…Lucas POV…
It has been two days…
The longest two days of my fucking life!
I have been sitting at her bedside for each ticking moment, praying that she would open those eyes but nothing…
Nothing has happened.
The swelling has not gone down, and the Doctor is starting to hover around like a fucking fly. I know that he is nervous and far beyond scared to tell me of his concerns out of fear that I might just shoot him. Well, the man will be damn right, for if he does not do anything soon, I am going to run out of patience.
And running out of patience is these nurses that are beyond fed up with me ordering them around. So with much convincing from Colton, I have stood from my chair very reluctantly with the purpose of leaving Lexi's side for what is going to be one agonizing night. After what was a half an hour argument which I sadly lost, I am now making my way home for the night. Colton has on order taken a seat next to Lexi, for she shall not be left alone for one second.
So with one nod and a firm warning, "If you lift that fucking ass, then you are dead." With a firm grip on my gun at the back, he knows to believe every word that I am saying. Then I continue, "And you phone me even if she as much as breathe a different way."
He only but waves me off in the direction of the door, "Get out of here and get sleep. You are goddamn moody."
As I make my way home; I drive past where the accident happened; my heart drops out my chest, and my feet start trampling it. It is suffocating to see where she was lying for what could possibly be the last waking moments of her life. But I should not think of things in that light; she still has a whole fucking life ahead.
So snap the fuck out of it!
But then I get home, and it just multiplies. I can feel her presence; I can hear her laughter in the hallways of my mind; I feel her warmth in the passages of my heart. She is forever edged into my body. I can feel her touch; I can smell the scent of her perfume. I miss her so damn much.
If Colton for one moment thinks that I can come here and get into bed and have an easy night of rest, well, the man is sadly mistaken. How can I close my eyes when they should be open and focused on Lexi.
As I sit here consumed with my thoughts of doom and torment, I have lost count on how many times I check my phone for the one call from Colton that is going to be the one that gives us the news that we are expecting.
But it only stays dead apart from the one fucking message after the other from some whore that I fucked at some point in my life.
Have I not learned my lesson?
Lexi was trying to teach me a lesson; why the fuck did I never learn it?
With that, I rise from the couch where I intend on spending the rest of the night; I walk over to the bar and pour one firm shot of whiskey in a glass, and toss it to the back of my throat. But instead of it finding itself back on the counter, I smash it into scattered pieces against the far sidewall.
Really? Lucas?
I do not know if I am angry or if I pity myself at this moment, but all I know is that I am a man that hides behind a façade. I have done it for far too long in my life, and I have done it to the very last person I should have ever done it to.
But the point remains, I am Lucas Lucero, and that is something that is not just going to go away. Yes, I can stop fucking everything that has a skirt on, but I cannot stop being who I really am.
So with another glass of whiskey, I find myself back on the couch. There is a deafening silence, peaceful but not the peace you want to feel when there is a suffocation grip around your heart.
I can remember when this heart laid eyes on Lexi the first time. I thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. That night I only had eyes for her, and god, I even acted like a real gentleman.
When I asked her to be my baby doll, she did not even hesitate for but a second. I honestly do not think that then she knew what she was getting herself into. I did try to hide the world from her, but with my reputation, there is not really any hiding that you can do.
So the poor girl got thrown in and fuck, was she terrified the first time when she saw me pull a gun on a man. But she was from the slums, so she was used to the violence, but not so close to home.
And home was what I gave her.
I took her out of that shithole that she was staying and took her into this very home and made her feel like a goddamn queen. She belonged here. She still belongs here.
But she is not here.
I wish that I had appreciated those moments more when I had them, but the things we take for granted are often the things we missed the most.
But the sad thing is that you cannot live your life in the rearview mirror. You have to accept the things that you have fucked up and learn from them. Well, I never, and until this very moment, I have never learned from my mistakes. When it comes to business, I am on there; I am at my full attention, but give me these small little facts of life that I need to learn and live; I fail them in one spectacular way.
It took me goddamn how long to realize that I even love Lexi.
Did she even know that I love her?
I love her. SO. FUCKING. MUCH and she deserves better than what she has now. She is everything to me, and if there is only one thing I do before this is all over, it will be to tell her how much I love her.
I just want her to come back home. Here, right next to me, where she belongs.
She has been away for far too long; it is time to come home now. It is dark where she is, and it is soon going to become really cold out there; she needs to find her way back home soon.
As with so many times now, I cry, and soon I am whisked off to a land where nightmares fill my being, where I walk with the evil that is called sorrow and the devil that is named regret. A very short but tortured rest carries me through the night.
The next morning when I am awoken by what is my own screams, I rush upstairs to change into something less fragrant, for I have not seen a shower in days now. Not wanting to waste another moment, I rush towards the front door and find myself with what feels like a goddamn panic attack coming on.
But I push my thumping heart to the side and slam that pedal down to the floor, and with screeching tires, I am racing out of the driveway.
Last night was not easy at all. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life for only one single person. In fact, I don't even think I had ever cried like this for anyone, not even when my favorite dog died.
It just feels…fuck…it feels…
Why does one thing have to be so complicated?
It feels like I can just drop off the face of the earth and would spend the rest of my eternity alone in a dark abyss until I finally die from a broken heart. Honestly, I would welcome such a death if I could not have Lexi with me ever again.
But that is not a thought that I am going to entertain. Lexi is not going anywhere.
So it is like a lunatic that I navigate my way through the city to the other side to find my way to the Hospital. Last night I wanted to move her closer to home, but that fucking Doctor refused to listen to a single word that I said. Well, I hope he knows that he is getting a Ruger in his face the minute I step inside that room.
Though at this very moment, the parking lot of the Hospital is coming up fast. I barely hit the breaks, and I am one foot out of the door, ready to go. With nothing but haste in my steps, I run down the long corridor that will take me to ICU.
But as I turn the corner to where Lexi's room is, I see Colton standing outside. There is a look on his face that I cannot place... And I slowly fucking die...