to do with my life.
I've made mistakes in the past and lashed out against people I know I shouldn't have. And even though I've apologized many times, I know the sentiment means very little without the action to see them through, which is why I've been running and working so hard lately. Because just like Sarah, I'm so scared I will run without any direction, or worse, circle back to where I started, like an ouroboros. Regardless I hope the both of us can keep forging on the path, then maybe at the end of our respective stories we can say.
"This is who I am."
For now, though, I guess I'll have to rely on what I want. Which is to, at the very least, make sure most of you stick around long enough to find your path. Unfortunately for the Paladin, though, we're going back to a time where she adopted a very different mask amidst her odyssey in Origins: Descent.