...Lucas POV...
Sitting here in the darkness, there is a little piece of me that is slowly dying. I have never felt such a connection with a woman before; I cannot bear to be away from her for one second. Yes, I have had my share of women, but none of them comes close in comparison to Lexi.
As long as I hear that machine beep, I know that there is still hope for us. When she opens her eyes, I know that the first thing that I shall do is go down on my knees and beg her forgiveness. After that, I will open my heart and soul to her; I will express the love that I feel in my heart for her.
I know; there is that absolute certainty that she shall soon return from where she is. So I take her soft hand into mine and gently squeeze her palm. There is a smile that grows at the corner of my lips; the comfort of her touch leaves tingles on my skin.
Then from nowhere, I find my hand wandering to her lips, and I do what I have been craving to do so, I touch them. I run my thumb across them. I softly whisper in her ear, which is now only inches away from my face. She is so close, so close that if I turn my head, I could so easily just kiss her. The honey and vanilla that she wears so well smell even stronger.
"Lexi," my soft whispers come out strained as the tears are pooling in the corners of my eye. "I am completely and utterly in love with you."
Looking at her beauty does not only take my breath away; it knocks all the air out from my chest. I take a lock of her hair and twirl it around my finger, then gently pull it closer. The scent of honey fills my nostrils as I feel the soft touch of her hair against my skin.
I imagine her soft velvety lips moving against me. The thought of being lost in her body and mind rips open my soul, and the world falls away. I want to cover her body in soft butterfly kisses. I want her to melt into my skin, feel as she gives in to my touch while her body trembles. I want to feel her body hot against mine, like a raging fire that is out of control.
I run my hand down the tender skin of her neck; I am intoxicated by the sensations of pleasure I feel her skin against mine. The cold room is feeling hot and heavy. She has captured my heart all over again, without even saying a word.
"Fuck, Lexi, please come back." The pools burst their banks and come rolling like a raging river down my cheeks. "Please, I am so goddamn sorry."
Forgiveness does not come easy, or is it regret that I am feeling so strong?
Then I hear the Doctor entering the room; I have been patiently waiting for the man to come to tell me the exact details about Lexi's condition. So with intent, not truly yet grasping what he says, I listen to his very words, "Lexi has some severe swelling on the brain, and we cannot operate unless the swelling comes down. We are going to observe her for the next couple of days and see if the swelling will come down."
The skies rip open, and a hail of thunder knocks the living shit out of every bone in this broken body. With nothing but a stumble for the words, it takes me a fair two minutes to get a fucking grip on my grown-ass self, "And Doctor, what if the swelling does not come down?"
The Doctor goes quiet for a brief moment, "Then, I am afraid… well…, then... she could die."
A sea of emotions flood my being; I am overtaken by a pain that is far greater than myself. Lexi cannot die; she simply cannot leave. We cannot be torn apart before we even had the chance to be together.
I do not listen to another word that the Doctor says; I shove him to the side and show him towards the door, "Just get the fuck out of here."
This is all my fucking fault.
Let me be punished for what I did wrong. Bring it down on me and not on the woman that I love. She did not drop her pants like the whore that I am. God, if she had to walk… I do not even want to think of the possibility.
I do not deserve this woman, yet she loves me.
Lexi loves me, and I love her back.
I feel as the tears start to trickle down my cheeks. I feel the urge to break down and sob; I want to fall apart. I want to crumble to my knees in pieces. I want to feel the pain that Lexi is feeling.
With every fiber in my being, I want to erupt and lay waste to all that is in my sight. And for a very brief moment, I get so mad at her, "You cannot take yourself away from me, not now, not when we have found each other again."
But then I find the calm in my heart that I know she would want me to have. She always used to try her best to bring peace to my raging fire when I used to break loose at one of the guys in my crew. I miss that; she was the one thing that held me together, and she would want me to do it now.
She is the only real thing in my life. She has been etched into this heart for years, and it only took one first sight of her again to remind me that what we have is so special; it is priceless. I will do whatever it takes to have her in my life.
I refuse to live without her.
I will not let her fucking go.
Not now, not in the next hour, not beyond the days to follow.
This is not her fate.
I don't believe in fate anymore. I believe that fate is a horrible thing, it can lift you up and fulfill your wants and desires, but it can also rip your heart from your chest and stomp on it. It can go in the goddamn trash.
What I need is a miracle.
Lexi is my miracle.
Where is her miracle? In the trash? Or does it not exist at all? This Doctor keeps saying to give her time; well, time is something that we do not have. Where are you going to find the time when someone does not have it?
Them with all their fucking tests, these Doctors know nothing. If all their tests are so great, then why can they not fix Lexi?
They keep saying that she will get better. Then why are they constantly standing around her bed with a frown on their faces? They cannot say anything; they know nothing. They don't know how to fix people; they don't know how to give miracles. They just tell you, give it time. Well, I am asking, where is the fucking time?
Then they want to tell you, these Doctors who walk around with a frown on their face; they want to tell you that if you speak to someone in a coma, they can hear you. I say it is bullshit. I have been talking and talking, and I do not see her reacting. I do not see her body moving or that beeping starting to beep any faster.
I squeeze her hand, but she does not feel it. I don't even think she knows that I am by her side. But I do it anyway. I think it makes me believe that I still have faith, and that is all I can have now, for miracles and medicines are not working.
So I will keep on talking, and I will keep on touching her ever so softly.
But fuck…
I am hurting. Lexi, I am hurting.
I know what I have done is wrong, but if you can just come back, then I can prove to you that we belong together. I can prove to you that I deserve one more chance. Just one more chance.
I cannot see myself being with any other than you. I do not want any other to make me happy. All I want, all I ever wanted from that very first day that I laid my eyes on you…It was always you.
I see it now.
Please let it not be too late.
I love you.