As he makes his way to the room door, the tears that have been threatening to consume my eyes and edge their way down my face come rolling with such great force. The raging anger that is suffocating every corner of my body lets loose like a beast. As far as my feet take me into the room, every single object that finds itself in my path shatters in pure brute force against the wall. The very place that we made love not so long ago, the very lingerie that I wore is ripped to shreds until there is nothing but small pieces of fabric scattered over the floor. The chair he sat on, finds its way through the room, there is glass shattering into fragments of nothing. I ram my fist with a hatred so raw in the mirror where he watched his reflection, hundreds of pieces cutting at the skin of my hand.
I lay complete destruction to everything that is and was a part of him until I can say that for now, for this minute, I shall be rid of any thought of him. And when he returns into the passages of my memories, I shall do it again and again until every trace of him has been taken from my life. I am angry, I am furious.
But this thought only but exists for a few moments, and he finds his way back into the very place I do not want him to be, he is in my head, and I want him out.
Never did I think that my heart will break once again. Was I a fool to believe that this plan will work?
Guess it was failed from the start, yes it was a thrilling ride, but I need to stop for one moment and take a step back, for, beyond all the craziness that filled my life, I need to allow myself to remember why I do not get involved. What made it all worthwhile was having him in my arms. I always thought that I had no purpose if I did not have his presence in my life. I was never more assured that he would be mine. Guess once again; I need to remind myself that I am so out of his league
Who knew he would have stolen my heart the way that he did? That he would look up and smile at me, that he stopped me from running away, stop making me exit and stay. Would I ever go back to him if she asks me to?
No fucking way.
So after making clean of my mess, I find myself in the lounge with a bottle of whiskey…
Fuck the glass.
I am here sitting and flipping through my phone, thinking of a time when it was so much easier just to dial a number and have no strings attached sex for just one night.
Will I do it now? Will I indulge myself in the lifestyle I used to have?
No. Maybe. Perhaps.
Depends how far this bottle of whiskey goes.
Then again, the less I see a man, the far greater it would be, ya…Lucas has ruined me. Guess when I said he would be my undoing, I should have made it clear, for he has brought me down to my knees. Not in the way I wish it would be.
So that was the length of my second relationship with Lucas Lucero.
As I wallow in my own self-pity, my phone starts to light up.
Lucas Lucero.
Well, what do I do now? Answer and tell him to leave me alone? Or do I hope he gets the message if I ignore him?
Well, let us try the ignore part first.
The phone goes silent for a few brief seconds before it persistently starts to light up again. Now is this man going to flood my inbox with a million messages saying how sorry he is? Do I even care if he is sorry? Well, let us ignore him for another few seconds and then decide how I feel about that.
So I grab another bottle of whiskey. Ya…I just finished the whole damn thing. Guess drunken texting is soon going to set in.
Then as I thought, my damn phone starts lighting up again. Now, this man is persistent or just eager to tell me a bunch of lies again. What could possibly be next? The man has already stung me deeply; I guess there is not any deeper than it can get.
Ya…Let us answer and she what dear Lucas wants.
"Hey."
"Hey, baby doll."
Then from the other side, I hear him start to tremble as the words seem to become heavy from his heart. Well, there is just one thing I can say…That shit does not sit well with me.
He can cry as long and as hard as he desires, now my only question is, "Why did you phone?"
"Please, baby doll, will you come back?"
"Fuck! Did you just hear what you said? Do you think I for one second will take you back?"
There is no word spoken from his side. Ya…did not think he would have an answer for that. Guess the love I thought we had was just an illusion of a delusional woman.
A delusional woman that is about to put the phone down in his ear, "Lucas, please, do not hurt me even more than you already have. But can I tell you one fucked up thing? I still love you. And I can tell you this, even if it takes me forever, I will get over you."
With that, the phone finds its way smack bang right into the trash.
I am just a nobody that thought she could get a man that was never hers from the start.
It fucking hurts.
And as I am sitting here, I can hear my phone vibrating in the bin. Should I get up? Should I stay here?
Fuck that.
Nice going Lexi, now you are scratching in the trash.
The moment I see the screen...Lucas Lucero...my damn heart gives in.
"Yes, Lucas."
"Lexi, I love you."
Well, that only took five minutes to form three words.
"I love you too Lucas, but our love is not enough for me to come back. You hurt me like a bitch and I don't think I am going to be in one piece very soon again."
"But Lexi, please. You know..."
"No, I don't know. And I do not want to know."
And just as I think my words will be enough to hurt him, he continues forward, "Please give us another chance?"